Honorable Rogue

by Linda J. Parisi

  “Well, well,” he sneered, his tone raw and tart. “The righteous, crusading doctor. Ready to save the world. Ready to save me. But at the first sight of a little ugly, you run.”

  Ugly?

  Tori filled her mind with the image of Kelly laughing and running to greet her after a thirty-six-hour shift. The warmth, the security, the love of their embraces. Then she showed him a picture of Kelly lying in her bed, curled up around Teddy, asleep and trusting in a toddler’s world. A world Hunter never got the chance to know. “I just realized. And I’m deeply sorry. I’ve been pushing at you, and you’ve been pushing at me.”

  Silence. Deafening silence. And then a single word. “Accepted.”

  He sounded sincere, and Tori shuddered, reining in her emotions, rebuilding the hole in the wall. Because if the wall was all she had, then that was all she had. Didn’t mean it would be forever. Mile markers came and went, until she sighed and asked, “What do you want from me, Hunter?”

  “Nothing.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “I am,” he answered, certainty ringing in his tone.

  Tori paused. She wanted all that was between them out in the open but had just apologized for the very digging she seemed unable to stop. “Aren’t you looking for absolution?”

  “From what?” he asked, sounding a touch confused.

  “Your past, for starters.”

  “I could say the same about you, now couldn’t I?”

  Tori sucked in a deep breath. “Yes. Maybe this is why we keep pressing each other. We all carry our own guilt. But for some reason, you seem to want to wallow in it.”

  She watched his face very carefully. He frowned. “I do not,” he retorted.

  Another truth. “You don’t like being told you’re wrong, do you?”

  He snorted. “I’m not.”

  “Well then, think about this,” she told him. “When you’re a slave to the past—and I do hate using that word, but it fits—the past dictates. And it will continue to dictate. I know it’s not an easy fight to win, but you have to try.”

  “You know nothing,” he bit out. “All you do is dare to presume.”

  “I know. Stupid of me, isn’t it? But there you have it. I care.”

  “I told you not to.”

  “Why, Hunter?” He didn’t answer. “Are you afraid I’ll want more? Haven’t you been pushing back at me to keep me at arm’s length for that very reason?”

  He didn’t answer. Tori could feel the cold radiating off him in waves. She shivered. “Or maybe you don’t want to wallow in your past, you want someone to jump into the pool with you.”

  “Why would I want you to wallow in my past?”

  “Understanding? Aren’t you looking for someone to understand exactly what you went through?”

  “I. Do. Not. Want. Your. Pity.”

  “You don’t?” she asked. “God. Pity is all you’ve been asking for since the moment we met. You want me to feel every pang of hunger, every bite of the lash.” Sadness filled her. “You want me to tell you that you didn’t deserve the treatment you received. Okay. I’m telling you. You didn’t deserve the treatment you received.”

  The car jerked forward as his foot slammed down on the accelerator. She waited a minute, then advised, “I wouldn’t speed if I were you. There are cops patrolling the highway, and you don’t want to have to explain a speeding ticket in court. Unless, of course, you want to continue feeding and then give them the drug.”

  Tori didn’t have to read minds to know her sarcasm hit its mark. The car slowed down. “Are you finished?”

  Her flesh beaded at the chill as he said, “Yes.”

  “Good.” She looked over and didn’t like the slight smile on his face. “You say I didn’t deserve the treatment I received. But I did.”

  “No. No one did.”

  “You’re wrong. For every life I took, every thrust of a sword I didn’t have to wield, I deserve worse. I should’ve died. Ended the farce. Instead, I chose to continue.”

  “And you think surviving makes you unworthy? Someone else would’ve taken your place. Maybe even enjoyed the killing and not had even a glimmer of a conscience.”

  “I knew exactly what I was doing. I killed out of hate. And I would do it all over again.”

  Tori realized Hunter had a long way to go to reach any kind of forgiveness and she was wrong to try to force the issue. He simply wasn’t ready yet to hear any kind of truth. But that also meant she needed to protect herself.

  “Gotcha. Like I said, I’m sorry. Seems we’re both guilty.”

