Past Remembering

by Lyn Denison

  “Tell me what?” Peri asked, appearing in the doorway as Vivienne left them.

  Asha watched Peri’s face as Rosemary told her what Asha’s research had uncovered. Amazement. Disbelief. She slid a glance at Asha and her face flushed.

  “I can’t take this in,” she said at last. “Georgie was a woman?”

  They sat quietly as Peri read Asha’s printouts for herself. Then she stood up. “I think I need to reread my copy of Georgie’s journals. I’m going upstairs to do it straight away.” With one glance at Asha’s face, she left them.

  “How accurate are the census returns?” Rosemary asked Asha when they were alone.

  “Reasonably accurate. There are lots of mistakes with ages or places of birth, which could have been the information the census collectors were given or what was transcribed. And occasionally children were left out of family groups, I’ll admit. But the census returns aside, all the other Chaseley children were baptized, including the last child, Kate, who died not long after her birth and after her mother had died.” Asha raised her hands and let them fall. “I see no reason why they wouldn’t have baptized their son, George, if he had been born.”

  “Could George and Georgina have been twins?” Rosemary asked.

  “Perhaps. He could have been mistakenly left off the register but it’s a huge coincidence that he would be left out of the census as well. And I checked to see if he was away from home on the night of the census, but I came up with no possibilities.” Asha took a steadying breath. “And, most importantly, in the journals, when talking about his family, Georgie made no reference to a sister, Georgina.”

  “And Georgie said Richard had named his daughter Georgina, after Georgie,” Rosemary said reflectively. She sighed. “What a revelation. I think I should go and check on Mother. Will you excuse me, Asha?”

  Asha passed Rosemary the two photographs she’d scanned and reprinted. “Maybe you should show Vivienne these, too, Rosemary. This is the most telling proof, I think. It’s Georgie’s wedding photo and the one of her in the family group taken at her sister Mary’s wedding. I think it proves the research beyond doubt.”

  Rosemary looked at the photographs carefully, then nodded and left the room. Asha could only return to the study.

  Asha stepped out of the shower later that evening and toweled herself dry. With a sigh, she reached for her T-shirt then pulled it over her head. She gave her hair another vigorous rub, not wanting to use her noisy hair dryer so late at night.

  She looked at herself in the mirror and sighed again. She was drawn and tired, and the past couple of days were catching up with her. There was that wonderful night with Peri, the late night at the awards, and then the emotional discussions with her stepmother. And, of course, the excitement of uncovering Georgie Chaseley’s secret. Add to that the scene with Peri, and Asha felt like a piece of chewed string.

  She couldn’t believe Peri could have misconstrued Jack accompanying her to the awards. Her heart ached. There had to be some way she could make Peri understand. Perhaps if Peri talked to Jack … Yet part of Asha wished Peri had simply trusted her.

  Her fluctuating thoughts were interrupted by a knock on her door.

  “Asha?”

  The soft voice was Peri’s, and Asha stilled before crossing to open the door. Peri stood there looking pale and hesitant.

  “I—” She shrugged slightly. “Can I come in?”

  Asha held her gaze for a moment before standing back so Peri could come into the room. Peri closed the door behind her and leaned against it. She wore light shorts and a black sleeveless tank top, and her feet were bare.

  Asha desperately wanted to tell her how beautiful she was, but her vocal chords wouldn’t seem to work. Uncertainty bade her be cautious, but her attraction to Peri had her defenses crumbling.

  Peri drew a shuddering breath. “I was lying in bed. I couldn’t stop thinking about you. Since the other night. And this afternoon. And I had to come.”

  “I was thinking about you, too,” Asha said huskily.

  “I can’t cope with being like this, wanting to touch you, needing to feel your lips on mine. I’ve thought of nothing else.” Peri’s voice broke on a sob.

  Stepping forward, Asha gently drew her into her arms, holding her close as she cried. Asha murmured soothingly.

  “I’ve never felt like this before,” Peri said into Asha’s shoulder. “I’ve never wanted anyone as much as I want you. Don’t send me away. Please.”

