Vessel

by Lisa T. Cresswell

  “Betrayed feelings? Does no one have the slightest sense of sympathy for someone in pain here?” I already knew the answer to the question. Anders had hinted at it days before. Feeling someone else’s pain was a weakness, something to be hidden away. And that was something I was supposed to be learning how to do.

  “All I’m saying is if you do, you’ll regret it.”

  Kinder’s eyes bored into me the way only his could to make his point. I believed him. I knew what Anders was capable of. I’d have to be satisfied with just seeing Alana. I’d figure out the rest later.

  “All right,” I said. “Agreed.”

  “And then you’ll help me?”

  “And then we’ll see.”

  “Your word, Recks, or I’ll personally see to it that you never see Alana again,” he spat. The ropy veins in his neck stood out as he squeezed my arm. I’d never known Kinder to threaten me. I tried to pull away, but his bony fingers dug into my skin.

  “It’s important, Recks. So very, very critical … ”

  Frightened at his behavior, I relented.

  “All right, all right. I give you my word. I’ll help you find your precious secret when I see her for myself.”

  Gaining permission from Master Bane was far easier than I anticipated. I took twice as many downloads since I’d been separated from Shim. I suppose he thought I needed a break. He even let me ride up in the leather-padded elevator by myself. The door stopped at level eleven, and I stepped out into the library. This time, the windows framing the snowy mountain were all around me. People sat in chairs reading books; some perused long stacks of books that stretched on forever. I never thought I’d see so many volumes in one place, let alone a place kept by the Reticents.

  The walls were completely glass; no wood or concrete blocked the view. Outside, huge flakes of snow drifted silently to the earth, glinting in the pink glow of Mother’s Love rippling across the sky. The world was entirely covered in snow. It felt like ages since I’d been outside. I felt disconnected and off-kilter. I leaned my forehead against the glass and looked eleven stories down.

  “Beautiful, isn’t it?”

  I lifted my head off the glass and turned to face Kinder, who looked at me more like a kindly old grandfather than last night. Before I answered, he spoke again, grasping my hand warmly.

  “You must be new to the library. I’m Master Kinder. Let me show you around.”

  “Okay … ”

  “And what is your name, young recruit?”

  I understood now, he wanted me to play along. We were supposed to be strangers.

  “I’m Recks.”

  He shook my hand. “Ah, well it’s very nice to meet you, Recks. What brings you here? Anything in particular you want to research?”

  “I think you know the answer to that.”

  A split second of anger flashed in his eyes and was gone instantly. “I’ll show you the catalog first. Everyone enjoys that. Come,” he said, walking away.

  I followed him, but I searched for Alana down the rows and rows of books encased in hard, clear plastic.

  “Every volume is kept in its own sealed container, which is adjusted to its own ideal humidity level. It also holds the cataloging data that makes the volume instantly locatable,” said Kinder. I only half listened to him, annoyed he took what seemed to be the long way around. I wasn’t that interested in the catalog. All this information was in the digital downloads anyway, wasn’t it? Kinder ignored me ignoring him and continued to talk, walking slowly through the stacks to annoy me, I’m sure.

  “The catalog is also a security system. Some books are low security, available to anyone. Others are more … sensitive.”

  “Sensitive?”

  “Some hold closely guarded secrets of the Reticents. Special permission is required to access them.” That piqued my interest.

  “Are you saying there are new books written by Reticents?”

  “Oh yes, the Reticents have not only preserved science, they practice it and preserve their discoveries.”

  “What fields of science do they practice?”

  “That is not for me to say, Recruit Recks. Should you ever ascend to the highest ranks, you may be privileged to learn for yourself.”

  “Do you know, Master Kinder?”

  Kinder considered my question for a moment.

  “I know some things—I daresay, many things—but I don’t know all.”

  “How long have you been here?” I wondered if he would tell me the truth.

  “Long enough,” was all he said. “Here we are … the catalog.”

  As we turned the corner, Kinder gestured down the aisle. I followed his extended hand with my eyes. A slim figure clad in black stood in front of a wide glass panel, tapping on the liquid crystal display in various places. Deep in concentration, she never looked up. The curves of her body told me she was female, but I’d never seen Alana dressed this way. Her hair was still short, so it looked wrong to me.

  “Is that … ?”

  “Yes … the fastest super computer the Reticents own,” said Kinder.

  “What’s she doing?” I heard myself whisper.

  “She assists me in keeping the records up to date. She’s probably entering some new documents into the catalog.”

  “I want to talk to her,” I said, stepping forward. Kinder stepped in my way.

  “Did you forget your promise to me so soon?” he said.

  I tore my eyes away from her and looked at Kinder’s face, his eyes narrowing at me.

  “When can I speak to her?” I asked.

  “Possibly never.”

  Now it was my turn to be angry.

  “Unless, of course, you can help me with my errand,” suggested Kinder.

  I glanced back at Alana, wanting more than anything to be close to her again.

  “Okay,” I relented. “What do you want me to do?”