  “Both?” he asked. Now he sounded bewildered.

  “Boy, for someone who can read minds, you can be really deaf, dumb, and blind when you want.”

  Dead silence.

  Tori fought with herself all the way back to the compound, knowing he would hear the conversation going on inside her head. Had she gone too far? Had he?

  Once they reached the gates she said, “I’m a doctor. I took an oath to save lives. The oath doesn’t differentiate between bad or good, human or vampire. I’ll help you. Because it’s my duty. But also because your people need my help.”

  “My people?”

  “Could you, for one possible instant, not be an ass?” she asked.

  “Your words go both ways, you know,” he sneered. “What you say and what I hear are two different things. I’m not even sure why you’re bothering. I’m mean, we’re a duty, right?”

  Tori breathed in and out deeply to hold onto her temper. “For the very last time: stay out of my head.”

  “You have no idea how much I wish I could.”

  “Good. Then stay away from me. But before you do, read this loud and clear.” She waited until she was certain he was listening. “For them. For your people. The people who deserve my help. Do you understand? Not for you. Because right now, you don’t even rate the ground I walk on.”

  “Because I’m a vampire?” he roared.

  “No! Because you’re an idiot. You keep picking fights so I’ll stay away, so I won’t get close. Fine. I’ll stay away. But remember one thing. You don’t have to prove you’re good enough to anyone but yourself.”

  “I don’t have to prove my worth to anyone period,” he raged. “Certainly not to you. The vampires in this compound know I’ve built a home for them; they know how long it took and how hard this feat was to accomplish. They have a safe haven here, a constant food source, and protection in numbers. They don’t have to be alone anymore.”

  “Neither do you.”

  He didn’t answer. They screeched to a stop in front of the house. “Fine,” she fumed. “You hated being human, and now you just hate. I get the message. Do. Not. Come. Near. The. Lab. Are we clear?”

  “Crystal.”

  Tori made it a point to slam the car door as hard as she could before going inside the house. She had no idea there were tears dripping down her cheeks until she reached the lab and Stacy faced her with alarm in her gaze.

  “Oh my God, Tori. Are you all right? What happened?”

  Her arms curled around her midsection, but she refused to give in to the pain. Or the anger. “You wouldn’t happen to have a ten-by-ten, soundproof vault hanging around, would you?” she asked, wiping at her cheeks.

  Stacy fished a tissue out of a box on the counter and handed it to her. “No. But Chaz can fly us to his home in Virginia if you need to get away.”

  Charles hurried in. Both stared at her with compassion. “I will never get used to this non-privacy thing.” He walked over and got her a bottle of water and handed it to her. “Thanks.”

  Tori took a sip, swallowed, then sat down and buried her face in her hands. Despair filled her. Would he ever be able to see the truth? She rubbed her face, lifted, smoothed her hair back, and wrapped it into a ponytail.

  “Hunter has…issues. I wasn’t kind. Things kind of devolved from there.”

  “I always wondered when someone would crack that armor of his,” Chaz replied softly.
“You’re not wrong, you know.”

  “Neither is he.”

  Chaz walked over to her and squeezed her shoulder. “There are nearly one hundred vampires living here. I believe, at last count, there were over eighty specimens taken. I think we all know your motives are far from selfish. Hunter may lead because we want him to, but we are an independent bunch when we want to be. Stubborn too. You have friends here.”

  Tori smiled up at him. She patted the hand resting on her. “Thanks.” She rose and lifted her shoulders. “Best medicine right now is for me to get to work.”

  “I guess that’s my cue to leave.” He walked over to Stacy, kissed the hell out of her, and left.

  Once he was gone Stacy asked, “You okay?”

  “No.”

  “Gotcha. All right. Work first, and then wine. Lots and lots of wine.”

  Tori opened one of the large stainless-steel refrigerators and sure enough, there sitting on the shelf were racks and racks of tubes. She put on a pair of gloves, even though she didn’t think there was anything to worry about, and took a specimen out of a rack. Then she picked up the bag with the specimen Sam had garnered.

