Hold Me If You Can

by Stephanie Rowe

  His teeth began to lengthen.

  His scalp started to itch as the hair shifted into scales.

  Smutty leaned closer, his gaze intent, and then Pascal felt pressure in his head. Tingling in his brain. He knew that the son of a bitch was inside his mind now, attempting to strip away who he was.

  Yeah, good luck with that. He was not going down.

  “Wait!” Mari shouted. “Pascal’s going—”

  Pascal unleashed the beast.

  The chains exploded as he ripped free of his human form. Smutty leapt back as Pascal erupted to his feet. He whirled around and expelled the spines from his body. They screamed through the air and embedded themselves in the furniture, Mari, Smutty, and the walls. Sparks exploded from the computer, and the television went haywire. Smutty shouted with pain, and the monster inside Pascal came to life. Feeding upon the fear, the pain, the anguish.

  Pascal fought to stay in control, to direct the beast, but he felt his mastery slipping as the monster became stronger. The girl. He wanted the girl. Pascal leapt across the room and ripped aside the wardrobe. She was huddled down behind it, and her face was stricken as she saw the beast gazing down at her.

  Pascal tensed, expecting the monster to kill her, as it always did. Killing whatever was around. But instead, the beast reached for her, palm up in invitation.

  In a crazy move that spoke either of insanity or a suicide mission, Danielle instantly set her hand in his with total trust. And in some bizarre unfolding of events, the beast did not chomp her for dinner, but instead pulled her to her feet—

  Something crashed into the back of his head, and the monster howled with agony as Danielle yelped and shouted his name. Pascal’s body went numb and he fell to the ground, writhing in pain. He felt the monster begin to retreat, felt humanity returning. No! What was happening? Where was it going? Come on!

  But his skin reappeared and his vision went back to normal as Mari came to stand over him. His spines were sticking out of her body everywhere, and she wasn’t even wincing. She yanked one out and tossed it aside. “I’m so sorry I had to take away your beast, but I can’t let you walk away from happiness. Don’t you understand? I’m trying to fix what we did to you. Please, stop fighting and understand that it’s different now.”

  Weirdly, it didn’t feel real different than the last time he’d been here. He tried to release another barb at her, but he couldn’t move his arm. Just agony, raw, sheer agony ripping through him. Jesus. She really had taken away his beast, at least for the moment.

  Well, that was different, he’d give her that. But not one of those good changes.

  Smutty came hurrying up. Spines were poking out of him, but with one shrug, they all spewed out of him and dropped on the floor. “Smut comes in handy. I’m carrying the smut from the spell that created your spines, so it can’t hurt me.” He squatted next to Pascal. “You are so tormented by frustrated dreams and desires, my boy. Let me take care of that for you.”

  “No!” Pascal fought, he struggled, he tried desperately to shut his mind to the invasion, but his head began to ache, to tingle, to pulse with pain… And suddenly, he didn’t hate Mari anymore.

  And then the rest of his soul began to be torn away.

  Dammit.

  He’d really liked himself.

  ***

  “Get away from him!” Nigel charged through the door and hurled a red-hot dagger at the man leaning over Pascal.

  The man leapt up as the blade plunged into his chest, and he instantly dissolved into a dozen rats. The blade cleaved harmlessly through the pack and thudded in the wall behind him. The rodents sprinted for the door, merged into one big pile and then transformed into a giant troll wearing a “Trolls kick ass” shirt.

  “It’s Smutty.” Nigel had already spent plenty of time fighting the black magic smut monster, and he’d seen it shift forms faster than a teenage girl could change her mind. None of the forms were good news. And none of them were stoppable, at least from what he’d seen.

  But anyone could be slowed down.

  Nigel peppered Smutty with blades as he sprinted across the room toward Pascal. The kid was comatose on the floor, like Max had been. “Cover me, Christian.”

  Smutty shimmered and resumed his human form. “Warrior. I can take away your pain. I can take away your discomfort. I can give you peace!”

  Well, damn. That was almost worth investigating. But the timing just wasn’t quite right. You know, the middle of battle and all that.