  I reluctantly followed Kinder away from Alana to the back of the library where he opened a door with an electronic code. The door slid open without a sound and we stepped inside. Once it closed, Kinder dropped the kindly librarian act, speaking in a hushed, urgent voice.

  “By now, even you must have noticed there’s an energy source in this compound none of us have ever seen,” he said.

  “Of course I’ve noticed.”

  “It’s not just any source like coal or wood burning. It’s what the previous world called ‘nuclear’ before the Dark Time.”

  “Nuclear? I’ve never heard of it.”

  “Not surprising since they keep it quiet. They don’t download that knowledge to just anyone and certainly not to recruits.”

  “So what is it?”

  “Nuclear is an extremely powerful and potentially dangerous source of energy. Properly harnessed, it provides thousands of hours of electricity, but there are other, more sinister uses as well.”

  “Where does it come from?”

  “It comes from the splitting of atoms. Somewhere in this compound is a particle accelerator, but I haven’t been able to locate it.”

  “What makes you think I can find it when you haven’t been able to?”

  “Because, my dear Recks, I no longer possess your strength or agility. There are passageways in this building I cannot negotiate, but you could. I’ll show you how to get in and you can search for the accelerator.”

  “This building is huge. That could take forever. I don’t even know what this thing looks like.”

  “You won’t need to search every inch. I’ve narrowed it down quite a bit already. As for how it looks, you’ll know when you see it.”

  “So I find this thing for you. Then what?”

  “It depends on the plans the Reticents have for it.”

  “Plans?”

  “Remember I said it could be used for sinister purposes?”

  “Yes, Mas—” It seemed strange to call him Master.

  “I’m afraid they intend to use
it against other nations.”

  “How do you use a power source against someone?”

  Kinder frowned. “How many history downloads have you had?” he asked. “Have you learned of the World Wars?”

  “No,” I admitted. It felt like I’d downloaded so much, and yet Kinder was constantly bringing up things I knew nothing about. I must’ve known less than nothing before.

  “Bane must be keeping you in the dark for some reason. I’ll find a way to get you some extra downloads, teach you a thing or two so you know what we’re up against.”

  “We? Does this really have to include me?”

  “Only if you want to get out of here.”

  “There’s no way out of here. Not with these stupid computer chips in our heads. You don’t have one?”

  “Oh, I have one all right. We all do, but there are ways around them.”

  Kinder sat down at a computer console and began typing away at the keyboard. Almost immediately, I received the download. My knees buckled, and I slipped into the nearest seat to keep from falling down.

  “You could have warned me,” I mumbled.

  “Just a short one. You need to know. When it’s finished, return to your quarters. I’ll contact you again later.”

  I hardly noticed Kinder leaving the room as the download took over my consciousness. It showed me a war and a civilization called Japan. Another country annihilated two Japanese cities with nuclear weapons. Survivors wandered, dazed and burned, through my mind. Their eyes haunted me. They had Alana’s eyes. My eyes. Did Kinder believe the Reticents would do such a thing with their energy source?

  ***

  “Recks?” a soft voice roused me. It was hers.

  “Alana … I had the craziest dream. We were captured. They cut your hair.” I reached for her curtain of black hair but touched only her shoulder.

  “It wasn’t a dream, Recks.”

  “Huh?” My eyes flew open as I started upright. Her scar, fully visible now that she couldn’t hide it with her hair, trailed across her face like the roots of a tree. She held her head in a bowed position, a habit learned and practiced for way too many years.

  “Seems like I’m always waking you up,” she teased.

  I straightened myself in the chair and looked around. “Am I still in the library?” I rubbed my eyes.

  “Yes. Kinder’s gone for the moment.”

  Suddenly, I realized I was with Alana again after all this time. I wrapped my arms around her in an awkward hug. I felt her stiffen and then relax. I let her go quickly, not wanting to make her any more uncomfortable than I already had. She was still like a wild animal, timid and wary of anyone.

  “I didn’t know if I’d see you again,” I tried to explain.

  “Are you all right?” she asked. I’d been injured the last time she saw me.

  “Yes, my arm’s better. Now if I could get this thing out of my head.” I felt the back of my neck like I’d done a thousand times before. “How are you?” I asked her. “Are you all right?”

  Alana hesitated.

  “What is it?”

  “Is Kinder your friend?”

  “I wouldn’t say that. At this point, you’re the only true friend I have in the world. Has he done something to you?” I felt a panicked anger in my chest at the thought.

  “He’s made me the Vessel.”

  “Vessel? Vessel for what?”

  “I’m the repository for the knowledge Kinder wishes to steal from the Reticents. He’s given me more memory than the average recruit.”

  “Why?”

  A purple light glowed on Alana’s wristband. She pulled away from me. It was only then I realized I’d been holding her hands, or she’d been holding mine.

  “He’s looking for me. I must go.”

  “Wait … I want to see you again.”

  “I’ll find you,” she promised as she slipped out the door, taking my heart with her like she did every time she left.

