Bear With Me

by Jessica Redland

  He grimaced. ‘That orange campervan thing? Oh God! Could it get any worse?’

  I hoped not. Surely I’d already had the worst experience ever thrown at me. From now on, it had to get better. I just had to get through this weekend and I’d have survived four key occasions: my birthday, what would have been our three-year anniversary, her landmark birthday and our wedding day. It had to be up from there because I didn’t think I had the strength to stop me from spiralling downwards.

  Chapter 6

  Jemma

  I woke up on the morning after my engagement and reached across to Scott’s side of the bed, but it was empty. I lay there for a few minutes gazing at the ring on my finger, which I hadn’t been able to bring myself to remove when I climbed into bed. Scott had apologised for being unable to afford anything bigger or flashier. It didn’t bother me, though. In my mind, it was the gesture that counted; not the extravagance.

  I couldn’t wait to get Scott to myself so we could talk about timescales and make some of the key decisions: church or civil ceremony, big wedding or small one, London or home. If it was completely up to me, I’d choose the village church in Little Sandby, white dress and morning suits, not too big, and a fairly relaxed reception venue – perhaps a pub – rather than expensive and formal. I had no idea what would appeal to Scott, though. We’d never talked about anything like that. Neither of us had attended any weddings in the time we’d been together so the subject simply hadn’t arisen. Ooh, and what about the honeymoon? I’d visited much of Europe with Mum and, although I’d happily revisit most of the countries, I preferred the idea of discovering somewhere new together. The Caribbean? South Africa? Canada? So many possibilities. With my inheritance, we could afford to go wherever we wanted, although I knew Scott wouldn’t let me splash the cash and would insist on paying his fair share: another thing I loved him for. I’d often said he could work fewer hours and I could help him out financially, but he wouldn’t hear of it.

  Pulling on a thin cardigan over my PJs, I padded downstairs in search of my fiancé.

  Mum emerged from the lounge with a mug in one hand and a copy of Teddy Bear Times in the other. She smiled up at me. ‘Morning sleepy-bear.’

  ‘What time is it?’

  ‘About half eight.’

  ‘Is Scott down here?’

  She nodded. ‘In the kitchen. I think he was trying to organise breakfast in bed for you, but Sean’s been distracting him. I don’t think he’s got much further than pouring the juice.’

  ‘I suppose it’s the thought that counts,’ I said.

  ‘Has it sunk in?’

  ‘Not yet. Still feels like a dream. I can’t believe I’m getting married.’

  ‘Neither can I. My baby girl’s all grown up. It makes me feel old.’

  ‘Well, you certainly don’t look it.’ She didn’t. Mum could easily pass for a woman in her mid- to late-thirties rather than 46. She’d always had a youthful face, a great figure and, now that Dad had no control over her wardrobe choices, she dressed really well.

  ‘I may not look it, but I’m starting to feel it. I’m convinced my body stopped working properly the moment I passed 45. Some days climbing the stairs feels like conquering Everest. You might have to get me a stair lift for Christmas.’

  ‘You should join Karen’s yoga class. That would soon limber you up.’

  ‘Karen suggested that too. I’m not sure I can see myself in a leotard with my legs behind my ears.’

  I laughed. ‘I don’t think it’s quite like that.’

  ‘I know. It’s finding the time, though. I feel as though I never have enough time for your brother as it is.’

  ‘He could always go with you.’

  Mum laughed loudly. ‘Could you imagine Sean in a leopard-print leotard with his legs behind his ears?’

  ‘Ew! Don’t make me picture things like that!’

  I looked into Mum’s tired eyes. ‘Seriously, though, are you okay, Mum? You look really tired.’

  She shrugged. ‘I’m not sleeping very well at the moment. I’ve got a doctor’s appointment on Friday.’

  ‘For not sleeping? Or is there something else?’

  She paused. ‘There’s a few things.’

  My hand gripped onto the banister and my heart started to race. ‘Such as?’

  Mum smiled. ‘Don’t look so worried, Jemma. I shouldn’t have said anything.’

  ‘Of course you should!’

  ‘I’ll tell you all about it later. For now, I want you to go into the kitchen and find your gorgeous fiancé, then I want us all to have a fabulous day at the races.’

