Payne

by Kimber White

  As the howls rose and grew closer, I did the only thing I could to save us both. I gathered Lena in my arms and ran.

  Eleven

  Lena

  In Payne’s arms, I felt like I was flying. My breath left me in a whoosh as he crossed the highway. His heartbeat filled my body. His scent filled my brain. He was everything and everywhere. I just wanted to breathe.

  With dizzying speed, he covered miles. His pulse thundered beneath his chest. My own seemed to rise to match his. He was strength. Light. Power.

  Finally, the wind changed and we came to a stop. He’d taken the path along the Rough River heading farther north than we planned. I wasn’t a shifter. I didn’t have heightened super senses like he did. The Alpha who’d marked me was long dead. My connection to the Pack had been broken long ago. And yet, I felt the danger subside through Payne.

  He set me down. My legs turned to jelly and I nearly fell on my ass. Payne tried to catch me, but I spun away. It was too much. Though my body craved his touch, my head reeled from it.

  Too much. Too fast.

  “I’m sorry,” he said, gasping. “I don’t know what I was thinking.”

  I did. I’d seen it with my brother. I’d seen it with Shelby. And of course, I’d seen it with Able Valent. They all had one elemental thing in common. These men were Alphas. It was in their nature to lead.

  “You’ve never done that before?” I asked as the pounding of my heart started to dull. It meant something, but I wasn’t ready to wrap my mind around it yet.

  Payne’s eyes went cold. I knew instinctively he remembered something. The weight of it seemed to pull him down. He dropped his head and sank slowly to the ground, squatting. His breath came in ragged pants as he struggled to get his wolf under control. I went to him without thinking.

  “Is he in your head now?” I asked. “Valent? He was out there, wasn’t he? The Pack felt you trying to subjugate that kid on the road.”

  Payne’s eyes flashed with fire. “I wouldn’t subjugate him. Not the way you think. I’m not like...Valent. I would never force him or anyone else to do the things that they made me do. Or that they made you do.”

  His words struck me like a blow to the chest. I took a step backward. God, I’d been so close to putting my hands on him. If I had, I knew I’d feel that same shock of energy that took my breath away. I didn’t want to think about it. My head rebelled against it.

  No. I won’t be that. I’ll never be that. I can never let another shifter have power over me.

  And yet, the skin flared at the base of my neck. A yearning ache blossomed low in my core and spread quickly.

  “We’re close to the border,” I said, lifting my chin to the north. I would not give in to the new desire I felt. I couldn’t orient myself the way Payne could, but we’d covered so much ground, we had to be.

  Payne rose. He cupped his hand over his eyes to shield them from the sun. “Twenty miles, maybe,” he said. “Our best bet is to cross near Maysville. If we get across the Ohio River, we’ll end up in Banchory or thereabouts.”

  “And Banchory’s where Mac said we have contacts that can help?” I knew this. Hell, I’d made Mac recite it over and over. Still, I wanted the words. I wanted cold details and plans, not emotions. If I let myself feel what was happening to me, I’d lose my mind.

  “Right,” Payne said. He slid the backpack off his shoulder and tossed it to me. “Better make camp here for the night. This close to the river, and we’re not likely to run into any more trouble from the Pack. I’ll keep watch.”

  I couldn’t help myself, a small smirk lit my face. “I’ve heard that before.”

  Payne came to me. He towered over me with his wolf eyes flashing like emeralds. “We’ll have to leave the cover of the forest in the morning. That’s going to make us easier to track. You sure you’re up for this?”

  I felt a flare of defiant anger heating my blood. Was I up for this? “Yes,” I said, my tone cold and flat.

  “Okay,” he said. “Try to get some rest tonight then. Tomorrow, I’m going to have to head into town. I have to make contact with some friends we have. We can’t head into Maysville or get anywhere near the Ohio River without solid intel on what we might be up against. Things could change minute by minute.”

  “Especially now,” I said. My words were biting and I didn’t mean it. Well, I did. Payne’s Alpha moment by the highway probably exposed us more than if we’d just marched up to a Pack outpost straight out. I hated to say it, but he probably would have been better off just killing that poor kid on the road.

