The N Word (Redefining Me #2)

by Michelle MacQueen

  I have a secret identity.

  As if she just needed to say it. She was like a freaking spy—except a spy who traded her secrets codes for lyrics and her weapons for a keyboard.

  Her fingers itched to play something, anything, and the Callahans didn’t have the keyboard she craved. They did have a piano, however. It once belonged to Peyton’s grandmother. Peyton and Julian both took lessons as kids but quickly moved on to other things. Their parents didn’t play.

  Noise came from the kitchen where Julian had left to get them drinks. Nari moved around the baby grand piano, her fingers skimming the smooth top. She sat on the bench in front of it and settled her fingers on the keys, playing a few notes before delving into a familiar, yet simple song. Her mother and her piano instructor always pushed her toward the more complicated pieces, but Nari relaxed into the easy melody, enjoying the music rather than the skill it took to play it.

  By the time she finished playing, she looked up to find Julian watching her. He gave her a half smile. When they first formed the band, none of them knew how to be around each other. Becks was the popular kid nobody could quite figure out. Wylder was a wild child—no pun intended. And Julian was…sad.

  She hoped the music was as healing for him as it was for her.

  “Sometimes I forget how talented you are.” Julian walked forward and handed her a bottle of water.

  She shrugged. Accepting compliments wasn’t Nari’s strong suit. She rested the bottle on her knee and stared at it, her hair shielding her face from Julian’s scrutiny. “I’m not that good.”

  Julian huffed as if he didn’t believe her. “I’ll go get my guitar. Becks and Wylder will be late. They had to do dinner with their dad and stepmom.”

  She shrugged in acceptance.

  The day with Peyton had been exactly what she’d needed after the Avery kiss fiasco. Her best friend was always good at taking Nari’s mind off everything. They’d spent most of the day wandering around the mall, only stopping when they ran into a group of kids from Defiance Academy. Their winter break began a few days before.

  Kenny was among them, and Nari avoided his gaze, unsure if he’d recognize her from his party. The only thing she could think about was the look on Nicky’s face the night of the party when he walked in on Kenny kissing some girl. Nicky had stood frozen at her side and there was nothing she could do to shield him from it. She hated Kenny for hurting the sweetest kid she knew.

  Around four, Peyton had gone to the diner for a shift and Nari went to meet Julian. She tapped her fingers against her leg, waiting for him to return. Her phone sat heavy in her pocket, but she refused to check social media to see what her classmates were saying about her.

  Charity case, no doubt. What would they think if they knew Avery had been the one pleading for the kiss? She could still picture the gleam in his eyes as he looked down at her, their bodies too close together.

  She’d tried to avoid how crazy attractive her neighbor was for a long time, and she’d managed just fine until recently. It helped when he was a jerk. Now, though… He wasn’t a jerk anymore; he was just…trouble.

  As in—she was in trouble.

  “Nari.” Julian waved a hand in front of her face. “Earth to Nari.”

  She snapped out of her thoughts with a flinch and pushed Julian’s hand away. “Are you ready to practice?”

  He set his guitar against the wall before walking around the bench and taking a seat next to her. “Is something wrong with you?”

  “Excuse me?” She shifted away from him.

  He laughed nervously and ran a hand through his hair. “Sorry. I’m not good at being a friend. That’s Peyton’s domain. But I’m trying not to be so…distant. It’s taking some time.”

  “Are we friends?”

  Her question had his tentative smile dropping. “I’m not really sure.”

  “That seems to be going around.”

  He lifted an eyebrow at that. “This about Avery?”

  “No.” She sighed. “Maybe.”

  Julian studied the piano keys, his fingers skimming over them. “People at school suck.”

  She wasn’t quite sure what that had to do with Avery unless he meant the picture. Were they still making mean comments about her? She pulled off her glasses and cleaned them using the bottom of her shirt. “Yeah. They do.”

  Silence stretched between them. Julian understood her in a way few people did. He wasn’t popular like Avery or Becks. He was an outcast—maybe even more so than Nari herself. It was why Nari was so close to Peyton and Cam. They got each other. She couldn’t help but wonder who Julian had.

