William Shakespeare's Star Wars

by Ian Doescher

  LEIA Do something, prithee, or they shall burst through!

  CHORUS So clever Luke the scene he doth survey

  And soon conceives a noble plan to cross.

  To take their flight and save them sans delay,

  He bares a length of rope as thin as floss.

  Attack’d, now Leia matches fire with fire,

  And so they cross, a’swinging o’er th’abyss.

  But ere they fly, the princess doth inspire

  More strength in Luke by means of royal kiss.

  LEIA A kiss for luck before our flight, dear friend,

  A kiss upon thy cheek from lips of mine,

  A kiss to give thee hope and confidence,

  A kiss to bring us courage in this time.

  Now take this kiss—my gift bestow’d by choice—

  And on the other side we’ll soon rejoice.

  [Exeunt.

  SCENE 7.

  Inside the Death Star.

  CHORUS While droids do worry o’er their Master’s fate,

  Han and Chewbacca make their swift escape.

  While Luke and Leia now in safety wait,

  A mighty, final duel taketh shape.

  Enter DARTH VADER and OBI-WAN KENOBI, with STORMTROOPERS watching.

  VADER For certain, I have waited, Obi-Wan,

  And now at last we meet together here:

  Our destinies once and for all fulfill’d.

  The circle of our lives is now complete—

  A student was I when I left thee last,

  But now I am the Master over thee.

  OBI-WAN Thou art a Master, Darth, I know ’tis true,

  But only evil hast thou Master’d yet.

  [They duel.

  VADER In time thy pow’rs have weak become, old man.

  OBI-WAN And yet thou canst not win, I’ll warrant, Darth.

  For if thou strike me down, e’en now, e’en here,

  I shall more great and powerful become

  Than e’er thou hast imagin’d possible.

  VADER I tell thee plain: thou shouldst not have return’d.

  CHORUS What noble battle passes twixt these men—

  Lightsabers rage from Sith and Jedi Knight!

  No more courageous battle hath there been:

  ’Tis like the day does combat with the night.

  Now whilst the two in conflict strike their blows,

  The others come that they the ship may find.

  At first Han Solo with Chewbacca shows,

  Then Luke and Princess Leia just behind.

  Enter HAN SOLO, with CHEWBACCA aside.

  HAN Did we not just this fright’ning party leave?

  Enter LUKE SKYWALKER and PRINCESS LEIA with them.

  Where hast thou been?

  LEIA —We did some old friends meet,

  But, finding them unfriendly, have both vow’d

  To find far truer, better friends henceforth.

  LUKE Hast thou seen any problems with the ship?

  HAN It seemeth fine, if we may make approach

  And get beyond the stormtroopers. Aye, then

  My fondest hope is that thine Obi-Wan

  Hath vanquishèd the wicked tractor beam.

  LUKE Behold, what ease! The stormtroopers go hence.

  C-3PO Now ’tis our chance, good R2-D2, come.

  R2-D2 [aside:] Aye, will he now be leading me?

  [To C-3PO:] Beep, squeak!

  HAN Fly, fly, good friends! Unto the ship make haste.

  CHORUS As ev’ryone unto the ship draws nigh,

  Young Luke sees Obi-Wan trade slice with slice.

  And Ben Kenobi, catching young Luke’s eye,

  Prepares to make a gracious sacrifice.

  OBI-WAN A Jedi is not made of fear or hate,

  But must a nobler countenance display.

  It is a lesson learn’d in times gone by

  That still I teach myself unto this day.

  Full many years I’ve spent with thoughts of this—

  This instant when Darth Vader I’d confront.

  But now my thirst for retribution’s cold,

  While sweet forgiveness doth my spirit taste.

  I know I cannot win this battle here,

  Nor would I wish to slay the kindly man

  Who surely still within this black shell lives.

  And so, unto this death I’ll go, this sleep,

  This sleep that promises the dream of peace.

  This undiscover’d galaxy wherein

  I’ll know at last tranquility of heart.

