‘Well, sort of.’ Amy slipped off the hay and collected the headband. It didn’t look very clean. And it certainly didn’t smell very nice. She couldn’t imagine Shigong Egg would want to wear it again.
‘That was the most terrifying thing I’ve ever done in my life,’ Boo said, rolling on her back and sticking her legs in the air like Ruth.
‘Me too,’ Amy jumped back on to the straw with her friends and did the same.
The three chickens stared up at the roof of the cave. There was silence for a few minutes.
‘Do you think we should tell Shigong Egg about what happened?’ Ruth asked eventually. ‘I mean about me crashing into Amy with the poo-powered poultry projector and Boo nearly getting eaten by the yeti?’
‘No,’ said Amy confidently. ‘He doesn’t need to know all that. He’ll just be happy we got his headband back. Even if it is a bit smelly.’
‘The thing is,’ said Boo slowly, ‘I don’t know if I’m really cut out for being a chicken warrior. It’s too scary.’
‘Of course you are,’ Amy reassured her. ‘You were brilliant.’ She giggled. ‘We had that yeti licked until Ruth crashed into me.’
‘Yeah, sorry about that,’ Ruth said. ‘I need to sort out that helmet. Just as well I brought the stink bomb too.’
‘That was really clever of you,’ Amy admitted.
‘And you were incredibly brave, Amy,’ Boo said.
‘Thanks.’ Amy rolled off the straw. ‘Now let’s get back to KFP and see what that nut-job emu has in store for us next.’
‘Congratulations!’ Back at the monastery Shigong Egg handed them each a certificate in exchange for his purple silk headband, which he handed to his servant to wash.
Amy glanced at hers with pride.
Ruth got one for intelligence and Boo for perseverance.
‘It is time for the next stage of your journey,’ Shigong Egg said.
‘You mean we’re not staying here?’ Amy was stunned. Surely he wasn’t going to send them home?
‘Your training is complete,’ Shigong Egg told her. ‘Now you must meet your employer. I have contacted your parents and guardians to inform them.’
Amy looked at him, wide eyed. Employer! That sounded really grown up. She wondered who it could be.
Shigong Egg clapped his wings. ‘Menial, tell Professor Emeritus Rooster that his elite combat squad is ready for action. It is time to send them to Chicken HQ.’
‘Are we nearly there yet?’ Amy said for the umpteenth time. It seemed even further coming back from Tibet on the albatross than it had going out. Ruth said it was something to do with the wind direction.
‘I think we might be,’ Boo said. The albatross was preparing to land.
Amy peered down. A huge park spread out beneath them. A river ran along one edge, sparkling in the sunlight. Beyond the river lay a patchwork of brown and green fields. In the centre of the park stood a great stone manor house, reached by a long drive that snaked from a distant road through the rolling parkland between an avenue of trees. To the north and east, the park was bordered by deep, dark woods, which continued into the distance as far as Amy could see.
Amy blinked. She had never seen anything as big as this park. It was ten times the size of Perrin’s Farm. It dwarfed the International School of Kung Fu for Poultry. She couldn’t imagine ever finding her way around such a huge place.
The albatross flew towards the rear of the house. There was another lawn. And several large pens full of lush grass surrounded with chicken wire. Amy glimpsed the red roofs of chicken coops tucked under some trees. It was impossible to tell how many there were.
The albatross flew on. Amy saw a wall of crumbling brick with a green door in the middle of it with the paint peeling off. The albatross flew over the wall. It was a garden, Amy saw, with not just one but four walls and flowerbeds in rows with narrow paths in between them. But the beds were overgrown with weeds and tangles of thick-stemmed plants, which Amy thought might be vegetables. Fruit trees grew around the walls; their thin branches jutting out at all angles from broken trellises, competing for space with dog roses and brambles. There was a smell of rotten apples. The garden looked as if it had been neglected for years.
The albatross circled down. Along one of the four walls stood a series of derelict potting sheds and it was in front of these that the albatross landed.
Amy looked about. There was no sign of Professor Emeritus Rooster. In fact there was no sign of life at all except vegetables and the odd worm. She sniffed. It was a while since they’d had anything to eat. The rotten apples smelled good. Amy slid off the albatross on to the ground. Boo and Ruth followed suit.
