A Game Changer

by Nikky Kaye

  Nope.

  This was ridiculous, and I was starting to sweat. I’d seen newborns break out of swaddling more easily than this. Maybe there was a way to jiggle the bed, so I’d be shaken loose like a recalcitrant candy bar perched in a vending machine that just ate your money.

  “Mofferfuff.”

  Yeah, you try to move a queen size mattress with your forehead and get back to me.

  I panted with frustration, my breath hot and damp against my own face. The sound of Zach’s heavy, even breathing told me that he was clueless to my predicament, thankfully.

  Finally, I freed an arm and flung it over the top of the bed. With the sheet clenched in my fist, I tugged hard and landed with a loud thump on the floor. Wincing, I lay there silently and took stock of my injuries.

  Okay, I was hiding.

  It was a good thing that Zach slept soundly. Very soundly. Actually, if I hadn’t heard his low snores, I would have been tempted to put a mirror up to his face to make sure he was still alive. I just could imagine it now on ESPN:

  “Breaking news! Star football player Zach Pennington’s tenure in Denver was cut short today—not by a contract dispute, but by his young niece’s nanny. Poor judgment and amazing sex are suspected to be involved.”

  Speaking of, as I stood up my body twinged in ways that had nothing to do with falling off the bed. I crept out of the room with the sheet loosely wrapped around me. It wasn’t until I got into the hallway and closed his bedroom door behind me, that I remembered Payton was at Serena’s house.

  Thank god. The last thing I needed right now was an interrogation from my charge about why I was wearing Uncle Zach’s bedding. For one thing, I would be mortified. Secondly, I didn’t have any age-appropriate answers.

  I sank onto the sofa, the memories of last night flashing through my mind as fast as a moving train. Squeezing my eyes shut, I rubbed my palm against my forehead. Disbelief coursed through me. What…? How…?

  Did I seriously just have sex with my boss?

  I felt so stupid. The only thing than being worse than a walking cliché is being a horizontal one.

  My gaze fell upon the wine glasses on the table, but I knew they weren’t to blame. I needed time to think about what to do next. I decided to pick up Payton at Serena’s. Call me a chicken, but there was no way in hell that I was ready to do a post-mortem on the night before.

  I dropped the sheet in the laundry basket by the mudroom, uncomfortably aware that I was walking around someone else’s house totally naked. As I was pulling clothes out, I realized that I might smell… different to Payton. It had been my experience that little kids and animals tended to prefer the natural odor a person carried, not perfumes and lotions—or the musky scent of Zach’s body pressed against mine.

  Dear god, what have I managed to get myself into?

  My face burned at the memories of our passionate encounter fresh in my mind. I stood in the living room, my arms wrapped around me as I recalled where his tongue had gone and unguarded words that we’d said to each other. Part of me didn’t want to wash him off of me, to keep his primal stamp of ownership.

  A bigger part of me decided to risk taking the extra time for the most efficient shower in history.

  The moment the water hit my overheated body, I sucked in a deep breath. Right, it was time to face reality, even if I wasn’t ready to face my currently naked employer. I needed to be a mature, rational adult and not slam my head against the tile. As I skimmed my body with a soapy poof, I imagined his touch.

  His mouth.

  His…

  Okay, shower time was over.

  I dressed at record speed, grateful that Zach hadn’t woken up in the meantime. Remember? Bock bock bock. But I would use the time walking over to Ethan’s house to clear my head.

  Under the bright blue sky, I tried to think rationally about this. In my defense, we made no promises to each other. We were grown-ups and both consented. And it wasn’t as though he’d taken my virginity, nor did I feel compelled to write “Mrs. Emma Pennington” on my Math binder over and over again.

  Been there, done that, got the souvenir heartbreak.

  My only other intimate experience was with a guy that I thought was special and loyal. Unfortunately, he just thought I was easy pickings.

  Once people found out I’d been a foster kid, their perception of me would suddenly change. They wondered if I’d lived in some kind of twisted melodrama, like a VC Andrews novel. Then, like my first and only boyfriend, they figured I was so desperate for affection and attention that I would do anything for it.

