One Young Fool in Dorset

by Victoria Twead

  When he came out, I looked up at him expectantly. He ignored me, snatched a pen and scribbled on the bottom of the list. Satisfied, he threw it on the table and left the room. I grabbed it and read his additions. He’d pressed so hard with the pen that he’d nearly gone through the paper.

  Joe had written:

  CAN’T SPEAK SPANISH!

  TOO MANY FLIES!

  MOVING HOUSE IS THE PITS!

  For weeks we debated, bouncing arguments for and against like a game of ping pong. Even when we weren’t discussing it, the subject hung in the air between us, almost tangible. Then one day, (was it a coincidence that it was raining yet again?) Joe surprised me.

  “Vicky, why don’t you book us a holiday over Christmas, and we could just take a look.”

  The hug I gave him nearly crushed his ribs.

  “Hang on!” he said, detaching himself and holding me at arm’s length. “What I’m trying to say is, well, I’m willing to compromise.”

  “What do you mean, ‘compromise’?”

  “How about if we look on it as a five year plan? We don’t sell this house, just rent it out. Okay, we could move to Spain, but not necessarily for ever. At the end of five years, we can make up our minds whether to come back to England or stay out there. I’m happy to try it for five years. What do you think?”

  I turned it over in my mind. Move to Spain, but look on it as a sort of project? Actually, it seemed rather a good idea. In fact, a perfect compromise.

  Joe was watching me. “Well? Agreed?”

  “Agreed…” It was a victory of sorts. A Five Year Plan. Yes, I saw the sense in that. Anything could happen in five years.

  “Well, go on, then. Book a holiday over Christmas and we’ll take it from there.”

  So I logged onto the Internet and booked a two week holiday in Almería.

  Why Almería? Well, we already knew the area quite well as this would be our fourth visit. And I considered this part of Andalucía to be perfect. Only two and a half hours flight from London, guaranteed sunshine, friendly people and jaw-dropping views. It ticked all my boxes. Joe agreed cautiously that the area could be ideal.

  So the destination was decided, but what type of home in Spain would we want? Our budget was reduced because we weren’t going to sell our English house. We’d have to find something cheap.

  On previous visits, I’d hated all the houses we’d noticed in the resorts. Mass produced boxes on legoland estates, each identical, each characterless and overlooking the next. No, I knew what I really wanted: a house we could do up, with views and space, preferably in an unspoiled Spanish village.

  Unlike Joe, I’ve always been obsessed with houses. I was the driving force and it was the hard climb up the English property ladder that allowed us even to contemplate moving abroad. In the past few years, we had bought a derelict house, improved and sold it, making a good profit. So we bought another and repeated the process. It was gruelling work. We both had other careers, but it was well worth the effort. Now we could afford to rent out our home in England and still buy a modest house in Spain.

  “If we do decide to move out there,” said Joe, “and we buy an old place to do up, it’s not going to be like doing up houses in England. Everything’s going to be different there.”

  How right he was.

  * * *

  Like a child, I yearned for that Christmas to come. I couldn’t wait to set foot on Spanish soil again. We arrived, and although Christmas lights decorated the airport, it was warm enough to remove our jackets. Before long, we had found our hotel and settled in.

  The next morning, we hired a little car. Joe, having finally accepted the inevitable, was happy to drive into the mountains in search of The House. We had two weeks to find it.

  Yet again the mountains seduced us. The endless blue sky where birds of prey wheeled lazily. The neat orchards splashed with bright oranges and lemons. The secret, sleepy villages nestled into valleys. Even the roads, narrow, treacherous and winding, couldn’t break the spell that Andalucía cast over us.

  Daily, we drove through whitewashed villages where little old ladies dressed in black stopped sweeping their doorsteps to watch us pass. We waved at farmers working in their fields, the dry dust swirling in irritated clouds from their labours. We paused to allow goat-herds to pass with their flocks, the lead goat’s bell clanging bossily as the herd followed, snatching mouthfuls of vegetation on the run.

  Although we hadn’t yet found The House, we were positive we’d found the area we wanted to live in.