  “Never.” Asha found Peri’s lips and kissed her softly, gently. Then their kisses deepened as passion took hold of them.

  Somehow they were on Asha’s bed and Peri’s fingers and lips were moving over Asha’s skin, setting her aflame. She reveled in Peri’s touch, the taste of her, the familiar scent of her.

  Asha moaned and her mouth settled on the hard peak of Peri’s breast. She ran her hands over Peri’s smooth skin, lingering over the line of her hip, her thigh, her fingers finding the dampness of Peri’s center.

  Peri murmured low in her throat, the sound of her arousal, the magic of her fingers sending Asha tumbling over into orgasm. Peri held her, nibbling tingling kisses along Asha’s shoulder and the curve of her throat, then found her lips and kissed her deeply, druggingly.

  Drawing a steadying breath, Asha moved over Peri, her lips finding Peri’s responsive places. She exalted in the heady catch in Peri’s breath, the sweet, low sounds she made as her desire rose, the soft sobbing sigh as she cascaded, dissolving into Asha’s arms.

  After a while, Asha leaned on her elbow and looked down into Peri’s smoky eyes, part of her taking in Peri’s long, dark eyelashes, the very faint oval scar above the arch of one eyebrow. She touched the scar lightly with her finger. “I don’t even know how you came by this scar,” she said huskily, knowing that wasn’t what she should be asking.

  “A difference of opinion with Jack when I was seven,” Peri said softly, her expression telling Asha she knew they were evading the subject on both their minds. “I wanted a toy he had, there was some shoving, he conceded, and I hit myself with the spoils. It was my own fault. He was mortified when I started to bleed and was unfairly punished by my parents.” She wrinkled her nose. “I suspect that happened a lot when we were kids.” She held Asha’s gaze. “Jack always took the blame.”

  “I made it clear to Jack that I … I didn’t lead him on. You have my word on that.”

  “I know. I was still shifting the blame, I—”

  Whatever Peri was about to say was left unsaid when there was a soft knock on Asha’s door.

  Asha looked at the time. Three a.m. Asha’s bedside lamp was on, so whoever was knocking would see the strip of light below the door. Peri and Asha looked at each other for long seconds before they both climbed hurriedly off the bed.

  The knock came again. “Asha? Are you awake?”

  “It’s Rosemary,” Asha breathed. “Just a minute,” she said louder, as she scrambled to pass Peri her top and boxer shorts. She struggled into her oversized T-shirt. As she smoothed it over her bare hips, Peri hurried into the en suite, clothes in hand, the dim light illuminating the curve of her buttocks and thigh.

  Asha took a steadying breath and opened the door. “Sorry. I was just, uh, going to take a shower,” she said, her face hot.

  “When I saw the light under your door I hoped you were still awake,” Rosemary said with a frown. “Do you know where Peri is? She’s not in her room and I didn’t know she was going out.”

  “Is something wrong?” Asha asked, concerned now.

  “Mother’s had a heart turn.”

  “Is she all right?”

  “I hope so. She says she is. But I’m going to take her to the hospital just as a precaution, and I wanted to tell Peri.”

  The en suite door behind Asha opened and Peri appeared, her brow creased with concern. “What’s wrong with Viv?”

  Rosemary’s dark eyes went from Asha to Peri, and Asha swallowed, her blush deepening.

 
“Is she okay?” Peri pressed and Rosemary seemed to recover from her surprise.

  “She insists she’s fine, but I think it gave her a fright.”

  “I’ll come to the hospital with you,” Peri said, moving out into the hallway. “I’ll just throw some clothes on.” She jogged down the hall toward her room.

  Rosemary’s gaze followed her before she turned back to Asha. “I don’t know how long we’ll be. They might decide to admit her.” Her eyes moved past Asha, taking in the tumbled bedclothes.

  “But you’ll let me know what’s happening? You have my mobile number?”

  Rosemary nodded, went to walk off and then turned back to Asha. “I think maybe you and Peri and I need to talk, hmm?”

  “Rosemary, I—” Asha swallowed and simply nodded, watching as Rosemary disappeared after Peri.

