by M R Field
“Lay it on me.” His hand taps mine as we stroll closer to the car. “Did you sell all your art?”
“Better!” I squeal. “A curator from Toronto, Henri, emailed me. He wants an interview to look at my work. He has a spot open for a couple pieces in his gallery!”
“Wow!” Cole’s eyes widen, and we halt in our steps. “Does this mean you have to fly over there?”
“No, he understands Australia is too far away to do so on such short notice, He will cover the shipping costs, if I’m successful.” My body wiggles on the spot in a little dance. “I’m going to make Odette go and take some photos if I get a spot. I’ll get her away from those smelly soccer players and force her to be social.”
Cole’s hand raises to my cheek, and he peers down at me. “I’m so proud of you.”
His smile is genuine, and I take a big deep breath. Yep, I’m in love. He leans down and kisses me softly, and I almost forget where we are until Parker catcalls for us to get a move on.
We break apart, and I mutter, “Let’s meet up at our peak later on. I really want some alone time.”
His eyes widen in recognition, and I grin. Yes, he knows exactly where our spot is. For a girl who always wanted grand gestures, tonight is going to be mine.
***
“Can I get everyone’s attention?” Cole stands from our table and looks out toward the guests. For the past few hours, we’ve mingled and ate and drank to our heart’s content, though I’ve been a bit tame, as I have my interview tomorrow. We’ve also successfully managed to dart away from my mum’s inappropriate and drunk questioning about whether we were being safe or not, as she was cool with being a nanna. Thanks, Mum. I’m sure the other fifty or so guests appreciated hearing that, too.
“Parker and I would like to extend our thanks to everyone for coming here tonight. I know Mum wouldn’t want me to stand and speak for too long, as she’d rather walk around and socialise, but I just have a few things to say.” He looks over to Judy.
Parker rises as Cole begins to speak. “Our mum is one of the kindest, most supportive people we know. She is forever thinking of others and putting herself last.”
Parker’s throat audibly clears, as he takes a deep breath.
Cole continues, “We weren’t easy boys growing up. We got up to mischief and destroyed endless tulip patches during our Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle games, while also probably giving Mum a few extra grey hairs.” He looks over to Parker, who nods for him to continue.
“As we grew up, we learned to appreciate her more.” Cole closes his eyes for a moment before continuing, “But there’s one thing our mum is more than anything—she’s fearless. When Dad died, she put aside her own grief to care for and love us like the warrior she is. She made sure we grew up strong men, all the while not having her soul mate by her side. Mum”—Cole’s voice wavers—“if Dad were here, he’d be so proud of you. He’d tell you how beautiful you are, and how you deserve to have the best birthday anyone can have.”
Parker pats Cole’s shoulder and continues with the speech. “We are so grateful, Mum, for everything you did for us. You went above and beyond for us, and we know you’ve always got our best interests at heart. Well, maybe except when you bring out your matchmaking skills.” He winks at Judy before raising his glass, looking out to the tables and motioning with his free hand for everyone to stand. “To Mum. May her birthday be filled with fun and laughter, and the next sixty years be filled with adventure. We love you.”
Raising our glasses, we all shout, “Happy birthday, Judy,” and take a sip.
“I just want to say.…” Judy’s voice is heavy from emotion—and a little from the champagne. She holds her flute to her chest, and we quieten down. “I’m so humbled by everyone who is here. I didn’t want presents. I have a table over there for things to bid on to go toward a special foundation that is close to my heart.” She pauses for a moment before looking back to her sons. “If Kevin were here tonight he’d be so proud of his boys. So, I know”—she looks above her head to the sky before returning her gaze to her sons—“he’s up there, proud as punch. Know that, my boys. I couldn’t ask for better sons.”
I feel the prick of tears in my eyes and try to blink them away before I hear Judy declare, “And if there are any single ladies out there, Parker is single and ready to mingle.”
The tears fall, as a laugh escapes my lips. Cole points at his brother in a teasing gesture, as Parker lifts his wine glass to the crowd, a deep blush covering his cheeks.
