Trade (Deridia Book 2)

by Catherine Miller

  They were seated a little distance away, likely to keep out of the path that would soon be created, but she was sorry of that now as it made listening difficult. Renna could feel hints of wariness coming from Machrus, and she was sorrier still that he might feel that way. She wanted more for him, for accord between him and all of his family, though she knew well that was outside her power. She could only love and encourage, gladder than she could say that she would be free to do so now.

  Machrus’s surprise at her approach developed further into astonishment when Adelmar closed the distance between them, pulling him into an embrace.

  Renna had not expected that, not in the least. And if the bond told her anything at all, Machrus had not either. But soon his shock gave way to a tender sort of embarrassment, and he gave her an awkward pat as he returned the hug.

  She whispered something in his ear, and Renna strained to understand it. But Adelmar spoke too quietly and they were at too great a distance, and she had to content herself with the general impressions through the bond.

  Approval. That was the main thing. And a soft sort of familial love that made her heart ache. She’d had that once. Knew what it was to have a family, difficult and strained though it might be at times.

  Could these people be hers someday? She sincerely hoped so.

  Adelmar stepped back, her smile wide, and Machrus gave a nod, his eyes flitting to meet Renna’s. She should likely look away, to give them privacy, but she found herself transfixed by the exchange, and she comforted herself with the fact that the other brothers watched intently as well.

  “You have told him of your feelings, yes?” Edlyn whispered softly, too quiet for the others to hear. “And all is well?”

  Renna glanced toward Edlyn, a smile forming unbidden. “All is well,” she affirmed, not bothering to keep her voice low. She wasn’t ashamed of her feelings, not when they were welcomed and reciprocated. There was no need to hide them, especially not around the people who loved him best.

  Machrus had spoken truly. She was safe here, safe in body and in spirit.

  “Of course it is,” a voice piped up, light and unfamiliar. Renna turned, surprised to see Naida regarding her from beneath dark lashes. “Machrus is a good man, and you are a kind woman. You will be blessed.”

  Renna did not know what to say to that—hadn’t expected Naida to speak to her at all. She would not pretend to understand the woman’s customs, but she would try. She wanted to learn everything she could, to understand these people who she hoped would become her family. Even the near-silent ones.

  “Thank you,” she replied a little too slowly. “I... I’m glad you think so.”

  Naida bowed her head, returning her attention to her lap.

  Renna looked to Edlyn for guidance. She smiled, shaking her head a little. “Naida speaks truth,” she said simply.

  Renna wasn’t certain what that meant, but she felt strangely warmed by it. She had spent so little time with the woman, but if what she had gleaned was that Renna was kind and Machrus was good...

  That was a lovely thought.

  Adelmar returned, a smile at her lips as she sat down in front of Renna, wrapping her in an embrace as well. “I will tell you as I did him. I wish for you every happiness this life may offer.”

  Renna found herself sinking against the older woman, watching as Marella and Edlyn nodded in agreement, smiling widely. “Thank you. All of you,” Renna managed to choke out, her throat suddenly tight. “I... I never expected all of this. Not ever.”

  She didn’t want to express all that she’d feared when first she’d come here. Of insidious plots, of abuses she could not put to name. Those just as easily could have been. But for once, she was favoured.

  It felt different, sitting with them, laughing and talking easily as they watched the men work. Naida even contributed a little, each phrase sombre, but earnest. She felt less an outsider, less some sort of imposter who had infiltrated their community under the pretence of a marriage that wasn’t even real.

  Because now it was.

  It wasn’t just that it was consummated, she decided firmly, though that had been a wonderful addition. It was knowing that Machrus wanted her here, wanted her amongst his people. Wanted her as part of his family. Even more so, as his wife.

  And when he would stop every so often, seeking out her gaze and giving her a warm smile, so she could not help but meet each one, more grateful than she knew how to express.

  Because she was starting to believe that she belonged.

  And it was all because of him.

  It was a reasonable enough suggestion, going to the house and fixing something warm for them all to drink when the work was finished—something that Renna herself had thought of but was unsure of how to implement without also exposing the state of their home, and the bed perched before the fire, to everyone’s scrutiny.

  She thought of calling for Machrus, for asking to be taken back so she could hurriedly neaten up their home before anyone would notice she’d been too long, but that seemed troublesome and she did not wish to be that.

  So instead she fought through her blushes, fiddling with her sleeves all the while, and was as truthful as she could manage. “We haven’t... tidied properly,” she confessed bashfully. “The bed is in the living space now because I needed to be near the fire and we... haven’t found the time to move it back.”

  Adelmar quirked an eyebrow at her curiously, but Edlyn piped in before she could ask her question. “Then we will help you,” Edlyn assured her, already rising to her feet. “I am certain you had more pressing things to be focusing on than home-keeping.”

  If she was trying to insinuate something, she did it so innocently that Renna could not be sure she had meant to be suggestive at all.

  Her shoulders relaxed and when Naida rose as well, both Machrus and Rochlere dropped their spades and came to them unbidden, ready to carry their wives wherever they intended to go.

