Asher tipped my chin up and kissed me. My breath caught at the zing his touch sent through me. We would talk. There was more to be said, but at that moment I didn’t care. I’d missed him and his lips and the way his kisses overwhelmed me. The weeks apart hadn’t changed that, but we had changed. Could we get past the differences?
“There’s one more thing. Gabe said . . . He thought that somehow I’m behind us bonding.”
Asher ran a finger over his scar in thought, but didn’t say anything.
I shrugged and shoved my hair behind my ear. “I don’t know how or why, but I think I made this happen. I caused this mess, and I don’t know how to make it stop.”
What if he didn’t believe me? What if that answer wasn’t good enough?
He tugged on my hand, and I realized I was still pulling on my hair. I let go, and he took over curving the loose strands behind my ear. “Always worrying and taking the responsibility for everything,” Asher said, with a smile in his voice. His breath tickled the hair near my ear, and I shivered. “You haven’t changed that much.”
Eavesdropping, as usual. You haven’t changed that much, either.
He laughed, but sobered again a moment later. “Forgive me?” he asked, and I knew he didn’t mean for listening to my thoughts.
“Maybe.” I kissed his chin, and he tilted his head as I trailed my mouth to his neck and brushed my fingers across his whiskers. “If you promise to shave.”
I squealed when he lifted me off my feet in a hug.
His smile was gentle. “We’ll figure it out, mo cridhe.”
Asher wouldn’t let me heal him.
“I’m not going to let you do it. You were right. We shouldn’t have fought.”
I gave up on arguing with him. I placed my shoulder under his arm so he could use me as a crutch, and we started walking back to his house. “What happened to you, Asher? You were so quick to believe Gabe and I abandoned you. What did they do to you?”
He didn’t speak for a long time. “They screwed with my head. They would tell me you were dead one day, and then the next they would say they were torturing you somewhere else. They described the things they were doing to you. They said . . .” He stopped and cleared his throat. “Well, I didn’t know what to believe. Then, a couple of weeks ago, this guy Alcais started coming around. He knew things about you, Remy. Things about your grandfather.”
I scowled at the mention of Alcais’s name. “He’s how we found you. Gabe followed him to where they were keeping you. What did he say to you?”
“At first, he talked about how your powers worked and tried to get me to tell him more. He said your grandfather had plans for you, that they were testing you. And then last week, he suddenly began to talk about your boyfriend, Gabe. About how the two of you couldn’t keep your hands off of each other and how you were always texting each other.”
That creep! Alcais had known Gabe wasn’t my boyfriend, and he’d tortured Asher with those lies, probably his only way to get back at me. “He lied, Asher. My grandfather must have known that Gabe was your brother all this time.”
“I know that now. I swear I didn’t believe him until I overheard you and Gabe. Then it seemed like a confirmation of what I’d heard. That maybe I’d fooled myself into believing what I wanted. What reason could Alcais have had for lying about that? I feel stupid.”
I couldn’t read his expression, but his voice gave away his distress. I hesitated a moment, and then went with my gut, running my fingers through Asher’s chopped hair. This is why Alcais said those things. I pictured how cruel he’d been, hurting Erin to get me to use my powers. Then I showed Alcais writhing on the ground after I’d taught him a lesson about using people to get at me. He hated me, Asher.
Asher’s chin dropped to his chest. “I owe Gabe an apology, don’t I?”
“I don’t know. He’s your brother. I think he gets it.”
These last weeks we’d all blamed ourselves for things beyond our control. Wished we’d done things differently or been more than who we were. Me, Gabe, Asher. We could keep torturing ourselves, but in the end, we’d done the best we could.
I walked Asher back to his house, acting as his crutch. He wouldn’t let me heal him, so I helped him to his room and tucked him into his ginormous bed. I stayed with him until he slept, and then I wandered downstairs.
