“Yeah. I mean, he was with me throughout the whole thing. He stayed with me in the hospital, talked with me during the ... bad times. He was my best friend. And when he wanted more, I felt like if there was anyone in the world I could trust with my heart it was him, right? He helped me hold onto it in the first place.”
“So what happened?”
“He cheated.” My voice was clipped. I didn’t want to go over this again. But Lucas still had more to say.
“So that ruined any trust you might have salvaged.” It wasn’t a question and I didn’t say anything.
“But now . . .” Lucas said. “What about now?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, why are you with me?”
The words struck me, and I turned to look at him. “I mean,” he said gently, “How can you trust me when you don’t trust anyone else?”
I turned away again, pondering his words. Why could I trust him? When I thought about it, it didn’t really make sense. He was a dangerous mythical creature, after all. He was completely unpredictable in every sense of the word, and it was more of a possibility with him than with anyone that he might hurt me.
But there was something steady about him as well. Maybe it was carried over from his human self, but when I looked into his eyes I saw peace. I saw compassion and warmth. I saw love. All along it had been disconcertingly easy to trust him with my life because ...
“It’s because you saved it,” I murmured.
“Huh?”
I looked over at his profile etched sharply against the forestgreen blurring outside the window. “You saved my life on Halloween and again, the other night. You can’t go through something like that with someone and not trust them. Every time I’ve ever had to put my life in your hands I’ve done it. No questions asked. It’s like I know in my soul that you’d never hurt me.”
“I wouldn’t,” Lucas confirmed.
“It’s something I’ve never felt with anyone else—even Derek. When he promises me he won’t hurt me, I’m skeptical because he told me that before and he broke his promise. Even before he’d cheated, though, there was always a little part of me that didn’t believe him. It’s like you silence that part of me, the part that disbelieves.”
He smiled and took up my hand. “I’m glad,” he murmured and kissed my skin.
I looked down at our clasped hands, molded effortlessly together. A closeness I longed to feel in my heart. It was so difficult for me to let go—to give Lucas everything I’d been keeping prisoner inside my heart. But I was trying, ignoring the voice of doubt, and that was the first step.
It was late afternoon when we pulled off of the main road and onto a dirt track, shaded by ancient evergreens and pines the size of skyscrapers. I took in a nervous breath. We must be getting close.
“You look scared,” Lucas said as we bumped along.
“That’s because I’m about to meet a pack of potentially dangerous werewolves. Not to mention your parents.”
“If if makes you feel any better, they’re not technically my parents. That’s just how pack members refer to them. And anyway, nobody’s gonna hurt you.” He looked over and must have seen how pale my face was because he grabbed my knee. “You wanna know a secret?”
I laughed, but quickly stopped because it sounded psychotic. He was trying to distract me. How sweet. How useless. But I’d play along. “Sure,” I said. My voice cracked.
Lucas glanced at me again and said, “My name’s not Lucas.”
I whipped around. “It’s not?”
“Nope. It’s Whelan. Whelan O’Connell.”
For a moment I was speechless. “Why’d you change it?” I asked at last.
“Well, Whelan started getting me strange looks, so sometime around the turn of the century, I changed it.”
My head spun at his casual use of “turn of the century.” “Why’d you pick Lucas?”
“It was my dad’s name.”
“But isn’t your whole pack named Whelan?”
“No, they all have their own surnames,” he said. “When I came to Fort Collins, I wanted to try to live normally so Rolf told everyone in town that he and his wife were my parents—the Whelans. The pack lived a pretty quiet life until I showed up. Nobody in town really knew they were there so everybody pretty much accepted them as the Whelans.”
“Why did you even want to live normally?” I asked. “I mean, you said you wanted to go to CSU to learn more about art, but why would you even bother? Why not live in the woods? Wouldn’t that be easier for you?”
“Easier, sure. But lonely. The other werewolves—the ones who live like you’re talking about—they’re not much in the way of company. Most of them are nuts, to tell you the truth.” He shrugged. “And plus, living incognito as a human made it harder for Vincent to find me.”
