The N Word (Redefining Me #2)

by Michelle MacQueen

  “That was a joke. Not a real bet.” Nari slid her chair back.

  “No way.” Avery reached for her hand and pulled her out of the chair and onto his lap in one quick move. “That was a fair bet.”

  Her arms settled around his neck, but she sat ramrod straight, unsure of herself.

  “Relax. I don’t bite.” Avery let his hand rest at her waist. “You did good today.”

  “I think you mean I did well.” She gave him a playful shove.

  “Exactly.” He smiled. “Don’t ever let anyone make you think you’re not smart or not good enough. You’re perfect just the way you are.”

  “Thanks, Avery.” She dipped her head, hiding behind her shiny black hair. “Thanks for explaining math in a way I can finally understand.”

  He glanced down at the way the slit of her long red skirt crept up to the top of her thigh. The old Avery wanted to run his hands along her exposed olive skin. But the old Avery dated more experienced girls, and he had to remind himself to take it slow. Nari was terrified just sitting on his lap, and he didn’t want to scare her off.

  “I’m waiting for my kiss.” He pressed his forehead to hers. “And I don’t mind waiting right here all day.”

  “Oh fine.” She placed her trembling hands on his shoulders and leaned down to press her lips lightly against the corner of his mouth. It was the most chaste kiss he’d ever received. But the way her cheeks flamed as she leaned back sent his heart racing.

  “Now was that so difficult?” He pulled her a little closer, wrapping both arms around her.

  “I suppose not.” She shrugged out of his arms, putting a safe distance between them.

  Nari was like a startled deer, and for whatever reasons, she looked at him like he was the hunter. He was determined to erase that look of fear and distrust from her eyes. If he could stop screwing up long enough to earn her trust.

  “I’m hungry.” Avery stood, letting the chair scrape across the kitchen floor. “You hungry? Let’s go get some food.”

  “It’s Christmas Eve, nothing’s going to be open late.”

  “Oh right.”

  “Except the Main. We could go there,” Nari said tentatively.

  He’d go anywhere she was comfortable with, but the Main… He hadn’t been there since Coop died. He just couldn’t go without his best friend. But tonight was the anniversary. Two years since his death. He couldn’t think of anywhere more fitting to spend this night.

  “Let’s go,” he finally said. “Your mom won’t mind, will she?”

  “Please, she’d let me go to Mars if you were going with me. I swear she likes you more than she likes me.”

  “She loves you, Nari. And only wants the best for you.” He opened the door for her. “That’s why she’s so happy you’re dating me.” He gave her an arrogant wink, enjoying one of Nari’s spectacular eye rolls.

  Stepping inside the Main was like stepping back in time. It hadn’t changed at all except it looked like someone hosed the place down with Christmas decorations.

  “Merry Christmas, Nari!” Peyton rushed to greet them.

  Right, Peyton is obsessed with Christmas. Dressed head to toe in Christmas colors, she could easily be the proud winner of every ugly Christmas sweater contest in town. “And Avery,” she added with a smile. “Good to see you here again.”

  “We’ll just sit with Cam.” Nari grabbed Avery’s hand and dragged him across the restaurant to their old table. They still sat in the same circular booth they used to practically live in when they were kids. “Can we get two snickerdoodle hot chocolates and Christmas cookies to start?”

  “You still order dessert first?” Avery slid into the booth beside her.

  “Every time,” Cam said. “It’s the best part of the meal,” he said at the same time as Nari.

  “One of these days, I’m going to get you to try the vegan chocolate zucchini bread.” Peyton set two mugs on the table and poured them each a cup of hot chocolate, leaving the carafe on the table.

  “Not going to happen, Callahan,” Nari called as Peyton left to check on her other customers.

  “She made me try it.” Cam shrugged. “It’s actually pretty good.”

  “Yeah, but you love her, so you’d tell her it’s great even if it tasted like feet.”

  “True.” Cam smiled.

  “It does taste like feet,” Julian said, placing a basket of cookies on the table and dragging a chair over to the booth to join them. “Her taste buds are just half dead and don’t know any better.”