  Was that what Zach thought of me?

  “Emma!”

  I jumped slightly at the sound of Serena’s voice, surprised I’d already arrived. A million thoughts preoccupied me all the way there. Frankly, I was lucky I hadn’t been hit by a car.

  “Hi, Serena.” I smiled at her. Serena was a lovely woman, the kind I never met when I lived in my tiny apartment in a sketch neighborhood. Even the people who fostered me weren’t as nice as Serena and Bryan. “How was Payton last night?”

  “Such a doll to be with,” Serena replied. “They’re having breakfast with Bryan. Come inside.”

  Something kept my feet glued to the walkway, until the front door suddenly flew open and Payton bounded out of the house. My heart swelled with the sigh of her as she rushed to meet me. I barely managed to catch her, stumbling back a little as she jumped on me.

  “Emma! I missed you!” She hugged me tightly, then tilted her head back to grin at me.

  My eyes widened. “Did you lose another tooth?” And I missed it. Rats.

  Payton nodded, then whispered conspiratorially to me, “But I put it in a tissue in my pocket. I didn’t want the Tooth Fairy to get confused last night and give Ethan money. Can we put it under my pillow when we get home?”

  Heart. Melt. “Of course, honey.” It was official—Payton was probably the sweetest girl I’ve ever met my entire life. I kissed the side of her head and hefted her securely in my arms. “Were you good for Miss Serena?”

  She frowned. “Of course!”

  I chuckled and hugged her tightly for a moment. Like a kitten, she soon squirmed in my grasp and I put her down just in time for Ethan to come out of the house.

  Serena called out, “Slow down, you two!” as they raced around to the back yard to do heaven knows what.

  “They really are best of friends,” I commented, shaking my head. Payton was a lucky girl to have people like these to spend time with.

  “They were born a month apart. They’ve known each other since they were babies.”

  “Ah.”

  “I guess I never told you that I worked with Maggie before,” Serena said.

  “No, I didn’t know that.”

  I knew very little about Dean and Maggie, other than what Zach had shared with me and what Payton had told me about them. She focused on the important stuff, such as Dean’s ability to burp on command and the cinnamon toast that Maggie made for her.

  I’d seen enough pictures of them to know what they looked like. Maggie had been tall with long chestnut hair and a warm smile that Payton inherited. In the family photos around the house Dean looked a lot like Zach, only stockier and shorter. Payton got his eyes, long-lashed brown ones that shone like melted chocolate.

  “What were they like?” I asked. “Zach doesn’t talk about their personalities, so much. And Payton’s memories are… like moments in time.”

  Serena looked into the distance, a small smile on her face. “Maggie was a brilliant baker. Ethan loved having sleepovers over there because that he got to help Maggie bake.” She focused on me again, her smile broadening. “Frankly, I think they just snuck a lot of cookie dough.”

  It was easy to picture a mischievous Payton and Ethan “helping” Maggie out in the kitchen.

  “I miss her,” Serena said simply.

  “I’m sure.”

  She tilted her head at me. “For what it’s worth, I think you two would�
�ve gotten along really well.”

  That touched me. “I really wish I had the chance to meet them.” Though I couldn’t see how that would have happened, had they lived. And I never would have met Payton… or Zach. My eyes prickled at the thought.

  “Payton has a lot of Dean in her,” Serena went on. “They’re both stubborn but generous spirit, you know?

  I nodded. That definitely sounded like a family trait.

  “But Dean was always ready to help people. He coached Payton’s soccer team last season because they couldn’t find a coach to replace the old one and Payton really wanted to play the game. He didn’t want her to lose the opportunity.”

  It made me sad to think that, now, all future opportunities would be missed. “I wish that they had longer with Payton.” Like, forever.

  “They adored her,” Serena agreed, “but Payton says that you and Zach are doing okay.”

  I blinked. “Payton told you about us? I mean, not that there’s an us—” I tripped over my own tongue as heat rose in my cheeks. “But, um, helping Payton together?”