  “Sam got this one from one of the ‘infected’ vampires?” Stacy asked.

  Tori nodded. “That’s what she said.”

  “Jeez. Look at it. Barely a red cell left. Thin. Let’s try to centrifuge it. See what happens.” They put the tube in for ten minutes.

  “No separation,” Stacy confirmed.

  “Okay. We do this by the book. Literally. We keep notes in lab notebooks. All observations. Each tube gets numbered and logged in. With all the donor data we have. Including this one.”

  Stacy nodded. “I’ve already started a database in the computer. We can continue adding information from there.”

  “Good. Anything else I need to know?” Tori asked.

  “While you were gone, I tried to spin down random tubes. Just to see if they would. Some did, some didn’t.”

  “Let’s try correlating the amount of cells with age first.”

  Since Stacy had already logged the specimens into a computer database, the correlation was simple. Sure enough, the older a vampire got, the less they clotted. Adding platelets to each specimen helped, allowing Tori to run chemistries on the remaining serums.

  While she was running those, Stacy took the specimen from the “infected” vampire and ran it on the mass spec and the gas chromatograph.

  They’d been working for six straight hours when Chaz walked into the lab. He hugged Stacy and gave her a quick kiss. Then he turned to her. “You both need to eat and get some rest.”

  Tori nodded, fighting her need to continue. She wanted to see the next result. And the next. She loved being a scientific detective. But there was more. Something driving her.

  Hunter, perhaps?

  Chaz raised a brow. Tori smiled, a bit sheepish. He nodded to let her know he’d keep her thoughts to himself. Then, from behind his back, he produced a bag that had the seriously awesome aroma of smoked meat and garlic. Her mind went right to garlic and vampires, and she lifted her gaze to see Chaz smile.

  “Where did you get this from?” Stacy cried, grabbing at the bag.

  She looked down at her watch. “It’s six o’clock in the morning. Where in God’s name did you find a deli that was open?”

  Chaz laughed, putting the bag on a desk away from the equipment and pulling out hot pastrami sandwiches, green pickles, and coleslaw. The works. They laid out the food, and Tori had a half a sandwich in her hands and a bite in her mouth before she could even think. “OMG, this tastes good. Really good,” she said in between bites.

  Then he pulled out a six-pack. At this exact moment, here couldn’t be anything better in the world, Tori thought. “Hot pastrami sandwiches and ice-cold beer. Unbelievable.”

  “Nothing is impossible,” he answered, popping a bottle for himself. He inhaled deeply. “I can almost taste them myself.” He half-smiled. “In my day we called it ale.”

  Tori sat back and devoured most of her sandwich before the question popped into her head. “What’s your story, Chaz? How’d you get to be a vampire?”

  He hesitated a moment. “I don’t normally tell people.”

  Again, Tori felt contrite. “Sorry. I wasn’t trying to pry. Seems my curiosity keeps getting me into heaps of trouble.”

  “No. It’s okay,” he answered. “I was literally in the wrong place at the wrong time. I was a guard in the tower of London. Without knowing, we’d imprisoned a vampire. When we opened his cell to take him for execution, he drained all of us dry. There’s a choice that remains. Accept death, or beg for eternal life. You get one split second to decide. My fellow guards died. I lived.”

  “You wanted to become a vampire?”

  “I didn’t even know the word until Mick found me.”

  “Mick?”

  “Mikhail. My mentor. A vampire cop like me.” Chaz paused and gulped some beer. “You see, I decided to accept my fate and die. When we drink to feed and give a human the drug, the Lethe, no one gets harmed. But when we drink to kill? Or when we drain a human to create a vampire? I don’t want to call it venom. Venom would be too harsh. More like a vampire essence, I guess, gets transmitted. At the moment of my death, the essence decided not to let all of me die. Some of my humanity remained. When this happens, it’s kind of different. Vampire cops are different. We’re vampires, but we owe no allegiance to being a vampire. I guess that allows us to kill rogues when we have to.”