  One day we drove into a village that clung to the steep mountainside by its fingernails. We entered a bar that was buzzing with activity. It was busy and the air heavy with smoke. The white-aproned bartender looked us up and down and jerked his head in greeting. No smile, just a nod.

  Joe found a rocky wooden table by the window with panoramic views and we settled ourselves, soaking in the atmosphere. Four old men played cards at the next table. A heated debate was taking place between another group. I caught the words ‘Barcelona’ and ‘Real Madrid’. Most of the bar’s customers were male.

  Grumpy, the bartender, wiped his hands on his apron and approached our table, flicking off imaginary crumbs from the surface with the back of his hand. He had a splendid moustache which concealed any expression he may have had, and made communication difficult.

  “Could we see the menu, please?” asked Joe in his best phrase book Spanish.

  Grumpy shook his head and snorted. It seemed there was no menu.

  “No importa,” said Joe. “It doesn’t matter.”

  Using a combination of sign language and impatient grunts, Grumpy took our order but our meal was destined to be a surprise. A basket of bread was slammed onto the table, followed by two plates of food. Garlic mushrooms - delicious. We cleaned our plates and leaned back, digesting our food and the surroundings. In typical Spanish fashion, the drinkers at the bar bellowed at each other as though every individual had profound hearing problems.

  “We’re running out of time,” said Joe. “We can carry on gallivanting around the countryside, but we aren’t going to find anything. I very much doubt we’ll find a house this holiday.”

  Suddenly, clear as cut crystal, the English words, “Oh, bugger! Where are my keys?” floated above the Spanish hubbub.

  Chickens, Mules and Two Old Fools is the next book in the Old Fools series.

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  Childhood and Dorset Recipes

  Dorset Apple Cake

  Dorset Herby Potato Salad

  Jam Roly-Poly

  Summer Pudding

  Cauliflower Cheese

  Crispy Crunchy Crackly Crack

  Zwetschgenknödel (Plum Dumplings)

  Watercress, Olive and Lentil Pâté

  Quiche Lorraine

  Clotted Cream Chocolate Cake

  Welsh Rarebit (Cheese on Toast)

  Prawn Cocktail

  Dorset Mackerel with Gooseberries

  Quick and Easy Sausage and Mash Pie

  Crêpes Suzette

  Coq au Vin

  Grumpy’s Garlic Mushrooms Tapa

  Dorset Apple Cake

  A very easy recipe, great for using up fallen cooking apples. Fantastic with custard.

  110g (4 oz) margarine or butter

  225g (8 oz) flour

  110g (4 oz) sugar

  55g (2 oz) currants

  225g (8 oz) chopped apple

  A little milk

  Method

  Rub fat into flour and add sugar, currants and apple.

  Mix together with milk to make a stiff dough.

  Spoon mixture into a greased round cake tin.

  Cook in a hot oven (220C/430F/Gas 7) for 10 minutes then turn down the heat to 170C/335F/Gas 3 and cook for a further hour.

  Back to Knickers and Rats

  Dorset Herby Potato Salad

  The many hours of sunshine and mild temperatures of Dorset pro
duce wonderfully tender early vegetables. This recipe uses tiny new potatoes, best cooked the same day as they are dug up.

  Serves 4 - 6

  700g (1½ lb) small new potatoes

  2 hard-boiled egg yolks

  Large pinch of cayenne pepper

  5ml (1 tsp) caster sugar

  1 tablespoon chopped fresh herbs, perhaps tarragon, chives, mint or parsley

  15ml (1 tablespoon) herb vinegar

  150ml (5 fl oz) natural yoghurt or sour cream

  Snipped fresh chives, to garnish

  Method

  Wash the potatoes, but don’t peel. Cook in boiling salted water for 10-15 minutes, until tender.

  Meanwhile, make the dressing by mashing the egg yolks, cayenne pepper and sugar to a paste with the chopped herbs, the vinegar and 1 tsp cold water.

  Stir in the yoghurt.

  When the potatoes are cooked, drain thoroughly and toss with the dressing while still warm, even if you intend to serve the dish cold, as the dressing will distribute better.

  Serve either warm or cold, garnished with snipped chives.

