by P. Jameson
“What?” He paused with one hand on the door and looked back.
Monster lowered his voice in case any of the clan was near enough to hear. “You solid?”
“As concrete, fucker. Why?”
Monster eyed him.
“You’ve been guarding the dolls. Not sure why.”
“Ratchet told me to. I obey. Isn’t that what I’m supposed to do?”
It was what they’d been trained to do.
“Yeah. You sure there’s nothing else?”
Smokes smiled slow and pulled the pack of cigarettes from his shirt pocket, tipping one out and setting it between his lips. “You mean do I want to fuck one of ‘em? Answer is yes.”
Monster raised an eyebrow. “Just one?”
And Smokes’s face lost its cocky expression, looking both shocked and forlorn before tripping back to something smug. “Sure. With Fang, of course.”
“Bullshit. Which one is yours?”
Smokes angrily tossed his cigarette to the ground without even lighting it. “Stay outta my business, asshole.” Then he disappeared through the door.
Monster would watch him. And Ratchet must know already. Whichever Doll Smokes wanted to claim would be safe enough for now.
Hurrying through the stacks of pallets and barrels, Monster made his way to Mama Kitty’s office. Hopefully she had found what he was searching for. If not, he would go looking himself.
He was anxious to get back to Vegas. After what she’d let him do last night… damn, he just needed to make sure she was okay still. This morning when he’d left for work, there had been more of those small smiles from her. Fuck, he lived for those. They were the most beautiful things he’d ever seen.
And the best part? He’d caused them.
He knocked impatiently on the door instead of barging in the way he usually might, and Mama answered with a curious, “Come in?”
“Hey, Mama,” he greeted her as he stepped inside.
Her brows went up in surprise. “Monster.”
“Was wondering if you found the… thing.”
The side of her mouth curled up in a sassy smirk. She was more like herself today, even if she still seemed skittish. What she’d done to Ratchet and Marlee couldn’t be undone by freeing the Dolls, but it probably gave Mama some relief anyway. She had always cared more than she should. It was the human in her, and the reason why the clan kept her, loved her. Even if no one would admit it.
Because admitting it could have gotten her killed in the past.
Things were different now. Or… becoming different at least, little by little.
“I did find the thing,” she said, leaning from her desk. “You want it now?”
Monster nodded, more nervous than he should be. But he wanted it to be perfect to make up for every piece of him that wasn’t.
Mama Kitty stood and walked to the small refrigerator that took up one corner of her office. From inside, she pulled out a single rose that made Monster’s breath stop in his chest.
It was a perfect bloom of red that faded to black at the very tips. Like it had been charred. Perfectly flawed. But Monster could see the beauty in it. Something good and something ugly coming together to make their own version of beautiful. That’s how he saw them. And he hoped Vegas could see it too.
A flawed rose for his flawed mate… who was perfect for only him.
Even if he never shifted to become a Firecat, she was bringing him back to life. Reminding him what it was like to care.
Reminded him of who he was before his father made him unrecognizable.
He took the flower carefully from Mama Kitty, holding it one place on the stem by just his thumb and forefinger.
“Thank you,” he said quietly, but she didn’t answer right away.
“Is this for Vegas?”
Monster frowned. “Of course, who else?”
Mama raised a skeptical eyebrow, but Monster wasn’t letting anyone ruin his good mood.
“Look, she…” Could he say it out loud? It was so unbelievable. “… she likes me.”
If felt right to say it, even if he wasn’t completely sure.
Need to know, his animal grumbled.
Yeah, he was going to have to get things straight between them soon. His animal was growing stronger. He could feel it minute by minute, becoming more a part of him. Last night, he had even smelled feline when he was with Vegas. The beast was close. And this animal was good to the core. It wasn’t like the sick cat his father had molded with cruelty. This one could care, could love, could heal the past.
All because a tiny broken female found him worthy.
Not yet, not fully.
No, but he could wait forever if that’s what it took to win her.
“She changing you?” Mama Kitty asked carefully. “Like Marlee did with Thomas?”
Monster looked away and nodded the truth.
Changing him? Yeah, fuck. His girl was changing him for sure. He was holding a fucking flower and he intended on presenting it to her like it was made of gold and dusted with diamonds, in the hopes it could say things he couldn’t out loud.
“What’s going to happen when one of you mess up?” she asked. “When you go back to the old ways? What will become of the females then? What will become of the clan?”
Monster frowned.
She didn’t understand. She had no clue the hell he’d been in before he saw the photo Vegas. If the witches wanted to ensure a change of heart, they’d used the right curse. Because he never wanted to go back to who he was before the Dolls. He never wanted to be the man who attacked innocents at the command of a brutal leader. Who used fear to become powerful. He never wanted to be on the wrong side of right again.
“Mama, you don’t have to worry about that. We will protect our females always.”
She blinked, staring away as pain crept up her face. “You have no idea how.”
The fathers set a horrible example, for sure. And for the first time ever, Monster wondered what kind of pain Mama Kitty had endured to remain part of the clan. He knew she’d been treated badly, the same as they all had. But… what heartbreak had she endured? Did she love Ratchet’s father once upon a time? Had she hoped for a happily ever after?
