Lucas seemed to sense my distress because he went on, trying to bolster his argument. “Werewolf relationships are usually just one big mess, Faith. Especially in packs. We all run together during the full moon and if anyone’s fighting, they usually get into it pretty good. Sometimes there are deaths. I don’t want any of that.”
I nodded slowly. It made sense when he put it like that. If I had some crazy ex-boyfriend trying to kill me every full moon, I might not be too keen on dating either. “So you only date humans,” I said, letting it marinate. “But you can’t go any further than kissing.”
“Well, I guess I could, but I don’t. Risking lives for the sake of my libido doesn’t really sit well.” He gave me an anxious, lopsided grin, as though worried about how I was taking this.
“How do werewolves even have sex?” I asked. “I mean, you don’t . . . change do you?”
To my surprise, Lucas laughed—a rarity that I usually enjoyed but which only made me feel idiotic now.
“No,” he said between chuckles. “It doesn’t work like that. We stay human.”
“But you said that you might change too close and hurt the other person. What if you changed in the middle of it?” My face felt like it was on fire as I asked the question, but I was too curious to let it drop. I wanted to know exactly what type of danger I was dealing with. Then I could decide whether or not I wanted to brave it.
Lucas pulled his hand over his face, seeming to agonize over how he would answer. “We can feel the change before it overtakes us,” he said. “So it’s just a matter of getting away quickly to keep from hurting the person we’re with. If someone’s too close, the violence of the change would tear them to shreds.”
Yikes. Not a good idea.
Lucas saw my reaction. “It’s very rare,” he soothed. “And it only happens with younger werewolves, ones out of control. But like I said, most werewolves don’t like to chance it. They don’t even consider dating humans as an option, that way there’s no temptation. We’re supposed to protect humans, not endanger them.”
“But you’re old, right?” I asked, trying to find a chink in his armor. “Can’t you control yourself?”
“I’m old enough that changing wouldn’t be a problem, and if it were anybody but you, we could try it. But sometimes just looking at you triggers me.” He rubbed his thumb over my hand, eyes dark and sorrowful. “I’m sorry, but I can’t justify chancing it.”
I nodded, crestfallen and frustrated. But then I realized that Lucas had never said he couldn’t have sex with a human—just that he didn’t want to. A ray of hope I had to explore. If it was getting easier for him, then maybe one day ...
“Have you ever tried it with a human?” I asked.
Lucas’s face collapsed into a mingling of hurt and anger, but at what I couldn’t know. He didn’t answer for a long time. I felt the silence stretching out into infinity.
“Once,” he admitted finally.
“What happened?” Something in his voice made me fearful of what he would say next.
“The experience was ... unpleasant,” he said, maneuvering around my question.
“Lucas,” I said warily.
“Fine,” he growled. “It was when I was still a runt. I was lonely and out of control ... stupid. I got with this girl; we started kissing and I changed. She was too close and she got hurt. She spent the rest of her life in a wheelchair because of me, so I don’t think we’ll be doing that anytime soon.”
“Well, I didn’t say I wanted to anyway,” I shot back.
He clamped his jaw, and I saw his eyes shift silver.
I frowned. I was going to ask it, just come right out and go there. I knew it was stupid to ask about ex-girlfriends, but whatever. I had to know this or it was going to eat at me forever.
“Lucas,” I said slowly. “I want to know something.”
He sighed heavily and his voice was calmer. “Sure, why not? I’ve already told you everything I’ve been trying to hide, so go for it.” He pulled away and lay down on the bed, his hands behind his head.
“I want to know why I’m the only one that sets you off. Why you have trouble even touching me when I saw you kissing Courtney with no problem? And ... and I know you did more than that with her, so . . . so I know you can do it.” I’d never heard them through my wall—thank God—but it seemed out of place to think that Lucas wouldn’t have had sex with Courtney. She was hot, or so everyone seemed to think, and Lucas was a guy. It wasn’t rocket science.
I turned and looked down at Lucas to see his troubled eyes fixed on the ceiling. “Why do you think I did more with her?”
