Hold Me If You Can

by Stephanie Rowe

  “Do it now,” Ella whispered. “You’re tapped in.”

  “You are in complete control, Natalie,” Natalie said aloud, focusing all her energy into herself. “You are not tempted by Maggie. Your mind is your own, and your body will do exactly as your mind and your soul desire. You are a powerful, courageous creator.” Her body hummed with the power of her words, and she gasped as shocks and fire ripped through her, and her body convulsed from the force of her emotion.

  Ella caught her as she fell off the chair. “You’re okay. I’ve got you.” She helped Natalie to the floor, and Natalie rolled onto her side, hugging herself as the tremors ripped through her.

  Wow. She understood now why Nigel had been so startled. “That was weird.”

  “It was awesome!” Ella squatted next to Natalie and grinned. “All I’ve got to say is wow, girl. You knocked yourself out with your own words. Impressive.” She winked. “I knew you had it in you.”

  She grinned back. “You were awfully insistent about it, if I remember. A bit bossy, actually.”

  Ella winked. “No one ever accused me of being too genteel with my opinions.”

  “You smell like sex.” Augustus dropped to his knees in front of her, his eyes wide. “I’ve never felt that kind of sensuality in my life. It’s not raw, empty sex, like I’ve been leading. It was passion. Sensuality. Desire.” He leaned closer. “No wonder you are so alive, with that passion coursing through your body. That’s it! That’s what I’ve been missing. Passion!” He reached for her—

  “No, thanks!” Natalie quickly squirmed out of his reach. See? Look at her? All worked up and not tempted to jump into any man’s lap, except Nigel’s! Not crazy sex woman! Go her! She moved to the right and froze when she realized Maggie was right next to her.

  Maggie was peering at her with great concern. “How are you doing?”

  “Um…” Oh, wow. The scent of chocolate was nearly asphyxiating, it was so powerful. Natalie tensed, her heart racing. “I don’t think—”

  “You’re not bronze anymore.” Ella slapped Natalie on the shoulder with delight. “You did it! You released the deedub from yourself.”

  “Really?” Her skin had returned to its gray smutty color that was so much more comforting than the bronze demon tint. A quick teeth check revealed that there were no more pointy fangs. Smutted? Yup. Demonic? Not today, baby! Carefully, she took a deep breath through her nose. The chocolate smelled delicious, but Maggie no longer looked like dessert. “I did it.” She grinned at Ella. “I really did it.”

  She had just won the battle. Maggie was safe. Everything was going to be just fine.

  Chapter 22

  There had been times that Mari had seen Angelica cry while standing over the dying bodies of her warriors, but Mari had never really believed it. How could a woman who inflicted so much pain on others have feeling in her heart?

  But as Mari sat on the edge of Christian’s bed and felt his life force seep away, she finally understood what her mentor had endured, watching the deaths of the very men she wanted so desperately to protect and nurture. How had this happened? She had tried so hard to help. To protect and not hurt. And yet somehow, everything had spiraled out of control.

  Mari took Christian’s hand and held it to her heart. “I’m so sorry,” she whispered. Her body felt numb, her chest painful and heavy as she stroked his hair.

  Pascal groaned and twisted in his bed, and Mari looked over at him. He hadn’t woken up from Charlie’s manipulations to his mind, and she had no way of knowing if it had worked, or what kind of brain function Pascal had retained, but she had a bad feeling. His energy aura had been mottled and weak, not at all like his usual one.

  The door opened, and in walked Danielle carrying a smoothie. She paused when she saw Mari, then her jaw tightened and she averted her gaze as she strode across the room. She sat down on the far side of Pascal’s bed and settled herself against the headboard. She pulled him onto her lap and gently nudged the straw between his lips. “Come on, Pascal. You don’t want Mari to win, do you? If you live, you can defeat her.”

  Mari stiffened. “I’m not the enemy—”

  “You are.” Danielle’s voice was nonjudgmental but very matter-of -fact. “You’re perpetuating the same hell that Angelica had going on, and you’re hurting the warriors. And us.”

  “That’s not true!” Mari felt like smacking the wall in frustration. “Angelica didn’t want us to love, but I believe in love and I’m trying to bring it to all of you.”