“Drink up, everybody!” Parker encourages. “I’ve heard it’s great at instigating memory
loss. That wine isn’t going to drink itself, and I could use an entire case after that. Thanks, Mum.”
The guests laugh as they move around the yard.
“We could totally film a reality show in this backyard with you bunch of fine ladies,” Cole teases. Parker lifts his flute and skulls it, while giving us the bird and shaking his head. “Spoilsport. Mum’s got the garden for it. She must’ve taken care of those roses for a reason.”
Parker grumbles something I can’t make out and walks away. It’s on the tip of my tongue to yell, “Anja!” to see if he clams up again like he did when we Skyped Odette. Her roommate sure made him tongue-tied. That boy could probably make someone who was deaf blush, yet he couldn’t string a full sentence together while on a screen facing her. I rub my hands in glee. It is going to be fun to torture him, but not tonight. As tempting as it is to give him a bit of stick, I’ll save that for another day.
We continue to mingle with the guests, and I take a quick peek at the table with all the various things for auction on it. I make a mental note to bid on the facial to gift Mum for Christmas. Cole smiles at my artwork, and a warm tingle brushes my skin. I grab Cole’s hand and decide that a little walk toward the cliff side is called for.
“Hey, let’s go for a walk.” I squeeze his hand and start to drag him with me, turning my body to face him as I walk backwards. I know it’s an accident waiting to happen with my heels, but I’m feeling giddy, as the butterflies soar in my belly. He chuckles, putting his glass down on a table we pass, and follows me, a smile lighting his handsome face.
“You have a look of mischief on your face, my dear.” His brow raises, and part of me considers for a moment if there is a spot out there where we could get down and dirty. I look at his white pants and down to my white dress and think, damn it.
“Oh, you do have plans.” Cole’s voice thickens. I look up and shake my head, then turn around. My foot catches on the grass, and I stumble, but Cole helps to steady me. “I think someone is happy about a certain email she received and wants a bit of fun,” he says with a smirk.
“Not yet. White and grass stains will be hard to explain.”
“I can wait.” His hand squeezes mine. “You can help christen my room.”
“I can’t believe we’ll share the same room at your mum’s house. It feels a bit weird.”
“Well, at least she won’t demand I have the door open even though her room is upstairs.”
“And the flea infestation has been taken care of, surely?” I tease, and he huffs out a laugh. “I’m getting the impression she’d rather me in there to help make future grandbabies. I reckon she and my mum have had words.”
“They all had a bet going on when we got together; no doubt the betting pool has changed direction while they’re looking for more things to bet on. Although, maybe they’ve got one going for Parker.” Cole’s chin tilts toward me, and I nod.
“No, it’s on you still.” Judy’s voice sounds to my left, and I flinch in surprise and embarrassment. Her hearing is better than the KGB’s. “What’s this email you’re talking about?”
“Letty might have a curator interested in her work. There’s an exhibition in Toronto he wants her for.”
“Oh, wow! That’s fabulous, my dear! You two definitely need to celebrate tonight!” She winks at us, and I squirm. Surely that wink doesn’t mean what I think it
means.…
“Bern thinks twins one day, but I think she’s overachieving.” Her voice rises, and I know it’s the bubbles from her champagne taking away her filter. “Twins would be great, but push one out at a time, honey. Your lady parts will thank you.”
Yep, there it is. I feel Cole draw me in closer, protectively. I consciously look for a black hole to pull us under.
“See? That’s what I remember about the two of you the most as kids. Cole being your protector.” She looks back and forth between us with a smile on her face. “No matter where you went, he followed. If you went running into the waves, he was behind you, checking that you were okay.”
I look up at Cole and find him biting his lower lip, a soft pink tinge staining his cheeks.
“We stirred each other up a fair bit, too,” I try to soothe his embarrassment. “We were hot and cold with each other, even as kids.”
“Of course you did, dear. That’s what good friends do. They have their moments. But I’m so glad that you’re finally together. Kevin was wrong to tell Cole all those years ago to keep his distance. It hurt your friendship.”