  But ere I die, I’ll one last lesson teach.

  I shall in this—my final moment—set

  A keen example for the universe,

  That future generations may yet know

  The valor and the strength of Jedi Knights.

  Put up thy lightsaber now, Obi-Wan,

  And show thyself a Jedi to this son.

  [Obi-Wan raises lightsaber and is killed by Darth Vader.

  CHORUS The cry of “Nay!” escapes Luke’s trembling lip

  And stormtroopers turn ’round to see them there.

  A battle great begins before the ship

  As to the Falcon these brave souls repair.

  But ere the group departs amid the fray,

  Luke hears the voice of Obi-Wan inside:

  “Pray run, Luke run,” the inner voice doth say,

  And Luke the Death Star leaves with Force as guide.

  [Exeunt.

  SCENE 1.

  Space, aboard the Millennium Falcon.

  Enter LUKE SKYWALKER and PRINCESS LEIA separately, with C-3PO and R2-D2.

  LUKE My heart doth break at this most recent loss,

  And how shall heart be heal’d of this grave pain?

  My aunt and uncle first, and now this Ben:

  Did e’er a person know such grief as mine?

  LEIA His heart breaks for a person, Obi-Wan—

  My heart breaks for a people, Alderaan.

  My ship crush’d first, and now my planet too:

  Did e’er a person know such grief as ours?

  LUKE I have but known this man a little time,

  Yet in my heart he holds a special place.

  So had I hop’d to learn from him the Force,

  And be his eager new apprentice too.

  LEIA My Alderaan I’ve known for all my life,

  And hold it in my heart in high’st esteem.

  So had I hop’d to one day make it home,

  When this rebellion all is pass’d away.

  LUKE But now must I another pathway take

  And make my final destiny sans him.

  My hopes shall not fulfillèd be as plann’d,

  Yet may I hope to serve through diff’rent deeds.

  LEIA But now must I some other course adopt

  And write my life’s own story without them.

  My dreams shall not be realiz’d as I wish’d,

  Yet may I dream to see some other Fate.

  LUKE Thus shall I strive to hold my head up high,

  And be a beacon to this princess dear.

  So I’ll in her Rebellion play my part

  And show her what a Jedi Knight may be.

  LEIA Thus shall I strive to hold my hands outstretch’d

  And be a calming presence to this man.

  So I’ll in his deep mourning act my role

  And show him what a comfort friends may be.

  HAN [within:] We now approach the Empire’s sentry ships,

  I prithee, Chewie, keep the ships at bay

  And angle our deflector shields whilst I

  Do charge the weapons for our sure defense!

  [He enters and speaks to Luke and Leia.

  My friends, I know ye grieve most heartily,

  Yet we have not made our escape complete.

  I need thy help, so get thee to the guns!

  CHORUS With newfound strength Luke rises to the chore

  And finds the console opposite
from Han.

  With lasers arm’d and engines all a’roar,

  TIE fighters swiftly come—the battle’s on!

  HAN Now be thou sharp, young Luke.

  LEIA —They come anon!

  LUKE They come too fast, how shall we hold them off?

  LEIA The ship is struck! All lateral controls

  Have been destoy’d.

  C-3PO —O heav’n! [He falls.

  HAN —Be not afear’d.

  I’ll warrant that the ship shall surely hold.

  [Aside:] O ship, hast heard my word? I prithee, hold!

  LUKE Now have I smash’d one!

  HAN —Well, thou worthy lad!

  [Aside:] But be thou not too full of pride and joy.

  When battle’s won then mayst thou boast indeed,

  But none e’er boasted yet who bested were!

  LEIA Still two remain, so be thou bold and wise.

  CHORUS With shouts and sweat and ev’ry skill employ’d,

  Young Luke and Han contend with all their might.

  At length, the last TIE fighter is destroy’d

  And battle ends in fiery blast of light.

  LUKE We are the victors—merry is the day!

  C-3PO But I have fallen—help, O help me now.

