Secrets, Lies & Imperfections

by Pamela L. Todd

  I snorted a laugh. “I don’t have a girl.”

  “Yes you do, that girl you took on a date then flunked on purpose. Are you going to talk about it?”

  “No,” I said, giving her a pointed look.

  “Why not? What happened on the date?”

  “I was an asshole, pure and simple. Cocky, arrogant—and not my usual charming arrogance—flat out I’m-going-to-punch-this-guy-in-the-nuts kind of arrogance.” I’m not too proud to admit that my behavior that night still shames me. I still saw Cassidy’s face when she realized I was exactly who she thought I was.

  Marley sighed. “Seth, I know we freaked you out. I know you’re not the kind of guy who dates often. Right before your date you saw a couple that are meant to be it for each other at each other’s throats. What the hell was the point in you even going to the date if we were the future you could imagine?”

  “Yeah, it’s all your fault. Let’s go with that,” I said with a grin.

  Marley rolled her eyes and mumbled something under her breath. “It’s too little too late, but for what it’s worth, I am sorry. She must have been something special.”

  Everything about Cass was special, which was why I should look back on that date as a kindness that I disappointed her so early on.

  “I think you should ask her out again.”

  I choked on my coffee. “Are you fucking nuts?”

  “No, I’m serious. I think you owe it to her and yourself to prove that guy she met last week wasn’t the real you.”

  “She’d never in a million years agree to go out with me again.”

  “I think you’re capable of changing anyone’s mind.”

  I sighed. “Say she agrees. And she still hates me. Then what?”

  Marley smiled. “Then at least she hates the real Seth Hamilton.”

  Laughing, I nudged her again. “There’s something very sweet and twisted about you.”

  “You’re just now figuring this out?” Marley yawned. “Okay, I’m going to bed.”

  “Happy hangover,” I called after her as she got up to leave the room.

  Marley paused at the doorway. “Thank you for taking care of me last night.”

  I flashed her a grin. “It’s what brothers are for.”

  Chapter Ten

  Marley’s words of wisdom played on my mind for the rest of the day. As much as I hated to admit it, what she said made sense. But I firmly believed in what I’d said too. My reasons for acting the way I did still stood. What was the point in starting something—even going on a simple date—when it was clear relationships just didn’t work?

  Besides, there was no way in hell that Cassidy would even answer my calls, let alone agree to another date.

  Despite knowing all that, I still toyed with my cellphone all day, locking and unlocking the screen, flipping through my contacts—the idea of calling her gnawing at my guts. All I kept picturing was that fucking empty chair in the restaurant. I couldn’t decide what was worse—letting her imagine the worst about me and making it easy for her to just plain forget about me, or giving her the chance to know that guy wasn’t me and potentially stirring up bad feelings.

  In the end, it was my fucking ego that won the battle of wills.

  Unsurprisingly, Cassidy didn’t answer.

  She didn’t the fourth time either.

  By the seventh, it was game on. Game. Fucking. On.

  I started to leave her voicemails until I filled her mailbox. And for two days, I called her every chance I got. Sometimes three times in a row.

  Until, finally, like I knew she would, she answered. “Jesus Christ! If you call me one more time, I’m getting a restraining order!”

  I grinned. “Hey, Cass, how’s it going?”

  She snorted. “Are you high?”

  “Nope. You?”

  An irritated sigh blew down the line. “You know, I think I must be to have answered you.”

  “I’m impressed you held out for so long. I can usually annoy people into answering way faster. You have strong willpower. Congrats.”

  There was a pause before she spoke again. “Is this the point of your call? To see how long it would take for me to answer?”

  “No, actually, I wanted to ask you out.”

  “You have got to be fucking kidding me,” she mumbled. I could practically see her holding the phone so hard her knuckles turned white. So feisty. I liked it.

  “Far from it.” I let out a breath. Cocky Seth was so not going to get the job done here. Sincere Seth was the only way to go. And maybe Remorseful Seth. Possibly even Pleading Seth. “I’m being one-hundred-percent serious, Cassidy. After last time, I know I’m probably the last person on earth you want to see or have anything to do with.”