  Back to Priests and Pets

  Jam Roly-Poly

  Serves 6

  250g (8 oz) self-raising flour

  Pinch of salt

  50g (2 oz) light brown sugar

  125g (4 oz) shredded suet

  6 - 8 tbsp water

  5 tbsp raspberry jam, warmed

  milk, for brushing

  1 egg, beaten

  Brown sugar, for glazing

  Custard, for serving

  Method

  Preheat the oven to 200C/400F/Gas Mark 6.

  In a bowl, add the brown sugar, flour and salt.

  Now add the suet and enough water to make a soft dough.

  Place the dough onto a floured surface and roll into a rectangle.

  Brush one side of the pastry with the warmed raspberry jam, leaving a 1cm (½ in) border.

  Fold the jamless border in and brush with milk.

  Loosely roll up the pastry, beginning with a short side of the rectangular pastry sheet.

  Seal the ends well.

  Place the pastry roll onto a greased baking sheet.

  Brush the pastry roll all over with the beaten egg and sprinkle with demerara sugar.

  Bake in the oven for 35-40 minutes, until cooked through.

  Remove from the oven and sprinkle on a little more brown sugar.

  Serve hot with custard.

  Back to Naked

  Summer Pudding

  Serves 4

  1 large, white organic loaf, thickly sliced, crusts removed

  Approximately 1.5 kg (3 lbs) of mixed red soft fruit, whichever summer berries are in season, the juicier the better eg: raspberries, cherries, blueberries, strawberries, boysenberries, blackberries, redcurrants, blackcurrants, etc.

  1 cup of sugar

  Zest of 1 lemon

  Clotted, whipped or pouring cream (optional)

  Method

  Wash the fruit and remove any stones, pips, stalks, etc.

  Butter the inside of a 1.5 litre (3 pint) pudding basin.

  Line the pudding basin with the bread slices, slightly overlapping each slice so there are no gaps between, and pressing the edges together so the bread forms a complete shell inside the bowl.

  Bring the mixed berries, lemon zest and sugar to a gentle simmer, for about 5 minutes, until the sugar is dissolved and the fruits are releasing their juice. Allow the fruit to keep its shape. Take care not to overcook.

  Reserve about ¾ cup of juice and put it to one side to cool, then refrigerate.

  Pour the rest of the fruit and juice into the bread-lined pudding basin.

  Seal the top completely with further, overlapping, slices of bread.

  Cover the bread with a small flat plate or saucer that fits snugly inside the basin.

  Weigh down the plate with weights or a very heavy can or jar.

  Leave in the fridge overnight. The weight will cause the juice to bleed through the bread staining it red.

  Before serving, gently slide a flexible spatula between the bread and the basin to loosen.

  Invert the bowl onto a serving plate, the pudding should slide easily into place.

  Use the reserved juice to colour any areas that still have a white tinge. Pour any remaining juice over the top of the pudding.

  Serve with a dollop of cream.

  Back to TH

  Cauliflower Cheese

  Serves 4

  Medium head of cauliflower, broken into large florets

  40g (1½ oz) butter

  40g (1½ oz) plain flour

  400ml (14 fl oz) milk

  1 tsp English mustard

  100g (3½ oz) mature cheddar cheese, grated

  Salt and freshly ground black pepper

  Method

  Preheat the oven to 190C/375F/Gas Mark 5.

  Thoroughly wash the cauliflower and place in a large saucepan of salted water.

  Bring to the boil and cook for 5 minutes ensuring that the cauliflower is still fairly firm.

  Tip into a colander and leave to drain.

  Melt the butter in a saucepan and stir in the flour.

  Cook over a gentle heat for one minute.

  Remove the pan from the heat and gradually add the milk, a little at a time, stirring well.

  Return the pan to a medium heat and bring the mixture to the boil, stirring constantly. Simmer for two minutes, then remove from the heat.

  Stir in the mustard and two thirds of the cheese, and set aside. Arrange the cauliflower in an ovenproof baking dish. Carefully pour over the sauce, ensuring the cauliflower is completely covered.

  Scatter the remaining cheese over and bake for 25-30 minutes, until the top is golden-brown and bubbling.