  Asha was desperately worried for Vivienne. She always seemed so full of life. Surely she would be all right. Had Asha’s exposé about Georgie had anything to do with her heart turn? Asha wondered. Although she was surprised, Vivienne hadn’t seemed concerned about anything except Rosemary.

  And what would Rosemary be thinking finding Peri in Asha’s room? What could she think? Asha asked herself mockingly.

  Left alone, Asha tried to gather her scattered thoughts. There was no way she’d be able to convince Rosemary that she and Peri hadn’t spent the night together. If she wanted to, suggested a small voice that surfaced inside her.

  She had a quick shower, forcing thoughts of Peri moving with her on the bed from her mind. There was no way she could sleep, and the tumbled bed looked lonely, so she pulled on a pair of baggy shorts and a T-shirt and went across to the study.

  Vivienne had sorted out a pile of recent photos from the family album that she wanted in the book, and Asha needed to scan them. It would keep her mind off waiting for Rosemary’s call about her mother. She powered up her notebook and her scanner and took the pile of photographs from the drawer.

  Picking up the first photo, she slipped it into her scanner and listened to it whirring to life. It was a studio portrait of Richard Chaseley and his late wife, Sara, on their wedding day. There was one of Richard, Nicolas and Rosemary as small children, and another of them when they were in their teens.

  Asha looked at the smiling face of Nicolas Chaseley. On first inspection he was like his father but with Vivienne’s fairer coloring. Asha studied his handsome face, seeing the arrogance in his expression. She saved the file and told herself she was reading that into the photo because she knew how badly he’d treated her stepmother.

  There was a photo of Rosemary, aged twenty-one, showing a strong, attractive face. Her hair was swept up and she was smiling confidently. There was certainly nothing to indicate she was a lesbian. Asha laughed self-derisively. What would there be? A large letter “L” in the middle of her forehead?

  Since Asha had discovered Georgie’s journals, Vivienne had decided to officially add Peri’s family to the book. She had a photo of Susannah Reid, Richard and Susannah’s granddaughter, at her marriage to Robert Gaines, before he left to fight in World War I, never to return. There was also a later photo of Susannah and her second husband, Edward Ward.

  She scanned a photo of Grace Gaines Moyland and her husband and their two sons, and then the sons with their families. She lingered over a shot of David, Jack and Peri as children. David was the image of his father, while Jack and Peri were so obviously Gaineses. She ran her fingertips gently over the photo of the young, vibrant face of Peri Moyland, and she sighed softly.

  She worked steadily, the only sound in the room the whirr of the scanner. She picked up a photo of Richard and Sara and their children and slipped it into the scanner, waiting as the photo was transferred to her computer. Sara Chaseley had been an attractive woman, petite with shoulder-length fair hair. Her daughter, Megan, at three years, was definitely her mother’s daughter with her wide smile and fair curls.

  Asha turned her attention to Timothy, their adopted son, and, Asha suspected, a favorite of his grandmother, Vivienne. Going by the date, he would be thirteen years old in the photo, as tall as Richard, and if Asha hadn’t known he was adopted, she would have said he took after his father.

  Timothy Chaseley had the same coloring and square jaw, but his eyes … They were as blue as the Chaseleys were brown. He looked vaguely familiar. Asha searched through the remaining photos. Megan, aged twelve years, taken earlier in the year. She found one of Timothy, aged twenty-one. Asha studied his features, and a sudden stillness held her immobile. She went hot and then cold.

  Her wallet was in the top desk drawer, and her unsteady fingers fumbled for it. She drew it out, flipped it open and stared at the photos in their plastic sleeves. She put the photo of Michelle alongside the photo of Timothy Chaseley. Surely she was imagining it.

  The eyes. The bright blue eyes Michelle had inherited from her mother. Their shape. How could she have not seen the resemblance before?

  Asha’s heartbeat intensified. She glanced at the time. Just after seven. Her stepmother was an early riser. She’d be sitting reading the newspaper with an early cup of tea.

  Asha lifted the phone and dialed, swallowing when she heard her stepmother’s voice. “Mum. It’s Asha.”