‘I don’t know what I was expecting,’ Ruth said. ‘But it wasn’t this.’
‘Let’s ask the albatross if he knows where Chicken HQ is,’ Amy suggested. She gave the albatross a pat. ‘Is this definitely the place?’ she asked.
‘Definitely,’ said the albatross. ‘The Potting Sheds, Old Vegetable Garden, Dudley Manor, Dudley Estate, Dudley. That’s what I was told. This is the place all right.’
‘But which one’s Chicken HQ?’ Amy wondered.
‘Search me.’ The albatross got ready to fly off.
‘Maybe it’s this one,’ Boo strode up the path to the first potting shed.
‘I’ll try the next one,’ Ruth said.
‘I’ll start the other end,’ Amy trudged over to the last shed door and turned the handle. ‘This one’s open!’ she shouted excitedly.
‘So’s this one,’ Ruth called.
‘This one is too!’ Boo said.
Amy frowned. That didn’t sound right. The potting sheds couldn’t all be Chicken HQ! She gave the door a push with her foot. It creaked open. Amy tiptoed in. Inside the shed it was pitch-dark. For some reason the window didn’t seem to let in any light. She hopped up on to a table, fumbled for a light switch and flicked it on. A flash of bright light lit up the interior of the shed.
‘WOW!’ Amy whistled.
‘That’s amazing!’ Ruth breathed.
Amy cocked her head to one side in surprise. It sounded as if Ruth was inside the shed too!
‘It’s really cool!’
What? So was Boo!
Amy glanced to her left. The other chickens were inside. All the potting-shed doors led into the same place. It was all Chicken HQ! She looked around in amazement. The potting sheds had been joined together to form a control centre. At one end were the chickens’ sleeping quarters. At the other end was a large cupboard marked ‘GADGETS’. And in the middle of the potting sheds, on top of a cardboard box, was an old laptop computer with three garden stools in front of it for the chickens to sit on.
Ruth darted forwards towards the cupboard to inspect the gadgets. ‘Wow!’ she cried, rummaging about inside. ‘There are flight-booster engines. And infra-red super-spec headsets with advanced radar tracking. Bloomin’ peck!’ she yelled. ‘There’s even a mite blaster!’
‘What’s a mite blaster?’ Amy asked, mystified.
‘It’s a bit like my rotten-egg stink bomb only much more powerful,’ Ruth explained. ‘And instead of rotten eggs it blasts out mites.’
‘That sounds itchy,’ Amy said. She’d had mites once when she was a chick and it wasn’t fun at all.
Boo was examining the sleeping quarters. ‘There’s a straw pallet each that folds up into the wall,’ she said. ‘They’re operated by a bed-tidy button! And there’s a birdbath! It’s so cool, Amy, come and see!’
Amy scuttled over. The birdbath even had a hosepipe that fed into it, connected at the other end to a garden tap. Beside the bath lay a small blue packet with a picture of a chicken on the front.
‘What’s this?’ Amy picked up the packet.
‘It’s Bird Bright,’ Ruth told her. ‘It makes your feathers shine.’ She clasped her wings together in excitement. ‘Professor Rooster’s thought of everything! I can’t wait to use it on my boots!’ She began to fill the bath.
Amy was pleased for h
er friends. Ruth had her gadgets and Boo had her Bird Bright. And with any luck, Amy thought, casting a surreptitious eye at the laptop, she had chicken TV. She scuttled over to the computer, switched on the screen and carefully typed in BBC on the keyboard with her toes. BBC, Amy knew from her dad, stood for Bird Broadcasting Corporation. Amy also knew that the BBC was very good at covering sport. She flicked through a few channels until she found the chicken wrestling. It was ages since she’d seen any. The chickens at Perrin’s Farm had managed to rig up an old TV they’d found in the barn, but most of them wanted to watch dance shows, not wrestling. Just occasionally Amy and her dad used to sneak a quick look at it, even though her mum didn’t approve. Amy felt a bit sad at the thought of her mum and dad but she consoled herself that now she could see the wrestling whenever she wanted! She settled down to watch.
Just then the screen flickered. A very stern-looking black cockerel with shiny green tail feathers and a scarlet comb appeared. He stared hard at Amy.
Amy felt uncomfortable. It was as if he was looking right at her! ‘He can’t see me, can he?’ Amy whispered.
