Forgetting August (Lost & Found #1)

by J. L. Berg

  And now I was determined to find the perfect dress to say my “I do’s” in. But Sarah was making it almost impossible, as usual. Deciding to try several stores rather than just one, Sarah had dragged me all over the city today, finally stopping at a shop I recognized from my drive to work. As I stepped out of the latest disaster of a dress, adding it to the huge pile of discards, I began to feel discouraged. Taking a seat in the corner while the attendant made ready the next dress, something much simpler she’d picked out based on my specifications, not Sarah’s, I awkwardly waited in my white underwear and strapless bra, trying to do my best not to seem awkward at all.

  Which was proving difficult…because who isn’t awkward in a bra and underwear?

  Underwear models, I guess.

  But definitely not normal people. Normal people with flaws and blemishes that showed like neon flashing signs under the bright lights of the three-sided mirror that adorned the large bridal dressing room. I may have been just skinny but I felt like a bean pole sitting there, as my eyes critically picked out each scar I’d managed to pick because I’d never had a parent around to tell me otherwise, every boney rib poking out because I’d always been the last one to receive dinner, and the scared little bird who still sat in her cage on my shoulder because she was too frightened to take the first leap.

  I think it’s time for the bird to fly, Everly.

  Easy for him to say. He didn’t bother hanging around to see if I made it off that first rickety branch. Or whether I was still peeking out of the cage door, waiting for the right opportunity to take that first step.

  He’d once promised he would never hurt me ever again.

  Nothing but a bunch of empty, useless words.

  “Okay, ready to try another?” the bridal attendant asked cheerfully, clearing the moody cobwebs from my mind.

  “Yes,” I answered brightly, bouncing up from my chair as I stepped up to the dress.

  No dark thoughts, Everly, I chided myself.

  “This is very elegant, but understated. I know you said you were wary about lace, but I saw this and it had the shape you like. I thought you might like it.”

  As the fabric fell around me and I got that first look, I had one of those silly moments everyone speaks about. Tears welled up in my eyes as I tried to keep my emotions at bay.

  “So, this is a yes?” the attendant asked with a sliver of a laugh.

  All I could do was nod as I stared at my reflection, waiting for her to finish lacing the back. The gown gave me curves where I had none, cleavage where there was little, and accentuated my small waist, making it appear feminine rather than boyish. I felt beautiful and glamorous and about a dozen other adjectives in between.

  “Do you want to go show your friend?” she asked, moving back to allow me access to the door.

  “Yes, please,” I answered, taking one careful step at a time behind her as she guided me toward the larger mirrors at the front of the store.

  “Oh. My. God!” Sarah shrieked the moment she saw me enter. “If you don’t buy that dress, I will beat you over the head with it and force it on you the day of your wedding.”

  “That’s so sweet,” I crooned. I rolled my eyes and took a hesitant step up onto the pedestal. The lovely attendant held out a hand and helped me the rest of the way as I took center stage.

  “I know this may sound a little self-absorbed, but I think I might just marry myself dressed in this gown.”

  Sarah chuckled, rising from her chair to stand next to me. She looked small and short as I towered above her on the carpeted pedestal, and the realization made us both instantly laugh. Turning to her, I took her hands in mine and pulled her up to stand shoulder to shoulder with me.

  “Now we just need to find your dress,” I said.

  “I think we need to spend a bit more time staring at this one,” she pressed, holding my fingers up high in the air in an attempt to awkwardly twirl me around. We laughed and giggled as we tried to mimic a horrible rendition of a waltz.

  “Maybe we should leave the dancing to you,” I suggested.

  “Or maybe you just need a man.” A familiar voice cut through the silliness of the moment like a knife, freezing me in place instantly.

  He couldn’t be here, I chanted in my head over and over as I turned. I kept my eyes squeezed tightly shut in a desperate attempt to rewind time.

  I’d walked away. I’d chosen the safer path and this time, I’d been happy with that decision.

  He needed to stay away.

  I needed him to stay away.

  “What the hell are you doing here?” Sarah’s icy voice rang out as my eyes betrayed me and opened, and I came face to face with the one person who could tear my entire world apart.

  Again.

  “I just came to wish the bride congratulations,” he said smoothly.

  Everything about him was different. From the way he dressed, in a crisp black suit, to the rigid posture he held. Even his gaze was different—cold, heartless, and almost cruel.

  Where did you go, August?

  “You need to leave,” I managed to say, my voice shaking with sheer effort.

  “We need to talk.” His eyes briefly traveled toward Sarah. “Alone.”

  Sarah’s hand tightened around mine. “If you think I’m going to leave you alone with her…”

  “It’s fine, Sarah,” I said softly, my words barely above a whisper.

  Her wide eyes turned to me. “You’ve got to be insane. Why would you agree to this?”

  Looking up, I caught the curious eye of the attendant and a few nosy customers. “I don’t want to make a scene,” I said into her ear. “If I just give him what he wants, he’ll be in and out and it will be over.”

  “Ryan will never forgive me for this,” she pleaded.

  “Let me handle that,” I said. “Just go wait outside by my car. I’ll meet you out there when I’m done.”