  The hot chocolate was delicious, and the cookies were even better than Avery remembered, yet he couldn’t help the tightness in his chest. Nari was so comfortable with her friends, but he wasn’t. Not seeing the one Callahan he wanted to see more than anything, he struggled to look at Julian. Julian was the image of Cooper, but the twin brothers couldn’t be more different.

  “Sorry, man. I know it’s not easy today of all days. I can go.” Julian moved to leave.

  “No, don’t go.” Avery raised his hand to stop Julian. “It’s nice, being here with you guys. It’s what Coop would want if he could be here too.”

  “Only one missing.” Peyton sighed as she slipped into the booth beside Cam. “I worry about Addison. Something is up with her lately.”

  “It’s been a tough two years for all of us,” Nari said. “But Addie changed the most after we lost Coop.”

  Avery glanced down at his phone, typing off a quick text to Nicky and Becks.

  At the Main. It’s weird, especially today. Help.

  “Do you remember when we were like eight and Cooper tried to put purple dye in Addie’s shampoo?” Cameron laughed. “Addie’s bathroom looked like a purple bomb exploded.”

  Avery snorted at the memory, laughing at all the planning that went into that prank. “He tried so hard not to get caught, and then he got the dye all over his hands and face. He looked like a grape for almost a week.”

  Still laughing, Cameron reached for a cookie. “I always wondered what possessed him to try to turn Addie’s hair purple.”

  “Go big or go home,” Julian said. “Every one of his pranks had to be epic.”

  “So he opens Addie’s shampoo and dumps in the bottle of dye,” Avery said, a stupid grin stretched across his face at the memory. “But the bottle was new, so there was like a tiny space for the dye, but he just kept going. Then he screws the cap back on and shakes the shit out of the bottle. I was only seven, but I saw that mess and bolted. I heard a loud pop and kept running, all the way home. I guess the dye reacted with the soap in the shampoo, and it exploded everywhere, all over him and the bathroom.”

  “Addie was furious,” Nari said. “They had to repaint the bathroom. I don’t think she ever forgave him for that stupid prank.”

  “What about the time Cooper swore he taught himself how to swim in the deep end?” Peyton grinned. “Dad knew he was lying, so he was in the pool when Coop took a leap off the high dive and went straight to the bottom of the deep end.”

  “He sank like a stone.” Julian shook his head at his twin brother’s antics.

  “Dad had to drag him out of the pool and force him to keep wearing the water wings on his arms,” Peyton said. “He was so mad.”

  “Your dad?” Cameron asked.

  “No, Coop. He hated those things. Said they were just not cool.”

  Avery couldn’t remember the last time he’d laughed so much. It was nice, reminiscing about Coop with the people who knew him best.

  “What’s so funny?” Becks called across the restaurant, stamping the snow off his boots and holding the door open for Nicky. “I just got here, so it can’t be all that funny.”

  “This guy.” Nicky pointed at Becks. “Doesn’t have a big head at all.” Nicky grabbed a cookie and slid into the booth next to Avery.

  “Oh, waitress?” Becks stared at Peyton, batting his lashes at her. “I’m freezing. Can I please have some of that chocolaty goodness to warm my insides?”

  “M
e too,” Nicky added. “And I think we’re going to need more cookies, please?” He gave her his best smile.

  “Got it, anybody want anything else?” Peyton asked.

  “I could go for a burger,” Avery said.

  “Oh, me too,” Nari added. “With hush puppies.”

  “Hush puppies?” Avery raised a brow at her. “That’s weird.”

  “It’s delicious. He’ll have some too. With that sweet chili sauce I like.”

  “Hold on a sec.” Peyton grabbed her order pad and started scribbling. “Okay, go.” She looked at the others waiting for their orders.

  Nicky nudged him under the table. “You okay, bro?”

  Avery nodded. “It’s weird, but I could get used to this.”

  “Julian, you have a customer,” Brian Callahan called from the kitchen.

  “Sorry, Dad.” Julian hopped up from his chair to help the girl waiting by the counter.