Boo and Ruth came over to take a look.
‘I think he probably can,’ Ruth said, examining the screen. ‘It looks like it’s two-way.’
‘Quite right, Ruth,’ the cockerel spoke at last. ‘I can see you. I’m Professor Emeritus Rooster. Welcome to Chicken HQ.’
The chickens sat on the three stools listening carefully. Amy’s heart beat fast. Finally they were going to find out what they had been training for. She hoped it wasn’t as difficult as the task Shigong Egg had set them.
‘You’re probably wondering why you’re here,’ Professor Rooster said. ‘The reason is quite simple. Your mission is to prevent the innocent chickens of Dudley Manor from being murdered by some of the most evil and ferocious predators known to poultry.’
Amy nearly fell off her garden stool. She glanced at the others. Boo and Ruth looked equally stunned. None of them had expected this. The yeti was one thing but preventing murder?! That was grown-up stuff.
‘The three of you were specially selected by Shigong Egg at my request for this highly dangerous mission,’ Professor Rooster continued. ‘It will take courage, intelligence and perseverance if you are to succeed. Above all it will require teamwork.’
‘You sure he hasn’t got us mixed up with someone else?’ Boo whispered.
Amy stole another glance at her. Poor Boo, Amy thought. She looks terrified. She reached out a wing and gave Boo a pat. Boo didn’t respond. She didn’t even seem to notice Amy’s kindness. Her feathers trembled.
‘I admit you weren’t my first choice,’ Professor Rooster said. ‘I thought it would be better to choose a professional poultry protector rather than three young chickens like you, but Shigong Egg persuaded me otherwise.’ He paused. ‘I must say I didn’t think you had it in you to defeat the yeti. But you proved me wrong. And if you can defeat the yeti, you’re ready for action.’
Amy felt herself go crimson. Professor Rooster didn’t know that Boo had got caught, or about the accident with the poo-powered poultry projector. She exchanged stricken looks with Ruth. ‘What shall we do?’ she mouthed.
‘I don’t know,’ Ruth mouthed back.
Boo just kept staring at the screen. She seemed to be in some kind of petrified trance.
‘It’s time to introduce you to the MOST WANTED Club,’ Professor Rooster said. ‘A collection of the worst criminals known to chickens.’
Amy told herself to keep calm. Nothing could be worse than the yeti.
The screen flickered again. Pictures of a large French poodle with a chef’s hat on popped up.
‘Kebab Claude,’ Professor Rooster said. The camera honed in on the poodle, showing him from every angle. ‘This dog will chop you, remove your giblets and turn you into a chicken dinner for one before you can say “pass the gravy”. Last attack on our chickens, nine months ago. Six dead. All barbecued. With onions on the side.’
Amy’s red cheeks paled.
‘Tiny Tony Tiddles.’ The next set of pictures flashed on to the screen: this time of a small black and white cat with an evil grin and gangster hat pulled down over his ears. ‘He may be small,’ Professor Rooster said, ‘but he’s got a big appetite for chicken. He’ll pick you off one at a time if you give him the chance. Bam. Bam. Bam. No recent reported sightings but he’s still out there somewhere, waiting for his opportunity. He’ll be back. You can bet your knobbly knees.’
Amy felt her knobbly knees begin to knock.
‘Next up, the Pigeon-Poo Gang.’ A trio of beefy grey birds wearing shades appeared on the screen.
‘They won’t eat us, will they?’ Amy asked in a small voice. ‘I mean, they’re birds like us, right?’
‘Right,’ Professor Rooster replied, ‘and wrong. Just because they’re birds it won’t stop them killing you if you get in the way of their quest for grain. They’re traitors. They’ve crossed to the dark side. So don’t be fooled. These are some of the greediest, grottiest gangsters I’ve ever come across on the Dudley Estate. And if you don’t believe me, look at this.’ Another picture flashed up. A beak and a pair of legs poked out from under a pile of pigeon sludge. The body was barely recognisable as a chicken.
Amy felt sick.
‘Is that it?’ Ruth croaked.
Professor Rooster’s face appeared on the screen. His comb twitched. ‘No,’ he said shortly. ‘That isn’t it. The most MOST WANTED criminal of all is this fiend. The leader of the MOST WANTED Club.’