“But he did find you.”
“Yeah,” Lucas grunted. There was a bleak glint in his eyes now. “Don’t I know it.”
I mentally kicked myself for bringing Vincent up—it always put him in a bad mood and I was eager to ask him more about his life. But Lucas’s glowering came to an abrupt halt as he glanced at me.
“Wanna know another secret?” Lucas asked, his voice light now.
“I don’t know,” I said, teasing. “I’m kind of scared now.”
“That wasn’t such a bad secret. It’s just a name.”
“Would you be so calm if I suddenly told you my name was Judy?”
He snickered.
“So what’s the secret?” I asked, bracing myself.
We pulled into the driveway of a massive log cabin that looked more like a cabin/mansion/five-star hotel, and Lucas put the car in park. He turned to me and brought my hand to his lips. He kissed it and pulled me close. “You sure you wanna know?” he whispered in my ear. My heart vibrated in my chest.
“Yes,” I said softly.
Lucas brought his lips over mine and brushed them against me. “My secret is that I love you.”
I smiled against his lips. “I hate to tell you this, but that wasn’t a secret.”
I felt his lips break into a grin, and he kissed me. I slid my hands around his neck and tangled my fingers up in his hair. His hand held the small of my back, and I could feel the heat surging in his lips, in his mouth. I wondered briefly if I should pull back, but I couldn’t sustain the thought for more than a second before I was swept away.
Eventually Lucas withdrew, panting against my lips. “We’d better go in there,” he said hoarsely.
I nodded, breathing heavily. Lucas gave me one last devastating peck and then turned the car off. I flipped the sun visor down to check myself out and winced. My face was flushed and my lips were bright red. I groaned. Nice first impression, Faith.
Lucas flicked the visor up. “You look beautiful. And besides, they’re all hiding behind the curtains watching us. We won’t be fooling any of them.”
I felt my mouth drop. Lucas pushed my chin up and smiled devilishly. He got out and strutted around the front of the car. I got out as well and started scanning the countless windows of the house for peepers. I noticed twelve or so fancy foreign cars parked in the giant U-shaped driveway, and the lawn, though dead from the winter, was immaculately kept. Even from the outside, I knew the Whelans were wealthy.
I felt inferior before I’d even crossed the threshold.
Lucas seemed to sense my unease because he took my cold hand in his warm one. I smiled up at him, and his skin flared with heat. I wondered at the reaction since I knew the heat meant he felt the change, but after the kiss-fest in the car it seemed out of place.
“Lucas?” I asked as we crossed the snowy yard.
“Hmm?”
“Is it easier now?”
“Is what easier?”
“This,” I said, indicating our hands intertwined. “Touching me. Kissing me. Is it easier?”
A small smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. “You know, it’s odd, but in a way, yes. The more we touch, the
easier it is to halt the change. Maybe it’s just because I expect it now. Before, most of the caution was because I didn’t know what would happen. I didn’t want to chance it, you know?”
“And now that you know you won’t kill me—”
“Don’t say that.” His eyes cut into mine, fierce and feral.
“Sorry,” I whispered.
We walked silently up the icy slate steps to the front door, which was twice as tall as me and made of finely polished oak that blinded me in the setting sun.
Lucas turned and faced me before entering. “Look,” he said gruffly. “I can’t even think about it—hurting you, I mean. Thinking about it makes it a possibility and then I can’t . . . I can’t justify kissing you or even being with you. And that’s not something I’m willing to give up.” He smiled sadly, taking my cheek in his warm hand. “It’s selfishness, really,” he murmured deeply.
“No,” I said, stepping close to him. “I want this just as badly as you do. I don’t care if you could hurt me because I know you won’t.”