I heard the sink running in the kitchen and followed the noise, expecting to find Lottie. Surprisingly, she was one of the few people not angry at me. She was so happy to have her brothers home that she’d forgiven all. I entered the kitchen and stumbled upon Gabe instead. He was drinking water from the tap. Bright moonlight spilled through the window, highlighting the bruised planes and shadows of his face.
“Ever heard of a glass?” I whispered.
Of course he’d heard me coming.
He smiled, unsurprised to see me leaning against the counter. “If I use a glass I have to wash it.”
Despite his words, he filled a glass, drank from it, and then passed it to me. I took a sip and then hitched myself up to sit on the counter. I patted the spot next to me, and Gabe hopped up to sit beside me. I noticed that he took care not to touch me.
“You’re leaving, aren’t you?” I guessed.
Since we’d returned to Blackwell Falls, Gabe had distanced himself from me. Tonight, he’d confessed his feelings, knowing there was no going back to being just friends. He rarely did anything by accident.
“Can’t get anything past you, Remington,” he teased, but the humor sounded forced.
“Don’t,” I said. “Don’t joke. It matters too much.”
“Forgive me,” he said in a hard voice. “My heart is breaking over here. I’m doing the best I can.”
He started to hop off the counter, but I touched his arm. “Don’t go.”
I wasn’t sure if I meant now or tomorrow. Maybe both.
“I have to. If I stay, I’ll fight for you. He needs you more than ever now, but I’d fight dirty to win you, and it wouldn’t matter that he’s my brother.”
I couldn’t look away from the intensity of his gaze. “I’m not worth that, Gabe.”
“Yes, you are, and it kills me that you don’t see that.”
Silence lapsed between us. I couldn’t think of anything to say that I hadn’t already said. I loved Asher. I’d made my choice. And he was right. Asher did need me now.
“Can I ask you something?”
I nodded.
“Do you think that if we’d met first, you would have chosen me?”
I sighed. “How am I supposed to answer that?”
I jumped off the counter, but Gabe grabbed my hand. He used it to tug me toward him until I pressed against his knees. He curled his fingers into my hair.
“Please, Remington. Give me this.”
He wanted me to say that I would have chosen him, but I couldn’t know that. If I lied, he would know. I felt trapped. His eyes took on that bleak look and his grip loosened. I couldn’t bear it. I held his hand to my cheek and closed my eyes.
I pictured us meeting. It took ages for Gabe to get over his suspicions about me. When he did, we started dating. We held hands and did normal couple things, walking on the beach and going to the movies. But gradually, Gabe’s rose-colored glasses fell away. He tired of my need to heal everyone in sight and having to defend me from every Protector or Healer that showed up in town. His senses began to return. One day he realized that I wasn’t that special at all, and I understood that I’d become another of his toss away Sororitoys. He missed his freedom, and we fought all the time until one of us walked away.
Everything I showed him was exactly what I imagined would have happened if we’d met first. I told him our story without saying a word, and he gazed at me sadly when I opened my eyes.
It would never have worked. You forget that you never wanted me here.
“And you forget that you’d already picked Asher by the time we met.”
“I wish you wouldn’t go.”
Gabe smiled, looking like the shark I remembered calling him once. “And you should go home. I’m about to do something that I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself for tomorrow.”
I scurried to the doorway.
“Remington.”
I glanced over my shoulder.
Gabe’s eyes flashed. “You’re wrong about us. If you were mine, I would never have let you walk away without a fight. Good night.”
I ran all the way home. It was a long time before I fell asleep.
The next morning Asher called to say that Gabe had left in the middle of the night. They’d talked. Gabe wasn’t angry at Asher, but he needed time to get past this. To get over me. And he couldn’t see us together and do that. So he’d left with the promise to call when he’d landed somewhere.
I missed him already, and I thought Asher knew. Maybe that was why he’d chosen to give me the news over the phone, where he couldn’t read my mind and feel how sad I was that his brother had gone.
