My Love Forgive

by Anna Antonia

  “You didn’t swallow it all, Risa.”

  I touched my chin, a slippery mess of spittle and apparently milky white fluid. Fear-laced excitement made my limbs lock up. Things were about to get very interesting.

  “You promised you would swallow all of it if I fucked your mouth. You didn’t keep your word, Risa.”

  I wiped my face with the back of my hand. I dropped my head in contrition. In masochistic craving for the games we played going by the names of discipline and delight.

  “Now I’m going to keep mine. Face down on the bed, Risa. That’s a good girl.” His large hand skimmed down one thigh and then the other before settling on my rounded backside.

  Desire and fear made me a helpless addict and Damian was my drug of choice.

  6

  One Month Earlier

  “You’re having a problem with your e-mail.”

  I looked away from the monitor, surprised to be caught unawares. One look and I knew this was him. The glorious, phenomenal unicorn I’d been chasing my whole life was standing less than five feet away. Dumbfounded, my breath exited in a stuttered whoosh.

  Oh…wow. He’s more than cute. He’s gorgeous.

  I looked into his eyes and felt my entire body tingle in fascination. I tilted my head a bit to the side, wanting to fall into the thickly lashed gaze meeting mine so evenly. Sarah wasn’t exaggerating when she mentioned his eyes. They were unusual and exotic. One orb was so light a gray it almost looked silver. The other was an unusual shade of amber, so bright it nearly appeared gold.

  His eyes are so beautiful. I could stare at them forever.

  “I’m Damian Black. Miss Kelly?”

  “Umm, yes.” I frowned and shook my head a bit. Already I sounded flustered and out of control. I cleared my throat and tried again. “I just called IT. Thanks for coming so quickly.”

  His hair is as dark as mine. Nice. All of him is beautiful. If I had to just go on superficial looks then I’d say I just found my husband. Really. I don’t think a single man walking the planet could top this one.

  He acknowledged my pleasantry with an impersonal “It’s my job.”

  Undeterred by his brevity, I straightened my shoulders and smiled. “Aren’t you the new director?”

  “Yes.”

  “Then why are you here?”

  “This company isn’t so large that I shouldn’t be available for tech support.”

  His matter-of-fact tone threw me. “Oh. It’s just that the old director never answered these kinds of calls.”

  “That is why he is no longer employed here.” Damian shifted our conversation back. “What’s wrong with your e-mail?”

  “I can’t send any out.”

  “You’re still receiving.”

  “Uh, yes.” My cheeks warmed. I was used to being the one to make men sound unsure. How he was doing it to me made me want to slink away and have a do over. Perhaps it was because he wasn’t asking me how things were—he was telling me with quiet confidence.

  It mesmerized me as much as it unsettled.

  I was used to the IT guys shifting from foot to foot anytime they were out in the cubicle maze. Not necessarily intimidated but just uncomfortable from being out of their precious cave where pizza was delivered daily and Mountain Dew came in the front door by the case.

  Hell, I couldn’t blame them. Work sounded a lot more fun when you could hang out in a locked room with an over-the-door video camera wired to the monitor inside. No getting caught by the boss while watching DVDs, playing video games, or whatever else they did in that secured-access-only room of theirs.

  My dad was the DBA at his company and from all the tales he regaled me with, I always wondered if I would’ve been having a blast all-day-every-day if I’d gotten my degree in computers instead of in business. Seeing the man in front of me definitely made me regret it.

  “Have you restarted your computer?” Damian’s soft tone suddenly did wondrous things with my fertile imagination. I could easily overlay his voice to “Have you masturbated today like a good girl?”

  “No.” It was a hard thing to keep my gaze on his but I managed. Barely. It was a hard thing especially because our imaginary selves had just taken things to a naughtier level. I cleared my throat and said, “I like to follow the rules, Damian, and we’ve had it on longstanding policy not to do perform our own troubleshooting on our computers once we put in a call. I thought it best for me to wait for…someone…you…to come down here first before I did anything”

  A faint smile stole across his face. I wondered what I’d said that amused him.

