The Long Way Home

by Rachel Spangler

  Mercifully, Raine saw the sign for the college entrance and turned onto campus. She had no memories here. Local girls weren’t encouraged to go anywhere near Bramble’s campus, and the college students and faculty rarely ventured farther than the string of taverns directly across from its well-tended grounds. While Darlington was a town with a college, it wasn’t a college town. The only area where the two interacted was sports, and even then the interactions were more competitive than conversational.

  The college was small, with large trees shading the winding lane that bisected the campus. All the buildings were brick, most with long strands of ivy wandering up their outer walls. Raine passed several small dorms, the library, and the gym before she stopped in front of a building different from the others only because it had a large sign labeling it the Department of Academic Affairs.

  Once inside, Raine had expected to have to ask around to find the dean’s office, but a young man behind a large mahogany desk immediately jumped up. “You must be Raine.”

  “Yeah, Raine St. James. I’m the new guest lecturer.”

  “I know who you are.” The man gave her a little wink that caused her to inspect him more closely, from his Kenneth Cole loafers to his immaculately pressed suit and his perfectly coiffed blond hair. Raine finally recognized the welcome. He’s as gay as a field full of daises.

  “I’m Miles Braden, Director of Financial Aid.” He extended a well-manicured hand.

  “Nice to meet you, Miles.” Raine returned the handshake with a genuine smile. A gay man with an administrative position in Darlington. Maybe some things had changed. “Could you point me toward the dean’s office?”

  “She’s in a meeting, but I’ll let her know you’re here.” Miles stretched over the desk and pressed a few buttons on his phone. “She’ll want to see you.”

  “Flores, Raine St. James is here.”

  Not thirty seconds later a door off the entryway opened and a striking Latino woman in a brown pantsuit smiled broadly at Raine. She had short black hair and wore no makeup.

  “Raine, I can’t tell you how happy we are to see you. I’m Flores Molina, the dean of academic affairs and a big fan of your writing.”

  “Really?” The warm welcome surprised Raine and made her wonder if she was getting the same kind of vibes from Flores that she had from Miles, but when she discreetly raised an eyebrow in his direction she received an equally discreet shake of his head. Raine didn’t let her disappointment show. A gay man and a lesbian would be too much to hope for.

  “I’d love to show you around, but I’m in the middle of a meeting, and I’m sure you’d like to settle in.”

  Raine forced a nod but couldn’t bring herself to make peace with the idea of getting settled in Darlington. “Why don’t I walk you to the library and introduce you to Beth Devoroux. She’s made your housing arrangements.”

  “That would be great,” Raine said, but Flores was already headed out the door. Raine barely had time to wave good-bye to Miles before she jogged to catch up with the dean. Between her angst caused by her drive through town, her surprise at meeting a gay man in Darlington, and her race to keep up with Flores, Raine didn’t have time to process the notion that the name Beth Devoroux sounded awfully familiar.

  *

  Beth read a list of the Bramble College journal subscriptions, trying to decide which of them needed to be renewed in print and which should be bundled together through online services. She’d already spent too much time on the detail-laden task. Though she was good at the minutiae that were part of a librarian’s job, today she kept thinking about all the things she’d rather do.

  The students would be back on campus this weekend, and classes would start Monday. She’d give tours of the library to all incoming freshmen as part of their introduction to composition classes. Then general use of the library would increase sharply over the next two weeks as due dates for assignments and papers invariably snuck up on students who were rusty from their summer vacations. Beth enjoyed interacting with her students and connecting them to information that would help them grow, change, and see the world in new and exciting ways. However, in order to focus on the things she loved about her job when the students arrived, she needed to finish her administrative work now.

  The buzzer on the library’s front door interrupted her. She fell prey to a convenient distraction again and went to see who was at the door. When she turned the corner from her office to the small lobby and nearly bumped into Rory St. James, her stomach flip-flopped.