  The front door opening had them both turning to find a surprised Peyton standing in the doorway. “Uh.” Peyton glanced between them. “The diner was slow, so Mom and Dad sent me home.”

  Nari jumped off the bench and rushed toward Peyton, her hip colliding with the corner of the leather sofa on her way. “Pey, I can explain.”

  Peyton glanced over Nari’s shoulder to narrow her eyes at Julian. “Uh-huh. You better.” She pulled Nari toward the kitchen.

  Gleaming marble countertops and high-end stainless steel appliances greeted them. Nari never understood why they had such a nice kitchen when they rarely used it. Most of the time, the Callahans just ate at the diner or brought food home.

  Peyton turned on her as soon as they reached the far island. She crossed her arms. “Do you have a thing with my brother?” Her face scrunched up in disgust. “Just tell me the truth, Nari. I promise not to puke—or at least I’ll try not to.” In true Peyton fashion, she kept rambling, not letting Nari answer the question. “I don’t know what to be mad about. That you didn’t tell me, that you’re dating my brother, or that you kissed Avery last night while dating my brother.”

  Nari couldn’t stop the laugh from exploding out of her. She dissolved into a fit of giggles. “I’m sorry.” She tried to catch her breath. “It’s just…” She laughed again. “You think I’m dating Julian?” She hunched over the kitchen island, her entire body shaking.

  It wasn’t long before Peyton joined her. Wiping a tear from her eye, she got control of herself. “Then why are you here hanging out with him? You can’t be waiting for me when you thought I’d be working all weekend.”

  Nari froze. What was she supposed to tell her? Keeping the band a secret from the rest of the school made sense, but why hadn’t she told Peyton?

  Julian might get annoyed if she spilled the beans to his sister, but Peyton was her best friend. She tucked her hair behind her ears and lifted her chin. “We’re in a band.”

  Peyton didn’t react right away. She just kind of stood there in stunned fascination. “Am I supposed to laugh again? I’m not sure if you’re joking.” She cocked her head to the side.

  “I’m not. There are four of us. Me and Julian along with the Anderson siblings.”

  “Wait, hold up.” A grin stretched across Peyton’s face. “Are you trying to tell me you’ve been hanging out with Beckett Anderson, and yet Avery is the one you kissed last night?”

  Nari didn’t know why annoyance shot through her so suddenly. Everyone was in love with Becks. He was good-looking, athletic, and just so freaking nice. Avery had the first two down, but most of the kids at school wouldn’t exactly vote for him for Mr. Congeniality. They hadn’t seen the way he took care of his brother or how he always complimented Nari’s mom.

  Why was she thinking about Avery? “Ugh, Peyton. That is sooo not helpful. Becks is just a friend and Avery is…not.”

  “The flush in your cheeks would say differently.” She smirked. “I spent all day with you, Nari. You told me of your deal with Avery and how the kiss went down, but you never admitted you actually like the guy.”

  “I don’t.”

  “But you do.” Peyton’s smile widened.

  Nari hugged her arms across her body. “Not true. But just hypothetically, if I did, why do you seem so happy about it? It’s Avery.”

  “Because, oh best friend of mi
ne, I can’t remember the last time you had a crush. You’re always hiding behind your music lessons or your parents’ strict rules. Sometimes I don’t think you remember we’re teenagers who are supposed to have a million crushes and break rules and get hurt.”

  “I don’t see you having a million crushes.”

  Peyton’s smile grew. “Because I have my forever crush, and that’s worth a million temporary ones.”

  Not for the first time, Nari was envious of what Peyton and Cam had. Both of them were each other’s first everythings, and the plan was to be their lasts. Nari wasn’t delusional. She knew high school relationships weren’t meant to last, but they seemed like one built to beat the odds.

  And her? She wasn’t sure she was built for crushes at all.

  Crap. She had a crush on Avery St. Germaine, didn’t she?

  Peyton gave her a knowing smile and turned to rejoin Julian. They found him tuning his guitar.