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
My family sat around the living room watching a movie. My dad had talked us into putting on the Rocky Horror Picture Show. He and Laura had gone to live screenings of the movie when they’d been dating. They described shadowcasts where amateur performers acted out the film on a stage below the screen, and the whole audience had interacted, throwing objects and screaming things on cue. He and Laura demonstrated the audience participation parts while Lucy and I threw popcorn at them. Then they started doing the Time Warp dance, and I howled with laughter.
It was a perfect night, the first I’d had since Gabe had left three days ago. He hadn’t called Asher yet, and I tried not to worry about him.
The movie credits were rolling when my phone rang.
“Whoa. Sounds like you’re having fun over there.”
My stepmom was demonstrating the Time Warp again and had talked Lucy into trying it. They had no idea my dad filmed the whole thing on his phone. I laughed, and he pressed a finger to his lips.
“We just finished watching a movie. Want to come over?”
“I have a better idea. Meet me in the labyrinth?” Asher asked.
We’d hardly had two minutes alone since we’d been back. Neither of us had wanted to stray too far from our families, but that meant that our time without them had been cut short. Some small part of me wondered if he blamed me for bonding with Gabe, even though we hadn’t spoken of it again. Eventually, we’d have to talk about it, but for now . . . I just wanted to be with Asher.
“Ten minutes?”
“Last one there has to keep their walls up,” he challenged.
“Oh, you’re on!” I said. That meant there would be kissing. I grinned.
I hung up a second later to find my dad filming me, while Lucy and Laura watched.
“What do you think, guys? Does she have a date with Asher?”
My sister and stepmom answered my dad with catcalls, and I flushed. I couldn’t help laughing, too. I went up to my bedroom to change into something besides sweats, while they decided to break out the Monopoly game. Then I waited by my window, watching for Asher as he entered the labyrinth at Townsend Park. The sun set late in September, and I could see everything below. A blur swept through the trees, and I raced down the stairs to go after him.
Exhilarated, I hit the tree line and zipped along my favorite trail. It led straight to the center of the labyrinth, and I laughed as I reached the clearing, anticipating being in Asher’s arms.
The laughter froze in my throat. Xavier and another man had pinned Asher on his stomach. Xavier had a fist in Asher’s hair and shoved his cheek into the dirt. Desperation and fear lit his face as he tried to fight back. Xavier and the other man simply laughed.
“Remy.”
The voice stopped me when I would have gone to Asher. I glanced around and found my grandfather seated on a bench. A stone dropped and landed on my chest.
It had been too easy, I realized. I should have known we hadn’t really gotten away. I would never be free of this nightmare. I’d tried to think of my ability to heal as a gift, but it just brought tragedy on me and my family. On Asher.
I stared into his eyes. They were bleak and I understood that he saw no way out of this.
My grandfather called to me again and patted the seat beside his leg. “Come here.”
It wasn’t a request, and I had no choice but to obey. Maybe he didn’t know about my family. Maybe he’d followed Asher. I had to believe that and do what I could to keep them safe. Seconds later, I perched on the bench as far from Franc as I could get. I wished I’d never met the bastard.
“What are you doing here, Franc?” I whispered.
“I’ve been watching you,” he answered, bracing his elbows on his thighs. “You and your family. It wasn’t what I expected.” He paused, studying my features. “A father. A sister. And a Protector boyfriend. Was anything you said true?”
I bowed my head in defeat for a moment. He knew. “What do you want me to say? Mom warned me not to tell you about me or my father. She didn’t trust you.” My voice broke as Xavier did something to hurt Asher. “She wasn’t wrong, was she?”
My grandfather made a gesture at Xavier, and the Protector eased up slightly with a dark scowl in my direction. I should have made sure he died in that fire. Why hadn’t I gone back to check? Stupid, Remy!
“Why are you here, Franc?” I asked again.
“I’m here for you,” he said simply.
“You’re going to kill me.”
“That’s entirely up to you.” He sighed. “We need you. Our people need you. You’re going to come back and submit to the testing. You’ll do everything we ask so we figure out how to beat the Protectors.”