My hand flinches in Cole’s as I turn to look back at Judy, whose face is no longer lit with mirth.
“Mum, I…,” Cole starts, but Judy lifts her hand to stop him.
“Cole, let me talk.” Her voice wavers. “Kevin was a bit overprotective of his family. He thought you and his boy here were getting too close and kinda put a stop to that. He should’ve realised that even warning you guys away from each other wouldn’t have worked.” Her hips shift slightly off balance before she corrects herself.
“He didn’t want us to be friends?” My fingers shift in Cole’s hand, a sense of unease rippling across my skin.
Judy shakes her head. “Of course he did, honey. He just feared he would become a grandfather prematurely.”
“I was fourteen!” I shriek. “I didn’t even kiss a boy until I was seventeen!”
“I know that.” She smiles. Her eyes move to Cole. “But like his father, his son was stubborn, too.” Her lips press together as she looks from Cole to me. “If Kevin were alive today and knew what his foolish son endured and how he behaved, he’d probably grumble louder than thunder.”
“What do you mean?” Cole’s hand tightens in my own, and I drop it.
“Mum, now’s not the time,” Cole warns, but she flicks a dismissive palm at him.
“Cole grew distant toward you to respect the memory of his father, but he reacted badly, and, on top of that, he harboured such resentment.” She shakes her head. “He was young when Kevin died and didn’t know how to properly process the entire event. It wasn’t his fault any more than it was yours.”
“Mine?” More unease slithers over my skin, and I feel cold.
“Cole blaming you for him not being there when Kevin died.”
“What?” My ears begin to ring as my heart thuds against my ribcage. My hands shake at my sides.
“Mum, please,” Cole begs. “I haven’t had a chance to—.”
She sighs, and a lone tear escapes down her cheek. “You didn’t understand how horrific it was.” Her words carry over Cole’s, her eyes looking back at the party. “Kevin’s death was unexpected, and not in a million years did I ever want one of my boys there to witness it.”
“Okay, Mum, I think you’ve said enough. We’ve already discussed this.” Cole’s voice hardens, but I move closer to Judy, a slow trickle of dread tightening my skin.
“I haven’t heard it,” I snap. “Judy, what are you talking about? I’m not sure I’m getting what you’re saying.”
She shakes her head and proceeds to shatter my world. “Cole was supposed to help Kevin with the trailer on the day he died, but instead he spent time with you.” She sips her champagne, completely oblivious to the rupture she’s causing in my chest. I feel sick. “He tortured himself over it for months, but realised he was wrongly punishing you. He just didn’t know how to stop being that fool he was.”
“Yeah, he was a real gem,” I say. Our eyes clash, and his mouth tightens, a look of dread slashing across his face.
“Isn’t it great that after all these years you’re finally together? It would’ve been earlier if he hadn’t been jealous seeing you with other guys.” Her face tilts up to Cole, and she smiles. “These Lawson boys take a while to get it through their thick skulls when they’re in love.”
Love? That’s the last thing I need to hear right now.
“Excuse me, I need to get out of here.” With that, I march past Judy, ignoring Cole calling out to me as I walk through the crowd, past the donations and the portrait of Kevin and Judy that I painted. That’s when my heels begin to speed up, and I start to run past the tables, the flickering candles, and the glow of the lights. I faintly hear my mum call out, but I ignore it as a dark figure steps out in front of me. I plant my heels into the ground to avoid crashing into him.
“Letty Bear!” my dad bellows, sticking out his stomach as he adjusts the beer in his hand. “Where’s the fire? Where are you rushing off to?”
“I just need to get some sea air.” I gulp, knowing how fake my excuse is, while remembering how unfit I am. Looking over my shoulder, I see Cole running up to us.
“You younguns and your lovers’ tiffs.” Dad’s eyes are on Cole, a smile across his face. “Whatever happened, forget about it love. Let it go. Your mum and I were just saying tonight how great you guys look together. Finally!”
“Dad, I really n-need—.”
“Best decision I ever made was asking Cole to hire you.”