  “That you and Zach aren’t agreeing much on anything and that you two argue?” She chuckled, nodding. “Yeah. She did. She told to me that it bothers her, but she says it’s better than the first few days when you two barely talked to each other.”

  I bit my lip and hung my head low, ashamed. All I wanted was to create a good environment for Payton, but I suddenly felt like arguing with Zach most of the time did more harm to her than good. It also stung a little that Payton didn’t feel as though she could come to me or Zach with her concerns.

  “I—I—”

  Serena raised a hand and smiled at me. “You don’t need to explain yourself. Maggie told me about Zach and what he’s like. I’d never met him until yesterday, though. He didn’t visit that much. I’m sure you just want him to step up and be a father to Payton.”

  “I don’t want him to replace her own father,” I said.

  “Of course not. Nobody could replace Dean. But Zach’s relationship with Payton is obviously going to change now. It kind of has to, if you want her to feel secure and all that.”

  I smiled gratefully at Serena. “Yes, that’s exactly it.”

  “Then I guess you better make it clear to him,” Serena said, her eyes shining. “You know, yesterday was the first time I met him. He’s, um…” She reflexively looked around us for little ears. Or maybe her husband. “Hot as fuck.”

  Now I blushed so hard I was probably radiating heat. “I know, right?”

  She winked. “If it wouldn’t make things way more complicated and awkward, I’d say go for it.”

  All I could do was stare at Serena. I didn’t even see Payton rush up to me until her head barreled into my belly.

  “Emma! Could we get hot chocolate at Tate’s?”

  “I thought you had breakfast?” I asked, eyeing her. I’d learned the hard way not to give her too many sweets, especially in the mornings.

  Serena patted me on the shoulder. “I made spinach omelets for breakfast so you’re free from the sugar high for the time being.”

  “Awesome, thank you! Then I guess we’re going to Tate’s,” I said and then pushed Payton gently towards Serena and Ethan. “Say thank you and goodbye, Pay.”

  She gave Serena a quick hug before popping back inside to say goodbye to Ethan and his dad. Then she had to rush inside again to grab her overnight bag, which I carried.

  It was a good thing that she didn’t mind walking all the way to Tate’s, which was a dozen blocks from the house. I laughed as she bounded around me on the sidewalk like an excited puppy. The whole way, Payton chattered about what she and her friend had done together.

  “Did you, you know, sleep at your sleepover?” I teased her.

  “Of course, we did. Ethan has a bunkbed!”

  I tried to listen attentively as she told me all about being on the top bunk but, all the while, my mind kept replaying my own sleepover with Zach. Like the way I was on the, uh, ‘top bunk’ with his hands greedily roaming over my body as I writhed on him. When she mentioned the safety rail, I rocked to a halt.

  “Emma?”

  My heart thudded in my chest as I tried to remember. Yes, we used protection. I was on the Pill regardless, but… yes, I was nearly one hundred percent sure that we used condoms—plural. Ninety percent sure.

  Ugh! How freaking awkward would it be to ask him? Maybe I could just check the trash can in the bathroom?

  Payton tugged on my hand. “Emma, we’re still going, aren’t we?”

  “Yeah.” I shook my head. “Sorry, honey.”

  When we got to Tate’s I ordered Payton hot chocolate and oatmeal cookies, which I found out was her favorite kind. We sat at a little café table outside, where birds waited patiently for me to drop crumbs from my muffin.

  Still avoiding Zach, I texted Anderson to ask if he could pick us up and drive us to Payton’s piano lesson. She had a piano in the morning and soccer at two in the afternoon, which meant she could have a nap in between. Maybe I would, too.

  Suddenly Payton stopped talking and squealed with delight. She jumped out of her seat like a jack-in-the-box and ran off. I immediately turned around to call her back, only to see her jump into Zach’s arms.

  Emma

  I froze in my seat, my mouth full of muffin.

  Zach, being Zach, caught the attention of everyone he passed as he followed Payton to our table—but his gaze was laser sharp on me. When he raised an eyebrow at me, I had to remind myself to swallow. The muffin felt like a block of cement going down. I reached for my coffee, partly just to do something with my hands.