  “Right,” he agreed. “I’m...I’m sorry.”

  I wanted to let him off the hook. The tortured look in his eyes gutted me. And yet, I was pissed at him. What he’d done was careless. It was like he had no control over his wolf and that could be dangerous if not deadly.

  I should have apologized right back to him. He didn’t give me a chance. Satisfied that I was at least temporarily hidden in the shade of the trees, he turned and broke into a run. Like he’d done every night since we left Mammoth Forest, Payne meant to patrol the perimeter.

  I tried to settle with my back against a tree. Hugging my knees to me, I watched him go. For the first time since I’d left Birch Haven, the woods felt stifling. Up until now, it’s where I preferred to be. Staring at the same four walls for so long had made me crave the stars at night. But now, the wildness seemed to seep into my pores.

  Payne was wild. He was dark, dangerous, and powerful. And yet, heat coiled through me at the thought of him.

  I ran my fingers over the fresh claw marks on my arm. Payne was right, they’d likely leave a scar like the others; yet another mark I hadn’t wanted. But, when he touched me, when his blood mixed with mine, something happened. I knew what it was even if I wasn’t able to bring myself to think the words.

  Payne came back. He was in his wolf again, loping along the shoreline. Those brilliant green eyes of his flashed like laser beams as he scanned for possible threats. Like the first night since we left, I watched him shift, marveling at his magic. He was so much different than my brother. Taller, broader, more savage somehow. He rose, straightening his legs. When he pulled on his jeans, I went to him.

  He stood with his back to me. His shoulder muscles twitched as he sensed my approach. Payne had his own scars. Here in the moonlight again, I saw them plainly. They weren’t random scratches earned in battle. There was a pattern to these. They cut cruelly across shoulder blades, over his flanks. The deepest scars cut through pressure points at the base of his neck and along his spine. He’d been tortured.

  “What were you to him?” I asked. I had to know the truth. My need for it burned through me. Payne had asked me to trust him. Maybe I never could. Maybe Shelby and Valent and Birch Haven had stripped away my ability to ever fully have faith in anything shifter again. My insides felt hollow at even the thought of it.

  When he didn’t answer, I grew bolder. My heart pounded with alarm. I wanted so desperately to touch him. At the same time, my head told me to run. He was a shifter. An Alpha. He had the power to take what didn’t belong to him.

  You belong to him!

  The words twisted in my mind. In one instant, they felt solid and gave me comfort. In the next, I rebelled against it. I could never belong to another shifter again.

  Payne turned to me. That same wildfire lit his eyes. I felt his need for me. His heart thundered alongside my own. Oh, God. Mac had described this. When we came back to Birch Haven, I was so scared. I couldn’t let myself believe I was finally free of that place. So, he sat with me. He held my hand and told me everything that had happened to him since I was sent away by our father and sold like cattle.

  Eve and I belong together. I knew it the instant I met her even though neither of us wanted to believe it. We were scared what it would mean. But, we couldn’t deny it. My heart started to beat for hers. She said it was the same for her. Fated mates. I’d been told about them my whole life, but I thought it was just a story. B
ut, it’s true, Lena. What happened to you isn’t the way it’s supposed to be. I’m sorry I wasn’t there to stop it.

  Fated mates. My heart beat for his.

  “How did you get free of him?” I said, my words burning hot. “Shelby wanted to in the end. That’s why Able killed him. Did you challenge him?”

  “Why do you want to know this?” Payne said, his voice breaking.

  I couldn’t answer that. I couldn’t even admit it to myself. “What are you afraid of?” I asked. I was afraid too, but I felt his terror as my own. I’d spent so much time dealing with everything the Pack did to me, I hadn’t stopped to think what they’d done to him.

  “What does it matter now?” Payne said, his voice flat and distant. The truth of his words washed over me, threatening to pull me under. Once he’d uttered them, the floodgates opened. His wolf eyes flashing hot, he fixed them on me.

