by Elaine May
It all feels fucking amazing. I look deep into her eyes and I see everything I want in them, I’m on top of the world, nothing can tear me down, I’m on fucking Everest and the sensation, the view, is beyond anything before it.
She holds me entrapped and I want nothing but her. She must feel my sudden slowness and I hear her say my name, reminding me of what we’re doing and I try to carry on with my momentum. I tilt my hips a little and I know I’ve hit the right spot when her moans become deeper. I can feel her inner muscles contract around me as she comes and that just makes my balls explode as I thrust one final time, filling her up with my come.
This is the first time I have ever done this and I have to taste her.
“I have to taste us together, babe.” I say as I look into her eyes again. I can see the confusion written all around them. She knows we didn’t just fuck, for the first time we both made love to someone. We made love to each other and right now I have to taste us.
“Huhh.” She says, still coming down from the high I just gave her.
“I have to taste us.” I say and I move down her body, leaving a trail of kisses in my wake. She moans with each kiss left and I can hear the tiredness in her voice, my poor baby is worn out. I reach her pussy and she’s glistening with my come as it drips out of her. Such a waste, but it won’t be a waste for much longer. I get myself where I need to be and then very slowly I lick all the way up from her vagina to her clit. She tastes amazing, a mixture of honey and spice.
Wow, we taste amazing. I dip my fingers inside her and circle around her muscles, her moaning coming in stronger to my ears. I love the sounds that come from those lips. She starts shifting around me as I feel her inner muscles stiffen. My cock starts to grow stiffer and I can’t believe I’m already ready for round two but with this woman anything is possible.
I pull my fingers out before she can orgasm again and put a finger to her lips.
“Suck. Taste us together.” She pops my finger in her mouth and sucks like a greedy girl with a popsicle and that just makes my cock grow bigger. Oh yeah, I want her again. I pull on my finger just as I thrust inside her.
“Oh God!” She cries as I reach to the hilt in just that one thrust. Oh God, she still feels so amazing. I take both her hands which are now down by the side of her and place them above her head, keeping them there with one of my hands. My other hand fingers an eager nipple and I start playing with it, all the while my lips taking what I want from her. I’m gentle but I’m giving her just enough of the roughness she needs, pulling her nipple, biting her lip at just the right time as I hit her deep inside over and over again until her orgasm makes me orgasm too. We stiffen and shudder around each other and this is unlike anything I have ever done before.
I just made love to her.
I love her.
I think I love Ayria Jonas.
No, that’s not right.
It can’t be, but the more I think about it as I wrap my arms around her and pull her towards my chest as we both lie on our sides, the more I know it’s true.
I love her.
CHAPTERTHIRTY-ONE
AYRIA
I can’t sleep
I don’t know if it’s because I can feel his steady breathing against my cheek or the way he was tonight.
He seemed different somehow.
Does he know how I’m feeling?
Does he know what he keeps making me feel?
I’m sure the bastard has made me fall in love with him.
The last time I allowed that to happen it didn’t end well.
It didn’t end well for me and all that was left was this new girl I put in place of the girl I once was. My grandfather wanted perfection, someone who would bring the right attention to his business, to our family, and I did that but just not in the way the old man wanted.
That was my payback.
That was the only way I could get back at him, somewhere I could protect myself from anyone who might want to hurt me, physically or emotionally. It worked for all these years but now, now I’m allowing myself to be pulled back down the well and it’s all Harry Bryant’s fault.
He’s making me feel things again.
He’s making me want things again.
He’s making my mind go into a full-blown hurricane and I can’t let that happen.
There is no way I can let that happen again, to let myself lose control and lose all sense of normality is no option.
I can’t let him let me feel like this.
I can’t lose myself again to a pair of pretty eyes, hazel eyes to be exact, that seem to look right into me and read my soul.
I think I love him.
I can’t love again, it hurts too much, and that bastard wants to do this to me.
I could see the look in his eyes, I saw it just a few short hours ago as he made love to me.
What we just did, it wasn’t fucking, no, what we just did was making love and I know what happens after that and I won’t do it.
Not again.
****
At some point during the night I must have fallen asleep because when I come to I’m still nestled next to Harry, but I’ve turned to my other side.
I open my eyes and there he is. I take a minute to take him in, he looks so peaceful like this, he looks far too gorgeous for his own good and the cocky bastard has it all. I would sell everything I have just to get the family he calls a pain in the arse on a daily basis.
He knows how to get under my skin.
How to annoy the living shit out of me.
That’s it, he just really pisses me off. I get up out of bed as carefully as I can, so I don’t wake him up yet, I don’t want him awake yet. I walk to his walk-in wardrobe and find packets of underwear on one of the shelves.