  “And here I thought you were all dick and no brains,” Cassidy said.

  Ouch. But I wouldn’t let her venom distract me. “I have a reason for how I acted last time. It’s not a good one, and, to be totally honest, probably not even a believable one.”

  She waited. And kept on waiting. “Am I going to hear it, or is it so unbelievable it can’t be picked up by human ears?”

  I smiled. “Not that unbelievable. But here’s the catch—if you want to hear it, you have to meet me.”

  Cassidy let out a cackling laugh. “You have got to be fucking with me. You seriously think I’m going to waste another second of my life with a moron like you?”

  “Yeah, but that’s the thing. You met a moron. You didn’t meet me. That guy… Cass, it wasn’t me. Not really. I’m a lot of things, but that guy is not one of them. So, I want you to come to my place. We can have food and talk. I’ll tell you what the hell was going on in my head that night and just be myself. If you still don’t like me, that’s fine. At least you’ll know the real dude you’ve probably been cursing to death this last week or so.”

  She gave a breathy laugh. “Jesus, you’re serious, aren’t you?”

  “Absolutely. You can give my address, phone number—whatever—to anyone you trust. Tell them when you’re coming. You know, just in case you think I might be a psycho or something. Drive over here and you can leave whenever you want. I won’t stop you. You can even arrange a friend to call with an emergency so you’ve got a stupid excuse to bail.” I let out a heavy breath. “Just, please come, Cass. I need to try and make this right.”

  The length of her pause was agonizing. Absolutely. Fucking. Agonizing.

  “I really want to tell you where to stick that invitation. I really do,” she said finally.

  I swallowed. “Are you?”

  “I should.” Cassidy mumbled something I couldn’t make out. “I really fucking should. If this was one of my girlfriends and she was telling me about this guy she went on a date with who was an absolute asshole, but called her up and wanted to see her again, I’d tell her to block his number and arrange for someone bigger and stronger to inflict bodily harm on the guy.”

  I cleared my throat. “Okay, just not the face. It’s my meal ticket.”

  Cassidy laughed. Not a total belly laugh, but at least it was genuine and held real warmth. “You’re so full of shit.”

  “I know. That part, at least, is true.”

  After a moment she sighed. “I have a night off on Sunday.”

  Sunday…Sunday…technically, I should be in work. But there wasn’t a special event on, so I could let two of the supervisors handle the place. And bonus—Marley was working and Blake had a business dinner with a potential client. We’d have the place to ourselves. Fuck me, this might actually work out after all. “Do you have a pen, or do you want me to text you the address?”

  * * * *

  By the time Sunday rolled around, I had so much excited energy I was like a goddamn puppy jumping all over the place and pissing on the floor. Except, you know, I didn’t actually piss on the floor. Everything was so different from before.

  Last time, all I could think about were all the ways I didn’t know how to impress Cassidy. But now…I was going to be m
yself. Just me. Scary as it was, it was all I had to give. And she would either like me, or she wouldn’t. There wouldn’t be an in-between and there wouldn’t be any lies. Okay, so it would be a lie if I said that in itself wasn’t completely terrifying. But it was also cathartic.

  Or something.

  Cassidy told me she would be over around seven-thirty, but I was fully expecting her to be astronomically late as that weird form of torture only girls know how to do, just to make me sweat. Well, she could try. I was as cool as a cucumber and ready for her games.

  What I wasn’t ready for was the sound of the doorbell at seven-twenty-eight.

  Luckily for me, Blake had gone straight from his office to his business dinner, and Marley hadn’t come home from working in the office, no doubt clocking in a few extra hours then going straight to the club as she had the last few weeks.

  And…I wasn’t going to dwell on that right now.

  Realizing I still hadn’t actually made a move to answer the damn door, I jogged to the front of the house and wrenched it open.

  God, she was gorgeous.

  Cassidy raked me over from head to toe and back again. Her perfectly arched eyebrow cocked in question at my outfit choice—ripped, battered jeans and vintage tee. Barefoot.

