Past Remembering

by Lyn Denison

Jack gave her hand a little shake. “Are you so sure about that?”

  “Of course I’m sure. Peri’s straight. She was engaged.”

  Jack swore softly. “Lance was an ass. Sorry, but none of us liked him in the end. So, have you asked Peri if she leans the same way?”

  “I can’t ask her that.”

  “I suppose not.” Jack laughed. “I can imagine nothing would freak out straight women more than unwanted lesbian attention. But you were going to ask Peri to go to the Awards night with you tonight, weren’t you?”

  “That’s different.”

  Jack raised his eyebrows. “If you say so. Would she have gone with you, do you think?”

  Asha paused. “I don’t know.”

  “You know, for what it’s worth, I think she’d have jumped at the chance.” Asha looked at him and he sighed. “I worry about her, what she’s doing to herself.”

  “What do you mean? She said she was feeling better,” Asha said. “She is, isn’t she?”

  “Physically, yes. After she broke up with Lance, she threw herself into her work. Then she got this virus. She’d been working too hard for too long and she took ages to get over it. Mum and Dad only agreed to go away on their planned tour of the Outback if she promised to stay with Viv and take it slowly getting back to work full time.

  “But to get back to the lesbian thing, quite honestly, Asha, I’ve wondered about Peri for years, about her sexual orientation, but like you, I haven’t had the nerve to ask her. She’s never been overly interested in guys, apart from Lance, and I think he did all the running, probably because Peri was so disinterested.”

  “That doesn’t mean she’s a lesbian,” Asha said flatly.

  “No. Not on it’s own, but I also saw the way she looked at you. I’ve never seen her look at a guy that way.”

  Asha felt her breath swell in her chest. Could Jack be right? “What way?”

  “You know exactly which way. So,” he continued, “my advice, again for what it’s worth, is to ask her.”

  “I can’t do that. I have too much to lose.”

  Jack shrugged again. “It’s your call, Asha, but there might be so much to gain.”

  Asha put her hand on the door handle. “I should go in. It’s late. Thanks, Jack. For coming with me tonight, and for, well, being understanding.”

  “That’s me. Mr. Understanding.” He smiled derisively. “You know if I can’t have you myself, I’ll be pushing for Peri. I’d like to keep you in the family.”

  Asha shook her head and climbed out of the car. “Goodnight, Jack.” She crossed the veranda and carefully unlocked the door. Turning back, she lifted her hand in a quick wave. He gave her the thumbs up and drove away.

  She stood in the foyer for long minutes thinking about what Jack had said. Could he be right about Peri? If he was? It wouldn’t change anything, she told herself. Peri had hardly given her any encouragement.

  Asha quietly closed the front door, wincing when the lock clicked into place, the sound seeming to echo in the silence. She paused for a moment, listening. Vivienne always left a dim night-light burning over the staircase. In the glow, Asha took off her heels and padded over the parquetry floor. She then carefully climbed up to the next floor. Turning left at the top of the stairs, she swapped her shoes to her other hand and lightly felt the wall as she moved forward into the darker hallway toward her room.

  She’d barely taken a couple of steps when the hall was flooded with light. Startled, Asha dropped her shoes and turned to see Peri standing by the light switch on the other side of the stairs.

  Chapter Eight

  “It’s just me. Asha,” she said quickly, quietly. “I’m sorry I’m so late. I didn’t mean to wake you up. I thought you were still in Townsville.”

  “I was. I arrived back a couple of hours ago.” Peri stood watching Asha, one hand still on the light switch. Her feet were bare and she wore dark silk boxer shorts and a thin shoestring strap chemise that stopped a couple of inches short of her waistband.

  Asha felt her nerve endings go on alert, and she swallowed anxiously. Peri was displaying far too much smooth skin for Asha’s peace of mind. She reminded herself to breathe, while part of her reflected self-derisively that the feelings she was experiencing had more to do with other parts of her body, and that those particular parts seemed to have minds of their own.

  She remembered what Jack had said, that he’d wondered about Peri’s sexual orientation for years. And that he’d seen the way Peri looked at her. She felt her stomach quiver, and she hastily pushed the thought from her mind. She couldn’t afford to think about that, not with Peri so close, looking so desirable.