  It was clearly Rory. She hadn’t changed much since the last time Beth saw her. Her chestnut brown hair was shorter, and she’d filled out into her medium build, but her essence was the same. She stood confidently, one hand shoved casually into the pocket of her cargo khakis, her eyes hidden behind a pair of square-lens sunglasses. When she saw Beth, a rakish grin of recognition broke across her face and caused her disarming dimples to appear at either corner of her mouth. For a moment Beth couldn’t think of a thing to say. Thankfully, Flores never had that problem.

  “Raine, this is our librarian and the head of our personnel committee—”

  “Little Beth Devoroux?” Rory removed her sunglasses, revealing her emerald green eyes. “I hardly recognized you. Wow, time has been good to you.”

  Beth’s face flushed at both Rory’s characterization of her as “little Beth” and her compliment. Even though the last decade had certainly not all been good, she was glad the strain wasn’t evident. Rory’s appreciative gaze made her feel like she was in high school again.

  “Hi, Rory.” The words left her mouth before Beth could catch them.

  Raine winced, and her smile twisted into a grimace. “No one’s called me Rory in ten years.”

  “I’m sorry. I don’t know why I said that. I realize you go by Raine now.” Beth mentally kicked herself for botching the reintroduction. This really was like high school.

  “You two know each other?” Flores asked, then answered her own question. “Of course you do. You both grew up here. I always forget that you’re a townie, Beth. Why don’t I leave you to get reacquainted, then you can show Raine to her apartment?”

  Beth didn’t have time to explain that they hadn’t known each other all that well or that Raine really wasn’t a townie, the term people at the college used for life-long Darlington residents. Before Beth could say anything, Flores was out the door, leaving an awkward silence.

  “She’s a bit of a whirlwind,” Rory finally said.

  Beth smiled both in humor and relief. “Yeah, she’s always on the go.”

  “I know the type.”

  Was Rory alluding to a friend, a colleague, a lover? It was best not to pursue that line of thought, so Beth said, “I bet you’re exhausted from your drive. Why don’t I show you where you’ll be living?”

  Beth led the way out of the library and onto the quad. “We’ve had one of the dorms converted into apartments for students with families and our around-the-clock security staff. It’s not fancy, but it’s quiet and convenient when the weather turns bad.”

  “And it’s free,” Rory deadpanned.

  “Yes, there’s always that,” Beth responded carefully. While part of her had hoped Rory was here out of some desire to reconnect with her roots, deep down she knew she was being naïve. Still, she was a little disappointed that Rory had come home only out of necessity.

  They walked across the small quad toward Weaver Hall, another brick building, several stories tall. “So, little Beth never left home.” It sounded more like a statement than a question.

  “I went away to college for a while before I transferred to Bramble and finished here.” Beth didn’t go into any more details since Rory didn’t seem interested. They entered the apartment complex, and Beth waved to several of the employees.

  “You always were such a good girl,” Rory teased, but Beth could sense condescension. “I bet your daddy’s so proud of you he can hardly contain himself.”

  A sharp pain pier
ced Beth’s chest and she stopped. She hadn’t felt that once-familiar sensation in a long time. It rarely crept up on her anymore.

  “What is it?” Rory’s cocky demeanor faltered as she obviously read the hurt on Beth’s face.

  “My parents died in a car accident eight years go,” Beth stated as evenly as she could. She hadn’t had to tell anyone that for ages. Everyone she was around knew her family and their history.

  “Beth, I’m so sorry,” Rory whispered, and placed a hand on her shoulder.

  The touch comforted and warmed Beth, and the concern in Rory’s emerald eyes made her stomach tighten. The pain once again faded. “Thank you. Your room is here on the right.” She fished the key from her pocket and handed it to Rory, who opened the door.

  “It’s not big but—”

  “It’s free,” Rory stated again. She made no move to invite Beth in.

  “There’s a parking pass in your mailbox in the lobby and a laundry room in the basement. If you need anything, dial zero for the campus directory and ask for me.”