A dubious light played in the depths of his gaze, but he bent and kissed me lightly. His eyes were silver when he pulled back, and a stabbing pang sliced my heart. I wished my touch didn’t affect him that way. I didn’t want to cause him any more pain than he was already dealing with. But whether it was selfishness, as Lucas claimed, or something else, I knew I wasn’t willing to sacrifice our relationship either. I needed him and I suspected that he needed me now, too. I was just happy it was getting easier for him, whatever the reason.
“Let’s get this over with,” Lucas grumbled and turned to the door. He didn’t even bother to knock. He pulled the wrought iron handle and ushered me inside.
Immediately I was wrapped in the warmth of the house, and not just because of the temperature. The main room was a huge recessed living area, filled to the breaking point with couches, cushy armchairs, and big pillows strewn about. Art cluttered the wooden walls and punctuated the room in the form of sculptures and woven tapestries from all over the world. The lifestyle was obviously opulent, but it still felt homey and rustic.
Lucas put his hand on my back and led me past a gigantic stone fireplace that crackled gently with fire. The mantelpiece was topped with a painting of water lilies. I stared at it and stopped; I’d seen it before somewhere.
Then my eyebrows hit the ceiling.
“Is that—is that—,” I said and then turned to Lucas. “Is that a real Monet?”
Lucas glanced up at the painting. “Yep. Met him once. He was a pretty cool guy. A little nuts, but all artists are, huh?” He flashed a grin and tugged me through the kitchen to the backyard. My mouth was still parted when we came to the French doors that opened up to the patio.
I looked around and was surprised to see that in addition to the big house, there were several smaller houses arranged in a circle, their back porches all facing inward. Now I knew what Mark had meant by community—there must have been more than one werewolf family living here.
Lucas hung his arm around my shoulders as we reached a large group of people sitting in lounge chairs surrounding a big fire pit. The faces were all different, but somehow they bore a resemblance to Lucas. All had big eyes of varying colors and thick unmanageable hair that looked more like fur than anything else. Kids swarmed the place, running and screaming around the adults who sipped glasses of red wine and talked loudly.
I felt my heart thumping as we got closer. I wondered if they were all werewolves. I fretted over the state of my hair, of my lips. Were they still red?
A woman with auburn hair who looked to be in her late twenties waved when she saw Lucas. The group turned toward us with big smiles, and I felt a collective wave of anticipation hit me from the group, a vibe of carefully concealed raging energy, much like the one Lucas had.
“Hey,” Lucas said coolly. “Everybody, this is Faith. Faith, this is my pack. Well, some of them, anyway.”
They all smiled even more brightly with glittering, sharp teeth and some waved.
“Lovely to meet you,” the auburn-haired woman said. She seemed to be in charge here because everybody kept looking at her as if gauging how to react to me. “I’m Nora Nocturn.” She had a stern, yet gracious energy, reinforcing my impression that she was in some way a leader.
I returned her smile timidly.
Lucas turned to Nora. “Where’s Dad?”
“He’s not here,” Nora said, taking a sip of her drink.
“What? Where is he?”
“He felt the call.”
“He’s hunting?” Lucas asked incredulously. “We come all the way up here and he doesn’t even have the decency to be here. That is so Rolf.”
“Oh, honey, bitter doesn’t suit you,” Nora said. “He’ll be back in the morning. You and Faith will just have to spend the night. We have plenty of room. Go in and get yourselves settled, and then come back out and join us.”
“No, thank you,” Lucas spat.
Nora’s face fell, and I was immediately frightened of her. As Lucas’s hand clenched around my waist, I could feel her vibe turn powerful and threatening. The energy began to overwhelm me, consuming me much like the times when Lucas’s and Vincent’s feelings had overwhelmed me. But those times, I’d been touching them, and the feeling had lasted only seconds. Now it was as if I was being slowly drawn in, feeling her emotions crush me.
Lucas glared at her for a long moment, grinding his teeth. Then he spun around, breaking the growing connection I’d felt to Nora’s anger, and tugged me along behind him. As soon as we entered the house, Lucas took a right, pulled me up a flight of stairs, and down a long hallway. We stopped at the last room on the left, and Lucas pushed the door in. He stalked through and shut the door behind us.