  I grinned. “I’m glad you guessed the dress code.”

  Despite her obvious restraint, she smirked. Cassidy wore faded skinny jeans, Converse and a plain tank. She’d pulled her hair into a messy bun and wore big black-framed hipster-style glasses. “Well, making an effort last time didn’t exactly work out.”

  I grimaced. “For either of us. Come on in.” Opening the door wider, I stood back to let Cassidy inside. I caught a whiff of her, too subtle to be perfume. Soap, maybe? Whatever it was it made me want to fucking eat her.

  “Nice place,” Cassidy said, folding her arms across her chest and looking around the entrance hall. “I guess you weren’t kidding about that bank account of yours.”

  Shit, I’d forgotten about that part. “Uh, nope. Food? I’m starved.”

  She blew out a breath. “I think talk first. I’m not sure I want to sit through another meal with you and waste more of my time.”

  Fair enough request. “How about we talk while I cook? And at the end you can either sit down and eat with me, you can leave, or you can leave with a Tupperware full of dinner to eat at your place.”

  A tiny frown formed between Cassidy’s eyebrows. “You’re cooking?”

  “I asked you over for dinner, didn’t I?”

  “Yeah, but aren’t you ordering takeout? That’s what I figured you’d do.”

  I smiled. “And by the end of tonight, I hope you’ll realize you had me figured all wrong.”

  She snorted a laugh. “Yeah, we’ll see.”

  Turning on my heel, I strolled through the house and hoped she would follow me. In the kitchen, I pulled out all the stuff I needed and carried it out onto the patio. I’d already lit the firepit and heated the grill on the off chance that she wasn’t astronomically late. I glanced over my shoulder and saw Cassidy hovering by the kitchen door.

  I gestured to the table nearby. “Have a seat. Let me get all this started then we’ll talk.” We were having steaks and grilled baked potatoes, corn on the cob and the coleslaw I’d made earlier. Basic, but delicious, and totally me.

  When I turned back around, Cassidy was staring at me. It gave me a weird, uneasy-but-not-in-a-bad-way feeling in my belly. “What?”

  She dropped her eyes and shook her head.

  A grin spread across my face as I sauntered toward her. “You’re trying your level best to not be impressed right now, aren’t you?”

  Cassidy snorted a laugh. “So I’m guessing the insufferable cockiness is all you, huh?”

  I pulled out the chair opposite her and dropped into it. “Hell yes.”

  “Not sure I’d be bragging about that one,” she said, giving me a look.

  Reaching into the cooler I’d placed beside the table, I took out two beers. I slid one across the table to her. “Most people find my natural charm and self-assurance refreshing.”

  “I’m not most people.”

  “I wouldn’t be chasing you so damn hard if you were.”

  There was a moment where Cassidy didn’t say anything, didn’t even blink. Then she opened her beer and took a sip. “Is that what this is? A chase?”

  Leaning back in my chair, I scrubbed a hand over my face. “I know what you want to hear. You want me to say that this isn’t one big chase, that I’m not playing games with you. But I am chasing you, because any guy who doesn’t isn’t worth your goddamn time. I’m chasing you, Cass, but not for the chase. I’m chasing you because I want to fucking catch you.”

  Cassidy let out a breath. “You have this really weird way of saying exactly the wrong thing, but making it sound like every girl’s dream—but with more swearing.”

  “The swearing is part of the real me too.”

  She laughed. Like, actually laughed. It was quick, but breathy and real. “That I know, Seth.”

  “So that’s two things you know about me. We’re getting there.” And hopefully, we’d actually get the rest of the way…one day, at least.

  Cassidy took another sip of her beer. She settled back in her chair and pinned me with an unflinching stare. “It’s time to really start talking.”

  I scrubbed a hand over my hair. Jesus, it felt as if I were facing the ultimate judge on judgment day. “Okay. But I’ll warn you now that it’s a terrible reason. But it’s the truth, and it’s the only reason I have.”