“Because Courtney does it with everyone, and she was going on and on about your abs, so I put two and two together.”
Lucas’s lips twitched into a stiff smile. “I can kiss or touch any girl I want, so long as I don’t have any real feelings for her. I never had sex with her. It’s why she dumped me. I think she thought I was gay.”
I giggled, feeling my spirits lift. My mind flashed to that first conversation I had with Lucas, the one where dating had come up. His words floated through my head and suddenly made sense: I date a lot of girls I don’t like. He dated the ones he didn’t like because it prevented him from feeling anything for them.
“So it’s emotions,” I said, confirming my theory. “Your feelings trigger the change.” I wanted to say feelings for me, but that felt like hoping for too much. He openly admitted that he dated girls he didn’t like. Was I just another one of those girls?
“Yeah,” Lucas said. “Intense emotion triggers the change. Anger mostly. But fear will do it, too. And even happiness if it’s strong enough.” He sat up and looked at me full on. I saw his eyes turn bright, ice cold like metal. “Arousal . . . and love, as I’m finding out now, will set me off, too.”
“Love,” I said, feeling my pulse speed up.
His eyes remained on mine. “I never thought I’d experience anything close to it. I’ve trained myself not to feel anything. Anything at all. And then I met you . . . and I’ve never felt such intense, sudden, emotion. Such inexplicable attraction. To a complete stranger, no less. At first I couldn’t figure it out. I didn’t know why I felt the change coming every time I even looked at you. But then I saw you with Vincent and I felt jealous. Crazy jealous. I’ve never been jealous of anyone before. Not like that. I thought of everything he’d do to you if he got the chance. How he’d torture you, kill you.
“That’s when I felt the rage. It’s why I missed so much class that first month. I kept changing ... thinking about you. But then that rage turned soft ... turned to something I couldn’t pin. I thought it was just protectiveness. Or maybe fear for your safety, my werewolf instincts kicking in, you know? Protect the weak.” He smiled, almost resentfully.
“But then I got to know you and saw how alike we are.” He put his hand over my cheek, warming it with his palm. “And I realized that the reason I felt such a strong urge to change when I was with you, was because I’m in love with you. I’ve loved you since the moment I saw you.”
I felt tears drag down my face. I looked into his silvery eyes, so bright with happiness.
“It’s amazing,” he said. “I never thought I could have this. Have love, I mean. I’ve spent so much of my life trying to feel nothing, and now I feel everything all at once. And it’s all because of you, because of what you’ve triggered in me. It’s something so strong, something so intense ... something I know I can’t live without anymore.” He pulled me close. “I’m gonna make sure you’re safe, Faith. I’m gonna make sure Vincent never touches you. I’ll die if that’s what it takes.”
I grimaced, not willing to even consider the possibility that I’d lose Lucas. I nuzzled my face into his neck, inhaling his musky, sweet scent. The comfort of having him hold me, of knowing that he’d always be with me, filled my every thought and I knew without a doubt that I was in love with him, too. It was a terrifying realization and it took every ounce of determination I possessed to kee
p from squashing it back. Instead, I decided to do the impossible.
“Do you want to know a secret?” I whispered.
He pulled back and looked into my eyes, nodding.
I felt my entire body shaking and my mind was centered on the three words waiting to be released. “I didn’t say it back before,” I murmured. “Because I was scared. I’d convinced myself that loving someone was impossible after everything that happened to me. But I was wrong.” I closed my eyes and pressed my forehead to his, feeling the heat sink into my skin, strengthening me. It came out in a rush of relief that warmed my soul. “I love you.”
The morning came much too soon. Lucas and I spent the night in his room in the same way we spent all nights together. The only difference was that we were constantly entwined with each other and broke up the talking with random kissing sessions, which always ended in Lucas fending me off with jokes and death threats. We were so wrapped up in each other that we didn’t even pause to eat dinner.