  Renna wasn’t entirely sure why Naida needed to be carried, as she had thick boots that laced up to her knees that would have kept snow and wetness away from delicate skin. But perhaps her short legs would make the journey difficult, regardless of such protections. Or maybe he simply liked being needed.

  She smiled as Machrus took her in his arms, not unhappy for her missing boots if it meant being near him, even when there were chores to be done. “You do not mind them coming in?” he asked when the direction of the others made their intended destination obvious.

  Renna felt a little jolt of worry, but she smothered it quickly. She could accept help and would be glad of it. She had meant for herself to be well enough to aid Machrus in these tasks, but since he wouldn’t allow it, she would be glad of whatever assistance was offered that alleviate some of the burdens from him.

  “It’s fine,” she assured him, snuggling close. It felt good to do that, to feel free enough to do it, and if his steps were slower than usual, she would take it to mean he enjoyed the brief moment of her company as well. “Don’t deny you’d rather me be warm at home than out here anyway.”

  Machrus glanced down at her seriously. “If you are inside,” he answered, his voice dry, “I may be at ease that you are safe and comfortable, but I sacrifice the pleasure of you distracting me from my work.”

  He said this so seriously, as if it truly was a grave forfeiture, that she could not help but stare at him for a moment. She hadn’t expected such a response from him, but before she could conjure an appropriate remark in return, he pushed open the door, Adelmar and Edlyn already assessing the state of their home.

  It still seemed incredible to her that she had a home worth fretting over—one where she cared if the dishes were in messy piles, or if suddenly a large cushion overtook what should have been a carefully swept hearth. But now she did, and as she entered with her husband, she realised with a settling sort of peace that she did think of it as hers. Or, perhaps more truly, as theirs. For so long she felt an intruder in Machrus’s home, an unwanted hou
semate that ate his food and contributed nothing, a parasite given to him by order of his brother.

  But no longer.

  Machrus had done much to set their home to rights already. The dishes that had once been in haphazard piles over the floor had been washed and put away, the ones still in the wash basin in much fewer number. But it still felt a little lived-in, not offensively so, but more so than was usual.

  Machrus stood warily as he watched Edlyn and Marella discussing how to dispense with the last of the disarray, but Adelmar touched his arm gently, even though her eyes were firm. “Thank you for bringing her, Machrus,” she said by way of dismissal.

  Renna waited, expecting him to cross his arms and remind her that he could not be ordered from his own home, but he sighed deeply, his irritation soothing quickly, the bond relating only a weary sort of gratitude that made her even sorrier she had not been more help to him.

  He said nothing as he exited, and Adelmar looked after him with a brief flash of surprise before she started directing the other women in their tasks. She eyed Renna sceptically. “How are you truly?”

  Renna flushed, remembering her earlier insistences to Machrus that she was well, half-truths though they were. “I tire quickly,” she confessed. “But I’m trying to improve. Machrus hasn’t been letting me help with much.” And so he’d been doing it all—the cooking, the cleaning, the laundering... all while she lazed and dozed and felt perfectly useless.

  Except even that felt different.

  When first she’d come, she thought she had to earn her place here—prove to him that she was not as great a burden as he seemed to believe. She’d failed at that rather miserably, at least in her own opinion. His life was a solitary one, and she had not proven to have an invaluable skill that made his life miraculously better simply by her being here.

  But the fact remained that his life had improved. Not because of her ability to assist him, but because he valued her companionship. She could grant him company, conversation, a steady presence that could amuse and infuriate in turn.

  And while she was happy to give that—still felt a tingling thrill that such was now her role—she still wanted to care for him as he did for her, the current reality of her physical limitations a daily frustration.

  Adelmar placed a hand to Renna’s face, her expression of concentration making it clear that the gesture was assessing rather than affectionate. “I am uncertain of your usual temperature. But you do not feel sickly,” she stated only a little doubtfully. “It is safe for the bed to return to your room then, yes?”

  “I should think so...” Renna replied, noticing that Naida was already stripping the bedding and sorting it into neat piles, presumably to begin washing. Renna forced herself not to be embarrassed at that—she greatly wished she could launder them herself—but she found herself grateful that it was Naida who had taken up the task if she could not. Of any of the women, she would be the one to keep any observations to herself. Or, at least, she sincerely hoped that would prove true.

  Adelmar pulled a chair near the cooking fire, patting the back of it determinedly. “Then you can help in what ways you can. Sit here and stir, and we will see to the rest.”

  Adelmar filled the cook pot with a great many ingredients, and Renna tried to remember them all so she could replicate it for Machrus when she was once more on her own. The result was a steaming liquid, sweet and creamy, though she’d been warned that to allow it to sit too long without resulting in an unpleasant consistency. So she dutifully kept the liquid moving, her fingers prickling with memory as warmth seeped into them once more.

  Her position meant she could watch the other women well enough, inexplicably grateful that Adelmar had given her something to do so she was less guilty as she watched the others complete more physical tasks. Naida was indeed tending to the laundry, Edlyn going to help with the heavy, sodden blankets when it came time for wringing.