  “Please restart.”

  “Now?”

  He simply nodded. I hated how the economical movement made me feel inept suddenly. The pleasant fantasy inside my head darkened before fizzling. Damian Black seemed entirely too self-contained a person to ever let passion dictate his actions.

  Ah, once again reality trumps over fantasy. Still, I can indulge just a little bit longer. What would I want you to do, Damian?

  I smiled in direct lie to the X-rated visions cavorting all through my head. Yes, I was a lusty pervert of the discreet order. And yes, I was enjoying the thoughts of Damian naked and having his way with me.

  And no, I wouldn’t be sharing exactly what we were doing anytime soon.

  “Okay, just give me a minute to save everything before I shut down.”

  “Restart.”

  “Excuse me?”

  “You’re not shutting down. You’re restarting.”

  “Oh, I know. It was just the wrong choice of words.” The mental visuals of kneeling before him vanished into a black cloud of resentment. I resisted the immature instinct to snap at Damian over his nitpicking.

  Jeez. You know what I meant.

  Instead, I pasted on a bright, accommodating smile. “Would you like to sit down while you’re waiting?”

  “No. I won’t be here long.”

  “Okay. Suit yourself.” I made sure my grin wasn’t too wide and just a shade under warm. My fingers tapped quickly over the keyboard before reaching for the mouse.

  “CTRL S.”

  “What?”

  “CTRL S is the shortcut to save a document. Shortcuts keep you from relying solely on your mouse.”

  My cheeks filled with blood. I didn’t like having the obvious pointed out to me. While I wasn’t a tech erudite by any means, I wasn’t ignorant either. “I’m aware of shortcuts. I just like my mouse.”

  Damian gave me another stingy nod. “Of course.”

  “No, really. I know about shortcuts. I use them sometimes.”

  Risa, shut up! You don’t have to explain yourself to him.

  He kept his stare remote. Damian’s thoughts were completely invisible to me but judgment somehow seeped out from his ash and bronze gaze.

  My fingers curled away from the mouse. They clacked over the two keys in question with supreme authority. I failed to keep the frown off my face. It tugged at my red lips and scrunched my forehead.

  I hate losing control. Hate it, hate it, hate it! Which only goes to prove I’d have too much attitude to really be anyone’s submissive. Thanks for ruining my happy time. Jerk.

  “You should stop that.”

  I bit back the only four-letter word I seemed to keep answering him with. Instead, I tried a bit of variety and lightly inquired, “Stop what?” only to wince as the ‘what’ word skittered out anyways.

  “You’re going to develop premature wrinkles with the way you frown.”

  “And ruin my pretty face?” I teased, hoping to coax a friendly smile from him. Anything actually other than the impassive expression I’d become acquainted with so far.

  Damian cocked his head to the side. “It will ruin your face.”

  I inhaled with more force than usual. I wasn’t sure if his social skills were blunted, but even so, I never did run from a challenge.

  Take back the control.

  “You just started this week, right?”

  “Yes.�
��

  His tiny smile emboldened me. Confidence rolled through me. I rocked back in my chair. “Would you like to go out to dinner with me tomorrow?”

  “No.”

  And with that Damian continued on as if I’d never spoken.

  7

  I arched in an attempt to escape. Displeased, Damian spanked my ass harder. I sobbed his name in supplication, unable to keep myself from disobeying because I liked getting his attention in all its forms.

  How demented did that make me? I was afraid to ever find out.

  Damian tightened his grip on the crossed wrists adorning the small of my back. “Lay still, Risa. You know this will only prolong things.”

  I ceased my desperate squirming and pressed my face against the rumpled sheets. Only then did he continue, harder than before. Damian’s hand fell over and over again, relentless in its punishment. I kicked out my legs as a low moan seeped past compressed lips.

  “It hurts.”

  “It’s supposed to hurt, Risa, otherwise it’s not a punishment. Stop whining over this and focus.”