  He didn’t look up. “Everything okay?”

  Peyton laughed. “Everything is great. Now I know you aren’t hitting on my best friend, I want to hear your music.”

  Julian didn’t have time to question how she knew about the band because a new voice came from the front door. They hadn’t heard it open.

  “Someone say music?” Becks beamed, turning his grin on each of them. “Peyton.” He crossed toward her and threw an arm over her shoulder. “My dream girl. When are you going to dump Cameron and hitch a ride with me to Vegas? We could be married and make beautiful babies.”

  Wylder walked in behind Becks and snorted. “Do you know how NOT to hit on people, brother?”

  Peyton smirked. “Once our 2.5 kids are born, though, and we have our white picket fence, I’ll be forced to fall in love with the gardener while you’re off jet setting around the world selling the newest brand of feminine products and starting a relationship with your male flight attendant.”

  “I could sell the heck out of feminine products.”

  Peyton patted his cheek. “Of course, you could, babe.”

  Nari laughed more at the fact he only mentioned the product Peyton claimed he’d sell and not the fact he’d fall for a man. But that was Becks. Nothing bothered him.

  Why couldn’t she have a crush on him? It would have been so much easier.

  Julian clapped his hands together. “Now that you two have your future all planned out, can we get down to business?”

  Becks and Wylder sat on the couch while Nari and Julian took the two armchairs facing it. Peyton perched on the arm of Nari’s chair, and when Nari shot her a question look, she shrugged. “Don’t mind me. I’m just being nosy.” She leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees. “I can see it now that I know. The four of you fit in some weird way. Go on then. I want to see this whole ‘band practice’ thing.”

  Becks could go from joking to serious in record time when it came to his music. He pulled a notebook out of the bag he’d brought. “We’re not playing today.”

  Peyton let out a grunt of disappointment.

  Nari wasn’t surprised. She’d suspected as much when Wylder and Becks showed up without instruments.

  Becks pulled a stack of paper from the center of his notebook and began passing them out. “I’ve been working on some new stuff.”

  He said it with no nervousness, and Nari envied his confidence. She’d been working on some music too. Her newest song sat folded up in her pocket, but she wasn’t ready to show it just yet.

  Instead, she glanced down at Becks’ pages and pages of not only lyrics but the guitar and piano music to accompany them.

  “We’ll have to figure out the drum section.” He gave Wylder an apologetic look.

  She shrugged. “I can do that.”

  Nari scanned the words. She shouldn’t have been surprised at Becks’ talent, but he continued to blow her away. Everything he said in these lines was something she felt deep inside.

  “It’s more country than we usually do,” Becks explained.

  “I’m down with country.” Julian whistled. “These are good, man.”

  The first song was titled “All the Little Pieces.”

  The lyrics spoke of searching for parts of yourself, the pieces that made you whole. It was sad but ended up hopeful. In fact, a lot of the songs had a sad tone. They were the kinds of songs people went crazy for.

  “Want to hear them?” Becks asked.

  They all nodded, and Julian passed him his guitar. The moment Becks’ voice picked up the lyrics, Nari sat mesmerized. She’d never heard him sound like that. So sincere, but also a little lost. If he was on a stage in Nashville, the girls would go crazy for him. His voice broke on the last few notes, and as it faded away, they sat in stunned silence.

  Peyton reacted before the rest of them, clapping furiously.

  For the first time since showing them the new songs, Becks’ cheeks reddened.

  He sang each of the new songs for them—five in total—before asking Nari to join in with him as the background vocalist. Julian borrowed his dad’s guitar, and Wylder made a steady beat on the table. It was the most fun Nari had ever had with her music, and she didn’t want it to end.

  They didn’t stop playing until Mr. Callahan came home and they realized it was time to go. Nari lingered for a few moments with Becks on the front porch as Wylder went to start the car. She blew hot air onto her freezing hands.

  Becks didn’t seem as if he was ready to go.

  “Those songs are amazing.” Nari nudged him.

  One corner of his mouth tipped up. “I may be disappointing a lot of people lately, but at least I can still do right by the band.”