  ’Tis surely thy fault, R2-D2, see!

  R2-D2 Beep, meep, squeak, whistle, beep, meep, whistle, whee.

  [Exeunt.

  SCENE 2.

  Inside the Death Star.

  Enter GRAND MOFF TARKIN and DARTH VADER.

  TARKIN Now have they gone? The rebels truly fled?

  VADER They have—e’en now—the jump to light speed made.

  TARKIN And thou art sure—I prithee, say thou art—

  The homing beacon safe aboard the ship

  Hath placèd been? I fear this risk’s unwise.

  VADER The risk and homing beacon both have been

  Well plac’d. Thou, Tarkin, be assur’d thereon.

  TARKIN ’Tis well, good friend, I trust thy word herein,

  Yet would I have thee know what danger’s here:

  While I have risk’d the world to let them flee,

  Since thou dost reassure, the risk’s on thee.

  [Exeunt.

  SCENE 3.

  Space, aboard the Millennium Falcon.

  Enter HAN SOLO and PRINCESS LEIA.

  HAN Thy rescue hath been wondrous, think’st thou not?

  Say I: at times I do myself amaze.

  Amazing hath my rescue of thee been,

  Amazing is my hand at piloting,

  Amazing all my part in this escape,

  Amazing—aye, ’tis true—my handsome looks.

  LEIA Amazing is thy pride and love of self!

  Thus stand I now amaz’d that e’er thou shouldst

  Allow thy great, amazing self to stoop

  So low that thou wouldst rescue such as I.

  But let me now amaze thee if I may,

  By telling thee that thy amazement is

  Misplac’d! For never have Imperi’l ships

  Let enemies escape with such great ease

  As thou and thy amazing vessel have

  Just now amazingly escap’d.

  HAN —Nay, nay!

  Call’st thou this venture easy, Princess? Pish!

  LEIA I’ll warrant we are being track’d e’en now.

  HAN This ship shall never trackèd be, good sis.

  LEIA Methinks thou dost upon this vessel far

  Too great a trust bestow. But none of that,

  I merely am reliev’d that R2 doth

  The information safely in him guard.

  HAN But wherefore does this matter, Princess, say:

  What carries he?

  LEIA —Rebellion’s greatest hope:

  For he doth hold the readouts technical

  Unto that battle station, aye, the one

  That such great pow’r display’d o’er Alderaan.

  My hope it is that when the data can

  Be read, an inner weakness we shall find.

  Though thou hast seen this battle end, the war

  Has not concluded yet.

  HAN —But there thou err’st,

  Thou dost not speak my mind. For this ship and

  Its pilot, Princess, ’tis concluded now.

  I have not join’d thy revolution, nay—

  My purpose runs not to Rebellion help,

  My purpose runs not to assist thyself.

  My purpose runs toward one aim alone,

  And I do speak it plain: I shall be paid,

  And will be paid, and ev’ry aspect of

  My being lives in expectation of

  The moment when thou shalt my coffers fill.

  LEIA O fiendish knave! Be thou concernèd not

  O’er thy reward. If thou in money dost

  Find love, then surely shalt thou have it, aye.

  Enter LUKE SKYWALKER.

  Thy friend is ev’ry part a hirèd man,

  A mercenary with no mercy, he.

  I question whether he doth care for aught

  Or anyone.

  [Exit Princess Leia.

  LUKE [aside:] —But I do care, I do!

  If only, Leia, thou didst know how much.

  [To Han:] Pray tell me, Han, what dost thou think of her?

  HAN I tell thee true, my mind is settl’d fast

  When it thinks not of her.

  LUKE —’Tis well, ’tis well.

  HAN [aside:] Now is it plain to me why he doth ask!

  The boy doth fancy her, I’ll warrant, else

  I’ve made a great mistake in judgment here.

  What use are young men’s dreams if not for mocking?

  So I shall dance upon his tender heart:

  [To Luke:] And yet—

  LUKE [aside:] —Alas, a “yet”? What’s this of “yet”?