  “There were others like Shelby. There were others like that kid on the highway. I want to tell you that I was young and stupid and that Able Valent’s thrall was something I couldn’t fight against. Except, you and I both know that’s not true. You said it yourself. Able can’t fully subjugate true Alphas. It’s why he won’t let them mate. It’s why he sent men like me to deal with them before they got strong enough to threaten him. And I apparently did it willingly.”

  When he turned his gaze away, a chill ran through me. The need to touch him and bring his face back to mine made me ache. I curled my hands into fists. “Willingly?” I asked. When Payne finally did turn to look at me, I pointed to the scars on his back.

  He squeezed his eyes shut. When he opened them, they filled with tears. I felt the rage bubbling through him. “He would have killed you,” I said. “I saw firsthand what Able did to Pack members who wouldn’t fall in line. You lived it firsthand.”

  “It’s not an excuse,” he said. “My pain or discomfort is not an excuse for letting that fucker into my head.”

  “You survived.” I wanted to shout it. Instead, my words came out in a whisper. “Most of the rest of them haven’t.”

  He reached for me. I’d burned with the urge to touch him; I hadn’t thought he felt it too. When his fingers grazed my chin, my breath caught. “So did you,” he said. “You survived.”

  My tears fell as I pulled away. “And I should have been stronger too.”

  With that, I rose and left him there on the riverbank. With each step I took away from him, my heart burned to be closer.

  Twelve

  Payne

  When the phone in the backpack vibrated, the shock of it nearly brought my wolf out.

  “It’s Mac,” Lena said. Meeting my eyes, she reached for the pack and brought the phone out. It was just a simple black flip phone. Molly had a stash of them she got from the McGeadys. Burners, untraceable. Except, we were only supposed to use it in a dire emergency.

  Lena flipped the phone open and read the message. Her nose scrunched as her expression darkened. I found myself studying every detail of her face. She had a line of faint freckles along her left cheekbone. I imagined they had been more prominent when she was a girl. What had she been like then? The second I thought it, I could almost see her. She would have been skinny, maybe even gangly, with scraped knees and wild hair. I bet she stood taller than every other girl she knew and probably most of the boys too until they caught up with her. I saw her in my mind’s eye standing on a hill with her hands on her hips, hair flying in the breeze. God, I wished I’d known her then. Would I have been strong enough to break away from the Pack before I went into service? I would have taken her with me and kept her scars away.

  Lena clicked the phone shut. “He says the weather’s changing. That’s all. You know what that means?”

  I took the phone from her, careful not to let my fingers brush against hers. Though I yearned for it, I didn’t want to unsettle her again. She read the message right.

  “We were supposed to meet up with a family in Greenville tomorrow morning. They run a pharmacy downtown. This means a change of plans.”

  “Do you think they’ve been compromised? This family?” Lena’s eyes widened. More than anything I wanted to thread my fingers through her hair and bring her close to me. Her skin would warm beneath mine. I don’t know if she saw the desire in my eyes, but the color came into her cheeks and her lips parted. How the hell I was going to stay this close to her without touching her the way I wanted to I didn’t know.

  “Not sure,” I answered. I took the battery out of the phone and crushed it into powder between my fingers. “Just to be safe.”

  “Shouldn’t we have answered him though? I mean...you don’t think somebody got to Mac…” Her voice cracked. Again, I had to hold back the urge to put a reassuring hand on her shoulder. Instead, I clenched a fist and tossed what was left of the phone into the churning river.

  “No,” I said. “He never would have risked that text otherwise. It’s okay. We had a backup plan. We steer clear of Greenville and head to Reed Junction. It’s about two miles further north. There’s another family there. They’ve got a farm just outside of town. It’s risky because they’re off the main highway. But, it’s a safe house. It’ll be okay. They’ll be able to tell us what to expect in Maysville and beyond. Plus, you’ll be able to sleep with a roof over your head at least once before we attempt the border crossing.”