  She shrugged. “So tell me.” And she said it so simply that it actually made it easier to find the words.

  “Have I told you about my brother before?” I asked.

  “I don’t think so.”

  “I have a brother. Blake. He’s a few years older than me, a really good guy. Polite, decent, hardworking and makes our parents proud. You know, basically everything I’m not. Anyway, he’s getting married. Marley and Blake…they’re going through some shit right now. And it’s getting pretty bad.”

  “In what way?” Cassidy asked.

  “The first thing you have to know about them is they didn’t exactly get together in the most traditional of ways. Marley’s a New Yorker. She was out here one night last year with some girlfriends. She met Blake, and they hooked up.”

  Cassidy frowned. “Okay…so, what, they kept in touch? A one-night stand turning into a relationship isn’t unheard of.”

  I shook my head. “Marley was engaged to a douchebag back in New York. More accurately, Blake’s oldest friend.”

  Her eyes widened. “Wow. I didn’t see that plot twist coming.”

  “None of them did. Blake flew out for business and that’s when everyone found out who everyone was. From what I know, nothing happened for a while between them. I remember Theo, Marley’s ex, from when I’d visit Blake at school. He was the biggest asshole then, let alone as a full-grown man. Marley was miserable and stuck in a soul-sucking relationship.”

  “I’m guessing Blake and Marley eventually gave in and started seeing each other?” Cassidy asked.

  “Yeah. A lot of shit went down, Blake ended things and came back home. Marley eventually ended things with Theo. It turned out he’d been having his own affair, and the woman was pregnant. Marley came out here for work and her and Blake decided to make a serious go of things with each other. They’re happy, like, seriously happy. How they got to this point isn’t well known, as far as I can tell. And really, that isn’t the issue.”

  “So what is?”

  “The woman Theo got pregnant? Blake hooked up with her before he knew about her and Theo.”

  Cassidy’s eyes widened. “Whoa.”

  “Exactly. So now Theo is arguing that he might not even be the father. He’s trying to pressure Blake into doing a DNA test to prove or disprove that Blake is the father. Needless to say, he and Marley aren’t in a great place.” Biggest understatement ever. I got up to ch
eck the food and flip the steaks. I’d already mostly cooked the potatoes and corn before she got here, and now they were just keeping warm until the meat was done.

  There was a small crease between Cassidy’s eyebrows as she processed my brother’s torrid romance. I’d bet any money she was planning her escape from this weird, incestuous setup.

  “Totally weirded out yet?” I asked, swallowing the knot of nerves in my throat. Talking about Blake’s messed-up life was the easy part—now I had to admit just how messed up my head was.

  She shook her head. “A little, a lot. Who the hell knows?”

  “I can still remember how excited my mom sounded when she called to tell me Blake was getting married. I was still in Europe, partying my life away…and I didn’t care. I mean, I did, but not in that excited, way to go, man, sort of way. When I got home, Blake told me everything that had been going on. And you know what I said? ‘This is exactly why I don’t do relationships’.”

  I blew out a breath and leaned forward, resting my elbows on my knees. “I’ve seen them together when it’s been good, when they’ve put all the shit to one side and just focused on themselves. They’re fucking good together—the sort of couple you look at and know that’s it for them. There isn’t anyone else. Never will be. And I’ve seen them leave a room because the other walked in it. I’ve seen them pick faults, find insults when there was none. I’ve seen how much this situation is breaking them.

  “To start with, I really did think ‘what in the hell is the point?’ They’re both hurting so bad and neither of them are doing anything to make it stop.”

  “It’s not that simple,” Cassidy said quietly.

  “Tell me about it,” I mumbled. “When we first met, you had my number down. I don’t date. I don’t chase and I don’t get turned down. And, I’m fully aware just how cheesy and how much of a line this will sound like, so just bear with me, okay? But when I met you, it wasn’t like some chorus of angels appeared and I knew we were soul mates or whatever. But I did know that I wanted to know you. I didn’t want to just sleep with you and forget your name…or never bother to learn it in the first place. I wanted… I want to know you.