  HAN The woman truly hath a spirit bold, And yet I know not.

  What think’st thou, I pray:

  Think’st thou a princess could with me be—

  LUKE —Nay.

  [Exeunt.

  SCENE 4.

  The rebel base on Yavin IV.

  CHORUS The swift Millenn’um Falcon makes its course

  Unto the place the Empire long has sought:

  On Yavin IV rebellion hath its source,

  O’er which the final battle shall be fought.

  Enter PRINCESS LEIA and COMMANDER WILLARD, with LUKE SKYWALKER, HAN SOLO, and R2-D2 behind.

  WILLARD Good Princess, thou art safe! When word we heard

  About the cruel destruction of thy home

  We fear’d the worst. But now to see thee safe

  Is like a fragrant blossom to my sense.

  LEIA In time we may recount our griefs, good Sir,

  But now is the occasion we must act.

  I prithee, take this R2 unit here

  And use the data thou shalt find therein

  To plan our great attack. Our only hope

  It is, Commander, trust in what I say.

  CHORUS The records R2 holds are analyz’d,

  And lo, an opportunity appears!

  The rebels straight are of the news appris’d

  And hearts made ready as the battle nears.

  But whilst they mine good R2’s database,

  The Empire learns where all the rebels wait.

  The Death Star makes its way unto the place

  To bring to Yavin Alderaan’s grim fate.

  Enter GENERAL DODONNA, WEDGE ANTILLES, and various rebel commanders and pilots.

  DODONNA Now gather ’round, ye pilots good and true,

  For here shalt thou a goodly lesson learn.

  We have a single hope in this attack,

  And ye shall hear how we may compass it:

  The battle station heav’ly shielded is,

  And hath more pow’r to fire than half our fleet.

  It hath defenses ’gainst a large assault,

  But like the king who fell fo
r want of horse

  This station may be crush’d by smaller might.

  A one-mann’d fighter may have strength to clear

  The outer walls and penetrate therein.

  GOLD LEAD. Beg pardon, Sir, but how—I prithee—shall

  A one-mann’d fighter stand its ground ’gainst that?

  DODONNA A question ask’d in wisdom ’tis, good friend.

  The Empire vast hath not consider’d small

  Snub fighters to be any threat, methinks,

  Else surely ’twould make suitable defense.

  The strongest people often put their faith

  Upon their strength alone, yet often such

  As these are bested by a people led

  By wisdom, skill and cunning. To the point:

  The plans provided by the princess show

  The battle station’s fatal weakness, aye.

  A weakness do I call it, yet be sure:

  The hard approach therein shall per’lous be.

  Thou must maneuver through the trench above

  The surface unto this especial point:

  There shalt thou find the glory spot, my lads,

  There shalt thou with a blast most keenly shot

  Bring down an Empire cruel and merciless.

  But take ye heed, for all is not yet told:

  The hole thou must attempt to strike is but

  Two meters wide, a thermal pipe for waste.

  This hole shall make thy laser’s power grow,

  This hole shall start a chain reaction great,

  This hole, if thou canst hit it, wins the day—

  This hole shall end the battle station whole.

  GOLD LEAD. But Sir, the odds of such a hit are nil.

  WEDGE ’Tis near impossible. Shall we, I say,

  Attempt this madness or, mayhap ’tis best

  If we do live to fight another day.

  If we had but another thousand ships—

  LUKE Friends, rebels, starfighters, lend me your ears.

  Wish not we had a single fighter more,

  If we are mark’d to die, we are enough

  To make our planets proud. But should we win,

  We fewer rebels share the greater fame.

  We all have sacrific’d unto this cause.

  Ye all know well the fam’ly I have lost—

  My uncle dear and aunt belov’d, aye both,

  And then a mentor great, a pow’rful friend.

  As massive is the grief I feel for them,

  I know full well they’d not have me back down.

  The princess hath a planet lost, with friends