  I could see she didn’t want to go. After living together, and seeing days and weeks go by when I could barely pull myself out of bed, I understood why. August was the enemy—the reason for my pain and heartache. But as much as I agreed with her, I had also put much of the blame on myself. I’d made my decision. I’d chosen one man over the other.

  And I’d chosen wrong.

  Staring into those cold, lifeless eyes couldn’t make that statement any truer.

  “If you need anything, call me and I’ll be back here in a second,” Sarah said, squeezing my hand before she left with her head down, quickly moving toward the exit. Her gaze met mine briefly before she disappeared out the door, and I gave her a quick nod. Then she was gone.

  And I was alone with August.

  “It’s cute how protective she is with you. Although, she did promise to tear off a few of my more precious limbs if things ever went sour between us…”

  “You have me to thank for calling her off on that particular promise. She, unlike others, is good at keeping her promises.”

  He smiled, a menacing smile that made my skin go cold. “That’s harsh.”

  “What are you doing here, August? How did you even find me?” I asked, not moving a muscle, as he took a confident step forward, loosening his tie.

  “I told you—I came to wish you congratulations.” He grinned, not bothering to answer my other question. “I hear you’re engaged. Again. I’m really quite surprised at how quickly Ryan welcomed you back with such open arms, considering how quickly you ran from them when given the chance to fall into mine.”

  “You son of a bitch,” I seethed.

  He ignored my comment as his eyes slid down the length of my body, softening slightly. “You really do look quite stunning.”

  “If that is all you came for, than you can go.” I began to turn away, but he closed the gap between us, making my heart stutter.

  “I wanted to show you something,” he said, the proximity of his body to mine making my breath rush in and out of my lungs like wind on a stormy day. When Sarah had stood beside me on the pe
destal, she’d looked short and goofy. Even though I was still looking down at August, his presence was anything but silly, and I felt intimidated by his size even though I stood over him slightly.

  He didn’t give me a chance to speak as he delved into his explanation, pulling something out of his pocket but hiding it from view.

  “Letting you leave was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done,” he said, but it was said as more of a statement than a proclamation. I watched him warily, wondering where his humanity had gone since that last night I’d spent in his arms.

  And only one word came to mind.

  Trent.

  “I spent days…weeks even, hating myself and the decision I’d made. I’d drowned myself in that damn box, looking over pictures of us—of you until I was near mad with need. It wasn’t normal—what I was feeling, and I knew I’d never be able to exist without you. I needed you back. I grabbed several pictures of you, holding them between my hands for strength as I planned exactly what I’d say to get you back, and then something happened—something in a photo caught my eye.”

  He stepped up on the pedestal, causing me to stumble backward. His arm darted out, righting my stance before his hands fell back into his pockets. He tugged one out again and produced a single green stone.

  “Do you remember this?” he asked.

  My heart thundered in my chest as I nodded, my eyes frozen on that tiny bead in his hands.

  “Remember how I asked you if you’d ever seen it before and you said no?”

  I nodded once again, a single tear slipping from the corner of my eye. I took a ragged breath as I waited for the revelation of the single secret I’d held within me for nearly three long years.

  Raising his other hand, he flipped over a single photo—one that had been taken years ago at one of my many burger birthdays. August was crouched behind me, his eyes alive and full of excitement, just like mine, as I blew out the candle stuck in my burger. We looked younger, carefree and happy.

  “Do you see the necklace around your neck?” he asked, holding the photo up.

  I swallowed slowly as I gave a single nod. “Yes.” The word came out strangled and shallow as I stared at the picture. There I was, smiling back at myself with a beautiful green emerald necklace around my throat.

  “The strangest thing happened when I saw that green beaded necklace wrapped around your pretty neck. My head felt fuzzy and my vision blurred and suddenly I was on my damn knees, reliving a memory. Only it wasn’t a memory of this life—it was from my former life. Can you guess what memory I had, Everly?”

  My lips trembled as I tried to keep everything tightly together.

  “No? Let me remind you. You and me—in a dark alley? Only there was no one else. No evil muggers or scary robbers, as you conveniently reported to the police. Just you and me. How did I get in that coma, Everly? How?” he demanded.

  “We have to go. We’re not safe here,” he pleaded.

  “No, I’m not safe with you!” I yelled, struggling out of his grasp. He tried to catch me as I moved erratically in his tight hold, until finally I broke free, my fist making contact with his head as I turned. The pain of my necklace being ripped from my body made me swivel back around just in time to see his large body collapse to the ground, his head crack against the pavement as tiny green stones fell around him.

  “Me,” I cried. “I did it.”

  “Yes,” he answered, taking my hand in his. It shook as he opened my palm and placed the tiny bead inside. His cold, lifeless eyes met mine as he said the words I’d feared since the night he awoke.

  “And I remember everything.”

  The monster was back.

  Please see the next page for a preview of

  Remembering Everly

  Prologue

  Guilt, regret, dread.

  Three simple words that had the power to strip a man bare.

  To make him feel powerless in the most primitive of ways.

  That was what my life had been reduced to. Surrounded by money, unlimited wealth and affluence, and yet I couldn’t protect her.

