Releasing Chaos

by Lexi Ander

  After making sure Theo's egg would be taken care of, the Shadow Movers returned us to the ranch. Ushna made a beeline to the nursery to check on our pups, with Brian close on his heels. For someone who complained about babies being gross, Brian never missed a chance to spend time with the boys. When I passed by, he was taking a selfie with Atar. He would make a fantastic dad… if we survived Inanna's plans.

  Before dressing, I jumped into the shower. I'd promised to meet Brian and Ushna in the nursery, but first, I wanted to check in with Randy. My once foreman, and now close friend, was still recovering from his jaunt to the underworld. When Ushna and I first purchased the ranch, Randy Aikman stayed on as our foreman. Not until the secrets of my bloodline became unraveled did we learn of Randy's true identity. We had all believed the demi-God Gilgamesh had passed away after the death of his consort, Enkidu. Imagine our surprise to find him cowboying it up in Oklahoma. Not many knew his true identity, and we planned to keep it that way, considering the Goddess Inanna was hell-bent on destroying him.

  While I was in Stasis with the Goddess Tiamat, Randy had gone missing. He hadn't told me he planned to broker an alliance for me with the Goddess Ereshkigal, Queen of the Land of the Dead. In the Sumerian hymn, The Descent of Inanna, the song relayed how she became trapped in the land of Irkalla. Randy was banking on Ereshkigal holding little love for Inanna when he entered her realm. Being trapped there for six months was a consequence he hadn't foreseen.

  Since his return from the underworld, Randy stayed in Stan's room. Having been a guest of Ereshkigal, Randy confirmed part of Inanna's power had been borrowed from the Queen of the Underworld. He worked diligently to convince her to withdraw Inanna's ability to raise an army of the dead. Even though I was grateful for what he'd done on my behalf, I was still supremely pissed at him for going on such a reckless venture. Ereshkigal could've kept him with her for all eternity. She had ample reason to want a pound of flesh from Randy since he once was the legendary King Gilgamesh who, along with Enkidu, killed Inanna's champion, who happened to be Ereshkigal's consort. But she didn't keep Randy. Instead, she traded him to me with the promise she would return for him, and others, if I didn't deliver Inanna to her.

  Tiamat's involvement in our lives proved that if a God was slain, they never truly died. I worried how we'd overcome Inanna and be rid of her threats forever if we couldn't remove her permanently. But if Ereshkigal took Inanna to Irkalla, then Inanna would have no influence in Ereshkigal's realm. Like Randy, she would be trapped until Ereshkigal released her. Inanna wouldn't be returning to Earth for a long time, if ever. After all this time, Ereshkigal hadn't forgiven Inanna for the death of her consort, and I had my doubts whether she ever would. Now, all I needed to do was devise a way to deliver Inanna before Ereshkigal grew impatient. Of all the Gods, she was the only one who frightened me.

  As quietly as possible, I pushed open the door to Stan's room and peered inside. The majority of Stan's belongings had been placed in storage when he and Jory moved from California, so the space had a minimalist appearance. Randy looked uncharacteristically small and frail in the four-poster king.

  After sitting in the bedside chair, I took Randy's thin bony hand between mine. I'd been amazed he still lived when Ereshkigal dropped him at my feet. Even now, his skin held a slight gray cast, but he was warmer to the touch. It was hard to attribute the fragile skin and body to the Randy I knew. Over the last couple of weeks, he'd put on weight, but I continued to worry about how slowly he recovered. You would think demi-Gods would heal faster.

  His black corkscrew hair now held hints of silver at the temples and lay lackluster on the pristine white pillowcase. Randy was too weak to fight us when we cut off the wild man's beard he'd come back with. We needed to ensure the knotted mass didn't cover any injuries, plus the state Randy was in, he couldn't care for his facial hair as he once had.

  "Stupid, reckless asshole," I mumbled under my breath as I stroked the back of his hand with my thumb. The prominent veins pushed against the skin as his boney fingers lightly squeezed my hand.