He must have too many women over if he thinks he should keep a stock of underwear for them.
What is this man like? I go through them all, thinking this may turn out better than I planned. I choose the best he has, black lace panties with matching bra and garter belt, I put them all on making sure to be careful with my stockings as I attach them to the garter belt. I quickly brush my hair, apply a little makeup before I go and pick his favourite tie and tie it around my neck. I check that he’s still asleep while I take gentle footsteps out of his room and go down the stairs, making sure to pick up a knife from his kitchen. With shaky hands I open his front door where I see his pride and joy just where I want it.
I can’t let myself be in love with him.
I can’t let him be in love with me.
He annoys the living shit out of me the way he takes everything for granted.
I can’t be in love with a person like him. I step towards it, finding his name in my cell before standing right next to his car with the knife in the air so when he looks out he’ll see it. The phone rings a few times before his sleepy voice comes through the receiver.
“Hello?”
“Morning, handsome.” I hear him shuffle in his bed, obviously wondering where I am. I have him just where I want him
“Where are you?”
“Look out your window baby.”
“What?”
“Look out your window.” I repeat. I look up to where his bedroom window is, seeing his drapes move as he does as I tell him, such a good boy but not good enough. I see him through the window as he opens his window, making sure to wave to him with the hand that holds the knife.
“Morning, baby.” I say, still waving up at him, moving a little to show off what I’m wearing. I can see him gulp as he takes me in from our distance.
“What are you doing?”
“Having some fun, baby.” Just as the last word leaves my lips I stab the top of the car with a little push and I can hear the scream that comes from above. An evil smile takes a corner of my lips as I look up at him and I swoop the knife down again, but this time miss his beloved car. It’s as if I hear his relief from here but I’m nowhere near done with him yet. He has to learn, they all have to learn what
really counts in this life.
“Put the knife down.” I start to shake my head as I look to the car and then up at him again.
“N...No.” I swoop down again and this time I don’t miss my target, I can hear his ‘fuck’ penetrate the earth and I should really feel scared, I’ve just woken up the hornet, but I don’t. I love this part of the game. I’m everything they want, I tease, I give them my body and I’m beautiful, but I’m never enough. Men only think of the dollar signs things come with, how things that they take for granted want nothing, but their love and they never give it.
I’m never enough for their love and I won’t be enough for Harry’s. Out of the corner of my eye I can see his figure leave the window and I know that he will be by me at any moment. As if a fire bolt attacks my limbs I just go for it, Harry’s car is my way of unleashing all the anger I feel for Harry and every other man I have ever allowed into my life. All the boyfriends who have only ever wanted to use my popularity for their own gain, my money, the business. My grandfather’s face comes into my view as everything else around me ceases to exist, his cold eyes, the laughter lines that were always directed at me and me alone. I hit that poor car as if it is everyone who has ever done me wrong. I hit and I hit, I can hear the metal give way with a crunch as the knife strikes its paint work. I hate all of them, I hate Harry, but not in the same way.
He is the same, like all the others, like my grandfather, but then he isn’t.
Although he can drive me crazy he makes me laugh.
No matter what I do he welcomes my crazy with open arms, it is as if he knows that I need the crazy to keep myself centred. I hate him for everything he is making me feel, I’ve done everything to him that I have done to every other male and he has taken it in and allowed me to be my screwed-up self.
It’s as if everything happens in slow motion but all of a sudden, I can see him run out of his front door and storm towards me.
The world stops and I can feel the bile in my throat just waiting to eject from my stomach.
My knees become wobbly, trying to send me to the floor, but I put my hand on the car.
The car? Oh shit, but before I can look his voice vibrates in the air.
“What the fuck?” I hear him behind me, it’s as if I’m suddenly down from the high I was on and I look at the mess.
Wow, did I just do that?
The car, his pride and joy. It looks.... I don’t know, it looks like it’s been through war. I look up at Harry and he’s looking at what’s left of his beloved car and I don’t know why but I feel ashamed.
What did I do?
And why? Just because I have feelings for him and I don’t know what to do with them.
I’m an idiot, but that’s what grandfather did to me.
Harry will hate me forever now. I raise my eyes back into his, fear of what I may see washes through me. I’m right, his face is growing black with the fury I have caused him.
What I have done? I am angering the hand that pleasures me.
Angering the man I love.
I love him, I think I do. I should feel so happy but instead I feel so much shame.
Why am I feeling this?
What magic does he possess to make me feel like this?
“What have you fucking done to my car?” He asks as he starts to walk around it. Normally I would take so much pride in their faces, their pain would fuel my blood, but nothing is happening.