  Alana came to me in my room a few nights later while I slept. I awoke to see her standing by my bed in her red robe, the room only lit by candlelight. She let the robe fall off her shoulders, and I caught my breath. She was naked except for the standard-issue red shorts we all wore. She pulled back the covers of my bed and climbed in next to me. Her skin was icy, her nipples hard against me. I touched her head, her short hair.

  “I was wrong about your hair. No one could ever mistake you for a boy,” I whispered, pulling her closer to touch her face with my lips.

  Her hands traveled down my body and touched me in ways no woman ever had, setting every cell in me on fire. I kissed her face, her trembling lips, and felt the wetness of tears there. I lifted her chin, but she wouldn’t look me in the eye.

  “Why are you doing this?” I asked.

  “Isn’t this what all men want?”

  “Stop.”

  With great difficulty, I pulled her hands away from me and folded them against her chest. I didn’t want her to stop touching me but something about it was wrong. She looked into my eyes now, confused.

  “I’ve never been with a man like you.” She reached out to touch my chin, running her finger over the short stubble there.

  “Has anyone ever loved you, Alana?”

  “I don’t think so.”

  Her answer only made me hold her tighter. It wasn’t right what the world had done to this human being. Could it ever be fixed?

  “Tell me a story,” she said.

  “What about?” I was so caught up in her smell, like the scent of a rare spice in a faraway market, my mind was blank. She was warm and soft against me.

  “Has anyone ever loved you?” she asked.

  “Once. Her name was Kara. We were six. She followed me around like a puppy, climbing trees just because I did. And she sneaked me sweets from her mother’s kitchen.”

  Alana smiled at that, a glowing, beautiful smile I already knew I’d do anything to see; it was so rare. But there was something that’d been bothering me, and I had to know.

  “What you said about Kinder making you the Vessel … What did you mean? Has he hurt you?”

  “I knew Kinder was a Red Robe before we were caught.”

  “You did?”

  “I saw him in the street handing out bread. I ran to tell you, but you were already gone. That’s when they caught me.”

  “I’m sorry I wasn’t there.”

  “I suppose it was a good thing. Tiber’s tribe had me cornered. I think they might’ve killed me given the chance.”

  I knew I disliked Tiber, but I didn’t know it was possible to hate him even more. I felt my jaw harden.

  “But Kinder?”

  “He’s never touched me unless you count the downloads.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Kinder’s been downloading every scrap of information he can lay his hands on for awhile, intending to carry it out with him in his head. But it occurred to him, with his age and injuries, he might not be able to get away. I became the backup plan. He calls me the ‘Vessel’ to carry knowledge to the rest of the world.”

  I thought of the downloads I’d experienced and winced. “Then he has hurt you.”

  “It’s not so bad. I’ve adjusted. Kinder says my mind was remarkably clean before, so it accepts new data readily. And I know so much now.”

  “You know about nuclear then?”

  “Yes.”

  “And what he wants me to do?”

  “Yes. He was thinking of sending me, but he doesn’t want to risk all the effort he’s put into programming me. He was excited when you came. He knew you were someone he could trust.”

  “If I don’t kill him first.”

  “Recks, this is our only way out of here. Kinder has a plan.”

  “Yes, I’m sure he does, and I’m sure he wouldn’t hesitate to sacrifice whomever he has to.”

  “Kinder will sacrifice himself before any harm comes to me. I know tha
t for certain. He actually speaks sometimes as though he knows he’s not coming with me.”

  “And what about me? I’m nothing but a useful pawn to him.” The statement stung me as I said it, as if I hadn’t realized before how much I wanted his approval, perhaps even affection.

  “I won’t leave without you, Recks. If Kinder expects me to carry his precious data to the world, he’ll have to find a way to send you with me.”

  “You would do that for me?”

  “What I feel for you, I’d die without it now. I wanted to die when I thought you were gone.”

  Her lips found mine in a tender, urgent kiss, sending sparks through me again.

  “You can’t think like that, Alana. If anything happens to Kinder or me you have to keep going. You have to survive.”

  She only answered me with another kiss, and I knew I wouldn’t be able to survive without her either.

  ***

  Kinder let us go on like that for a few blissful nights. He hacked the electronic door locks and could open any lock in the compound remotely. Each night, Alana climbed into bed with me and we’d talk until the wee hours. I stroked her bobbed hair, trying to remember how long it was when I’d bundled it up and buried it beneath a hat.

  “I’m sorry they cut your hair. It must have been hard for you,” I told her.

  “It was at first, but no one cares what I look like here. It’s nice not to have to hide anymore. And it will grow, right?”

  “Yes,” I said, intrigued by this new Alana that seemed to emerge from her darkness a little more each day.

  “Tell me a story,” she said, like she did every night now.

  “Another one?”

  “Yes, another!” she cried.

  I nestled my face in the crook of her neck. “Once there was a beautiful girl who never let anyone sleep,” I sighed.

  “You wish me to leave?” She tried to sit up.

  “No!” I said, squeezing her in my arms. “I just can’t seem to keep my eyes open.”

  “How about I tell you a story?” she suggested.

  “If I can close my eyes while you tell it that would be lovely.”