  ‘Mum!’ We’d always talked about everything. “No secrets” was our family motto: something that Mum insisted upon after we discovered Grandma’s cover-up of stomach cancer.

  As if reading my thoughts, Mum said, ‘Honestly, Jemma. I’m not breaking the motto. I will tell you, but now isn’t the right time. Tomorrow.’

  ‘Promise?’

  ‘Promise. Now smile because you have lots to celebrate today.’

  ‘You’re sure you’re okay?’

  ‘I’m fine. But I’d be even better if I could have a hug.’ She put her mug and magazine down on the hall table, and stretched her arms out.

  I stepped down into the hall and hugged Mum tightly. She’d lost weight. She’d always been slim but I could feel the bones in her back as I hugged her. I knew immediately that she wasn’t okay and fear gripped me.

  The door to the kitchen diner opened and Sean wandered out. ‘What’s going on?’

  ‘Hugs with my baby girl,’ Mum said, releasing her hold. ‘Do you want one?’

  ‘No. I need a poo.’ He pushed past us and ran upstairs. Nice.

  ‘Please don’t worry about me,’ Mum said, when we heard the bathroom door close. ‘Enjoy your birthday weekend. Especially now that it’s become an engagement weekend too.’

  I squeezed her again then she gently nudged me towards the kitchen to find Scott.

  It was pointless pushing. She’d always been strong-willed and the fact that she was going to tell me all about it tomorrow was going to have to be enough. If I pushed too hard, she might clam up completely and I didn’t want to risk that. I needed to know because I was already imagining the worst-case scenario.

  A day at the races wasn’t something I’d done before but, when Leah and Tiff had discovered that it was York Races the weekend of my birthday, they’d begged to go. I wasn’t sure about the betting aspect but I certainly liked the sound of getting all glammed up and drinking prosecco. When I’d mentioned it to Mum, she’d insisted on travelling in style and booked a stretch limo.

  With no spare rooms at Mum’s (the fourth bedroom was her workshop), Leah, Tiff and Drew had booked into a B&B in Whitsborough Bay so Karen picked them up and drove them over to Bear’s Pad with her mum.

  ‘Don’t we all look a-may-zing!’ Drew announced as we gathered on the deck for a quick drink before the limo arrived. We’d agreed to go for it with posh dresses and hats, although I refused to put my hat on until the limo arrived in case it blew off and disappeared down the garden.

  My stomach did a backflip at the sight of Scott in his dark two-piece suit. There’s something about a man in a sharp suit and tie that absolutely does it for me. And I think that my outfit did it for him too judging by the look in his eyes.

  ‘I want to give you a hug but I don’t want to rumple your dress,’ he whispered, lightly kissing me on the cheek and lingering for a stomach-fizzing moment. ‘Actually, I want to give you more than a hug. You look incredible.’

  ‘Thank you. So do you.’ I leaned in for a kiss.

  ‘Ew! Put him down,’ Karen called.

  Scott’s phone rang a few minutes later. He rolled his eyes and excused himself, stepping into the kitchen diner. I sipped on my drink and asked Drew to explain how betting wo
rked again. I swear my brain switched off every time he tried to explain the difference between win, place and each-way.

  When Scott stepped out onto the deck five minutes later, I could tell from his expression that he was the bearer of bad news.

  ‘I’m going to have to take the car,’ he said. ‘Sorry.’

  My fingers tightened around my glass. ‘Why?’

  ‘That was Adam. He’s at a show in Sheffield. His wife’s pregnant with twins and she’s not well. Her sister’s gone round to sit with her, but he might have to go home. It’s possible the babies will arrive early.’

  I was aware of the silence on the deck and all eyes on our exchange. It wasn’t his fault, but it was hard to keep the frustration out of my voice. ‘And I’m assuming you need to cover for him?’

  ‘I’m afraid so.’

  ‘The garden’s looking stunning, Jules,’ Rachel said, making her way towards the steps. ‘How about giving us all a tour?’

  ‘Great idea, Mum,’ Karen said, following her.

  When we were alone, I took a deep breath and tried not to sound petulant as I said, ‘You might as well leave for Sheffield now.’

  Scott shook his head. ‘Adam said there’s no need. She’s okay at the moment.’