“What?” My eyes widen, and I wonder if they’re about to fall out of my head.
I hear Cole’s footsteps stop behind me, and I don’t miss his uttered “fuck.”
“I couldn’t have my daughter live with no stability. You can’t play around with angle grinders forever,” Dad says. The breath leaves my lungs in an almighty whoosh. “You’ll never make it in that competitive world. It’s a dead-end industry.”
Boom. There goes my pulse.
“I have a Skype interview in Toronto tomorrow for a curator who wants to see my work.” My voice wavers, but I take a quick breath to keep it steady. My lip trembles, and I bite into it to stop the cry that is threatening to escape. The most precious part of me, a joke to my own father.
“Letty Bear—.” Dad’s face jolts in surprise, but I cut him off.
“A person from the other side of the world sees my potential.” An excruciating thought comes to me, and I close my eyes for a moment before opening them and turning to face Cole. “Did you not believe in me either? Is that why you hired me? To appease my dad and give me ‘stability?’”
“No.” Cole’s voice croaks. “I never doubted you. I just wanted to help.”
“Yeah, like buying my artwork was helping?” I sneer and ignore my dad’s voice as he tries to talk to me. “I need some fucking air!”
I race past my dad, feeling all the air in my lungs trapped, but I keep running. I need to get away.
I reach the clearing and I stop, bending forward to catch my breath. My shoulders are bare. My shawl must have fallen off somewhere. Cole’s hand touches my lower back, and I shoot up and step away, out of his touch.
“So, did you contact Henri, too? Give him a heads up that I was some desperate artist whose boyfriend is the only one who buys her art?”
He flinches, but I don’t care. I can’t believe everyone around me thinks I’m a fool. How could I be so blind? “Letty, you need to let me explain,” he pleads. His shirt is untucked, and he looks dishevelled. But I don’t care. He doesn’t look as shit as I feel.
“Did it feel good, having me work with you and treating me worse than dirt under your shoe?”
“I’m sorry!” he yells, his hand reaching up into his hair. “I wanted you close to me. Even if it meant seeing you with that hipster dickhead boyfriend you had. I was a jealous wanker who didn’t know how to make up for lost time.”
“Your hot-and-co
ld acts made me dizzy half the time.” I fold my arms across my chest, stepping back to avoid him trying to touch me. “The list is tallying up. You blame me for not being by Kevin’s side when he died, and are a complete and utter bastard boss in a job I didn’t even earn on my own merit. What’s next?”
“I made the decision to follow you the day Dad died. That’s on me.” He steps forward, but I shake my head. “I wanted to spend time with you.”
“I thought I was temptation incarnate.” My lip curls in contempt.
“I was fucking eighteen and you were fourteen. You were too young. But I would’ve never crossed that line.”
“I knew you were too old for me. Did you think I was easy and that I’d try? I was a fucking child.”
“I know!” he bellows. “But I had feelings for you, and I was trying to do the right thing. I couldn’t end our friendship. I still wanted to hang out with you.” He begins pacing back and forth, his brow tight as his feet stomp across the grass.
“And missing Kevin dying?”
“I wasn’t there to stop him dying. I wasn’t there to say goodbye. So I pushed you away even
further.” He stops pacing and faces me, his eyes pained as he stares. “It was stupid. I misplaced my grief, and by the time I wedged my head out of my arse, I realised my feelings for you still existed. But you had a boyfriend. It took me years to realise that if I couldn’t have you in that way, at least having you in my life was better than a life without you.”
“You were my best friend. You knew me better than anyone. And I kept forgiving you. But I still wanted to be your friend. I was a stupid, naïve, hopeful girl. You hurt me, time and time again, pushed me away as we got older, but I stupidly fed your games to keep you at least a little in my life.”
“Letty, please…,” he pleads.
“I held your hand with an aching, jealous heart, and dove off those cliffs. I took any part of our friendship you gave me when glimpses of the kind boy resurfaced. When you were you, I took it and held on.”
“I was young, too. I needed you just as much.” He points to his chest, but I shake my head.
