Seriously Messed Up: A Laugh Out Loud Romantic Comedy

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Seriously Messed Up: A Laugh Out Loud Romantic Comedy Page 26

by Luke Young


  “Not like that, he hasn’t.”

  “I’m sure he’s seen lots of girls naked, and—”

  “I don’t want to think about that. Plus, he really doesn’t need to see his mother’s middle-aged friends traipsing around wearing nothing.”

  “They have even more revealing bikinis than this on that site.”

  “That, I can’t imagine. Does your entire ass need to be sticking out like that? We have young, impressionable men here. They really don’t need to see that.”

  “How do you know what they need to see?” Victoria asked.

  “Brian is hurting right now. He’s in love with this girl, and she’s toying with him, or something. He’s going through a lot.”

  “In that case, this is exactly what he needs.”

  “I doubt he could handle you now… or ever,” Jillian said.

  A sexy, evil look crossed Victoria’s face, and she said, “I would be gentle with him… at first, anyway.”

  They both relaxed into their lounge chairs. Jillian began to daydream about Brian in bed and attempted to rewrite the scene from the novel she had been unable to finish, but this time without ED or STDs or any other nasty, sex-destroying acronym.

  Katrina peeled the sheet carefully off Dallas, exposing his muscular body and six-pack abs. She quivered when she spotted his cock straining against the taught fabric of his boxer shorts. She noticed the large head of his sex poking its way through the access flap. Katrina licked her lips, knelt next to the bed, and reached though the flap gently to extract him.

  Pulling his gorgeous penis out, she wrapped her delicate hand around him. She glanced at his face; Dallas was staring dreamily at her. Slowly, teasingly she licked her lips, and then she…

  Jillian sat up quickly.

  A breakthrough!

  There was no ex-husband drama clogging up her thoughts. Jillian stood. She had to capture this into her computer right now, before she forgot a word.

  Victoria glanced at her. “Where are you going?”

  “I just remembered something that, uh, I need from the store. I’ve got to write it down.”

  “What is it?” Victoria asked.

  “Remember, you stay out of the pool.”

  Victoria glared at her as Jillian took off toward the house. Jillian didn’t want to tell her the truth about the scene that she had in her head. Victoria would hound her until she spilled the details, and once she told her, she’d never believe that it didn’t happen exactly that way between her and Brian.

  16

  Fighting his urges, Brian put on a sleeveless shirt and shorts and went downstairs to the home gym. The gym overlooked the pool and was better equipped than some professional gyms he’d been in. He started on the treadmill and discovered that he had a clear view of Victoria sunbathing, which made it more than a little distracting.

  He watched as Jillian approached the house. She spotted him on the treadmill and waved. Brian waved back, and then he watched as Jillian returned to Victoria and appeared to be scolding her about something. Victoria looked away, frowning. After a pause, she looked back at Jillian and nodded reluctantly. As Jillian walked toward the house, Victoria removed her sunglasses.

  She waited until Jillian had entered the house before she made eye contact with Brian and waved to him. When Brian spotted her, he smiled and waved back. Picking up a spray bottle, she began squirting water on her stomach, arms, and neck. Then she spent a lot of time dousing her tiny bikini top with the cool mist. Victoria’s nipples began to harden and show through the fabric.

  Brian couldn’t tear his eyes away from her chest, as her breasts appeared like they were coming into focus on a developing Polaroid. That’s when he lost his balance. Coming down halfway off the treadmill’s belt, his foot twisted. When he tried to steady himself, he fell sideways on the belt, landing on his hip. He shot off the back of the treadmill, skidding onto the padded floor.

  Victoria watched as he tumbled out of sight. With her eyes obviously widened in alarm, she sprang to her feet and tried to spot him on the floor.

  Brian popped up quickly as if nothing had happened, and he lunged to turn off the still-running treadmill.

  Victoria rushed to the gym.

  Brian took a seat on a weight bench, as he was still a little dizzy from his fall.

  Victoria entered the room. “Are you okay?”

  He looked at her, surprised. “What? I just… Yes, I was all done.”

  “I saw you fall. Are you okay?”