Monster felt a new fierce protective instinct rise up within him. Similar to the one he felt for Vegas, but different.
Mama.
She was the closest thing he’d ever known to a mother. She’d fed him and doctored the wounds his father inflicted. She’d read him bedtime stories and told him jokes to make him forget the horrible things pops said. She taught him to read. And tried to show him how to be good, even when he was learning to be bad.
She… she had loved him through the hard times, hadn’t she? How did he not realize it before.
“I’ll do better, Mama.”
Her eyes went soft with surprise as she stared at him.
“I’ve been ruined for a long damn time, you know. But you were always there, in the background, trying hard to show me another way. All of us, another way.”
Tears filled her eyes so full she couldn’t blink them away.
“It wasn’t for nothing. All the shit you did for us, it wasn’t for nothing. The changes we were forced into by the witches are only part of why things are getting better. The rest… is you.”
She shook her head, staring at the floor. “You don’t know what I’ve done, Monster. No one does.”
“You’ve protected your own.”
“I don’t know if it’s that simple.”
Monster stared at the rose in his hand. “Nothing ever is. Complicated and messy and so fucked up, that’s what we are, but somehow, it works.”
That was his hope for a future with Vegas.
He could handle fucked up. Messy. Full of scars from the past. Because all that shit could come together to make something special.
Now he just had to prove it to his mate.
***
The odd looks he got walking through the warehouse with
a rose in hand would be worth the expression on his mate’s face, he told himself as he passed yet another scowling Alley Cat. Like these assholes had never seen a goddamn flower before.
As he passed through the lounge, he noticed there were no crates of booze stacked against the wall like there usually was after work. And the place had been cleaned up some.
He slowed as his eyes caught on a small figure tucked almost out sight. Wearing a too-big sweatshirt over some kind of leggings, and holding a broom in one hand, Skye seemed to be attempting to clean.
She bent and picked up a dingy sock, holding it between the tips of two fingers. Making a face, she turned to chuck it into the trash can, but stopped midway when she spotted Monster.
Her eyes went wide, like they often did when he’d guarded them in the basement. Almost like she forgot he was on their side now.
Shit, he wished he could forget the man he’d had to be before.
The man he was before.
Her gaze landed on the flower he held and she let out a breath, letting the sock fall to the can.
“That for One?” she asked. Her voice was quiet but so was the warehouse, so he heard her just fine. “Vegas, I mean.”
“Yeah.”
“It’s pretty.”
He nodded, not sure what to say.
“Who asked you to clean this place?”
“No one. I just like cleaning.”
“You do?”
She nodded. “It feels nice. Couldn’t ever do it before. So much dirt everywhere down in that… well… you remember.”
“Yeah.” New freedoms. Skye would need hers too. And Janet. And Nyla when they finally got her free.
He turned for his room.
“She’s with Janet right now.”
Well, damn.
But okay, he’d clean up and if she wasn’t back by the time he finished, he’d hunt her down.
In his room, he set the rose carefully on the bed and tugged his shirt over his head. Kicking off his boots and jeans, he pushed into the bathroom…
And went all kinds of stiff at what he saw there.
Vegas, back to him, naked as fuck. Hair wet and dripping on her shoulders while she toweled off her thin legs.
“Fuck.”
Vegas yelped, jerking the towel up to cover her body. But he’d already seen too much. In the microseconds between opening the door and her realizing he’d intruded, his mind had already catalogued the exact tone of her skin straight from the shower, the mole on the back of her thigh, the way her spine curved delicately at her waist, the fine bones of her ankles, and dear god in heaven… her ass. Small and round and pert, flaring in just the right way at her hips.
Everything seemed to move in slow motion. Except his cock. That bastard was sprung faster than ever.
“Shit. Shit.”
He tried to look away, but he couldn’t. Physically couldn’t.
“Skye said you were with Janet.”
Vegas shook her head, eyes huge. “No. Not with Janet.”
“Shit.”
“You already said that.”
Her eyes dipped down and he remembered exactly how naked he was. Aw, shiiiit. She was seeing it all. Scars, wounds, his fucking raging hard-on.
He’d never cared before what a female thought of him, and he hadn’t planned on revealing himself to her like… like… this.
Monster cleared his throat and pushed his shoulders back.
He was what he was. There was no changing it. If they were going to have a future, she would have to accept him.
“You done?” he asked darkly.
Her gaze snapped back to his face and pink bloomed all over her cheeks. Fucking sexy color on her.
“The shower,” he added, “Are you done?”
“Oh. Yes. Yes, I am.”
“I need to clean up.”
Vegas nodded, still not making a move to leave the room. Shit, what did that mean?
Was she terrified? Repulsed? Ashamed? In a trance?
Monster walked forward, his erection bobbing stiffly with every step, and turned on the water. “Just gonna shower real quick,” he said, not looking at her. Better not to be reminded of how naked she was under that towel.
And how naked he was.