  “Whatever.” Danielle began to stroke Pascal’s hair, and Mari saw his throat move as he tried to swallow.

  Hope filled her, and Mari raced over to the bed. “You got him to drink!”

  Danielle held up her hand to block Mari. “Get back. You’ll screw him up.”

  Mari saw Pascal’s throat had stopped moving, and he’d fallen back onto the bed. She’d become the kiss of death toward all these men she wanted to help? How could that have happened? Mari sank back on Christian’s bed, watching as Danielle lifted Pascal back onto her lap and began to talk to him again. Mari stroked his hair, like a lover would do in the most intimate of moments.

  Mari remembered sitting by Christian’s side so many times as he’d fought death, and she’d felt so helpless. She’d wanted desperately to offer him comfort like Danielle was giving Pascal, but she hadn’t dared go against Angelica’s orders.

  No kindness to the men.

  No love for the men.

  No softness for the men.

  Mari had blindly followed the rules, and then when her heart had found Christian, she’d fought those rules. When she’d finally found the nerve to reach out to him, the magic between them had been magnificent… until Angelica had found out and convinced Mari that betraying Christian and his friends would be the greatest act of love she could perform.

  How wrong she’d been.

  Christian had been all that she could have hoped for. He’d been on his way to break out of the Den, and then he’d come back for her. He’d rescued her from Angelica at risk to himself. He’d played the role of the knight in shining armor, and then she’d betrayed him.

  And now, he’d killed himself to keep from coming back to her. First, she’d ripped out his heart, and then she’d been responsible for the obliteration of his life.

  No! She wasn’t giving up! “Danielle. Give me the smoothie.”

  “What?” Danielle cradled it protectively. “Get your own drink.”

  Mari held out her hand and crooked her finger. The smoothie flew out of Danielle’s grasp and careened across the room and smacked into Mari’s hands.

  “Hey!”

  Mari ignored Danielle’s outburst and turned to Christian. After a moment of hesitation, she snuggled herself up against his headboard and pulled his head onto her lap, just like Danielle had done. Just like she’d always dreamed of doing when he’d been suffering. As the weight of his head settled on her thighs, she knew this was who she wanted to be. A woman who nurtured and loved. Who didn’t torture or abuse.

  “Christian,” she said gently. “I swear I’ll never hurt you again. I just need you to eat.” She touched the straw to his lips. “Give yourself another chance. I know you can heal this. Nigel will draw himself soon, and he’ll be in here, and then he’ll heal you. It’s not over. You deserve love, and I have that for you—”

  Christian gagged and his body convulsed. His skin flashed once, and then his flesh morphed into steel. The metal burned her side, and she wrenched herself out from under him, stumbling away as her skin turned purple and began to seep with toxins from his scales. “Dammit!”

  A small smile was playing at Danielle’s lips. “He poisoned you on purpose?” Danielle was still stroking Pascal’s hair. He hadn’t moved away from her touch. Hadn’t gone into his scaly assault mode to fend her off. He was allowing her to comfort him. To heal him. To bring him back.

  Christian’s skin returned to a flesh state, ashen and gaunt. The wound on his belly was a deep pu
rple and black. Mari bit her lip. Never had she felt so helpless. “What do I do? I’m trying to make it right.”

  “He’s a warrior. They never forget.” Danielle laid her palm on Pascal’s forehead. “Turn him free, and then let him kill you. That’s what he needs to do to heal.”

  Mari set the smoothie down beside Christian, in case he changed his mind. “Ha, ha.”

  “I wasn’t joking.” Danielle snuggled closer to Pascal. “If you truly love Christian, let him kill you. He won’t be whole until he releases the hate and betrayal he is carrying.”

  “There are ways to release it without killing me.” If Christian wouldn’t save himself, she would do it for him, just like she’d originally planned. “Charlie can fix him.”

  “No!” Danielle stood up. “Don’t you dare subject Christian to that incompetent loser. Look what he did to Max. And Pascal.”