The screen uploaded a new picture.
Amy gave a little scream.
A face leered at her. It had rusty red ears, long whiskers, a pointed nose and a sly grinning mouth full of vicious teeth. Its cunning yellow eyes seemed to be looking straight at her.
‘Thaddeus E. Fox,’ Professor Rooster’s voice trembled. ‘Scientific name Vulpes vulpes, or red fox. A ruthless murderer who kills chickens not for food, but for fun.’
More pictures flashed up. Thaddeus E. Fox in a top hat, tails and a silk waistcoat, clutching a silver-topped cane in one hand and a decapitated chicken in the other. Thaddeus E. Fox relaxing on a sunbed beside a pond full of dead ducks. Thaddeus E. Fox lying on a picnic blanket beside a hamper full of champagne and Coronation Chicken.
‘Educated at Eat’em College for Gentlemen Foxes, Thaddeus E. Fox has led a life of privilege and luxury,’ Professor Rooster said. ‘But his pretend good manners are just a front. He is a bloodthirsty villain who will stop at nothing to satisfy his lust for poultry. This is all that was left after his last raid.’
A video of a crime scene started rolling. It showed a comfortable-looking coop: or at least what must have been a comfortable-looking coop before Thaddeus E. Fox struck. Everything had been destroyed. An empty cot rocked in the corner. A picture of a pretty chicken with blue-coloured wings lay broken on the floor.
Professor Rooster reappeared on the screen. His face was haggard.
‘There were several attacks before this one. Each time I did my best to alert the humans. Eventually they strengthened the pens, since when there have been no more chicken deaths. But we can’t rely on the humans to look after us. It’s only a matter of time before Thaddeus E. Fox and his friends try again, which is why I hired you,’ he said. ‘So, chickens, you can see what you’re up against. I suggest you familiarise yourself with your new surroundings quickly. Our enemies are gathering even as we speak in the Deep Dark Woods. When they strike you must be ready. The chickens of Dudley Manor are relying on you.’
His face fizzled away. The screen went black.
The chickens sat in silence for a few minutes.
‘Boo?’ Amy said. ‘Are you okay?’
‘Not really,’ Boo shook her head. ‘I don’t think I can do this. I told you, I’m just not cut out for it. I mean murder …’ Her voice trailed away.
‘Me neither,’ said Ruth. ‘I don’t like blood.’
This time Amy didn’t say anything. She wasn’t
sure if she was cut out for it either. She knew she definitely wouldn’t be if the others didn’t want to do it.
Ruth shuddered. ‘Who were those poor chickens anyway?’
‘I don’t know. Even Professor Rooster looked shocked,’ Boo said.
‘It wasn’t just shock,’ Amy said. ‘It was something more. Like they were his family or something.’
‘Let’s check.’ Ruth sat down at the computer. Within seconds she’d found what she was looking for. ‘You’re right, Amy,’ she said, pointing at the computer screen. ‘They were.’
Amy peered at the screen. It was a newspaper report from The Daily Snail dated nine months previously.
The chickens stared at it in horror.
There was silence for a moment.
‘What are we going to do?’ Boo said eventually.
‘Well …’ Ruth hesitated. ‘I guess it’s up to Amy. I mean she’s the brave one.’
Amy realised that both her friends were looking at her, waiting for her to speak. She took a deep breath. ‘We’ve come this far,’ she said. ‘And Professor Rooster’s relying on us. I say we give it a try.’
Down in a burrow in the Deep Dark Woods, Thaddeus E. Fox drew back his chair and stood up. It was time to address the meeting.
He banged his silver cane on the table.
‘Friends,’ he said. ‘Welcome to this session of the MOST WANTED Club.’ He surveyed the group. Everyone was present. Tiny Tony Tiddles was there. So were Kebab Claude and the Pigeon-Poo Gang. Kebab Claude had brought his barbecue utensil set along. Thaddeus E. Fox smiled. That was always a good sign. Kebab Claude meant business. Between them they were guaranteed to come up with some seriously evil plotting.
‘There are two items on the agenda today.’ He handed round some bits of paper.
He waited patiently while everyone read it. ‘We’ll start with item one. Claude, do you have any suggestions of where to find our next chicken victims?’
Danger in the Deep Dark Woods Page 3