  “Addie?” Peyton scrambled out of her seat. “What happened? Are you okay?”

  “I’m fine.” Addison balanced on her crutches against the front counter.

  “Come sit down.” Peyton guided her across the restaurant to their booth.

  “No.” Addie shook her head. “I don’t really know why I’m here.” Her voice lowered, and she gave Julian a wary glance. “I think I’ll just order something to go.”

  “Nope.” Becks hopped out of his seat, letting Peyton and Julian get her settled beside Nicky. “Prop that foot up here.” Becks brought a chair over for her and moved to the other side of the table to sit next to Peyton.

  “Skiing accident?” Avery asked.

  “I wish.” She sighed. “I had a mishap with the ski lift.”

  “Do tell,” Becks said.

  “It was horrible.” Addie’s cheeks flamed bright red. “I was getting on the lift with Ashley, and my ski got caught before I could get settled, and I fell out of the damn thing, but my foot was stuck. So there I am hanging upside down from the lift as it gets higher and higher. I reached up to loosen the buckle on my ski boot, thinking it would be better to fall a few feet down to the snow, but my foot got stuck again, and I tore a bunch of ligaments. I’m probably going to be out for the cheer championship.”

  “Oh, Addie, I’m so sorry.” Peyton reached for her hand.

  “Yeah, that’s just terrible.” Becks said, not trying very hard to hide his laughter.

  “Did anyone get that on video?” Avery asked.

  “Avery, that’s not nice,” Nari said, also trying not to laugh.

  “Found it.” Becks held up his phone triumphantly. “It’s on YouTube.”

  “Let me see.” Nicky and Cam both leaned forward.

  “You guys are assholes.” Addison crossed her arms over her chest, an amused smile on her face.

  “We’ve missed you around here,” Peyton said.

  “I don’t know how I ended up here.” Addie shook her head. “It’s this night. I just went out to grab dinner, and here I am. Looks like you all did the same thing.”

  A camera flash startled them.

  “Mom, what are you doing?” Peyton rolled her eyes.

  “It’s like seeing a rare bird,” Mrs. Callahan said, tears in her eyes. “Seeing you all together like old times. Don’t mind me.” She retreated back into the kitchen.

  “What happened to us?” Cameron asked. “How did we become strangers?”

  “I don’t know, man,” Avery said. “But how about a truce? At least for this one night.” He didn’t know if it could last, but being here with his old friends was like someone had forced him to take a look at his life with his current friends, and he didn’t like what he saw.

  After that night when Cooper died, Avery walked away from everything, creating a new life for himself. And it was all as fake as his relationship with Nari. This was real, and it was heartbreaking to have one of their number missing forever, but Avery felt like he’d come home.

  “Truce,” they all echoed around the table.

  “It’s weird,” Addison said. “But I have a massive craving for chili cheese fries.”

  “Coming right up.” Peyton smiled.

  13

  Nari

  Was everyone staring at her?

  Nari felt them—the eyes—following her as she entered the lunchroom. Winter break was like living in a different world, one where none of these people mattered. She’d spent almost every day with Avery. Peyton, Cam, and Julian were around too, and it made Nari feel like they were growing back together for the first time since the accident changed all their lives. No one would ever replace Cooper, but Becks slid into their group, lightening the mood as Coop had always done.

  For once, they’d felt almost whole. Even Addison spent Christmas Eve with them. She was noticeably absent the rest of break, but Nari knew it was harder for her than the rest of them. She’d changed the most.

  Whispers filled the spaces of Nari’s mind, but she couldn’t tell what her classmates were saying. Only one word reached her ears again and again. Nari.

  Nari made it a point in her life to avoid being the center of attention. She preferred people to not think about her at all. Her heart thundered against her ribs as she stood frozen in the doorway. A hand pressed into the center of her back, and she relaxed as Avery’s voice overcame the whispers.

  “You okay?” He leaned close so only she could hear, and she inhaled his scent, pine and something sweet. It calmed her.

  She nodded.