  Mari bit her lip. “I know, but he was still heavily smutted. If I clear him completely, then—”

  “He’s incompetent and insane—”

  “He’s my only chance.” Mari leaned down and kissed Christian’s forehead. “I know you want to die,” she said quietly, “but I won’t let you kill yourself because of me.” She squeezed his hand, and then jerked back as he turned to metal again.

  “Smutty will have to lobotomize him to rid Christian of that hate,” Danielle said. “He won’t let it go that easily.”

  “It’s worth the chance to give Christian life. If I can free him of the hatred, then he’ll want to live again.” No more men would die because of her. No more. It ended now. Mari grabbed her baton from beside Christian’s bed. “Stay alive,” she ordered him. “I’m going to go clear all the smut from Charlie and give him full power. Then you’ll have the gift of happiness that you deserve.”

  “No!” Danielle tried to block her path. “Charles wants to strip all of us of all our dreams, not just the warriors! The minute you give him that power, he’ll come after us all—”

  “I won’t let Christian die.” Mari stepped out in the hall, gripping the baton in her hand. “I can control Charlie.”

  Danielle ran after her and caught her arm. “He’s a dream genie, Mari. No one can control them. You can’t give him full power. You can’t!”

  Mari tugged her arm free. “I’m doing it for you, too.”

  Danielle made a noise of despair. “I don’t want it. I don’t want a man to love me because you stripped his mind of everything else. That’s not love—”

  “It’s the purest form of love, because it allows the soul to be heard.” She nodded at Christian. “He has the most beautiful soul, and I’m giving it back to him.”

  Christian groaned. His skin flickered and little sparks started shooting off him. “Oh, no.” She had minutes left to save him.

  “Don’t—”

  Mari shoved Danielle aside and raced for the tower room, toward Smutty, baton in hand.

  ***

  Natalie felt strong. Powerful. A woman in control. It felt brilliant. She’d talked herself out of a future she didn’t want and suppressed her deedub infatuation with Maggie. Nigel had helped her finally overcome her phobia of letting go. Ironically, it was the act of giving up restraint that had given her the most security over her life she’d ever had.

  “You’re amazing.” Augustus leaned forward, trying to shove his face way too close to her girly parts.

  She cheerfully smacked him in the head, feeling so empowered and strong that she wasn’t even afraid of the world’s most deadly assassin anymore. “Back off, old man.”

  His pupils were dark, expanding over nearly his entire cornea. “You are so sensual. I’ve never thought of sex as anything but a slap and tickle. But that…” He put his hand over his belly. “That hit me right here. I’ve never felt so alive.”

  Yeah, okay, so he was still creepy. “Well, there’s your answer then. That’s how I stay happy. I tap into my inner sensuality. Now call off the chains. I have things to take care of.”

  Augustus eased back onto his heels, staring into the distance with a vacant expression too reminiscent of Nigel’s recent one. “I’ve been missing passion in my life. Who knew?”

  Ella touched Natalie’s shoulder. “Are you sure you’re okay?” Her brow was wrinkled with concern. “I mean, your aura feels good, but those inclinations could still be beneath the surface—”

  “Yes, I’m great.” Natalie tugged at the chains. “I need to find Nigel. He needs my help.” She kicked Augustus, who was still staring off into space, rubbing his chin contemplating his discovery that he’d been having too much superficial sex. “Let me go!”

  He glanced vaguely at her. “Oh, yes, yes, fine.” He waved his hand and the chains dissolved.

  Natalie tumbled forward into Maggie’s lap as the chains suddenly released her. “My power of suggestion works on Magicks now,” she told the younger woman. “When a deedub comes, I can handle him. Do you understand? We’re safe now—” Sudden pain hit her in the gut, like a knife to her belly. She gasped and went down to her knees, clutching her stomach. More smut? Come on! Couldn’t she get a break for one minute?

  Ella and Maggie grabbed her, and Augustus stepped over her, strolling toward the door while scribbling notes on a pad. “What’s wrong?” Ella asked.

  But Natalie couldn’t answer. The pain was too extreme. It was attacking every cell in her body. She felt like millions of needles were stabbing her soul, and an acid-laced sword was carving out her belly. Her hands clenched, her feet cramped, and her head began to pound.