  “I don’t need a roof over my head,” she said. Her voice took on a dreamlike quality that squeezed my heart. I knew what she was thinking of without her even having to say it. She’d spent years locked behind four walls at Birch Haven. Of course she preferred sleeping under the stars. Just like I did.

  “The Millers,” I said, zipping up the backpack. “Their farm is about two miles east of here. We’ll break away from the river and follow the railroad tracks in. It’s a little rougher of a hike, not as flat as sticking to the road, but there’s less chance of running into any patrols that way.”

  “Fine by me,” she said rising and dusting off her jeans. She gathered her hair in one hand and twisted it into a bun. As she turned, it gave me an unobstructed view of the scar on her cheek. If I closed my eyes, I could see exactly how it was made. One cruel slash of claws on her soft skin. The force of it would have been enough to crush the bones of her face if she’d taken it full on. She hadn’t though. This had been deliberate, calculated. Three straight lines of equal length and width starting at her brow then curving almost to her chin. It meant he’d held her still and gone slow. He hadn’t acted out of rage at all.

  “Payne!”

  For a moment, I didn’t know where I was. My vision clouded in an orange haze. I braced myself against a maple tree, digging my fingers into the bark. I don’t even remember moving toward it.

  “Payne?” Lena said again. She was as careful not to touch me as I had been to her a moment ago.

  I shook my head to clear the rage out of it. I had to figure out a way to keep my anger in check where Lena’s past was concerned. Still, I wanted to smash something. When she peered up at me, I tried to look past the scar.

  “You survived,” I said, echoing my words last night.

  Lena seemed to understand where my mind went. She straightened and pursed her lips. “So did you. Now, let’s get moving if we want to make this farmhouse while there’s still daylight.”

  This time, I did reach for her. I put a gentle hand on her upper arm. Her sharp intake of breath told me her body yearned for it too at the same time her mind reeled. God, they’d taken so much from her. From both of us. They’d taken what should be natural and twisted it into something dark.

  “Don’t!” she said, her voice breaking. “Just...don’t. The sooner we get this over with, the better it’ll be.”

  I took my hand away and made a silent vow. I wouldn’t touch her again. As much as it tortured me to deny it, she’d been hurt too much by men like me. I wanted to rip the throats out of every one for her. But, I couldn’t. The knowledge of that burned in her eyes as she lifted her chin and looked
north.

  “Let me get ahead of you,” I said. “Stay within earshot of me, but far enough away if there are any Pack members out here, I can draw them away. If that happens, hide. Don’t run. You’ll never be fast enough. Wait for things to die down, then go to the Millers. They’ll keep you safe.”

  “How will I know how to find them?” she asked; there was no fear in her voice. There was no emotion at all.

  “Can't miss ‘em. They’re the only farm for miles. Ed Miller’s got two big green barns side by side. One’s for the farm equipment, the other’s for his collection of Harleys”

  “No animals?”

  “Nope,” I said. “Just one old as fuck mule named Gertrude. If she’s even still alive. If she is, she’ll see us first and raise a fuss.”

  “Ah,” Lena said. “A guard mule. Wonderful.”

  “You ready?” I asked, knowing full well she was. It was going to kill me to put any distance between us at all, but I knew it was the safest thing to do. Dammit, it would be so much easier to sense the Pack if we went through Greenville. What in God’s name had changed that Mac would send a warning? A pit of dread formed in my stomach. It could be nothing and likely was. On the other hand, we’d been seen in Shadow Springs at the McGeadys. And, the three wolves I’d killed the other night wouldn’t go unnoticed forever.

  “You should shift,” she said. “You’ll be able to cover more ground faster. And, you’ll be able to sense the Pack better too. I know you want to.”

  She ended the sentence with a sharp inhale like she wasn’t quite finished. I knew immediately what she left out. She knew I wanted to shift because she could sense it. With each beat of her heart, the truth of what I was became clearer. And it terrified her.

  Nodding, I looked north. We had a clear path all the way to the railroad tracks. I could take the woods and circle around her as she advanced. She was right. It’s what I wanted.