“We’re not done,” he promised.
“Good,” I said. “You’re unbelievably beautiful, Alex.”
“Back atya, baby.” He grinned. “I love you.”
I stroked his check. “I love you too, honey.”
He leaned forward to kiss me, but a bang on the door had him scowling. “What the fuck?”
“Need to get downstairs, Hawk,” Booker called. “Now!”
I sat up as Alex grabbed his shirt and tugged it on. “Don’t move.”
I nodded, but pulled his comforter around me while he headed for the door. As the bedding shifted, I heard metal on metal and lifted the pillow to see a pair of handcuffs secured to one of the iron railings in the headboard. I didn’t have time to process what I was seeing due to the fact Alex stormed back inside and grabbed my discarded clothing off the floor. “Get dressed.”
“What’s wrong?”
“Just get dressed, Payton,” he snapped, and pulled on his boots and cut.
I nodded and slid from the bed, suddenly self-conscious about my nudity. Alex waited until I’d pulled on my boots and smoothed my hair (sort of) before pulling open the door again and waving me out of the room. Booker paced the hallway but fell beside Alex as we made our way back downstairs.
“Who the fuck let her in?” Alex asked Booker.
“Susie,” Booker said. “Prez’s pissed.”
“Fuck me.”
I didn’t know who Susie or Prez were, or why Prez was pissed, but I knew that whoever was here was not welcomed by Alex. As we hit the common room, I was suddenly flanked by Dani and Kayla.
“What’s going on?” I whispered.
Dani wrapped her arms around my shoulders and gave me a gentle squeeze. “Lily’s mom—”
“That bitch is no one’s mother, Dani. Fuckin’ egg donor is all she’s good for,” Kayla corrected.
“Where’s Lily?” I asked.
“Sally’s got her hidden upstairs. They’re watchin’ a movie,” Kayla said.
I nodded and focused on Alex. His body was stiff and unyielding as he crossed his arms and stared at a woman standing in the middle of the room. She looked to be in her mid-to-late thirties, bleach-blonde hair that was teased well beyond health. She wore tight jeans, a low cut bustier that only emphasized the fact that she couldn’t fill out the bust, and her makeup was ridiculously heavy, the line of her foundation along her chin darker than the skin of her neck.
“What the fuck do you want, Jenny?” Alex demanded.
“I told you on the phone. I want to see my baby.”
“She’s not your fuckin’ anythin’, woman. Get that through your fuckin’ skull.”
“I have rights,” Jenny yelled.
“You gave up those rights when you abandoned her,” Alex ground out.
Jenny looked my way and raised an eyebrow. “This your new whore?”
Alex’s hand reached for her throat so quickly, I couldn’t help but gasp and stare at the floor.
“You fuckin’ call her a whore one more time, or you fuckin’ look at her one more time, I will end you,” he threatened.
I looked up only when Jenny screamed and grasped her neck. Booker was between the two of them, his hand on Alex’s shoulder. I forced back tears, my fear palpable as I watched the man I’d fallen in love with transform into someone I didn’t recognize.
“Does she know how you like to fuck, Hawk?” Jenny continued to bait him. “Does she know how fuckin’ warped you are? How you like to chain women up and hit them when you fuck them?”
The memory of the handcuffs flooded my mind and I swallowed down the bile threatening to spill. Alex glanced at me and his face hardened, but his eyes raged, and I had to look away.
“Out!” he snapped and my eyes met his again.
“What?” I rasped.
“Kayla, get her the fuck out.”
“Me? Why?”
“Fuck off, Payton,” he said, and scowled.
“But, Alex—”
“If I have to tell you again, babe, it’ll be the last fuckin’ time.”
I felt wetness on my face and realized the tears I’d managed to hold back were now falling freely. I studied him through the haze of tears and his face remained emotionless, so I squared my shoulders, turned on my heel, and walked out of the room, as slowly and confidently as my shattered heart would allow.