  “I’m sure I’ll figure it out.” Rory had clearly dismissed her. “I’ve been on my own for a long time now.”

  “All right, I’ll leave you to it.” Beth turned to go. Was Rory watching her walk away? Probably not. She seemed too absorbed in her own demons to pay attention to anyone else right now.

  “Hey, Beth,” Rory called after her.

  “Yes?” She turned around to get one last look at the striking woman in the doorway. She was strong and proud and every bit as stunning as she’d been ten years ago. Seeing her like that, Beth could almost convince herself that no time had passed at all.

  “I really am sorry about your folks,” she said sincerely.

  “Thank you,” Beth said, then pivoted before her tears fell, the illusion of timelessness broken. It wasn’t ten years ago. She wasn’t carefree and innocent anymore, and neither was the woman behind her. The ache in her heart reminded her of all they’d both been through. Having the past surface so unexpectedly jarred and disconcerted her. Beth rarely had to confront the loss of her family anymore. Her students didn’t usually ask personal questions, and outside of them, Beth seldom met anyone new.

  Then again, Rory wasn’t new. Beth had known Rory for eighteen years. She’d known her number on the softball team, twelve; her favorite drink, Coke cold but no ice; and her favorite music, John Cougar Mellencamp. But the woman she’d just seen wasn’t Rory. Rory was easy-going, warm, gracious. Rory would’ve hugged her hello. Rory would’ve invited her in to get reacquainted. Rory would’ve known her parents were dead. Rory didn’t exist anymore. The woman who’d come to Darlington, Illinois was Raine, and Raine was a new story entirely.

  Chapter Two

  August 15

  Raine stayed in her tiny apartment alone for almost twenty-four hours. She paced around her small living room and smaller kitchen. Then she lay awake for hours, staring at the wall of her single bedroom. Finally, after dawn crept pink across campus, she went to the bathroom and got acquainted with her new shower.

  She unpacked the three boxes of personal belongings she had moved from Chicago, mostly clothes and CDs. She ate the entire box of cereal she’d brought with her, and she didn’t own a TV. She would lose her mind if she didn’t get out of here soon, but where could she go?

  If she was in Chicago, she would’ve strolled down Halsted Street, where she knew all the shop and bar owners. But no way could she ramble around Darlington. She was bound to run into someone she knew here too, and that prospect wasn’t nearly as pleasant as it was in Boystown. Sooner or later she’d have to venture into town, but she was still hoping for later.

  She pulled on a pair of blue jeans that she had bought already faded, then searched for a shirt. She wasn’t sure what style to go for since she didn’t know where she was going. After holding up several T-shirts, she settled on a cream-colored polo and popped the collar as was the trend in Chicago. With a pair of Birkenstock sandals she was decidedly casual. She even tousled her short hair to make it seem windblown. She’d spent a lot of time learning to look good without letting anyone know she cared about her appearance.

  Outside the apartment building she simply wandered. If she let herself dwell on where she was she’d chicken out and hide in her apartment again. As long as she stayed on campus she should be fine. There were no memories to haunt her there. She strolled across the open, grassy quad and under the shade of the big oak trees that lined the main lane.

  Passing several dorms as students and parents unloaded trucks and SUVs piled high with clothes, food, and mementos of home, Raine watched curiously. These would be her students on Monday. They were all so young and full of life. Why would they spend the final years of their youth going to college in a place like Darlington? How would she have felt about this place if she weren’t gay? Wouldn’t she still have found it oppressive, limiting, or dull? Sure, some people were stuck here in town due to a lack of skill or education, or because they didn’t understand their options, but the young people who attended Bramble College didn’t fit into those categories. Why would anyone actually choose this life?

  Raine shrugged and moved on. Perhaps some people were built differently. Maybe there was a small-town gene. Surely not everyone in Darlington was miserable. She’d gone to school with plenty of kids who fit the mold. Perhaps some people were born for small-town life. As if on cue, Beth Devoroux rounded the corner.