  Instead, he tossed a handful of blades at Mari, intending to lock her down against the wall. But she held up her hand, and his blades stopped in midair and went careening right back toward him.

  He opened his palm to take control back, but they sailed past him and headed right toward Natalie, who was standing just inside the door.

  “Shit!” He screamed silent orders for the blades to divert, but Mari had stripped his bond with his weapons. He couldn’t stop them. They weren’t his anymore, and they were going to take out Natalie.

  Son of a bitch! He charged for Natalie. “Get down!”

  She dropped to the floor and he threw himself over her as the blades peppered his back, hammering at him like a machine gun.

  The pain struck him with brutal force, and his body shook with the agony of trying to fight it off.

  He was vaguely aware of Christian engaging in battle, but he couldn’t move quite yet. Couldn’t think. It was taking all of his concentration simply to stay conscious. In hopes of at least slowing Mari down, he’d unleashed killing blades, every one of them with enough force to knock out an army of demons, and now they were camped out in his body.

  But, better than Natalie’s body, so he was counting this one as a victory for the good guys.

  “Nigel!” Natalie held his face in her hands, her face stricken with worry. “Are you okay?”

  “Yeah, just a scratch.” Her hands were warm and soft, a feel of humanity and warmth. He focused all his attention on her touch, tried to hang onto the feeling she gave him while he tried to figure out what Mari had done to him. No one had ever broken his link to his weapons. He felt impotent and weak. Not powerful. Not driven. “Can’t—”

  Tears filled her eyes. “Come on, Nigel! Don’t die on me—”

  He snorted. “Die? I’m not going to die—”

  “You!” Mari grabbed Natalie and ripped her out from under Nigel.

  “Hey! She’s mine.” Nigel lunged for Natalie as Mari pulled her out of his reach. “No!” He swore at the terrified look on Natalie’s face as she fought to hang onto Nigel.

  “Welcome to my home, little smut monster.” Mari dragged Natalie over toward the door, her iron grip leaving no chance for escape for a woman whose talents lay with chocolate and sex. “Charles,” Mari announced. “Here she is. She’s the one. We can take more off you much faster with her here.”

  Dizziness began to take over Nigel’s brain, and his mind clouded as the poison from his knives penetrated his defenses. Through his dimming vision, he saw Christian thrown back against the wall by Charles, landing beside Pascal. And then Smutty crouched over Christian, his eyes focused.

  Christian shouted and went scaly, lashing out. Being stripped of his mind. “No!” Nigel fought to get free of his own poison, struggled to help his friends. Come on!

  Natalie shrieked and recoiled against the wall, holding her belly as Mari poured more smut into her. Her skin flashed dark cobalt, and then he smelled sulfur, the sulfur of demons.

  Natalie! She was in danger. She was getting hurt. And he couldn’t protect her—

  Son of a bitch.

  His skin began to prickle, and he realized he was going to lose it. And with fear for Natalie’s life driving him, he knew it was going to be even worse than in the alley.

  They were all going to die, and he was going to be the one to kill them.

  Son of a bitch. He knew he shouldn’t have kissed her. It had done him in, and now they were all going to pay.

  ***r />
  Natalie’s vision began to blur, and her muscles began to shake. Dark, crimson nails began to extend out of her fingertips, and her skin began to glow like bronze metal. And it hurt. God, it hurt—

  Chocolate! I smell chocolate! Like some weak-willed chocoholic, she whirled around, searching for the source of the soul-wrenching aroma. But instead of chocolate, she saw Nigel twisted on the ground. “Nigel!” She started to run for him, and then saw an old chocolate chip cookie abandoned on the floor near him.

  Her mouth began to water. Nigel. Chocolate. Nigel. Chocolate. What should she choose? Her heart was screaming Nigel, but she changed tracks and headed toward the dessert, driven by the compulsion inside her. “No!” She grabbed for Nigel as she passed by him, saw his eyes open.

  The agony in them was unreal. Not just agony, but brutal, searing fury. Anger. Coldness. Death. The monster that had shown its face at her store was coming to life again, only with far more aggression. He reached for her, his fingers outstretched. “Natalie—”

  “I’m here. I’ll help—”

  Her body convulsed with pain as another onslaught of smut hit her (was that a bad sign that she knew what it felt like to get hit with smut? She was kind of thinking it was). She screamed as it rocked through her, and she was flung backwards. She crashed into the wall and landed beside the cookie.