  Renna did not know if she should be amused or dismayed as Marella and Adelmar took it upon themselves to move the large mattress back into the bedroom. She vaguely recalled Machrus bringing it here, his movements jerky and uncoordinated, either by necessity or anger, she couldn’t recall.

  They managed well enough, though Marella lost her balance at one point, capsizing the cushion and falling on it with a laugh. Adelmar huffed, but it ended in an amused grin, so evidently she was not too frustrated by the entire endeavour.

  “Are you all right?” Renna called. She would have gone to make sure, but that would have meant leaving their reward unattended, and she wouldn’t have that.

  “Oh yes,” Marella answered, still laughing softly to herself. “But are you certain Machrus did not build this house around the bed? It does not want to fit through the door!”

  “Nonsense,” Adelmar pronounced, giving it a firm tug. It gave, if only a little, and with more tugs and pushes it eventually relented entirely, and the women disappeared from view.

  The men came through as the last dish was being put away, the meticulously scrubbed blankets pinned to the lines in the main room. The fire had been stoked, the room now almost too warm, and Edlyn had taken over stirring so Renna could shed a few of her layers.

  Machrus looked at all their bedding dubiously as it hung from the rafters above. The men had to duck their heads lest they be hit with damp fabric, but none of them complained. She wasn’t entirely certain they would have much to sleep under tonight, but that was of little matter. It felt... good, to be amongst these women, to work with them even in small ways. He must have sensed that contentment in her for he approached with a smile, giving her shoulder an affectionate squeeze as he leaned forward to take in the fragrant steam,

  “They wouldn’t let me do anything else,” she told him, only a little regretfully.

  “Good,” Machrus answered simply, going to the cupboard and pulling out cups. They were heavily glazed, smooth at the rim and bright, swirling colours. They had always intimidated her a little, for something so common to be so pretty, but Machrus had always given her strange looks when she mentioned that. It was another reminder of how different things were here, how even the most basic of items had expanded from mere practicality to also include beauty. Would her people begin to explore that? When survival was more assured, when time was not merely spent foraging or tending to the most needful of tasks?

  She hoped so. She wanted that for them, and selfishly, wanted that for herself.

  Every chair was used, some of the women settling on their husbands’ laps so they were not relegated to the floor. Renna was one of those, though it was from choice rather than caring much if she sat on the ground. But Machrus claimed her before she could even consider it, and though her cheeks coloured, she didn’t mind the gesture. It felt right, sitting with his family in this way, all together and in love with her husband.

  “Are we not snowed in now?” she asked quietly. A part of her would be sad that their sequestering was at an end, but the other was excited to explore her new world—the one where she felt she actually belonged.

  “Alas, it is over,” Machrus replied, the bond revealing he truly was regretful.

  “Renna,” she jumped, not expecting to hear her name, but calmed quickly. She was not going to be nervous around Sladec any longer. He was the sanmir, yes, but he called her sister and she would trust that meant something. Something good.

  “Yes?”

  “I have given thought to the matter of visiting your people,” he began eyeing her and Machrus from behind his cup. He took a long sip, humming slightly in approval, and she felt a swell of delight that she hadn’t ruined it by accident.

  Machrus’s arm was twined around her waist, and he gave her a gentle squeeze of reassurance.

  “Given the season and the... limited resources of your people, I have decided that to forego the customary invitation would be a mercy and not an insult.” Renna blinked, not immediately understanding. Sladec smiled. “You may go,” he clarified. “I will not insist that they be the ones
to come first. Though I hope you would speak well of us and your situation here, as they are missing the opportunity to witness it for themselves.”

  “I will!” she blurted, nervous and eager all at once, though she felt less of the latter than she had thought she would. When first she had brought up returning to the colony, her place here had been far less certain, but now...

  Machrus was watching her, and she patted his arm, hoping he would not misunderstand her mix of emotion. “Thank you,” she said instead, infusing all the sincerity she could into the simple acknowledgment. “All of you, really. I... I never expected to meet anyone so nice, so welcoming. I didn’t expect...” she hesitated, but Machrus was hugging her close, the bond revealing a soft sort of pride at her declarations, and she found herself able to continue. “I didn’t expect to fall in love. But I did and... just... thank you.”

  She didn’t know how they would react, or if such proclamations were remotely acceptable. But Machrus hadn’t stopped her, and that was something, so she met their gazes only a little timidly. No one spoke, not at first, and though she told herself to be calm, that did not stop her anxiety from doubling, waiting for someone to say... something.

  She did not expect Dundrel to rise from his chair, Marella only revealing the slightest hint of worry as he did so.

  Was he going to leave?

  Dread tugged at her stomach that he might, but instead he came toward her, his hand extended. She did not offer her fingers as she might have with Machrus, but instead allowed him to grasp her forearm as his brothers had done, bowing his head as he extended the gesture he had denied her when first they’d met. “Sister,” he acknowledged. “I beg your pardon for my... reticence. My concern was for my brother and his happiness, and not meant as a slight to you.”