  “Natalie!” Ella grabbed her shoulders, and she pulled Natalie close. “You are stronger than this. Talk it down.”

  But she started to tremble, and the odor of sulfur burned her nose. Demon sulfur. She pushed Maggie. “Get away,” she gasped. “Run!”

  Maggie’s eyes widened, and she stumbled to her feet. “Oh, no.” She bolted for the front door.

  Natalie’s body went rigid, her throat felt like it had closed up, and then fire spewed through her veins, burning her from the inside. Nigel! She screamed his name in her head. Nigel! Help me!

  “Get control,” Ella yelled at her. “You can do it.”

  And suddenly the pain was gone, replaced only with a feeling of utmost power. She stared at Ella with a sinking feeling. Ella’s face fell. “It’s too late?”

  “It’s too late,” she whispered as she inhaled the most delicious scent of chocolate. “I need Maggie.” She pushed Ella away and leapt to her feet in time to see Maggie race past the front window. As her soul recoiled in horror, even as the memories of her own sister’s victimized bodies flashed in her mind, Natalie turned and sprinted toward the window.

  She lowered her shoulder and shoved through the glass. The glass splintered everywhere with the delicious sound of breaking crystal. She leapt through the opening and tackled Maggie. They skidded across the pavement, and the asphalt scraped Natalie’s skin.

  But she didn’t care. All she could think about was the amazing scent of chocolate, of how delicious Maggie would taste.

  They crashed to a stop against the front tire of Natalie’s Hummer. Natalie pinned Maggie to the cement and grinned down at her. “Hello, my Sweet.”

  “Please, don’t,” Maggie gasped. “Please, you know you don’t want to.”

  “I—” Maggie’s terrified expression broke through the thrall holding Natalie so tightly. She pulled back, horrified. She couldn’t do to this girl what had been done to her. She couldn’t be that monster. She couldn’t—

  “Welcome to the family, my dear.”

  She looked up and saw the deedub that had killed her entire family sitting on the bumper of her car. Fear ricocheted down her spine and at the same time, a pulse of recognition. Of admiration. “Oh… this can’t be a good thing.”

  He was wearing a tuxedo with a red rose boutonniere, and a black and silver evening gown was draped over his arm. A pair of diamond-studded pumps were sitting on the hood next to him.

  “Tell him to le
ave,” Maggie gasped. “You can do it.”

  “Right.” Natalie tried to summon her power, but the deedub interrupted before she could focus.

  “Welcome, my dear,” her deedub said with a cheerful smile. “You know, it’s really not good PR for Sweets to start thinking they can escape a deedub bite, you know? My rep was a little sketchy there for a bit, but now that you’re coming over, I’m a hero.” He grinned, a thin, evil smile. “You’re the first conversion in over a thousand years, and I did it.” He held up a ring that had a blood red diamond on it and flashed a fanged smile at her. “My name’s Ricky Freese, and thanks to you, I’m inner circle now. It’s going to be some kind of party tonight.”

  “Party?” she echoed, her mind still trying to focus. What was wrong with her? Why couldn’t she summon up the energy to shut him out? And why did she have an urge to leap up, run over to him, and hug him like he was her long lost best friend?

  He held up the dress. “This is for you. For your inauguration ball. We don’t get new deedubs very often, so we always celebrate.” He grinned. “I’m your date.”

  A deedub ball? Would Satan be the emcee? Would there be cauldrons of boiling acid positioned strategically around the corners for bad little girls and boys? “I can’t.” She tried to let go of Maggie, but she couldn’t peel her fingers out of the girl’s shoulders. Her teeth began to elongate—

  “Natalie!” Maggie shouted, jerking Natalie out of her stupor.

  “I won’t do this.” She ripped herself off Maggie and slammed her foot into Ricky’s crotch. “Run, Maggie!” Natalie whirled around and sprinted down the street. Away from Ricky. Away from Maggie. Away from herself. Run. Run. Run. Run—

  The deedub appeared in front of Natalie and slammed his hands into her chest. She careened backwards and landed on her butt. Thick, noxious smoke swirled around him. “Sorry, sweetheart, but I’m not losing again. You’re coming with me.” He had Maggie under his arm, her struggles useless against his strength.