A dull throb pounded in my head. He meant to make me a lab rat after all. “And them?” I glanced at Xavier and the other Protector. “They’re going to go along with your plan and betray their own kind. Why would they do that?”
Xavier didn’t look upset at my accusation. He smiled.
“Because they get you,” Franc said. My eyes rounded in horror, and he rushed to continue. “It’s not what you think. I’m not a monster. You’re my granddaughter, after all. I would never let them kill you.”
“Then what?” I choked out.
“All the other Healers die when the Protectors steal their energy. But not you. You’re able to heal yourself. If you submit to them, and do what they ask, nobody else has to die. You’ll be doing this for the Healers, Remy, not for me. Girls like Erin will be able to go out and do amazing things. Who knows how many lives you’ll save? And it won’t cost you much. After what you did for Melinda, I know you can do this. Sure, you might take a few days to heal in between Protectors, but I promise to take care of you. You can do this. Think of the good you’ll be doing.”
He believed what he was saying. His face shone with it, his lips tilted in a gentle, encouraging smile. In his mind, he’d found a simple solution to an ugly problem. I would be a savior to the Healers but for one snag: the future he described for me sounded brutal and soul-shattering. My grandfather would make me into something far worse than a lab rat. My throat ached with unshed tears. This was my mother’s last gift. She’d sent me to him to be “safe.” Had she understood what his idea of safe would be?
My mind raced, but I couldn’t think of a way out. Maybe it was time to stop fighting this. Hadn’t I been hurtling toward this future all along? At least if I left with them now, my family might be safe.
Asher choked and screamed, “Remy, no! Run!” He groaned when Xavier struck him in the back of the head.
Franc sent Asher a probing glance, as if he were a thing to be studied. “I can’t let him live. You know that, right?”
I sucked in a breath and begged. “Please. I’ll go with you. I’ll do whatever you want. The tests, the Healers . . . I won’t fight any of it. Please just let
him go.”
Asher began to fight in earnest, and Xavier and the other man took turns kicking him until he lay there, inhaling dirt with every breath. I gripped the edge of the stone bench to keep myself still when everything in me wanted to go to him. Franc would never allow it, though.
He placed a hand over mine, and I fought not to shove him away. “I know you’re angry now, but you’ll see this is the right way. These Protectors have tricked you into thinking they’re the good guys, but we both know they’re not. Protectors are incapable of good.”
“You know what I am,” I said in a flat tone.
He nodded. “I do. I’m so sorry, child, that it’s come to this. Before you can come back to us, we need a show of loyalty. I need to know that you’ll never call yourself an ally to another Protector again. You must choose sides.”
He sounded so right and sure that a shiver slithered down my spine. “I have Protector blood in my veins, Franc. How am I supposed to un-choose that? Kill myself?”
Calm and sure, Franc yanked me to my feet. “No, you’re going to kill your father.”
My grandfather refused to listen to my pleas. He calmly explained that my father and the Blackwells were the enemy. My mother had been sick, and she hadn’t trained me to know the difference.
“I blame myself for leaving her vulnerable and prey for your father.”
“She loved him,” I answered, my throat hoarse. “She said so. If not for me, she would have stayed with him.”
His muscles bunched, and I thought he would slap me for that. He gathered himself and laid a hand on my cheek. “Lies. They’ve tricked you, Remy. You have to leave these people behind before they destroy you. Choose.”
Choose what? A life of tortured servitude? A life without Asher or my family? A life in which I’d murdered my father?
“No,” I whispered. “I kill Ben. You kill Asher. I lose no matter what.”
Franc’s hand moved, and he grasped my chin in his fingers, squeezing until I grimaced. “You forget about your sister.” A tear trickled down my cheek, and he wiped it away. “I’m not cruel, Remy. Your sister and her mother can live in ignorant bliss when we’re gone. We’ve watched her. She’s a powerless child, and I don’t want to hurt her. But I would if it meant keeping you. So choose.”
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