  “Didn’t know we were going out for breakfast,” Zach commented as he dropped into a chair. His tone was both casual and accusatory at the same time. Or maybe that’s just how I interpreted it.

  Payton wriggled into the seat between us. I was amused to see her pick up her drink and hold it the same way I held mine.

  Zach noticed, too.

  “Aren’t you a bit young for coffee?” he asked, his lips quirking.

  Payton looked into her half-full cup. “It’s hot chocolate.”

  He laughed at her. “It’s summer. Who drinks hot chocolate in summer?”

  “Payton does,” I said pointedly as I saw her face fall at the implied criticism from Uncle Zach. I glared at him, and thankfully he got the message.

  “Actually, that’s really smart,” he added. “It stays hot longer, right?”

  Payton nodded, perking up again.

  Now he turned to me and I could see the questions in his eyes—questions I didn’t want to answer and didn’t know how to answer. “Em—”

  I cut him off. “How did you know we were here?”

  “Got a text from Anderson. What are you two doing here?”

  “I thought it’d be nice to take a walk to get Payton from Serena’s.”

  “Hmmm,” Zach mused as he turned his attention to his niece, asking her how she was and if she had fun at Ethan’s. I listened to them talk but I caught Zach glancing at me from time to time.

  “You want something to eat?” I asked, eager for an opportunity to get away for a few minutes. I went to order him a bacon and egg breakfast sandwich and some coffee.

  Although I was hoping to get a moment to myself to think, all I could actually think about was the way I felt Zach’s gaze burning on me as I walked away from the table. When I got back, he gave me a grateful smile as he continued to listen intently to his niece.

  For only staying one night at a friend’s house Payton had an awful lot of adventures to tell Zach about. It suddenly occurred to me that it was probably the first sleepover she’d had since the accident. My heart lurched a little. Had she woken in the night and wanted her mom? Had she missed me and Zach?

  “What, Emma?”

  “Huh?” I frowned in confusion, until I looked down and discovered that I’d placed my palm high on Payton’s back. My thumb rubbed back and forth, unconsciously soothing her. I ha
dn’t even been aware of doing it. I stilled my hand but left it in place.

  “Is something wrong?” Zach’s forehead creased with worry.

  I gave them both what I hoped was a casual, reassuring smile. “No, it’s nothing. Finish your story, honey.”

  As she told Zach about the stairs to the top bunk, I stared at my arm as though it were disconnected from my body. This little girl had gotten so deep into my heart that the desire to comfort her had become a reflex. It was like my soul had reached out for Payton, knowing that we needed each other.

  It was time to be honest with myself.

  I’d never had another job like this. Never cared for another child this way. Maybe it was the circumstances that were extraordinary or maybe it was just Payton herself, but I found myself longing to be her mother. When I was talking to Serena earlier that morning, I was even a little envious of Maggie for the five years she had with Payton. How screwed up was that?

  I was so lost in my thoughts that I followed Zach and Payton to the car without comment. My silence went unnoticed as Zach drove us to piano class. Or, I thought it did.

  “Emma, what’s going on?” Zach cornered me after Payton had gone into her piano teacher’s house.

  “What do you mean?”

  “You haven’t said more than a dozen words since I met up with you two.”

  I laughed weakly. “It’s hard to get in a word edgewise, with Payton around.”

  He didn’t buy it. “You’re mad at me,” he decided.

  “No, I’m not.” My response was automatic, but then I realized I didn’t know what I felt. I was confused. Afraid of being hurt. “I’m just…” I waved my hand around. “I don’t know.”

  His eyes narrowed at me, but the expression on his face softened. “Okay. I get it. You need some time. We can talk later.”

  I nodded.

  For the next few hours I remained quiet, while Zach gave me space and focused on Payton—so much so that Anderson met us at soccer and offered to take me home early.

  “Why?” I asked him.

  “Zach thought you needed a break. He’s got this,” he said, motioning to his employer and Payton doing a drill together.