  Nari’s brows drew together. “I’m sure you aren’t disappointing people.”

  He let out a humorless laugh. “I don’t know. You should talk to my dad. ‘Son, we are Andersons, and Andersons get their education.”

  “You aren’t going to college?”

  He pulled his coat up over his mouth to protect against the icy wind. It muffled his words. “I got a full ride to a division three school. They’re calling it an academic scholarship, but they really just want me to come play football.”

  “And you don’t want to?”

  He lifted one shoulder in a shrug. “I don’t love it. Not like I love my music. I tried telling Dad that, but he thinks I can get my degree and do music on the side as I work some corporate job or take over the hardware store. He doesn’t get that I want music to be the job.”

  “What are you going to do?”

  He lowered his jacket, revealing a smile. “I turned down the scholarship. As soon as graduation hits, I’m heading to Nashville. I owe it to myself to see where this thing takes me.”

  “I can’t wait to see you in concert one day.”

  He barked out a laugh. “Maybe.” Gripping the rail to avoid falling, he walked down the icy porch steps. Nari followed him since he was her ride home. He paused when they reached the car. “You’re probably good enough to make it there too.”

  Now it was Nari’s turn to laugh. “And be responsible for killing my mother? I couldn’t live with the guilt.”

  He shook his head with a grin as they got into the car. Wylder sat in the back seat, typing on her phone. Nari held her hands in front of the warm vent.

  As Becks pulled onto the street, he glanced sideways at Nari. “I’ve been meaning to tell you…” He hesitated. “I’m glad you’re dating Avery. He could use someone like you in his life.”

  Nari snapped her eyes to the side of his face. “Excuse me?”

  Becks seemed like he barely heard her. “Avery is a good dude who makes some bad decisions. You’re a good decision for him, Nari. A nice girl.”

  Nice? What did that even mean. “Beckett Anderson, I don’t know what the heck you’re talking about. I am not, have not, and will not date Avery of all people.”

  Confusion crossed Becks’ face, and Wylder popped her gum in the back seat. “Told you he was lying, brother. Avery doesn’t date girls like Nari�
� no offense. I like you, Nari, but Avery likes his girls kind of mean. And easy. Can’t forget easy.” She leaned forward between the seats “But if you’re not dating, why were you kissing him? Not like I can blame you. That boy is delicious.”

  Nari shrank away from her stare, uncomfortable under the weight of it. She was in the band with Wylder, but they rarely spoke to each other. Wylder didn’t have the charm of her brother that made people want to trust him.

  They pulled up outside Nari’s house. “Becks, outside the car. Now.”

  “It’s cold, but I’m doing this for you, Nari bug.” He grumbled a few unintelligible words as they stepped out into the cold and away from Wylder’s curious gaze.

  Becks looked like a model as he leaned back against his car with his hands deep in the pockets of his dark wash jeans, his hair lifting off his forehead in the chilly wind. And she hated him for it knowing she probably just looked like a popsicle.

  “Spill it, Becks. Why would you think I’m dating Avery?”

  Becks lifted one shoulder in a shrug and wouldn’t meet her eyes. “He, uh, kind of told everyone you were.”

  “What!” She turned on her heel, pacing up over the curb and halfway across the lawn before turning back and retracing her steps. “I don’t…” Her hands shook and not from cold this time. “I don’t understand. It was just supposed to be one kiss.”

  “He just said it to get people off his back. It doesn’t have to be a thing.”

  “Of course, it’s a thing! He’s Avery. Oh man, I am so dead. Meghan is going to skewer me.”

  Becks jumped away from the car and up the curb to grip her shoulders and hold her in place. “Forget Meghan. This will all blow over.”

  “Easy for you to say. You and Avery are kings at that school. You make a fool of yourself and everyone forgets the next day. But if one of us—if a…nerd—makes a mistake, it’s what we become known for.”

  “But, Nari, you didn’t do anything here. I don’t know why there was a picture of you and Avery kissing online, but this isn’t you making a fool of yourself.”