  "Don't you dare feel guilty over my actions." Randy sounded as if he'd gargled with gravel. "It had to be done. And I was the only one who could enter her realm without immediately dying. Perks of being a demi-God." He huffed out a shaky laugh. He attempted to make light of the situation, but the fear of losing him still rested heavy within me. Randy was my friend and ultimately a member of my family. I cherished him too much to laugh at his weak jest. What he'd done had been incredibly brave and brash and stupid, and if he wasn't so sick, I'd thump him a good one.

  Randy had entered the underworld to strike a deal with the Queen of the Land of the Dead. As she contemplated his offer, on my behalf—which was just bullshit because I never would have sent him on such a fool's quest—Ereshkigal held Randy prisoner, shackled to the wall behind her throne. Randy was only two thirds God and one third human. The extended stay in the Land of the Dead wreaked havoc on his body, more so than if he'd been a full-blooded God. But even Gods had trouble staying in the Irkalla for long periods of time without appearing like a zombie when they left.

  "I wish you would've told me what you'd planned." Even though it hurt to see, I glanced up to Randy's eyes, dark and shining in their sunken sockets. "We could've found another way to petition for her help."

  Randy gave me a wan smile. "Stan was very good with listing the alternatives while attempting to talk me out of going. We didn't have the time to try anything else. I told you, I own a part of the travails you're facing. This was something I—the Fallen King, as Ereshkigal kept calling me—could do for my children." His eyelids fluttered closed. Even talking drained his energy.

  A protective anger surfaced, and even knowing the question was useless, I asked anyway. "And what of Justus? If she'd decided to keep you, what would've happened to him?" As soon as the words left my mouth, I felt terrible, especially when sorrow flitted across Randy's face. When the God Shamash blessed the Lycans with a Twin Flame, Randy didn't realize he too had been granted one in Enkidu. Instead of moving on to the Realm of the Dead, Enkidu was reborn again and again, ever searching for his Twin Flame but never finding him. Randy had hidden himself away from the Lycans until Ushna and I bought the ranch. Justus and his sisters came into my guardianship after Theo was murdered. We fell in love with the children and brought them into our home when we discovered Daniel abused them. Not long after, we discovered Justus was Randy's Twin Flame. It was then Randy revealed to us who he really was. By going to see Ereshkigal, Randy almost doomed Justus to forever walking all his reincarnations alone. "I apologize, that was uncalled for."

  Justus had been distraught over Randy's absence. My friend, Stanley Kendall, had accompanied Randy to the Anunnaki Gate leading to Irkalla. Randy had tasked him with caring for Justus until he returned. When Justus overheard where Randy went, he attempted to follow in Randy's footsteps. Stan told us how Justus had opened a gate to the underworld. No one knows how he did it. The knowledge of the gateways was held solely by the Kenwards of the Ophidians. Many times, Justus attempted to elude Stan and find his way to Randy. If my blood had run cold at Stan's retelling, I could imagine the horror Randy felt. If Justus had managed to enter the realm, he would have never been able to return. His Flame lost to us forever.

  Randy opened his dark eyes and stared at me with open sorrow. "I never imagined Justus would retain any knowledge from his past and to be able to follow me." His hand trembled in mine and I gave him a reassuring squeeze.

  Spending time with Tiamat had taught me a couple of things. "Who we were, our past and memories, are right there under the surface for all Lycans. The tearing of my soul and the shock of the removal of the Twin Flame bond between Theo and me unlocked one of my past lives. Perhaps Justus's wolf awakening too early uncovered pieces of his old knowledge. His actions are a reminder we need to be more careful in the future. A future you helped us secure." I would have been clueless as to how to get him back.

  I contin
ued, "I won't lie and say I'm not mad at you for taking that crazy journey. If we'd lost you, I don't know what I would've done. But I'll be eternally grateful you garnered Ereshkigal's assistance." I paused searching for the words to express the depth of my gratitude. "It wasn't without cost to you, and if I'd gone myself, the ending could've been much different. I'm not sure she would've heard my petition." I swallowed hard, not wanting to imagine what I would have told Justus if Randy hadn't returned. Ereshkigal called him the Fallen King, but Randy was so much more than his past. He was father to the Lycans.

  "Don't get cocky. You haven't won yet, son," Randy reminded me.

  I bared my teeth, my beast purring at the challenge laid out before us. I had a plan for defeating Inanna and those who conspired with her. Randy's securing the word of the Queen of the Land of the Dead settled one aspect of my dilemma. "No, not yet," I agreed, "but soon."