And how easy it would be to—
“Can I watch?”
His female’s quiet request lit him up like an inferno. Did he hear her right? She wanted to watch him shower? Fucking hell.
“Sure,” he answered casually, feeling anything but.
How the fuck was he going to wash himself with her eyes on him. He was already hard as stone.
As he stepped into the shower, he hoped like hell he didn’t give her any reason to go back to hiding under the bed.
Chapter Twenty
Vegas held her breath as Monster stepped under the water. He was beautiful. She’d never say it out loud, and doubted he’d agree with her description anyway. But he was. He was beautiful. Marked up like a record of his history.
Help her, but after last night, she wanted to get to know every mark on his body. Personally. Very personally.
She’d never felt so good in her whole life. Never. And Monster had caused it.
It was all she could think about while he was gone today. The way his hands felt on her skin. The careful way he moved. The soft way he kissed her. Studied her. Treasured her.
She wanted to return the favor. Touch him all over. Lick his skin. Bring him to the same edge he’d pushed her over.
Didn’t he deserve to feel that?
When he twisted to adjust the water, she caught a glimpse of the mangled S shape on his back. It was made of small cuts, a million of them at least. And from his journal, she knew it was the mark of the shadow clan. That was what the Alley Cats called themselves because a shadow of darkness hung over them all.
She decided the S stood for strong. Because that’s what he was.
Her eyes tracked the rivulets of water as they raced over his cut muscles, down his tanned chest, over his rigid abs, and… lower. She swallowed drool when her eyes landed on his hard erection. It stood straight out from his body, proud and bigger than she had imagined.
There hadn’t been a hint of it last night. He’d kept it from her, she realized. The idea made her want to growl like he often did when he didn’t like something.
Monster pulled a bar of soap from the shelf and began lathering up.
God, he was huge. His arms bulged with every pass. His chest flexed as he moved to wet his hair. And she waited, barely breathing, for him to lather up his lower half. She wanted to study how he touched himself there.
So she’d know how to do it later.
He liked her touch. Wanted it. And she was going to get it right the first time. Just like he had.
She found his eyes again as he watched her through the glass. They were hooded with desire, his jaw set tight, challenging her. They held the promise of a beast hiding just below the surface. One who wanted to eat her up. But in the best ways possible.
He didn’t look kind now. He didn’t seem gentle.
He was furious… but not angry. And for the first time, she realized there could be a difference.
Furious feelings. He was experiencing furious lust like she’d felt last night. It was probably making him desperate, the way she’d felt under his touch.
His hand slipped down his stomach to grab his thick erection, and she noted the way he touched it. Firmly. Not careful, the way he had touched her.
He fisted it and moved down, rolling his palm over the head before traveling back up.
The towel loosened in her grasp as liquid heat filled her center, and she bit her lip to hold back a moan.
“Did you get clean enough?” he asked, his dark eyes still drilling into her.
“Think so.”
“Too bad. We could’ve shared.”
Naked with him, in the shower…
Would he touch her again? Could she touch him?
“I probably did
n’t get all the soap out of my hair.”
“I think I see some right there.” But his eyes didn’t move from hers.
She let the towel drop to the floor and stood still while his gaze moved over her body.
“You’re beautiful,” he rumbled low. So low she almost had to read his lips.
“So are you.”
His gaze caught hers and his eyes narrowed as if he was gauging whether or not she lied.
Vegas lifted her chin, daring him to say different. She wouldn’t let him. Stronger. He made her feel stronger. And it was a damn good feeling.
He pushed open the shower door and she stepped inside, letting the warm steam wrap all around her body.
He was so close. All of him. Bared to her.
It was an amazing feeling to share space with someone like this. With all your faults and flaws on display for them to decide if they approved or not. Especially when they so obviously did.
Could he tell how badly she wanted to touch him?
She didn’t wait for his permission. Reaching forward, she let her fingers trail down his chest, feeling his strength. Her monster was hard under his marked skin. She wanted to know what he would feel like against her body.
His big hand on her hip, pulled her closer. His fingers dug in there, and she knew he was trying hard to be careful.
But she didn’t want that necessarily. She was broken yes, but not as fragile as she appeared. She wanted real. Something concrete and honest. That’s what she wanted from Monster.
He let his other hand slide up her hip, higher to her ribs until his thumb rested under her breast. And she moved hers lower, over the ridges of his abs and down the muscular V that pointed to her final destination.
“I want to touch you,” she whispered against the skin of his thick neck.
An animalistic sound rolled from his throat. A… purr? Was she making him purr?
“Why are you so damn sweet, mate. Hm? You say sweet things to me. Your touch is sweet. Your kiss is sweet. Why can’t you be harder so that we match?”
Vegas frowned as his words cut pain across her chest. “You wish I was different?”
“No,” he growled. “I wish I was.”
“I want you the way you are. I want… I want more. More firsts. Like you promised. And I want them with you.”
He shook his head, eyes blazing heat straight to her core. “I’m not soft enough for you yet. Not careful enough. Can’t risk hurting you. But this will help. Touch me.”