  Raine watched Beth approach. Damn, she’s grown up nicely. Back in high school she was a skinny little kid who was always hanging around, but now she was a beautiful woman. She’d developed curves in all the right places. Her dark hair was still curly, but no longer unruly. Instead it cascaded lightly across her shoulders. When she saw Raine, Beth broke into a huge smile, one sweet enough to remind Raine of the girl she’d once been, but not so innocent as to blind her to the woman Beth had become.

  “Good morning.” Beth’s greeting was warm.

  “Morning.” Raine returned her smile. It was hard to remain sullen when Beth grinned at her like that. “What are you doing at work on a Saturday morning?”

  “I can’t stay away on move-in day. I need to stop in at the library to make sure all my flyers and information pamphlets are out where the new students can find them. Then at noon I’ll help the orientation committee serve lunch on the quad.” Raine was only half listening because Beth was wearing a short-sleeved, light blue shirt thin enough for Raine to see the outline of a sexy little tank top underneath.

  Geez, I’m staring at her chest. Raine lifted her line of sight to Beth’s baby blues. The chest was great, but it was attached to Beth Devoroux, in Darlington, and that meant trouble. The last thing she wanted was for sweet little Beth to think she was some kind of leering, predatory dyke. What a way to start a new job.

  “Sounds like you’re pretty busy,” Raine finally managed to say. “I’ll let you go.”

  “I’m always busy.” Beth chuckled. “I can’t ever say no.”

  Beth had always been a joiner, even in high school, unlike Raine, which was another thing that set her apart from the Darlington crowd. She’d always been independent, while people like Beth were so eager to be part of a team that they exhausted themselves trying to please everyone. “Admitting it is the first step to recovery.”

  Beth regarded her quizzically. “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

  During the moment of awkward silence between them, Raine felt the impact of their disconnect. Beth was sweet and welcoming in a place where she’d expected only hostility, so she’d started to relax. But Beth was also a townie, a small-town farm girl, and a straight woman.

  Raine was about to excuse herself and leave when Beth waved to someone across the quad, then clasped Raine’s arm. “Come on. There’s someone I want you to meet.”

  A young blonde in cargo khakis, shorts, and a red tank top approached them. “Patty, this is Raine St. James,” Beth said. “Raine, meet Patty Spezio.”

  Raine
and Patty scanned each other up and down as they shook hands. This woman was smoking hot with toned legs and arms that made it obvious she took great care with her figure, and a tan that suggested time spent outdoors. She wore no ring, but a small silver lambda hung on a chain around her neck.

  Patty, for her part, seemed equally pleased with what she saw in Raine. Her smile turned suggestive, and her grip lingered longer than necessary. “Raine, I’m so excited to meet you. I’ve read all your writing.”

  “Thanks, it’s nice to meet you too,” Raine said as she processed this new bit of information. She cute, she’s a lesbian, and she knows who I am. She’s a fan. Raine was back in familiar territory, and after her disconcerting lapse with Beth, she welcomed the chance to be in control again. She’d grown accustomed to this type of interaction over the past ten years, and while she was a little surprised to find one in Darlington, the setting generally didn’t change the outcome.

  Beth continued her introduction. “Patty works in the athletic department, and she’s one of the advisors for the gay-and-lesbian student group on campus.”

  Raine was genuinely surprised. “I didn’t know Bramble had a GLBT group.”

  “It’s not a big one,” Patty said. “We usually have about ten students per meeting. They’re a good group, though, very active on campus.” She added, more suggestively, “You should come with me sometime.”

  Raine felt her grin widen at the double entendre. “I’d really enjoy that.”

  “Well, Patty, I didn’t mean to interrupt you,” Beth said.

  “No, I’m glad you did.” Patty stared at Raine even though she was answering Beth.

  “I’m sure you’re busy today.”