IT DAWNED ON me relatively quickly that Dani was guiding my steps as we left the room. She led me through the foyer and out a side door, which opened onto an empty paved area with picnic tables and not much else. As soon as the cold hit me, I bent at the waist and vomited until there was nothing left in my stomach.
“Come sit down, honey,” Dani said once I was calmer, and walked me to one of the picnic tables.
I lowered myself onto the bench and dropped my face into my hands, unable to stop the sobs that wracked my body.
“Payton, I’m so sorry,” Dani whispered.
“I need to go,” I said with a hiccup. “I have to get out of here.”
“I know, honey.” She nodded. “Kayla’s getting the car.”
“All my things are in Alex’s saddle bags.”
“We’ll get them and either bring them to you or give them to Macey.”
“Okay. Yeah, that’ll work. Thanks.”
Dani checked her phone. “Kayla’s waiting out back.”
“Do I… do I have to go back in there?”
“No.”
“Okay, thanks.”
I stood on shaky legs and followed Dani through a metal gate and into the parking lot at the back of the building. Kayla was waiting in the car, but stepped out when she saw me. “I have Lily buckled in and she’s pretty much out for the count, so I’ll drive you home.”
I nodded and climbed into the passenger seat. Kayla and Dani talked for a minute and then Kayla slid back into the car and buckled up. We didn’t speak as we headed out of the parking lot and away from the club.
I took several deep breaths as I stared out the window, trying not to completely break down… again.
“He’ll calm down,” Kayla said.
“It doesn’t matter,” I said, turning to look at her. “You heard him. He wants nothing to do with me.”
“He loves you, Payton.”
“You don’t treat someone you love like that, Kayla.”
“He’s got some issues.”
“Ya think?” I snapped, albeit quietly. “I saw the handcuffs, Kayla, and I don’t think I could deal with that kind of sex, even if he claimed to love me.”
“It’s not a claim, Payton. He does love you.”
“He choked her, Kayla.” I blinked back tears again. “Wrapped his hand around her throat.”
“What? No he didn’t.”
“Kayla, I saw it.”
She pulled to a stop at a light and stared at me. “You can’t have, because it didn’t happen. He reached for her, but she backed away and Booker stepped between them.”
“She was holding her throat and gasping for breath.”
“Yeah, because she’s a fuckin’ drama queen, but Hawk did not choke her.”
“It looked like he would have if Booker hadn’t stepped in.”
She shook her head and pulled forward when he light turned green. “You don’t understand everything.”
“I don’t think I want to understand everything,” I returned.
“Shit,” Kayla whispered, and glanced in the rearview mirror before focusing back on the road. “I’m going to tell you something that I’ve never told anyone else… and I’m pretty sure, Hawk hasn’t either.”
“Don’t betray his confidence, Kayla. Not to me. I can’t imagine he’d like an ex to know something no one else knows.”
“You’re not an ex.”
“Looks like you missed the memo, hon,” I grumbled. “When a man tells you to fuck off, you’re an ex.”
“Put aside the fact that my brother’s a moron for a minute.”
I rolled my eyes, but didn�
��t comment.
“Have you noticed that he doesn’t drink anything he hasn’t either opened or poured himself? If he sets it down, he doesn’t go back to it?”
I shrugged. “I have noticed that, yes, but it never seemed weird to me. People often set drinks down at a party and forget about them.”
“He doesn’t forget,” she said. “He does it because the bitch drugged him.”
“I’m sorry?”
“Jenny. She drugged his beer.”
“When?”
“About four years ago.”
I gasped and glanced behind me. Lily was still asleep.
Kayla scowled. “She tied him to the fuckin’ bed, drugged him and fucked him ungloved. Multiple times.”
I felt sick again. “Are you saying she raped Alex in order to get pregnant?” I whispered.
“If you ever use the word rape, my brother will absolutely blow his fuckin’ load. ‘Men don’t get raped.’ Got it, Payton? If he finds out I’m telling you this, he’ll kill me.”
I nodded.