It was close to nine when I opened my eyes to the red light streaming in from the window and finally figured out the cause of the redness in Lucas’s room. The sun filtered through his crimson curtains, bathing the room in bloody light. I rolled over to see Lucas sleeping upside down on the bed, his way of remaining celibate throughout the night. I don’t know why being upside down prevented him from kissing me, but it seemed to have worked just fine. He hadn’t touched me at all while I slept.
At least, I thought he didn’t.
I flipped over and rested my head on his chest, breathing in the scent of his thin white tee shirt. I was glad he didn’t smell like a dog. It was more like pine needles mingled with the earthy scent of his tan skin.
“Morning,” Lucas rumbled, snuggling his face in my hair. “You been up long?”
“No,” I yawned. “I’m dreading going downstairs.”
“You and me both.”
“What’s going to happen?” I felt the familiar tingling of fear prickle at the back of my neck.
Lucas ran his fingers over my arm, causing tingles of a different sort. “Wish I knew,” he said. “I can only guess that Rolf knows something about the murders and he wants me to help.”
“So why’d you have to bring me then?”
“That’s what’s worrying me,” he said grimly. “I have no idea.”
I gulped. What use could a house full of vicious werewolves have for a weak human like me? I couldn’t help them catch the vampire that was killing people in Denver. I couldn’t even figure out what I wanted to major in! I turned toward Lucas, ready to unload all of this on him, when the door banged open. We both turned our heads upside down to see who had come in.
It was a pretty girl who looked to be a few years younger than me. She was tall with short black hair. She stood straight as a rail and wore a bright green tank top and a toothy grin. I knew in an instant that she was a werewolf—the crazy energy sparkling around her indicated as much.
“You know you guys are upside down, right?” she asked, her yellow eyes twinkling.
“What do you want?” Lucas asked.
“Dad’s home. He wants to see you. Right now.” Lucas and I started to get up, but the girl said, “Just Lucas.”
I looked at Lucas, trying to gauge what this meant from his expression. His jaw was hard as he turned to me. I saw him swallow. “Go with Katie and get some breakfast. I’ll meet with Rolf and then we’ll leave. It’s gonna be fine.”
I nodded jerkily. He planted a kiss on my forehead and smiled down at me.
“Bring me some waffles,” he said.
I tried to smile back, but it might have looked more like a grimace. Lucas threw on his leather jacket and brushed past Katie on the way out of his room. I listened to his heavy footsteps thud down the hardwood floor in the hallway. My eyes shifted to Katie, standing with her arms crossed and an impish smile on her petite face. Her cheeks were rosy with excitement. I wondered why Lucas had left me with her. She didn’t seem all that safe.
“Don’t worry,” Katie said. “I promised Mom I’d be good.”
I laughed nervously. “Who’s your Mom?”
“Nora.” She waved me over. “You hungry?”
I nodded. I was starved.
“Come on then,” she said. “Julian and Melanie made steak and eggs.”
“’Kay,” I said, jumping from the bed and sliding on my flats. I followed Katie down the hallway.
“So,” I said, eager to fill the silence. “Is Lucas your big brother?” I was curious about whether Nora was his mother since Lucas hadn’t said anything about it. She seemed to have some sort of authority over him, but he’d completely disregarded her invitation to hang out with the pack last night without much thought, so she couldn’t have been that important to him. But then I didn’t really understand the pack politics since Lucas and I hardly ever discussed them.
“He’s my pack brother, not my bio brother,” Katie said. So Nora wasn’t his mother, just someone influential in the pack. “Julian is my real brother.”
“Really?” I asked, intrigued. “You both got bitten?”
“Yup.”
I hesitated before asking my next question, wondering if it was a sensitive topic. “Do you mind if I ask how it happened?”
“My dad bit us.”
“Your dad?”
“Uh-huh,” Katie said happily as we trotted down the stairs. “He let us decide if we wanted to join the pack and we both said yes.”
“So . . .” I struggled to understand. “Werewolves’ kids aren’t born werewolves?”
“Nope. It’s not genetic, more like an infection in the blood. But most kids join the pack when they get old enough.”
“How old are you?”