  She stared blankly at it for a second and could practically hear it calling out to her. Natalie. Natalie. Come eat me. You know you want me.

  No. She wouldn’t succumb to the demonic poison racing around inside her. She was not turning into her worst nightmare. She wasn’t. Chocolate would never trump saving those she cared about. “Nigel,” she gasped. “I’m coming.”

  In an impressive show of willpower, Natalie raced across the floor and kneeled next to Nigel. He opened his eyes as she laid her hands on his cheeks. “Okay, Nigel, let me in.”

  He grabbed her wrists. “If this doesn’t work,” he managed, “get away from me. I won’t be able to stop myself.”

  “You would never hurt me.” She laid her finger over his mouth, silencing his protests. “Just let me in.” He nodded once and closed his eyes, and she felt him try to relax, trusting her. Please don’t let me let him down. She leaned closer, breathing deeply. He smelled great, like total man and power and control. She tried to recreate the feeling of his kisses, of the way he’d made her feel. “You are in control,” she ordered. “You’re an effective and smooth warrior—”

  Mari grabbed her arm and hauled her back to her feet. “What are you doing? What are you?”

  “Nothing!” She tried to twist free, desperate to get back to Nigel. “Let me go—”

  “You have the power of suggestion?” Mari’s eyes were gleaming with anticipation that didn’t comport with an appropriately submissive response to Natalie’s suggestion. “You can influence these warriors to respond to anything I want them to do, can’t you?”

  Uh oh. Natalie recalled all too well Ella’s horror at what she’d done to the warriors. She remembered Nigel’s revulsion when she’d touched his mind. What greater nightmare than to have that power in the hands of this woman? “No, no, I don’t—”

  “You lie!” Mari tightened her grip. “You’re a Mystic. You’re powerful! I need you—”

  “I’m not! I can’t influence anyone!” She didn’t dare look at Nigel to see how he was doing. She didn’t want to direct Mari’s attention to him.

  “You can!” Mari leaned closer and sniffed. “You really stink of smut. How did that happen? It was Gina Ruffalo. How did she dump that on you?”

  “It was Gina?” Gina had been the altruistic self-sacrificing angel who’d traded bodies with Natalie so she would die instead of Natalie. She’d told Natalie that she wanted to go to the Afterlife to be with her true love. But it had really been to escape an eternity as a smut monster? Um, hello? That definitely went on the list of “things that would have been good to know before trading bodies with someone.” “Gina was your smut receptacle?”

  “Yes. Gina had betrayed Angelica long ago, and she got smutted as punishment.” Mari cocked her head. “I’m so sorry that you got loaded with it. I assumed that I was hitting up Gina.”

  “Well, then, you can stop, right?”

  “Well, yes, but it has to go somewhere.” Mari glanced over at Charles leaning over Pascal. “I’m all for girl power, so I’m willing to make a deal. If you come work for me, I’ll put the smut back on Charlie.” She lowered her voice. “Honestly, he’s not that easy to control. And I really feel like he brings out the worst in me. You and I could fix things so gently and so easily.”

  Nigel bellowed, and Natalie whirled around. His skin was gleaming with metal, his body was rigid, the tendons rigid in his neck. He’d broken the hold she’d put on him back at the car, and her second attempt to bring him back hadn’t worked. He’d trusted her to keep him sane, and she’d failed him. “Nigel! You are in control—”

  “No!” Mari yanked her back as she tried to go to him. “Don’t you realize what we could do for all these men? We could teach them about love and bring them peace.” She nodded at Nigel. “You could save him from the pain. Open his spirit to love.”

  Natalie’s heart tightened as she saw Nigel writhing on the floor. The anguish in his face. The monster rising within. Could she really save him? Mari was powerful with her magic. She could help Natalie tap into her own magic. Make her powerful enough to save Nigel, to save others, to save herself—

  Dear God! What was she thinking? She would be no better than Mari if she went that route. She wouldn’t force anything on them. “No!” She pulled free. “I could never work for you.”