  “Fall?”

  “Yeah, it looked like you took a big tumble there,” Victoria said as she approached him with her nipples responding impressively to the super cold room.

  Brian took a good, long look at her bathing suit top, which was now nearly transparent and just a few feet away. “I, uh…” was all he could manage as his focus lingered over her chest.

  “You sure you’re okay?”

  “Yeah,” he said.

  “I’m Victoria, by the way. Jillian’s friend.”

  Still mesmerized, his gaze wandered down to the bikini bottoms, which struggled to cover her. He swallowed hard, and then he looked up at Victoria’s face as she eyed him excitedly. When he saw her grinning, he snapped back to earth. “Oh, sorry. I’m Brian Nash. Rob and I…”

  “Sure, Brian, I know who you are. I’ve heard a lot about you,” she added with a sexy smile.

  Brian’s only response was a confused look.

  Walking over to the leg curl machine, she ran her hand along the footpads. “You look like you work out a lot.”

  “A couple times a week,” he bragged.

  “Do you know how to use this machine?” Victoria asked.

  “Sure.”

  “Would you mind showing me?”

  Brian walked over and pointed out how she should climb onto the machine. Victoria did as he instructed and lay on her stomach; he helped direct her ankles under each pad. After adjusting the weight to the lowest setting, he assisted her with the first repetition by pushing on the footpad. As she brought her heels nearly up to her butt, Brian stared at her shapely backside, focusing on the tiny string, which disappeared between her cheeks. As she struggled with the exercise, he moved closer, pushing harder on the footpad to help her curl her legs to the final position, mere inches from her rear.

  As he did this, he noticed her swimsuit—if you could call it that—had virtually disappeared, and she was on full display for him. He slumped against the footpad, paralyzed by the sight, wearing a goofy expression. His sudden weight on the apparatus prevented her from returning to the starting position.

  Looking in the mirrored wall at him, she grinned when she saw his face. She allowed him to have a moment then her lips curled down into a frown. “Ouch, I think I’m done.”

  “What?” Brian asked, dumbfounded.

  “Could you, uh…?”

  He snapped out of it and stood up. “Sorry.”

  She brought the weight down, slowly slipped her legs from behind the pads, and sat up on the machine.

  “How’d I do?”

  “Great. Your form was… perfect,” he said.

  Moving to the bench press, he loaded two forty-five-pound plates onto each side, as Victoria looked on while stretching from side to side. This was a total of 225 pounds, of which Brian could normally do two repetitions. That was generally after a few warm-up sets at a lower weight. It was twenty pounds short of his maximum, but he was in the mood to impress Victoria, so he figured he would start there.

  She moved to the yoga mat, about ten feet away, and watched Brian in the mirror as he lay back on the weight bench and prepared to lift the bar from the rack.

  After adjusting his hand position, he glanced over at her as she worked herself into the downward-facing-dog yoga position, her string covered ass staring back at him. She held the position, and she looked nothing short of spectacular.

  Brian exhaled deeply, lifted the weight off the rack, and brought it down to his chest. He heaved it back up for
one good repetition. Feeling strong, he steadied the weight above his chest, preparing for his second rep, and looked toward Victoria again, just as she was adjusting to a position with her legs spread. At that moment, her bikini bottom came untied on one side and slipped from her hip, exposing a gorgeous view of half of everything she had. Brian’s eyes widened. He brought the bar down to his chest a little harder than he intended, and he seemed powerless to push it up.

  While Victoria remained preoccupied with grabbing the loose string of her bikini bottoms, he made grunting noises. Looking at him through her knees, she finally realized he might be in trouble. She quickly straightened and rushed to him, as the other side of her swimsuit bottom became untied and fell from her body. She stood next to him, shaking her hands in a panic, completely nude from the waist down and only a foot from his face.

  Brian again struggled to lift the weight from his chest and failed, as he looked right into her bare midsection.

  “Help me!” he finally blurted out.