  His cold dismissal inflamed my sudden despair, unleashing a part of me that had been growing stronger every time Damian dismissed my feelings. Reckless, I turned towards his thigh. My teeth sank deep before he pushed me violently off his lap. Although I hadn’t broken the skin, Damian’s low hiss promised calculated retribution.

  Like and like. An eye for an eye. He always paid me back with interest.

  Although it was much too late to save myself, I scrambled up from the carpeted floor anyways and ran towards the closed door, uncaring that I didn’t have on a stitch of clothing. My body crashed into it when Damian slammed against my back. His breathing matched mine.

  Panicked and rough.

  “Why, Risa?” The soft query accused me of treachery.

  I closed my eyes and answered sullenly, “Because you spanked me too hard.”

  “Disciplined,” he corrected softly. “Say it.”

  Rebellion prodded for me to disobey but I tried to be a good girl. This time. “Disciplined. You disciplined me too hard. I couldn’t take it.”

  Damian stood at my back silently before breathing, “Liar.”

  I stared at the floor. His feet dwarfed mine. “I’m sorry, Damian.”

  His muscled arm secured itself around my waist. He hauled me up high against him. “What are you apologizing for?”

  “For hurting you.”

  Damian nuzzled the sensitive skin of my neck. I felt his teeth scrape twice and tensed. “Why did you bite me? Hmm? Why were you such a naughty, little girl? Weren’t we having such fun earlier?”

  Normally, I would’ve said something flippant or maybe apologized sweetly in the tiny voice Damian enjoyed. Instead, I let the truth break free. “Because you didn’t care that you were hurting me.” My shaky whisper shamed me, making me feel weak.

  Damian didn’t miss a beat. He murmured softly in my ear, “Biting like this is not tolerated between us.”

  I tried to pull away but Damian held me tighter. I imagined if only I could create space between us, I could become as insincere as the pressed composite particles did at mimicking a wooden door.

  Solid but hollow.

  “I know.”

  “Why would you think I don’t care about you, Risa? I care very much about everything that has to do with you. Big and small.”

  I should’ve accepted his words and not wrung them out for further meaning. Instead, I really messed up. I could’ve said a million other things but chose to ask the question I most feared to hear the wrong answer.

  “Do you love me, Damian?”

  Please say yes. If you do then I know everything will be okay with us. I won’t have to walk around afraid because I don’t ever know what’s hiding behind the mask you put on.

  His fingers pressed into my hip hard. It was the only indication he heard me. “I can’t let this pass, Risa. You do understand?”

  My hopes crashed to the floor. There could be no doubt about it. Damian purposely ignored my question. Worse, he chose not to answer it.

  It can only mean one thing. He doesn’t love me. He never did.

  My heart pumped despite the bruising pain. “It doesn’t matter. Do what you have to do.”

  “I can make it matter, little girl.”

  The pet term of affection did nothing for me but the tone behind his words did. Damian may have never promised me love but I had promised him obedience. So despite how devastated I was, my lover’s disappointment cut me deeply.

  I adored him so and hated to ever let him down. Besides, how could I get mad at Damian if he had never promised me love?

  “I need some space, Damian.”

  “Absolutely not.”

  My misery spilled out with a tiny whimper. “I’m getting lost inside you, Damian.”

  “I’ll find you. Always.” He pressed his lips softly against my lobe. His strong teeth razed against the sensitive surface. “This is my promise to you, Risa. I don’t break my promises. You know that.”

  “I know, but I don’t want to disappear. I’ll be like all the others you’ve left—” The kiss on my ear stole away like a ghost. My voice collapsed on itself as my eyes itched with tears. They threatened to drown me in disgrace.

  Damian turned us away from the wall and towards the bed. His lithe fingers stitched me to him by threading tightly through my disheveled hair.

  “Wrong. You belong to me. You were mine from the first.”

  I lunged forward and kissed him with everything I had.