  “Do you wish sometimes he hadn’t?” she asked, then wanted to bite her tongue for letting her mouth rule her head. “Created you, I mean.”

  His eyes widened, but he answered honestly. “Yes. Like I said, I didn’t even know the word for a few centuries. I had no idea what I’d become. Only that I needed blood to survive. Along with my additional physical attributes.” He sighed, and pain filled his gaze. “I went home after it happened. I drained my wife to the point where she got sick and died. I couldn’t help myself.”

  “Damn. I’m so sorry, Chaz.” Tori really wanted to kick herself. “You weren’t to blame.”

  He smiled, sad and stoic. “I was and I wasn’t. Depends on how you look at it.”

  Tori nodded. “Same’s true for Hunter, is what you’re telling me.”

  Chaz smiled and set his beer down. Stacy stared at him, love pouring from her gaze. Tori was almost jealous. Almost.

  “He’ll be a tough nut. But I’ve always found him to be fair. And he genuinely cares for the vampires who live here.”

  “And the humans?” she couldn’t resist asking.

  Chaz grinned. “Not for me to say. But he treats Stacy and the other humans who work here with the utmost respect.” He nodded, and Stacy walked over to him. They clasped hands. “Now if you don’t mind, I’m getting tired, and I’d like to take my wife upstairs so she can get some sleep too.”

  “No problem.” Tori grinned back. “We’ll meet back here around four?”

  “You bet,” Stacy replied, hiding a yawn.

  Tori thought Stace might be a little delayed in getting her sleep. But this was okay. Stacy’s happiness came with a price, so she was entitled to every moment of happiness she could get.

  They left, and Tori looked around the lab. Analyzers were purring, specimens were incubating, and she, at the moment, had nothing more she could do. She cleaned up the remnants of their meal, walked into the elevator, and went upstairs. After a couple of wrong turns, she finally found Hunter’s office. She knocked.

  “Come in.” He was sitting behind this massive mahogany desk.

  “Thank you for all the specimens. You got more than enough for me.”

  “You’re welcome.” He finally looked up from the papers he was reading. “Anything else?”

  “I was going to apologize for losing my temper. But something tells me I shouldn’t bother.”

  “No. Please. Go ahead,” he answered, his features smug.

  “You first.” Dead silence
. “I thought not.”

  “Exactly.” He sat back. “But I will tell you one thing.”

  She couldn’t wait to hear. “What?”

  “I broke a cardinal rule.”

  Tori frowned. She couldn’t figure out where he was going with this. “What rule?”

  “Never play with your food.”

  Tori didn’t think. She didn’t hesitate. She marched up to the desk, leaned over, and cracked him across the cheek. Stunned, she reared back. He could’ve stopped her hand easily. Why didn’t he?

  “Because I deserved being slapped.”

  All of a sudden, she understood. “Trying to be the big, bad vampire, eh, Hunter?”

  “No. Simply underscoring the difference between us.”

  Tori saluted. “Reading you loud and clear…boss.”

  She pivoted and stormed away, hoping he saw every image her mind created.

  Chapter Nineteen

  “Why did you do that?”

  Sam. Hunter decided not to look up from his desk. “I don’t recall hearing you knock.”

  “Says the man who craves respect yet gives none,” she retorted, obviously annoyed with him.

  Hunter dropped the papers he’d been staring at yet trying to read so unsuccessfully. “You know why.” When Sam didn’t answer, he sighed and looked up. “Because it had to be done.”

  Her face scrunched up. “Why? Explain,” she commanded.

  He answered in earnest. “Vampires and humans should never mix. Anonymity has been our way and should continue to be our way.”

  Staring at him with disgust, Sam sat down in one of the chairs in front of his desk. “Liar. You’re not talking about anonymity, and you know it.” She cocked her head, her accusation ringing in his ears. “For someone who knows every nuance of suffering injustice, every possible slight from prejudice, you’re a complete and total ass.”

  Hunter rose. “I don’t recall inviting you into my office either,” he answered, his tone cold and clipped.

  “Fine,” she said, pulling no punches. “One way to keep me out would be to treat me just the way you did Tori.”