“Sixteen. Dad wanted to wait until I was older, but I caught him at a weak moment and convinced him otherwise.” She grinned slyly.
“So how long have you been a werewolf?”
“Only a few years. But I’m almost all the way under control. Hardly anything triggers me anymore ... besides cute boys anyway! The Council is really impressed with me. It usually takes a lot longer for werewolves to get themselves under control. But I’m a prodigy!” Katie smiled toothily.
We rounded the corner of the living room and entered the dining room, which was flooded with early morning light from a large bay window. A table as long as a school bus stood in the center, and it was packed full of people. The savory aroma of steak and eggs, buttery grits, and flaky pastries wafted over me. My stomach growled even though I wasn’t much of a breakfast person. After skipping dinner last night, I felt like I could have eaten the table and been sated.
“Sit by me,” Katie said. She plopped down into a chair at the end of the table and I lowered myself into the one next to her, glancing around nervously as though something might jump out and bite me. Then again ... something might.
Everyone at the table had hungry eyes. I didn’t feel any kind of antagonistic vibe from anybody, so I tried to be calm. I smiled to myself. I sounded just like Lucas. Be calm!
I noticed that none of the older people from last night were here. It was all adolescents and kids. I was willing to bet that the adults had convened in that pack meeting Lucas went to.
“Why aren’t you at the meeting?” I asked Katie.
She moved a bowl of grits toward me and said, “Because I haven’t been initiated into the pack yet. I have to prove myself before I can be a full member.” She made a face and tore into one of the three steaks piled onto her plate.
“Oh,” I said and scooped some grits onto my plate, smearing butter into them. “What do you have to do?”
“I don’t know exactly. They like to keep everything a secret so we can’t prepare. But from what I’ve dragged out of Julian, a lot of it has to do with self-control and fighting abilities. And vampire tracking, of course.”
“Of course,” I agreed. I wondered whether Lucas had to pass this test to get into the pack. The thought of him running around at night chasing v
ampires made me cringe.
“Is it dangerous?” I asked. “The test, I mean?”
“Oh, sure,” Katie said. “Everything is dangerous when you deal with werewolves.” She chuckled as she poured ketchup over her monstrous plate. She eyed me for a moment and then said, “You like Lucas a lot, huh? I can tell he likes you a lot, too. He’s never brought anyone back here before.”
“Well, he didn’t exactly have a choice.”
“Still.” She smiled knowingly. “I can tell he likes you. And don’t worry about what Rolf says. Lucas is pretty high up on the food chain around here. He can do almost anything he wants, short of directly disobeying Dad. He’ll make sure nobody eats you.”
I choked on a bite of grits and Katie beat me over the back with the force of a jackhammer. “Joking!”
“Katherine, stop hurting the human,” said a voice from the doorway. I looked up, still coughing and saw Nora standing there. Her hair fell in one perfect sheet down to her waist, and her hazel eyes were piercing.
“I’m not, Mom!” Katie said, looking abashed. “She was choking on her food.”
I felt my face flush. Nice.
Nora turned her gorgeous face to me. “Rolf would like to see you now, Faith.”
My stomach gave a nasty twist. I nodded and stood up.
“Bye,” Katie piped. “It was nice knowing you!” I felt the color drain out of my face. Katie noticed and then said, “Kidding, kidding!” She laughed and stuffed steak into her mouth.
Nora placed her hand on my shoulder and steered me through the living room.
“Ignore my daughter,” Nora said with a note of exasperation in her lilting voice. “She likes to cause trouble. You are in no danger here. We protect the humans, remember?”
I couldn’t even begin to respond. I felt my entire body aching to be near Lucas, aching to feel him beside me, keeping me safe.
We stopped at the fireplace and Nora pushed against a place on the wall where there was a nifty hidden door. We walked down a short flight of stairs and then came to a big room with lots of couches and chairs scattered in random disarray, although the basic shape was a circle. The lighting was low and orange, coming from a fire crackling on the back wall. All eyes turned toward us when we entered. I searched them for a pair I recognized, but they all looked the same—all large and slanted, not quite human.
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