“And I say that figuratively. Hawk has never laid a hand on me in anger, or any woman for that matter… even Jenny.”
I nodded again. I wasn’t in the mood to argue with her, even if I wasn’t entirely sure I believed her.
“I’m not sayin’ I know anything about my brother’s sex life, but I do know he’d never do anything anyone didn’t want him to do,” Kayla continued.
“I thought that too, until about twenty minutes ago.”
“Please don’t judge him too harshly.”
“Kayla, I don’t judge him at all. I love your brother. I’m hurt and a little frightened, but that doesn’t mean I love him any less. Whether or not we’ll be able to move past this? I just don’t know if we can.”
“I get it. Just believe me when I say he loves you enough to scare the shit out of him, okay? He knows you hate drama and Jenny’s all drama.” She glanced in the rearview again. “He thinks she’ll drive you away from him.”
“So, he’s doing it before she can? I get it on a psychological level, but I thought he knew me better than that. I also thought he loved me more than that.”
“He does, Payton. We’ve just kind of had a fucked up existence and he’s trying to navigate the beauty of you in a sea of fucked-up-ness.”
I nodded.
“As much as my brother and I are in sync and have each other’s backs, we’re really different,” she continued. “When my dad went to prison, I was still a minor, so the court ordered counseling to help me deal with some of the shit my parents put me through. And it was the best thing that happened to me, honestly. But Hawk was an adult and there was no way in hell he was gonna go talk to anyone about what he went through, so I got some skills under my belt to deal. Him… not so much. When me and my ex were coming to an end, I decided to go back to counseling and it’s what’s kept me sane.”
“That’s good, Kayla.”
“Please just give him a little time,” she begged. “He’ll come around.”
“I can’t promise that,” I admitted.
“Will you try?”
I sighed. “I’ll think about it.”
She smiled. “That’s all I ask.”
“Do you mind dropping me somewhere else?” I asked. I wasn’t quite ready to go home.
“No problem.”
I let my mind drift as we headed to my brother’s house, grateful Kayla left me to my thoughts. More of Alex came into focus for me now, and several questions I didn’t think to ask were answered, but I still didn’t know if it made a difference. Dating a man to “change” him was a losing battle and it just wasn’t me.
Before I could dwell further on my maudlin thoughts, Kayla pulled up to the house and I gave her a sad smile. “Thanks for everything.”
She squeezed my hand. “Don’t give up on him.”
“He has to not give up first, Kayla. Sucks to say that, but I’m not a woman who’s interested in “fixing” a man.”
She nodded. “God, I hope he pulls his head out of his ass.”
“Me too, honey.” I grabbed my purse and pushed open the door, stepping out and leaning down. “Drive safe.” I glanced at Lily, still sound asleep, and my heart broke again. I bit back my sadness, closed the car door, and walked up my brother’s driveway. Ringing the doorbell, I stepped from foot to foot as I waited for my brother to answer the door. I banged when he didn’t answer right away, and wrapped my arms around me to ward off the cold… and the despair.
Brock pulled open the door, gun at the ready. “Pay?”
I burst into tears and slipped into his arms, wrapping my arms around his waist. I heard the sound of Kayla’s car drive off as he closed the door.
He rubbed my back. “Hey, what’s all this?”
“I need to talk. But it has to be totally confidential.”
“Always.” Brock leaned back and frowned. “You know that.”
I nodded and Brock followed me into the family room. I loved this room. Partly because I’d decorated it and even after Brock and Bailey had married and Bailey moved in, my sister-in-law loved it enough not to change it.
Bailey was curled up on the sectional wrapped in a blanket, but she rose to her feet to hug me. “You okay?”
I shook my head.
Bailey smiled. “I’ll make some tea.”
“Scotch would be better.”
“But you’re mean on Scotch,” Bailey said with a wicked grin.
I giggled, my angry tears finally drying up. “Fine. Tea.”
“Done,” she said, and headed to the kitchen.