  Back to A Tragic Ghost

  Crispy Crunchy Crackly Crack

  Prep: 20min

  Extra time: 4hr chilling

  50g (2 oz) butter

  1 tablespoon cocoa powder

  1 tablespoon golden syrup

  Raisins (optional)

  50g (2 oz) crushed digestive biscuits

  Cooking chocolate (optional)

  Method

  Melt the butter in a non-stick pan.

  Add in the cocoa powder, golden syrup and raisins (optional).

  When the ingredients blend to make a brown, sticky liquid, remove from the heat.

  Add in the crushed digestive biscuits.

  Mix and put in a 18cm (7in) square baking tin and leave in fridge until it becomes hard, probably about 4 hours.

  Pour melted chocolate over the chocolate biscuit cake.

  Cut into small squares.

  Back to Bad Boys

  Zwetschgenknödel (Plum Dumplings)

  For 16 dumplings

  4 tablespoons butter

  1 cup dry bread crumbs

  4 large russet potatoes, peeled

  2 cups plain, all-purpose flour

  1 egg

  1 pinch salt

  16 ripe plums, pitted or left whole (damson plums or Italian prune plums are best, but any plum will work)

  16 teaspoons white sugar, one tsp for each dumpling. Or 16 sugar cubes.

  Method

  Melt 3 tablespoons of butter in a skillet over medium-low heat. Throw in the bread crumbs. Cook and stir until golden brown and fragrant, about 2 minutes. Set the crumbs aside.

  Place potatoes in a pot of water over medium heat, and boil until tender, 20 to 30 minutes. Drain the potatoes, and allow to cool for several minutes to dry out; then squeeze the potatoes through a fine sieve or potato ricer into a bowl.

  Place 1 tablespoon of butter into the potatoes, and allow to melt, then mix in the flour until thoroughly combined. Mix in egg and salt. Turn the mixture out onto a generously floured work surface, and knead until the dough is soft and no longer sticky, about 10 minutes.

  Divide the dough into quarters, and subdivide each quarter into fourths to make 16 portions. Roll each portion into a ball, a
nd roll the ball out on a floured work surface until it forms a circle about 9cm (3½ inches) in diameter. Place a pitted plum into the center of the dough circle, and spoon a teaspoon of sugar into the plum. Alternatively, pit the plum and insert a sugar cube into each plum. Roll and pinch the dough around the plum to seal. Repeat with the remaining dough to make 16 dumplings.

  Bring a pot of lightly salted water to a boil over medium heat, and drop the dumplings into the boiling water. Stir gently to loosen any dumplings that stick to the bottom. Allow the dumplings to rise to the top, then boil for 5 more minutes.

  Gently remove dumplings with a slotted spoon, and roll in the toasted bread crumbs to serve.

  Any remaining dough can be rolled into plain dumplings, boiled, and rolled in crumbs.

  Back Summer Break

  Watercress, Olive and Lentil Pâté

  Most of the UK’s watercress comes from around the New Forest and that region, and it’s a really healthy food packed full of vitamins. This recipe is a really quick and easy pâté that can be eaten straight away. If you prefer, pack it into a small loaf tin lined with transparent film, and allow it to set in the fridge overnight, ready for slicing the next day.

  200g (7 oz) green lentils, washed then simmered for 20-25 mins in veg stock

  100g (3½ oz) green olives

  1 bunch watercress

  Juice of half a lemon

  Extra virgin olive oil

  Sea salt and freshly ground black pepper

  Method

  Place everything in a mixing bowl and blend with a hand-held blender or process in a food processor.

  Choose between smooth or chunky depending on how long you whiz it for.

  Season to taste and serve with fresh crusty bread.

  Back to Robberies

  Quiche Lorraine

  For the pastry:

  1¼ cups plain flour

  ½ tsp salt

  8 tbsp chilled unsalted butter, cut into small cubes

  1 to 2 tablespoons iced water

  For the filling:

  6 lean bacon slices

  ¾ cup cream, at room temperature

  ¾ cup milk, at room temperature

  3 eggs, at room temperature

  1 tablespoon unsalted butter, melted