  He opened his eyes, peering at me quizzically, as if something in my voice gave away the triumph I'd been hiding. The door opened, interrupting us. Stan entered carrying a tray of food. Justus, Dawn, and Neoma followed him in. Rising from the chair, I carefully lifted Randy into a sitting position while Justus hurried to rearrange the pillows behind him. Once he was comfortably settled back, Stan popped the legs out on the tray and settled it over Randy's lap. Justus sat next to him, watching his every move with uncanny intensity.

  Justus was different from other Lycans. When Randy was attacked and wounded, Justus changed into his wolf to protect Randy. He had been only eight years old, much too early for his wolf to be awakened. The balance between his human and wolf side was precarious. If Justus didn't master his bestial urges, he'd grow to be more wolf than man. He could turn feral and be a danger, not only to others, but to himself. If Justus lost control, lost who he was to his beast, then we would have to put him down. That was one of the paths of fate he could traverse, and I would do everything in my power to keep him from it. I wasn't the only one who shared the conviction. Stan had taken Justus under his wing, becoming his mentor. I'd planned for Corey to tutor Justus because his strength was second only to mine, but before I'd returned from Tiamat, Stan had donned the mantel and Justus bloomed under his tutelage.

  For the first week after Randy's return, Justus refused to leave his side. His sisters erected a blanket tent so they could stay, too. After we'd convinced Justus that Randy wasn't going anywhere, he reluctantly moved back into his room. More often than not, Justus would sneak back in to be with Randy in the middle of the night. I'd find him on Stan's cot and Stan on the air mattress in the blanket fort or vice versa.

  As Dawn and Neoma pestered Randy to eat, I gave the pups a round of kisses and made my leave. As much as I wanted to stay and spend time with them, there was much yet to be done. When I went searching, I found Ushna and Brian in the nursery. Ushna was showing Brian yet again how to change diapers. Atar gurgled happily on the changing table while Brian picked at the tags holding the diaper together.

  There was something about the way Brian viewed the pups that was endearing. Since his rebirth, he carried a hint of an underlying danger—a darkness that dwelled within him. Many commented he seemed ready to explode into action at any moment. And yet, I saw glimpses of uncertainty, as if he was unsure he should be happy with his good fortune. In all our shared reincarnations, Brian had been the one who was sure we were supposed to be together. He fought and cajoled, then right when things looked as if they would fall into line, tragedy would strike.

  Now we had bonded, and I didn't think the fact had really settled into Brian's mind yet. It was as if he waited for a disaster that would steal his happiness.

  I leaned against the doorjamb and watched Brian peek under the edge of the diaper. "There's nothing there."

  Saéna snorted from her corner by the crib, tucking her doglike head under her copper feathered wing. More commonly known as the Simurgh, fabled to have seen the world destroyed three times over, she was somehow tied to our youngest son, Atar. Her constant presence with the pups was both comforting and not. She would do what she could to protect them, but her presence disturbed me. She was a living breathing portent of the difficulties ahead of Atar. Brushing my worry to the side for the time being, I turned my attention back to Brian and Ushna.

  "Then he probably only passed gas. Go ahead and take it off and we'll put on a fresh one." Ushna set a new diaper on the changing table. Atar grabbed and waved it around.

  Brian pulled the old diaper off and Atar stopped moving. An impressive arch of pee hit Brian in the chest, and he gasped. "Oh my God, make it stop. Whatever I did, I didn't mean it!" He placed his hand in front of the stream and Ushna made a valiant effort not to laugh as Brian turned greener by the moment. Atar giggled. Taking pity on Brian, Ushna moved him to the side and began to clean the mess Atar had made.

  I didn't believe I'd ever become tired watching my mates with our children. Every memory of them together was precious to me. Too many times I'd come close to losing one or the other, and there wasn't anything I wouldn't do, any lengths to which I wouldn't go, to keep them safe.

  "Sometimes the cold air triggers them to pee. You'll get the hang of it."

  "Surely they'll grow out of diapers soon." Brian looked hopeful as he pulled off his wet shirt, grabbed a handful of baby wipes, and started to clean himself.