  I couldn’t keep her safe.

  “Why aren’t we taking a hired car?” Everly’s voice cut through my spiraling thoughts as I turned to see her sitting next to me in the passenger seat. She was a vision tonight—the way the indigo blue of her dress brought out the crimson color of her hair. She wore the beaded necklace I’d given her so many years ago—maybe as a peace offering, hoping to bridge the gap of silence that had grown between us.

  Because of me, and all of my many failures.

  “I thought it might be nice if it were just the two of us tonight,” I answered, sliding my hand across the center console to reach for hers. She didn’t seek mine out, but she didn’t resist my touch either.

  The thought of my embrace didn’t make her draw back in fear. There was still hope in her eyes that I hadn’t become the monster she feared.

  If only she knew.

  “I thought we were going to the art gala,” she said in disappointment.

  “We were. But I know how much you hate those types of events, so I canceled and decided an evening alone would be much nicer.”

  Every word was total bullshit. I was still expected at that gala and when I didn’t show…

  Passing the small restaurant I’d picked out—the one that wouldn’t require reservations on a Saturday night, I searched around the block for parking, to no avail.

  Sometimes I really hated this city.

  Three blocks up, I finally found a tight spot on a steep hill. Climbing out of the car, I ran around to the other side to help Everly out, taking note once again of how beautiful she looked.

  Her legs seemed to go on forever as she stepped out onto the street, the deep blue fabric of her dress brushing over her lush thighs as she rose to meet me.

  “Looks like we have a bit of a walk,” I said, offering my hand.

  She looked around, taking in the location. “Where are we? I don’t think I’ve ever been to this part of town.”

  I shrugged, playing it off as best I could as we stepped to the sidewalk side by side. “A guy at work said he’d taken his wife to this place last week and she still hasn’t stopped talking about it. I thought it might be worth a try.”

  She glanced at me suspiciously as I tried not let the stray graffiti and random bits of trash fluttering in the breeze distract me. I’d once sworn to myself I would always give her the best—nothing less—and here I was taking her to a ratty part of town, to a restaurant I’d never heard of, just so I could get her out of the house for the evening.

  All because I needed to explain.

  Everything.

  And it needed to be done on neutral territory, without threat of interruption or discovery.

  Soon, she would understand.

  Soon, she would know—everything.

  We continued to walk together in silence until she stopped suddenly. I turned to see tears dotting her eyelids as the dim street lights cast a halo on her bright red hair.

  “Why are you crying?” I asked hesitantly, stepping forward to offer my hand.

  She pulled back, her expression wide with fright as she took in her surroundings. I hadn’t been the only one to notice the less-than-stellar neighborhood.

  “What’s going on, August?” she asked, her tone filled with panic and hostility.

  “What do you mean?” I said, trying to remain calm. I held my hands up in a gesture of peace.

  “Canceling the art gala…taking me to place like this? It’s not you. It doesn’t make any sense.”

  I ran a frustrated hand through my hair, knowing she was right. None of it made sense, but it was the best I could do and I was hoping she would just go along for the ride.

  “Maybe you don’t know me as well as you think,” I bit back, hating myself the instant I said it.

  I just needed her to trust me. But trust had to be earned, and over the last few years I’d slowly chipped away at that hard earned treasu
re I’d once cherished more than anything. Now, when she looked at me, there was little left but doubt.

  Doubt and fear.

  A sob tore through her and I watched her turn and run down a darkened alley.

  “Fuck!” I cursed under my breath, chasing after her. The click of her heels echoed through the narrow passage, until the sound ceased altogether and I found her with her arms wrapped tightly around herself near the side entrance of a sandwich shop. The flickering light above gave me glimpse of just what damage I’d done to this poor woman.

  The woman I’d loved for so long.

  Mascara ran down her swollen red cheeks, puffy from the tears she’d shed over the hurtful words I’d said. How many tears had she cried over me?

  Buckets, probably.

  I wasn’t worth it. But I would be.

  “Why don’t you love me?” she asked, her gaze vacant as she stared blankly at the wall beyond me.

  “I love you, Everly. I love you so much,” I pleaded, taking her hand. It felt lifeless in mine, like everything had just been sucked out of her and she was just an empty shell standing before me.

  Maybe she had been this way for a long time, and I’d been too stupid to notice.

  “You don’t,” she replied, finally turning to look at me. “You haven’t for a long time, and I’ve just been too afraid to see it.”

  “No, you don’t understand—let me explain. But just not here,” I said, looking around at the darkened alley. “We have to go. We’re not safe here,” I pleaded.

  “No, I’m not safe with you!” she yelled, struggling out of my grasp. I tried to catch her as she moved erratically in my tight hold, but the slippery fabric of her dress loosened my grip and I lost my balance, sending us both flying. Her fist collided with my skull, and I felt myself falling…reaching.

  Green stones fell around me like rain as I tumbled to the ground, and the last thing I saw was her tortured face as I tumbled into oblivion.

  I could see it all written on her face.

  Horror, pain, fear…but most of all—relief.

  Complete and utter relief.