  Peri moved forward, apparently unaware of, or unconcerned about, her state of undress.

  Asha dragged her gaze from the length of Peri’s long, shapely legs.

  “I thought—” Peri paused. “I heard a noise and I thought perhaps someone had broken in.”

  “No. It’s just me. Luckily,” Asha added, part of her horrified at the situation had she actually been an intruder. “I was trying to be quiet,” she finished impotently. A heavy silence fell and the tension between them grew.

  “I didn’t expect to be this late,” Asha felt compelled to add. “It was an awards dinner. My father was given an award for his contribution to cricket. He was really thrilled about it.”

  “I guess he must have been.”

  Had Peri moved a step closer? Asha could see her eyes now. She watched as Peri’s gaze skittered quickly over her, and she grew hot. Asha moved and her thin shawl slipped off one shoulder, leaving it bare. She wanted to settle it protectively about her again, but she couldn’t seem to make herself move. Her shoulderless top was suddenly far too revealing.

  “You look—” The tip of Peri’s tongue dampened her lips and a flash of fire grew in the pit of Asha’s stomach, surging to burn with an ache between her legs. “You look fantastic,” Peri said, her voice low and husky.

  “Thank you. It was a black-tie affair. At the Sheraton. It was pretty swish. Everyone was dressed up.” Asha’s gaze moved over Peri. She wished she had the nerve to tell Peri no one at the Awards Night came close to the way Peri looked at the moment. Sensual. Inviting. Dangerous. And then Asha realized Peri had caught her out, had seen Asha’s gaze travel the length of Peri’s lean body. She flushed, hoping desperately that Peri couldn’t read her thoughts. “I—I didn’t mean to wake you,” she repeated.

  “That’s okay. I couldn’t sleep. I was about to switch on the light and try reading.”

  Asha was over-aware of the enticing shape of Peri’s nipples outlined by the clinging material of her top, and she closed her eyes to regain her faltering control. She must have swayed slightly, for Peri started forward and put a cool hand on Asha’s arm.

  “Are you all right?”

  “Yes. No. I think so.” How would Peri react if Asha told her the truth? She was so attracted to this woman she was in danger of throwing her usual caution to the four winds and taking Peri in her arms. But if Jack were wrong, then that would create far more problems. What sort of turmoil would she throw the household into if she caused Peri to run screaming? Asha almost laughed and bit her lip to hold back the hysterical sound.

  “Do you need help to your room?” Peri asked, her voice suddenly cool.

  Asha stared at her. Did Peri think she was drunk? “I haven’t been drinking. Honestly. I just—” Her eyes strayed to the outline of Peri’s breasts, moved slowly upward, took in the erratic beat of the pulse at the base of her throat, settled on the full red lips, and then shakily met Peri’s gaze. She desperately wanted to make love to her and, with a swell of panic, she knew she hadn’t been able to disguise her emotions. She began to steel herself for Peri’s revulsion, her rejection.

  Peri’s hand on Asha’s arm loosened, and then her fingers slid lightly, slowly up Asha’s arm, over the bare skin of her shoulder. She took her hand away and then gently brushed her knuckles over Asha’s mouth, her touch feather soft,
so enticing.

  A tremor washed over Asha and she gave a breathy gasp, her eyes widening in surprise.

  Peri pulled her hand away, and she seemed pale in the artificial light. She swallowed convulsively, her expression stricken. “I’m sorry,” she said brokenly and went to turn away.

  Asha reached out quickly, her hand resting on Peri’s hip, feeling the silky material of her boxer shorts. “Wait! Peri! Don’t—”

  “I wasn’t—I wouldn’t have—”

  “Don’t go. Please. I want—” Asha stepped forward at the same moment Peri did, and their breasts brushed together.

  For long moments they stood transfixed, while the world around them grew heavy with that same numbing tension. Then they moved together, their arms sliding around each other, and Asha at last felt Peri’s soft, sensual lips on hers. Asha moaned, the sound low in her throat, and Peri sank against her, melting into her, deepening the kiss. Asha’s hands moved downward, cupping Peri’s silk-clad buttocks, holding Peri tightly against her.

  They drew slightly apart, both breathless, both gasping air into their lungs.