He flicked the lights on, and I took the room in while he fumed. It was huge and papered in art. Not famous art—Lucas’s art. And everything seemed to glow in red hues for some reason. I walked to the big king-sized bed and sat on the scarlet comforter, letting my legs dangle over the edge. I folded my hands in my lap and waited for Lucas to get over himself.
I, too, needed to calm down. Sensing other people’s vibes was becoming more intense, and it was really starting to unnerve me. First I had only felt them when I met someone. I’d get a brief feel for their emotions and then it would go away. But then, with Lucas, I’d constantly been aware of his energy, like a hum in the back of my mind. I’d just attributed that to the fact that he was a werewolf and that his vibes were stronger than a normal human’s. But now I was feeling these intense waves of emotion as well. What was happening to me? It was like this vibe thing was evolving, changing as I delved deeper into Lucas’s world. And if that were true, then maybe I could learn to control it, to feel others’ emotions at will....
A sound made me lose my train of thought. Lucas had kicked a chair over. I watched him pace around the room grumbling unintelligibly and then finally turn to face me, hands on his hips. I held my arms open for him. He let out a big breath and crossed the room to hug me. His cheek brushed my neck as he settled in and the contact zapped me. I winced. The static electricity was getting worse, too. Maybe, the zaps had something to do with what was happening to me.
“I’m sorry,” Lucas rumbled in my ear.
I sighed, coming back to the situation at hand. “It’s no big deal. I don’t mind sleeping here. I already missed one day’s worth of class, two is no big deal. I can catch up easily.”
“That’s not what I’m worried about,” Lucas said.
“We’ll just stay in here. It seems comfy enough.” I smiled suggestively at him.
Lucas rolled his eyes. “I’m not sleeping in this bed with you.”
“Why not? You’ve done it before.”
“Yeah, and look how great that turned out. If Julian hadn’t been there—”
“Stop,” I said, not willing to consider the fact that he would have hurt me.
He bent and caught my gaze. “I’m sorry, but lying in bed with you blows
past my control levels—not that they’re so great to begin with.”
“I think they are. You couldn’t even look at me without changing and now you’re kissing me. I think you’re stronger than you think you are.”
“And I think you have a death wish. Just because I’m able to do this much, doesn’t mean I can do any more than that.”
“You mean ... ?”
“Yes, I mean that,” Lucas said curtly.
I watched him sadly, pitying him almost.
He shifted his weight, seeming to fluff himself up a little bit. “It’s not like I’ve never done it,” he said. “When I was human, I was with a lot of women. I was what you might have called a rogue. Or I guess the term now is man whore.” He grinned crookedly.
I smiled at his joke even though I felt my heart sinking for some reason. Probably because I was now the only virgin in the room. I knew it was dumb for me to have thought Lucas was a virgin. The guy was over three hundred years old. That’s a hell of a long time to wait. But still, it would have been nice.
“Is it the same for all werewolves?” I asked, trying to mask my dejection by interrogating him.
“Mostly,” Lucas said. “We usually only date within our race, that way if we lose it and change too close to each other, nobody gets hurt. It’s safe.” He regarded me with somber eyes. “Relationships with humans usually end badly.”
I looked away. I didn’t want to think about the end. Not when it had just begun.
I steered the subject around and said, “So have you ever ... with another werewolf?”
His eyes met mine, giving me the answer. “It’s been a long time.” His voice was soft. “I don’t date werewolves anymore.”
“Why not?”
“Because it always ends. There’s no relationship strong enough to last an eternity. And eternity is a long time to deal with an ex-girlfriend.”
My heart sunk even lower, almost paining me with the ache of it. I shouldn’t have felt that way. I wasn’t immortal. We didn’t have to worry about an eternity of awkwardness. If we ever broke up, he’d only have to deal with me until I died. But knowing Lucas didn’t want to spend eternity with me was a sting. An irrational and totally premature sting, but a sting nonetheless.
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