  She cupped her cheeks with her hands as she stared at him wide-eyed for a few seconds. Then lifting one leg over him, and straddling him—her naked parts just six inches from his face—she grabbed the bar with two hands and attempted to lift it away from him. He looked directly at her womanhood and froze. He didn’t or couldn’t attempt to help her at all. Instead, he stared as if he was in a trance. She struggled once more before losing her balance and falling back, landing right onto his groin and causing him to yell out in pain.

  It was at that the moment that Jillian walked into the room. She spotted Victoria nude from the waist down, sitting on top of Brian as he fought to balance the weight on his chest.

  Jillian rushed over. “Victoria, what the hell are you doing?”

  “I’m trying to help him.”

  “Why are you naked?” Jillian asked.

  “I’m not naked—not completely anyway,” Victoria insisted.

  “I told you to stay out of the pool.”

  “I didn’t go in. I swear.”

  “Then why can I clearly see your nipples? Your top is soaking wet,” Jillian said curtly.

  “I, uh, was hot, so I used the spray bottle.”

  Jillian glared at her, obviously that was a clear violation of her nousing-the-pool rule. Well, the spirit of the rule anyway.

  Struggling to speak, Brian groaned, “GUT HIR UF ME!”

  Narrowing her eyes, Jillian leaned in close to him.

  He repeated, “Get. Her. Off. Me.”

  “Oh.” Jillian gave Victoria an annoyed look. “Could you get the hell off him?”

  After getting to her feet, Victoria moved away from the bench, while Jillian got behind Brian, in the proper spotting position. She counted to three, and together they returned the bar to the rack. Still lying on the bench, Brian breathed deeply.

  Jillian glared at Victoria. “Why were you giving him a lap dance?”

  “I wasn’t,” Victoria shot back.

  “And why aren’t you wearing bottoms?”

  “They fell off when I was doing some stretching,” Victoria said casually.

  “Maybe because you’re not wearing anything close to proper workout attire?” Jillian looked down at the still uncovered Victoria, noticed she was hairless down there, and said, “My God, you’re completely shaved?”

  “You like it?” Victoria asked.

  Jillian didn’t respond, so Victoria looked at Brian who was, of course, staring right at it again.

  He glanced up at Victoria’s face, smiled, and returned his attention to the area in question. “Personally I prefer a ‘landing strip,’ but now you’ve got me rethinking that… I do like it.”

  Victoria smiled and Jillian wore a slightly confused expression as she whispered, “landing strip?”

  “What was that?” Victoria asked.

  “Oh, nothing,” Jillian replied.

  Both women’s attention zoomed to Brian’s shorts, which sported a bulge, as well as a big wet spot in the center.

  Victoria nodded her head toward Brian. “Looks like someone got a little too excited.”

  Sitting up, he glanced at his shorts and said defensively, “I did not.” He made eye contact with Jillian and said, “I swear.” Slowly they turned their attention to Victoria both shooting the bottomless woman a suspicious look.

  Victoria made a face, looked down between her thighs, and then back to Brian’s shorts, raising an eyebrow. “Okay, maybe that was me.”

  Victoria ran a hand down between her legs. Jillian looked on with a horrified expression and Brian watched, open-mouthed. Pulling her hand back, she said casually, “Yes, you’re right—it was me. Sorry about that. I’m really, really weaa—” She stopped talking when she saw Jillian’s dismayed look and then hurriedly added, “Sweaty. I’m very sweaty. It’s hot out there. That, um, Florida humidity, and all.” Victoria turned to Brian, “Sorry.”

  He simply looked at her like a lost puppy. “Don’t worry about it.”

  Jillian folded her arms over her chest with her lips pressed into a thin line. Catching Jillian’s expression, Victoria asked, “What?”

  “I told you to put on the cover-up.”

  “There wasn’t time. I saw him fall off the treadmill and rushed in to help.”

  Jillian turned to Brian. “Is this true?”

  “I did sorta fall off the treadmill,” Brian admitted embarrassedly.

  Jillian grabbed a towel from a table and tossed it to her friend. “Would you please put this on? Why don’t you do all of us a favor and go back out and work on your tan?”