I lowered myself to the sofa, crossed my legs in front of me, and dragged my hands down my face. Brock sat next to me and faced me. “What’s up?” he asked.
I licked my lips and studied him for a few seconds. “Hypothetically, say a man and a woman are having some kind of a weird and twisted sex-type relationship and she decides she wants this guy, but he has no interest in her other than sex…” I took a deep breath, and Brock frowned and cocked his head, but didn’t comment. “So, one night she drugs him, ties him up, and has sex with him, which produces a baby.”
“Hypothetically, that’s fucked up,” Brock said. “Not to mention, rape.”
I nodded. “And then, hypothetically, say, the guy refuses to have sex with her ever again and she gives birth to a baby, dumping said hypothetical baby on his doorstep and disappearing for years. Only to show up now wanting the baby back.”
“Fuck me, seriously? She did that to Lily?”
I sighed. “Well, yes… .hypothetically.”
Bailey handed me my tea and sat back where she’d been before.
I filled them in on the events of the night, leaving out Alex’s more violent outburst and our private time in his room, and told them what Kayla had told me before dropping my head to my bent knees and groaning. “I’m not so naïve to think rape doesn’t happen to men, but I mean, how many people do you come across who’ve dealt with it? I never have.”
Brock frowned. “It happens more than you might think, but men aren’t ones to freely admit it, so it’s not reported as often as it should be.” He squeezed my hand. “Rape doesn’t always mean you’re physically harmed, although, that’s certainly the most common.”
“I just don’t know where to go from here. How do you process being dumped and all this crap happening on the same night?”
“You broke up?” Bailey asked.
“Most definitely. I’m not in the habit with staying in relationships with men who tell me to fuck off.”
Brock sneered. “He told you to fuck off?” he ground out.
“Hypothetically,” I rushed to say, realizing my folly of revealing that to my older, very protective brother.
“I will jack him up if ever talks to you that way.”
“I know, Brocky. But never fear, I can take care of myself.” I stifled a yawn and smiled. “Sorry. I hate crying.”
Bailey nodded. “It’s exhausting.”
“Very,” I admitted.
“Do you want to stay?” Bailey asked.
“If that’s okay,” I said. “I don’t have my car, so I’ll hoof it home tomorrow.”
Brock’s home was only a few blocks from my parents’, so it was a pretty easy walk.
“Come on,” Bailey said, and rose to her feet. “You can borrow my makeup remover and I’ll give you something to sleep in.”
“Thanks.” I stood and my brother did the same, pulling me into a bear hug.
“You know you can tell me more,” he said.
“I know,” I whispered.
He kissed the top of my head. “Love you, sissy.”
“Love you too.”
I followed Bailey upstairs and into the guestroom where she left me to do my thing, which was to fall into bed and cry myself to sleep.
THE BUZZING OF my phone on the nightstand woke me and I grabbed it, answering it without opening my eyes. “Hello?”
“Where do you want me to drop your shit?”
“Alex?”
“Where do you want your shit?” he repeated.
“What time is it?”
“Can you just fuckin’ answer the question, Payton?” he snapped.
I sighed. “Are you drunk?”
“Fuck me, woman. I have your shit, I don’t want it. Where the fuck do you want me to take it?”
The hurt came flooding back and I bit back tears. “Just give it to Dani. I’ll get it from her.”
“Are you fuckin’ cryin’?”
I shook my head, but didn’t answer him. Clearly, it was over and he wanted nothing to do with me.
“Payton?” he snapped again.
I took a deep breath. “Just give the stuff to Dani¸ Alex. Thanks.”
I hung up and shoved my face into the pillow, dissolving into tears. I felt sick and sad, hurt and angry, all at the same time. I’d never felt like this before, and quite frankly, being dumped by someone you loved totally sucked. I suddenly had a great deal of empathy for my exes.
My phone buzzed again and this time I checked the ID. “Hey, Dani.”
“Hi. Sorry to call so late. I honestly thought I’d get your voicemail.”
Road to Redemption Page 10