  Peri exhaled shakily and leaned forward, resting her forehead against Asha’s as they both fought for control. Then Peri straightened and stepped back a little, her arms still around Asha. “I’m sorry,” she said shakily. “I shouldn’t have done that. I don’t know what I was thinking.” Her eyes met Asha’s and Peri flushed, her gaze falling to settle on Asha’s lips, and she drew another unsteady breath. “You kiss … That kiss … It was … I’m not sorry,” she finished unevenly. “Not for a minute.” She shook her head. “I just can’t believe I … do you hate me?”

  Asha put her finger gently on Peri’s lips. “No. Of course not. I could never do that.”

  “I don’t know why I—” Peri swallowed. “Yes, I do,” she added softly. “I’ve wanted to do it for so long.”

  “And I want to do it again,” Asha said and leaned forward until her lips met Peri’s. Asha’s hands inched up to the expanse of bare skin at Peri’s waist, her fingers slipping beneath her light top, finding the indentation of her spine.

  They kissed deeply, drew apart again, and then Peri moved forward until her thighs rested against Asha’s. “God, Asha! I want to touch you, but I don’t know how. I have no idea what—”

  Asha took hold of Peri’s hand, led her down the hall and into her room. She switched on the light, turned down the dimmer and closed the door behind them. They dissolved into each other’s arms again, kissing hungrily, bodies melting into each other. Asha’s shawl fell to the floor. Her hands moved Peri’s top higher, her fingers splayed over Peri’s smooth midriff. Then her hands slid over Peri’s firm breasts, her thumbs teasing the hardened nipples.

  Peri moaned. “I can’t stand. I think I need to sit down.”

  They moved together to the bed. Asha pulled back the bedspread and they sat side by side in silence.

  “I don’t know what’s happening,” Peri got out at last. “When you touch me, I melt.”

  “It’s the same for me.” Asha wrapped her arms around Peri and held her close. She nibbled soft kisses along her shoulder, then up the arch of her neck, to claim her lips again. Then she slowly lifted Peri’s top, pulled it over her head, reached up to caress her bare breasts, and as she watched, Peri’s eyes darkened with passion. She leaned forward and flicked one rosy, aroused nipple with her tongue.

  Peri moaned, moved her fingers into Asha’s hair and held her fiercely against her body.

  “My God! That feels so good. I can’t believe it feels so good.” Her hands cupped Asha’s face, and she leaned forward to kiss her deeply.

  They fell back on the bed in a tangle of arms and legs. Peri’s fingers fumbled at Asha’s waist and undid her belt. Then she freed her top, pushed it up and pulled it off. Her mouth covered Asha’s nipple through the lace of her strapless bra, and Asha arched against her. “I want to see you, too,” she murmured, and Asha helped her unhook her bra then cast it aside. Peri drew a sharp breath then buried her face between Asha’s breasts for interminable moments before she took one full peak in her mouth and sucked gently.

  It was Asha’s turn to moan. She slipped her hands between them to caress Peri’s breasts.

  “Asha, I can’t. I need to—” Peri gasped.

  “I know. So do I.” Asha shimmied out of her slacks and struggled with her pantyhose. She gave a broken laugh as Peri reached to help her.

  Then she lay naked and Peri ran her shaking hand lightly, wonderingly over the line of Asha’s hip. Peri’s fingertips, soft and arousing, traveled up from the curve of Asha’s hip to the indentation of her waist, and over her firm midriff to slowly caress Asha’s breast. Asha’s nipples tightened, and she thrust to meet Peri’s palm, sending waves of pure desire spiraling downward to center between her legs.

  “Now you,” Asha said thickly, slowly insinuating her fingers beneath the waistband of Peri’s shorts, pulling them slowly down over her slim hips.

  Peri kicked her shorts off, her gaze still moving wonderingly over Asha, her eyes deep pools of wanting, her lips soft and swollen from their kisses.

  Asha reached out, drew Peri into her arms and they lay together, kissing, murmuring huskily.

  “I want to touch you,” Peri said against Asha’s mouth.

  “Me, too. I want you to. And I want to touch you, too,” she said, her voice thick.

  “I don’t think I know how,” Peri whispered, her lips now sliding soft, urgent kisses on Asha’s breasts. “I mean, I sort of know. I don’t know what you want, what you like.”