  Looking a little sad, Victoria held the towel for a moment before reaching down to pick up her bottoms. She walked from the room, not bothering to wrap the towel around her waist.

  Brian rose to his feet. “Thanks for helping me. I’m not sure what happened. Usually, I can handle that much weight.”

  “I think I know what happened,” she grumbled. “Sorry you had to see all of her like that just now. It was—”

  “Oh, no, um… I saw it before when she was on the leg curl machine.”

  “What?” Jillian asked.

  “She had me spotting her earlier on the leg machine and everything just sorta popped out—if you know what I mean—proving that you’re totally right about that not being a proper workout outfit.” Brian glanced out the window spotting Victoria as she headed to the pool. “She’s a real firecracker.”

  “She’s a Darren Star production.”

  “What?” He gave her a confused look.

  “Darren Star, the creator of Sex and the City.”

  His eyes lit up. “Oh, Samantha. Yeah, I’ve seen an episode or two… maybe,” Brian said a little hesitantly.

  She chuckled, and then they both watched as Victoria unashamedly slipped the bikini bottoms up her legs and over her ass as she stood near the edge of the pool.

  Jillian added, “Maybe a little more like Samantha on female Viagra.” They smiled and shared a nod.

  “Has she always been like this?” Brian asked. “I’m not complaining, just curious.”

  “Her husband died two years ago. She worshiped him. He was only forty-two, and they had a very active sex life.”

  Brian gave her a solemn look and asked hesitantly, “He didn’t, uh, die while they were… doing it, did he?”

  “Surprisingly, no,” she said with a slight grin. Her expression sobered as she revealed, “It was a brain tumor. Ever since then, she’s been living life to the fullest. She rarely says no to anything.”

  “I’ll bet,” he said. “That’s not a bad philosophy. You never know what could happen.”

  They shared another nod both gazing out toward the pool while Victoria lay in the lounge chair, once again squirting down her bikini with the spray bottle.

  “He left her with a lot of life insurance, an unfilled sexual appetite, and a little angry at the world. That’s a dangerous combination.”

  When Victoria’s nipples once again appeared through her suit, Jillian to
ok off for the door. “Now I’ve really have to take that from her.”

  “Don’t do it on my account,” he said.

  When she reached the door, Jillian tossed over her shoulder, “Rob could come home, and he doesn’t need to see those.”

  Brian watched her go, disagreeing with her one hundred percent.

  17

  Brian rushed up to his room and went into the bathroom; he noticed the remnants of Victoria’s lap dance were still slightly visible on his shorts. He pulled them off, took a close look, and then shook his head and smiled as he stood in front of the mirror. When he closed his eyes, he saw visions of Victoria as she bent over before him. As he stood staring blankly in the mirror, he didn’t think about her long but started having all these fantasies about Jillian instead. Minutes later, when he finally pulled himself back to reality, he glanced down at his erection, which was fighting to break free from his boxer briefs. Ashamed, he looked up at himself in the mirror. How could he be fantasizing about doing that to his best friend’s mother? He stripped off his clothes and showered, ignoring his massive erection. It would be a cold shower—a really cold one.

  After the unfulfilling shower, Brian walked to the window and saw that Jillian and Victoria were still out by the pool. He decided he’d spend the rest of the day in the house rather than go out and risk joining them. Maybe that way he could avoid throwing himself into another potentially embarrassing situation. He felt Victoria was an attractive but dangerous woman who acted as though a giant meteor was four hours from destroying the planet, and she wanted to bang as many guys as she could before impact.

  Rob returned from his day trip with Laura just before dinner and he spilled his guts to his best friend. He told him that Laura had been arguing with him most of the day about why he chose to bring Brian home with him, since it would undoubtedly lead to Rob and her spending less time together. She had said she planned to spend most of the week with Rob having sex, but he’d been back more than a day, and they still hadn’t done it once. The trip they took that day was unavoidable, and Rob felt like he couldn’t leave Brian all alone in the house for the second consecutive night. Laura demanded that he spend the night with her, because it was his birthday. She promised to find an attractive friend for Brian so they could double date, but on such short notice, Laura didn’t have a chance to find anyone.

 

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