  "Nope, we have months of diapers to look forward to." Ushna expertly wrapped Atar up in a fresh diaper, like he was a little gift.

  Brian's hands stilled. His mouth moved, but he said nothing aloud for several seconds. "I'm… I'm going to take a quick shower." He mumbled something else under his breath that I couldn't comprehend. When he brushed by he smelled strongly of a chemically induced spring breeze.

  "I love watching him come to terms with fatherhood. He can be so sure of himself, then we put one of the pups in his hands and he spazzes out because he doesn't know what to do." Ushna picked Atar up and crossed the room to me.

  "It's very cute. He'll get the hang of it soon." I tilted my chin up for a kiss, which he bestowed with a slightly wicked grin twisting his lips. I searched his face, worried. "Aren't you, I don't know, tired or something. Those first hours after I woke up, when you weren't enticing me to stay in bed, there were flashbacks. I had somewhat of an identity crisis." I wasn't as together as Ushna seemed now. Brian had been a little better, but he'd come from Stasis, where he already had access to all his past lives. But Ushna went into Tiamat's care not knowing what had come before. I'd expected him to struggle like I had.

  Ushna looked thoughtful as he pressed a kiss onto Atar's forehead. "The memories of who I used to be weren't the hardest part of waking up. When I took blood from Abzu, I gained all the details of his life as well. His personality was in control when I surfaced, but then Theo touched me. He—" Ushna paused as if he searched for the proper words to describe what happened.

  I wanted to ask him about the God Abzu. Both Brian and I had taken Tiamat's blood, but when Ushna cut off, I heard shuffling at the door. Turning, I looked to see who approached. Stan frowned, his stride long and confident as he entered the room. He was dressed in the Ophidian's dark uniform with a red cowl looped around his neck. The small section of his dark brown hair that remained unshaved on his pate was gathered in a rubber band. "What are you talking about?"

  Theo's return was only known to a few. Eventually, he'd take on a new name of his choosing, but even then, for those who'd known him, recognized him, the hostility would be hard to overcome. I understood this, but still, Stan's evident animosity rubbed me the wrong way. Even Ushna gave a low growl, making Stan halt in his tracks.

  "What did I say?" Stan looked genuinely confused.

  "We'll talk later." I grinned to take the sting out of the statement. I needed to bring those of my inner circle together, speak to them about bringing Theo back and what I expected from them. Until then, I'd hold my tongue.

  "Fine. Corey said to tell you they're ready." Since returning from the Ophidian trials, Stan was harder
, more serious. Before, there had been a playfulness he shared with our core group of childhood friends: Gregori, Ushna, Brian, Jory, and myself. But I'd returned from Tiamat's care to find he'd achieved the highest rank among the Ophidians, and the only playfulness Stan exhibited were sweet smiles for Theo's children. I hoped that, with time, some of the old Stan would shine through the new hardened exterior.

  Ushna nudged my shoulder with his. "You go. I'll get Brian and we'll meet you there shortly." He returned to the interior of the nursery, Atar wiggling in his arms.

  After dashing over to him to steal a quick kiss, I made my way to the conference room. Outside stood four guards. Three I recognized, but one I didn't. As was habit, I greeted them. When I came to the last warrior, he had a forced smile, clearly uneasy in my presence. I recalled Brian's earlier words about how some of the newer people viewed me. I'd come to expect some standoff-ish behavior, perhaps a bit of uncertainty from the Hunters, but not from my wolves. The warrior's gaze darted away from mine in a guilty manner, and I paused before moving on, wondering if I'd read him wrong. Surely I had to be mistaken.

  Inhaling deeply, I caught my brother's scent clinging to him, and inwardly I cringed. He must've escorted Nathan this morning. I'd ordered Nathan transported to the Council of Five in Bahbelle. I wanted to keep his arrest out of the public eye, not ready to explain his betrayal. I didn't know if I'd ever understand his motivations, and Nathan refused to elaborate beyond what he'd already told me. Yet there was something about what he had said that had tripped my internal alarms. My instincts said there was more going on than what Nathan had confessed. After I dealt with Inanna's threat, I'd make the time to sit down with my brother and patiently draw out everything he'd refused to say.

  "I am called Felix, Xenres," he replied when I asked his name.