  Asha took her hand, kissed each finger, and then, holding Peri’s gaze, she placed Peri’s hand over the triangle of dark curls between her legs.

  Peri’s hand cupped Asha’s mound and then her fingers were in the damp curls. She found Asha’s center, and Asha caught her breath.

  “Did I hurt you?” Peri pulled her hand away.

  “No. Please.” Asha quickly stayed Peri’s hand, guided it back, and then she moved against her fingers. Peri matched her pace. She leaned over, took Asha’s nipple in her mouth, and Asha cascaded into her orgasm, Peri’s name trembling on her lips.

  When she’d calmed, she kissed Peri tenderly, then slowly deepened the kiss, her fingers sliding over Peri’s breasts. Peri’s hips thrust against Asha’s leg and Asha moved her hand down, her fingers slipping into the moistness. Almost instantly Peri collapsed against Asha, her body shuddering.

  “My God!” Peri whispered and clutched Asha to her. “That was fantastic.”

  Asha moved over her, straddling her, lowering her breasts until they touched Peri’s. Peri cupped Asha’s breasts almost reverently and then her thumb tips teased Asha’s nipples until Asha threw back her head as frissons of pleasure surged through her body. Peri replaced her thumbs with her mouth, her hand sliding down between their bodies.

  Aroused again, they rolled slickly together, making love with a sensual fever that left them both gasping and breathless. They lay together, sated bodies still entwined, and Asha closed her eyes, her face nuzzling the soft indentation of Peri’s neck, her arm holding Peri close. She dozed for moments or hours, and when she opened her eyes she found Peri watching her. She smiled sleepily. “I’m sorry, I must have dozed off.”

  “The little death, according to the French. Although I’m not entirely sure about the gender of the author or the recipient,” Peri said softly and then flushed. “And don’t be sorry. I’ve heard it’s the best compliment. I take it that way, anyhow.”

  “It was just spectacular,” Asha said honestly, running her finger gently over the line of Peri’s jaw. “And so were you.”

  “And you. It was just about breathtaking, wasn’t it?” Peri grinned crookedly. “Plus fantastic, earth-shattering, magnificent. And more.”

  Asha chuckled. “I’d second all of that.”

  “I wouldn’t have believed it could be so good. How you made me feel.” Peri swallowed. “I mean, before … I never considered …” Sh
e shook her head slightly.

  “You’ve never considered making love with a woman?” Asha finished.

  “No. Yes. Not exactly.” Color washed Peri’s cheeks and she frowned slightly.

  Asha smiled again. “Not exactly is a little ambiguous, don’t you think?”

  Peri flushed.

  “It’s okay,” Asha said quickly and kissed her chin. “I understand what you mean.”

  “I guess I thought I never liked sex all that much.” Peri’s fingers plucked at the edge of the sheet she must have pulled over them. “I mean, I knew it was a part of life, but for me, well, it was never a big part of my life. When Lance and I got together, I think I hoped it would get better. It didn’t much.” She grimaced. “You asked me if I’d ever considered making love with a woman,” she continued, “and I think I have. But I buried it deeply in my subconscious somewhere. It only surfaced in my dreams and I’d wake up not remembering them but being filled with a sense of loss, of reaching out for something just beyond my grasp. So the answer would have to be, not exactly. Not until I met you,” she finished huskily.

  “Ah.” Asha murmured, self-satisfied. “So I walked into your life and resurrected your dreams?”

  “Yes.” Peri laughed softly and then sobered. “I never experienced”—she swallowed. “I never had an orgasm with Lance,” she said, sliding a quick glance at Asha and away again. “It just never seemed real. I felt as though I was a bystander, not part of it.” She made an agitated movement with her hand. “I can’t explain it.”

  “I think you just did and really well,” Asha said, taking Peri’s hand and squeezing it reassuringly.

  “I guess that was one of the reasons he wanted out. And part of me can’t blame him for that. I just wished he could have been more honorable, about it. When I found out about him and Janet, things got a little heated, and he said, among other things, that I was totally unfeeling.” She paused. “He said a lot of things, actually. Hurtful things. I tried to tell myself most of it stemmed from his guilt, but I think the guilt was as much mine.” She sighed. “If I were totally honest, I’d have to say he had a point on that score. He also accused me of being frigid.”