I don’t feel anything except the anger I can feel coming off him in waves, seeping right back into me. Oh God, what is he doing to me?
“What have you done? Do you know how much this car is worth?” It’s all replaced as soon as the pathetic words leave his lips. He might try to show me that he’s not like all the rest, his family might have showered me with kindness and love I have never felt before, that I’m more than just a money opportunity to these people, but it’s the same as with everyone I’ve ever met, they only want what I can give them, what my name can hand them and I’ve had enough.
I had enough the moment I heard the laughter from my grandfather’s office.
“Money?” I question him and I start to laugh, not just any laugh either but one that seems to cackle with wickedness from deep in my throat. I love it.
“Money? Is that all you can think about?”
“What is wrong with you? It’s like in the last few weeks you’ve turned into a psychotic bitch. It just happened. One day you were Ayria, a bit crazy but Ayria, and then overnight you became worse.”
“What’s wrong with me?”
“Yes, what’s wrong with you? What happened to the girl I first met who seduced me in my own office?”
“What’s wrong with me?”
“Is there a fucking echo around here or something?Yes, what’s wrong with you?”
“What about what’s wrong with you? Why is it always me?”
“Because you’re the one who’s the bitch. I don’t know who you fucking are. You won’t let me in”
“Didn’t you know baby? I’m the Ice Princess.”
“I’m well aware of your nickname.”
“It’s no nickname. I am the Ice Princess and I’ve never let anyone in. Admit it, Harry,I’m your worst nightmare.”
“You’ve got that right. I have no idea who you are.”
I don’t know who I am either. I want to cry because I know I’m losing him.
This time I’ve pushed him too far and I regret it.
It was only ever meant to be a game.
“Good.”I try to swallow, try to fight the razor blades that are now lodged in my throat.
“Good?” He turns around, disgust written all over his face, the pieces of his designer shirt still in his hands. I expected this to happen before this and although I should be in jubilation I can’t help but feel the small piece of hurt that wants to take hold of me with a vice grip.
He’s going to go.
I wanted him to go.
I wanted him to go like all the rest. None of them cared, they only wanted what was between my legs and what was in my bank balance. They never cared about me and I was sure neither did Harry. I was always a pawn to these people. Well, this pawn had enough a long time ago.
I don’t want him to leave me.
“I’m going upstairs to phone someone about my car.” I can hear the tears in his voice.
“When I get down you better be gone.”
CHAPTERTHIRTY-TWO
AYRIA
He has been making me exist in a world where flames of lust heighten all my senses.
All my thoughts are clouded.
My judgment is clouded.
I can’t think straight when I am with him.
Everything is clouded when I am with him and I can feel everything falling down around me.
It isn’t meant to happen like this.
I wasn’t supposed to succumb to him, but I still have.
I went into this knowing the rules but one look from him and I failed.
His proximity always makes me utterly immobile.
I can’t move.
He is everywhere at once, seeping into every part of me.
I don’t know what to do.
I am trapped by everything he does.
He intoxicates me.
Infatuates me.
I havebecome a besotted moron and I am blown away by how he’s made me feel, how he’s made me feel like a woman.
I’m not just Ayria Jonas to him, a means to an end, a way to get more money, get more world attention but I am a person.
I am a person to him.
I am a woman. A beautiful woman who has everything to go for.
I have a future, I could be someone with this man. My heart is bumping so fast as it all becomes clear. A locomotive out of control on its tracks as reality comes crashing down all around me, breaking all the walls I have ever had in place to protect myself.
I love him, and I am sure he loves me too.
He doesn’t want anything except my
love in return.
He has no hidden agenda.
There is no ploy to his kindness.
He just wants me.
I can’t breathe as he just looks at me as everything starts to fall into place in my brain.
I have to stop the inevitable that is going to destroy everything that makes me, me.
I wanted to push him so he would leave me alone, so I could figure out what he was doing to me and get back to normal.
He did.
He has had enough of me.
I should be happy, but I am anything but.
Everything hurts.
My lungs cease to breathe.
My heart is crumbling.
I wanted payback for every wrong any male has done to me and I got it, but now I am hurting more.
What is wrong with me?
I am in love with the man, that is what is wrong with me.
I havepushed him too far and now he is gone.
Guilt burns inside me.
What have I done? I can still see the way his smirk faded as he took in the scene around him, his car, his baby and I destroyed it.
I have never felt so sorry in all my life and I don’t have the guts to phone him and say I am sorry.
What can I say that would make any of it better?
Nothing. That was it.
It has been days since it happened.
I haven’t heard from him.
I can’t even remember how I got home but I remember coming to as tears slid down my cheeks to Clive opening the door to the limo for me.