  “You’re an early bird, love.” Laura West paused. “Is there something wrong?”

  “No. Yes. Um, Vivienne had a heart turn last night.”

  “Oh, no, Asha,” said her stepmother. “Is she all right?”

  “I hope so. I’m waiting to hear. But Mum, I’m scanning some photos and there’s something I …” Asha changed the phone from one ear to her other. “When did you?” She drew on all her courage to continue. “Your baby, was it a boy?”

  There was a moment of heavy silence. “Why do you want to know?”

  “Do you know who his adoptive parents were?”

  “How would I know that?”

  Asha knew by her tone, the unsteadiness of her stepmother’s voice. “Oh, Mum. I’m right, aren’t I? I know who adopted him.”

  “How could you know that, Asha? The records are sealed and …” Laura West’s voice faded away, and she made a soft, sobbing sound. “Does he … ? How does he look?” she asked, her voice heavy with tears.

  “You haven’t seen him?” Asha asked, wiping tears from her own cheeks.

  “Not since he was five days old,” she said softly.

  “He looks so much like Michelle. And you. Only darker like the Chaseleys. He’s away in Melbourne with his father and sister, so I haven’t met him.”

  “I wanted so much to ask you about him, but I didn’t dare in case you, well, in case this happened.”

  “Vivienne says he’s a wonderful young man.”

  “She never knew, Asha. Vivienne, I mean. So you mustn’t tell her,” Laura said, clearly upset.

  “But, Mum. How could she not know?”

  “It was her husband, Dickie, and Richard who arranged it all. And they swore me to secrecy. I had already decided to put my baby up for adoption when Dickie came to see me. There was no way I could keep him, but this way, at least, I knew he would be safe and loved. I liked Richard and Sara and I knew they would make wonderful parents. And my baby, he was their blood. It was his place with the family.”

  Tears tumbled down Asha’s cheeks. “What will we do, Mum?”

  “Do? Asha, we can’t do anything. Unless he, unless Timothy,” she said the name softly, “wants to know about me, and he hasn’t shown any signs of that, so there’s nothing to be done.”

  They talked together for some time, and when Asha eventually hung up she rubbed her eyes. She looked again at the handsome face of Timothy Chaseley, Michelle’s half brother. So many secrets. And little did she know the depths of the secrets she was about to unravel when she took on what had started out as a straightforward research project.

  A short time later Asha heard the sound of soft footsteps in the hallway. Rosemary came into the study and sank tiredly into the chair by the desk.
r />   Apprehensively, Asha tried to read the expression on her face. “How is she?” she asked quickly.

  “Fine now,” Rosemary reassured her. “It seems she forgot to take one lot of her tablets. They’ve given her loads of tests, and now they’re letting her come home. Peri’s staying with her until I get back with something for her to wear. She doesn’t want to come home in her night attire.”

  Asha smiled. “No, I suppose she doesn’t.”

  “I have to get back, but I wanted you to know Mother was okay. I also wanted to tell you, while we waited for Mother’s tests, I had time to talk to Peri.”

  Asha worked to school her expression. “What did she say?”

  “Not much. You haven’t known each other long, I take it?”

  Asha shook her head.

  “She said you were her first.” Rosemary gave a small sigh. “I never even suspected Peri was a lesbian. Fine gaydar I’ve got.”

  Asha gave a faint smile. “I didn’t either. I hoped, but …” She shrugged slightly.

  “But we knew about each other, didn’t we, you and I?”

  Asha thought back to her first meeting with Rosemary, and she nodded again. “I wouldn’t do anything to hurt Peri,” she said quickly. “I just … we …” She shook her head.

  “She said the same about you. I think she wants to talk to you.”

  Asha’s heart constricted. She knew she’d fallen in love with Peri. If only she could be sure Peri felt the same way. What if Peri decided it was all too difficult?

  “Does your stepmother know that you’re a lesbian?” Rosemary’s voice broke into Asha’s thoughts.

  “She does now. I went to my father’s Sporting Awards Night with Peri’s brother, and Mum thought Jack and I were involved. I didn’t want to pretend any longer.”