  “Hey.” He wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “I’m here. Just ignore them.”

  She leaned into him without thinking, and he held her tighter, pressing a kiss to the side of her head. It seemed almost…normal, as if they truly were a couple like everyone thought they were. But it was all for show.

  “Breathe,” Avery whispered, his lips grazing her ear. “I’m sorry they’re talking about us.”

  She looked up at him. How could he be sorry? Wasn’t this what he’d wanted? “I need to find Peyton.” What she really needed was for Avery to be able to take back the lie he’d told the entire school. When they were away from these halls, it hadn’t seemed like such a big deal. Nari hadn’t realized just how it would feel for people to think she was Avery’s newest girl.

  Her eyes went to the lunch table where Peyton and Cam sat watching her and beckoning her toward them as if they were her sanctuary, her only safe place. She hadn’t told them the truth about her relationship with Avery, and they were worried for her, worried she was going to end up hurt.

  No matter if it was a real relationship or not, she knew they were right. There was no way this ended with her not getting hurt. She took a step toward them, trying to shrug off Avery’s arm.

  He tightened it around her. “Nari, you should probably sit with me and my friends.” There was an apology in his tone, but if he was really sorry, he’d have let her escape to the few people who wouldn’t stare at her as if she had two heads.

  And if she was stronger, she’d have told Avery exactly that. Instead, she pushed her glasses up her nose and gripped the bag hanging off her shoulder as she let Avery lead her toward the opposite side of the cafeteria.

  Every person at Avery’s usual table looked up as they neared. Expressions ranged from curious—like Addison—to the downright hostility coming from Meghan.

  “Hey, guys.” Avery slid into an empty seat, clearly oblivious to the tension around the table. He raised an eyebrow at Nari and gestured to the seat beside him. “You going to sit?”

  She sat and busied herself pulling her lunch out of her bag. Meghan’s glare burned into her.

  “What is that?” Addison asked, gesturing to the small containers Nari set on the table. Nari searched for any hint of disdain in Addie’s tone, finding none.

  Avery was the one who answered. “Banchan, right?” He slid his arm casually over the back of Nari’s chair.

  Nari nodded. “Banchan is just a bunch of small dishes.” She pointed to each Tupperware container. “Spicy cucum
bers. Boiled spinach. Kimchi. Potato pancakes.”

  “Ugh.” Meghan leaned forward, staring at the food in distaste. “Can’t you eat American food so we don’t all have to smell that?”

  Another presence appeared behind Nari. “You’re just jealous because Nari actually allows herself to eat.” Becks leaned over her, plucking a sliced cucumber from in front of Nari and popping it in his mouth. “Mmmm. No wonder Avery fell for you if you always have food like that.”

  Becks shot her a wink as he took the last remaining seat at the table—which happened to be on her other side. He was the only person who knew the relationship wasn’t real. His grin widened, and he gripped the edge of her seat, scooting it closer to him and farther from Avery. “Avery, I’m stealing your girlfriend. Besides, she was my friend first.”

  Avery practically growled as he pulled her back toward him.

  “Actually, Avery and Nari have known each other since they were kids.” Addison lifted a brow as she watched the three of them.

  Meghan’s lips twisted to the side as she raised her voice for the entire lunchroom to hear. “Yeah, weren’t you guys like brother and sister once? Honestly, Avery, have you exhausted all the girls in this school that you had to dip into the kiddie pool?”

  A few of Avery’s football buddies laughed at that. Addison sent her friend a scowl but didn’t say anything.

  Tears burned the back of Nari’s eyes as she fought to keep them from falling. The worst part was, she knew Meghan wasn’t wrong. Nari wasn’t exactly on their level. Avery chose her for his fake relationship for that very reason. It was only then she realized Avery knew all of this would happen. He knew what his friends would do to Nari, and yet he just sat there, no words leaving his mouth.

  And she hated him for it. She hated him for making her agree, for coming up with a deal he knew she couldn’t say no too. He’d been true to his side of the agreement. They spent most of winter break studying together, and she finally felt like she could handle their coming exams.