  ‘Yeah, but if she gets worse or they need to deliver the twins, Adam’s going to need to leave immediately. You’ll still have a ninety-minute drive from York so it’s not like you can instantly relieve him. Wouldn’t it make sense for you to pre-empt it and drive there now?’

  He took a step closer to me and gently cupped my face, making me look into his eyes. I didn’t want him to see the tears starting to pool in mine. I wanted to look supportive instead of upset. ‘It would make sense,’ he said, ‘but I don’t want to do that. I want to be with you. Assuming I’m still welcome, even if I have to abandon you mid-race.’

  ‘Of course you are.’

  He ran his fingers lightly under my eyes, catching the tears that had annoyingly refused to stay put. ‘Please don’t cry. If there was anyone else who could do it instead of me, I’d let them, but it has to be me.’

  ‘I know. I understand.’ And I did. I knew how important his work was and how stretched the company was. All the long hours and nights apart would be worth it in the end. ‘But what about Adam and his wife? Put yourself in their shoes. I don’t want you to go, but I think you should. If it was me who was pregnant and ill, I’d want my husband with me.’

  Scott drew me into his arms and kissed the top of my head. ‘That’s one of the many things I love about you. Always putting others first. How about I set off at the same time as the limo and I give Adam a call on the hands-free as I approach York? If everything’s still okay, I come to the races. If he needs me, I continue to Sheffield.’

  It seemed like a reasonable compromise and I wasn’t going to debate it further. Much as I felt for Adam’s wife, I selfishly wanted my fiancé by my side.

  ‘I love it that you can’t take your eyes off him,’ whispered Karen in my ear as I watched Scott waiting in the betting queue on the level below us. Adam had apparently insisted that he didn’t need to leave, but asked Scott to check in with him every hour, just in case.

  I turned to Karen and smiled. ‘Sorry. I can’t help it. Sometimes I can’t believe my luck that he picked me.’

  ‘Why shouldn’t he? You’re gorgeous and you’re a lovely person. Strange obsession with teddy bears, perhaps, but I blame your mum for that.’

  Scott must have been aware that I was watching him because he looked around and moved his lips slightly, blowing me a kiss. My stomach fizzed and so did other parts of me. I couldn’t help it. I loved him so much and so did my body! I’d had a few boyfriends before Scott but none of them had been serious or long-term. Most couldn’t get their head around my passion for teddy bears. Paul had constantly taken the mickey out of me, calling me a child, so I childishly dumped him on Facebook. Andy said he was creeped out by their eyes watching him when we were in my bedroom and said it was the bears or him. No brainer. Nate took me for Sunday Lunch at his parents’ house. Midway through our soup starter, his dad asked what I did for a living. Nate laughed and said, “She plays with bears and dolls all day, but I’m sure she’ll get a proper job soon.” Wow! He sounded exactly like my dad. How I resisted pouring my soup over his head, I’ll never know. When he dropped me off at home later, I said, “Seeing as I’m so busy playing with bears and dolls all day, I’m not going to be able to play with you anymore. Goodbye.” It had taken me the whole of the hour-long journey home to come up with that line! Being with Scott was therefore incredibly refreshing. He was interested in my job, had no objection to the bears around the room, had come up with a few design ideas for my Ju-Sea Jem Bears (a miniature range of bears that I designed and made to complement Mum’s larger bears), and had even asked for a guided tour of the museum. Definitely a keeper!

  ‘Oh my God!’ I grabbed Karen’s arm. ‘He’s got a pint! What’s he got a pint for? He knows my views on drinking and driving.’

  ‘He won’t be over the limit with one pint.’

  I shook my head. ‘I know I’m overly sensitive about it because of Dad, but he usually indulges me and doesn’t touch a drop.’

  Karen shrugged. ‘I’d say give him a break. He probably feels pretty crap for disrupting your plans and has a bit of a thirst.’

  ‘I know, but…’

  She sighed. ‘If it bothers you that much, you could move in for a kiss and accidentally knock the drink out of his hand.’

  ‘Knowing my luck, I’d spill it down my dress.’

  Drew appeared by my side. ‘Where’s Scott?’ he asked.

  ‘Why?’