  8

  One Month Earlier

  Damian’s email fix began and ended with a simple reboot, done only minutes after he had said “No.” I felt a fool in more ways than one especially when he left me as a rigid, pink-cheeked, mute figurine without saying another word to me.

  The rest of the day went the way of focused productivity until Julie had commiserated with one word.

  “Gay. He has to be to turn you down.”

  “Maybe, but I doubt it.”

  “If not gay then blind.”

  I thought of Damian’s sharp gaze, remembering how they seemingly missed nothing. “No, not blind.”

  Julie must’ve seen the disappointment I tried so hard to shrug off. Her voice softened with sympathy. “Don’t even worry about him, Risa. He’s not worth the aggravation.”

  “True.” I managed a smirk and a wink. “See you again on Monday?”

  “Only if the lottery doesn’t hit.”

  Our customary farewells did very little to soothe the real sting of rejection I’d experienced. So I found it much easier to pretend that afternoon with Damian Black didn’t really exist.

  I nodded whenever I passed him in the main hall, eyes trained several inches to the right of his face. Anytime I called down to IT, I made sure I requested Malcolm since “he’s so familiar with my machine.” The few times Damian had come instead, I breezed through explaining my issue before leaving with a variation of “I’ve got an engagement. Just leave a note with instructions if you have to come back to get it running.”

  Which he never did because it was always fixed the first time.

  I eventually let my humiliating rejection slide back into the cramped corner of my mind where all things mostly-forgotten went. A few dates with a doctorate candidate followed by a night of good sex did wonders for my wounded pride.

  The morning after found me passing Damian as I did everyday. If I looked at my watch, I’d know it would be 8:47am. Our routine never varied. Coming from opposite ends of the narrow hall, it took me a dozen steps to reach the point of impersonal acknowledgment. I surprised myself by looking him in the eye as I nodded with a bright smile.

  Damian’s murmur stopped me in my cheerful tracks.

  He did not say what I think he just said. No freakin’ way.

  I whirled about, noting the rigidity of his gloriously wide back. “Sorry. I didn’t hear you. What did you say?”

  He exhaled loudly befor
e turning to face me. “Are you so filled with cream that you can’t hear properly either?”

  Fuck no he didn’t just say that!

  I couldn’t have heard him right but what I thought I heard was too scandalous to contemplate. Because of that I vaguely wondered if his dress shirt matched the crimson splotches surely marring my cheeks, ears, and neck. I resisted patting my face to test the heat of my skin.

  Straightening my shoulders, I looked up and asked crisply, “Excuse me? What did you just say to me?”

  No shame or remorse flickered across his patrician features. “So you did hear that. Good.” Damian ate the distance between us with two steps. His predatory smile stripped away my indignation. He leaned closer, careful to whisper in my ear, “I also said you disappoint me.”

  9

  My kiss ignited the fire always burning just under the surface of our interactions. As always, our sex was raw and a touch violent. There were no sweet caresses or whispered promises of love or adoration.

  It frightened me. Not because I was afraid of Damian, never that, but because of how much I lost myself to the carnal domination that he exerted every time I entered his sexual sphere.

  Now ensconced in his darkened bedroom, loud slurps followed by long sweeps of his tongue became a symphony of my masochistic regret. I straddled Damian’s face, unable to see his exquisite expressions because of the blindfold. I shifted, feeling off-balance until Damian secured my wrists tightly within his large hands.

  “I have you, Risa. You’re not going anywhere.”

  Things were different again but not unfamiliar. I was currently being rewarded but it was a transaction I had to pay for dearly. Discipline and emotional distance always came first and only then did Damian croon the words I ached for.

  He was incredibly sweet. Pleasure poured over me, thick and drugging. My soft, pleasured cries increased in tandem with the suction of his mouth.

  “Your pussy tastes so good, Risa. I can’t wait to see it stretched around my cock.”

  His dirty talk shocked me the first time I’d heard it. Damian’s exacting mannerisms precluded the concept of impropriety. The crude words made a liar of his methodical façade and fascinated me all the more.