  Disappointment flashed in Mari’s face. “I respect your decision, but if that’s the case, then I’ve got to use Smutty, and I need you to carry his smut. I apologize, but I don’t have time to track down someone who deserves the smut.” Mari picked up a black baton and pointed it at Natalie. “Are you sure you want to turn down my offer?”

  Natalie backed up a step. “You could just let the guys go and stop messing with them.”

  “No, I can’t. I have to fix things. Everything is too broken.” Mari’s voice broke with frustration and guilt, and she pressed a button on her black baton. The end of it flashed with a bright blue light, and more smut flooded Natalie.

  “Trust them to fix themselves,” Natalie said, gasping for air. “Just stop interfering!” It felt like demons were gripping her lungs and stealing her breath. The smell of chocolate was hammering at her, making it difficult to think.

  “They’re too damaged,” Mari said. “I owe it to them to clear the scars from their soul.”

  “They’re warriors!” Natalie hunched over, hugging her belly against the pain. “They like scars! It gives them something to talk about over dinner!” She saw Smutty sit up and rub his eyes, looking decidedly more cheerful and sprightly than Natalie was feeling.

  “Does no one understand my vision? It’s about love. Is there any greater good?” Mari twirled her wand like a baton, her face twisted in frustration. “If you won’t help, I’m going to have to clear Smutty enough to make him able to function better. I promised everyone love, and love they shall have.” She raised the wand again and aimed it at Natalie. “One last try—”

  And then, in a display of excellent timing for an act of dubious horror, Nigel erupted.

  Chapter 17

  Nigel leapt to his feet, power and emotion roaring through him like he’d never felt before. It was a thousand times worse than the day he’d killed his mother. His mind was a white light of heat, of aggression, as he saw Mari’s hand close on Natalie’s neck. As he saw that baton coming toward Natalie’s heart. “No!”

  A roar ripped out of his chest and he flung his arms up toward the ceiling. Drawing in all the energy he could find, letting it fuel the rage within him. Embracing himself in a way he’d fought against for a hundred and fifty years.

  “Shit, Nigel! You’re going to bring us all down!” Ch
ristian raced over to Pascal and threw his chain-linked body over the prostrate warrior.

  Power filled Nigel, and a lethal coldness filled him. The coldness of living metal, rushing toward the surface, toward his skin.

  He turned toward Natalie, saw her ashen face. “Oh, no,” she whispered.

  Oh, yes.

  Mari was staring at him as well, and her face was delighted. “Angelica always said you were far more of a man than you’d ever let yourself be.” She raised the baton to Natalie’s thigh. “Bring it on, Nigel. Show me what you can be. Let out all your anguish and fury. Face it, release it, and then you will be ready to move on.”

  Something in his mind, buried in the depths of where his sanity used to be, registered Mari’s excitement, realized that he needed to stop, to be strategic, comprehended that he was playing right into her plans. He needed to stop, stop, stop.

  Then Mari flung the zapper at Natalie and hit her.

  Natalie yelped, her skin began to smoke and then she was down on the ground.

  I have to protect her. The blades ripped out of Nigel’s skin. They hammered everywhere, ceiling, walls, floors. They thudded into Mari, but she simply stood there and smiled. “I accept the pain, and I deserve it,” she said. “But if you kill me,” she continued calmly, “Natalie will get all my smut. The demons will come to collect, and she will be taken by them.”

  “You lie—”

  “I do not.” Mari began to back toward the door. “Smutty!” she shouted. “Take away his dream of killing me!”

  “No chance of that.” Nigel allowed the blades to fly. He had to stop Mari. Had to stop her from hurting Natalie and Christian and Pascal—

  “If I die, so will Natalie,” Mari shouted. “And it will be your fault!”

  Her words were like a shock to his system. Shit! Natalie couldn’t die! It his job to protect her. He realized his blades were spewing in all directions. Just like when he’d killed his parents. “Natalie,” he shouted, falling to his knees as he tried to reel the blades back in. “Get out of here!”

  Smutty leapt to his feet. “I take your dreams, warrior!” he shouted.