  ‘So I can wrestle him to the ground in a show of manliness,’ he quipped. He laughed at my astonished expression. ‘Okay, I lied, although I’d like it to be noted that I’d definitely win if that happened.’

  ‘I’m sure you would. And the real reason you want Scott is…?’

  ‘He held my pint while I went for a dump. Enough information for you?’

  I grimaced. ‘More than enough. He’s in the betting queue over there.’ I pointed towards Scott, then Drew set off down the steps to retrieve his drink.

  Karen nudged me. ‘Things aren’t always what they seem, you know.’

  ‘I know. I feel like a right cow now.’

  ‘Then make it up to him.’ She winked at me then moved off to join in a conversation with Leah and Tiff.

  Drew took the pint from Scott, laughed at something he said, then wandered along the line of betting kiosks, checking out their odds. I made my way down the steps as Scott finished his transaction. He turned around, clutching his betting slip. ‘This one’s for you,’ he said. ‘£50 on Diamond Dancer in honour of our engagement.’

  ‘£50? Oh my God, Scott. That’s a fortune!’

  ‘At odds of 9:1 our winnings will be a fortune! Don’t look so worried. I set myself a £50 budget for the whole day and I’m already £30 up. Do you fancy going closer to watch?’

  Scott reached for my hand and, despite my panic at the money – I was clearly far too cautious with my £2 flutters here and there – I couldn’t help but feel infected by his enthusiasm.

  ‘I want to hear some proper cheering and whooping,’ he said. ‘Even if Diamond Dancer comes in last which, of course, he won’t.’

  We watched the giant screen as the horses moved into their starting boxes. When an announcement was made that Angel’s Glory wouldn’t be running, Scott grabbed me and kissed me. ‘That’s the favourite out of the race,’ he said. ‘I can taste the win.’

  I’d not really embraced the whole getting excited at the races thing so far but, with Scott by my side, leaping up and down like Sean on Christmas morning, I finally got a sense as to why some people loved the races for more than the dressing up and drinking. My heart pounded as I watched the horses ga
lloping around the course. When Diamond Dancer edged ahead of the third place horse, then the second, then galloped alongside the leader, I whooped and cheered and stamped my feet. A photo finish literally had me shaking and when the commentator announced that Diamond Dancer had won, I actually screamed. So did Scott although his was more of a manly cheer. He grabbed me and spun me around, laughing, showering me with kisses. As he lowered me to the ground, he gazed into my eyes. ‘That’s the first £500 for our wedding account,’ he said, cupping my face in his hand. He stopped smiling and his face took on a very sombre, serious expression. ‘I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you, Jemma. I really do love you only.’

  ‘And I love you always.’

  He kissed me so tenderly that I felt quite weak when he pulled away.

  ‘I’m really sorry again about the situation with Adam. He hasn’t called yet, so–’

  ‘Don’t say it!’ I cried. ‘You’ll jinx it.’

  At that moment, his mobile started ringing and my heart sank. He had jinxed it. He put his phone to his ear. ‘Hello?’

  He listened for a moment and laughed. ‘You ask her.’ He handed the phone to me and I frowned.

  ‘Hello?’

  ‘It’s me!’ cried Karen. ‘Tiff’s heading to the bar and she wants to know if you’re still on the prosecco.’

  ‘Yes, please,’ I said twisting to see the group on the higher tier. I waved at Karen and she waved back. ‘Why didn’t you phone me?’

  She lifted up my handbag and I laughed.

  ‘Stop snogging your fiancé and get back up here for some serious drinking.’

  I disconnected the call and handed Scott his phone.

  ‘How come Karen has my number?’ he asked, frowning.

  ‘I’ve never given her it but you gave it to Leah a few months ago when my phone was playing up. Karen must have got it off her.’

  ‘Ah yes. I remember. Shall we collect our winnings?’

  Scott handed me the wad of notes ten minutes later. ‘I want you to take the money and open an account. I won’t be able to do it without a fixed address. I don’t think they’d accept Mum and Dad’s address in Canada.’ Scott’s parents had emigrated several years earlier but his Dad had developed a few health problems that prevented him from flying. I’d therefore never met them although Scott had been over to Canada a couple of times since we’d met.