Secrets, Lies & Imperfections

by Pamela L. Todd

  “I’ll always be honest with you. I just need you to tell me to be honest with myself now and then.”

  She smiled. “I can do that.”

  I flopped back against the couch and let out a heavy breath. All at once, I was exhausted. I wanted to take the world’s biggest nap and have the past few hours wiped from my brain. The entire night had been a disaster from start to finish. And worst of all, I’d sucked Cassidy into my fucked-up world. Maybe Blake was right. I hadn’t changed. What if I was only kidding myself that I was a better guy than I used to be?

  Cassidy stood and held out a hand to me. When I didn’t move, she laughed. “Christ, will you get up?”

  Sliding my hand into hers, I got to my feet and let her pull me out of the living room and down the hall. “Where are we going?”

  “My room.” Cass looked at me over her shoulder and waggled her eyebrows.

  I scrubbed my free hand down my face. I felt pulled in a million different directions. Or like I was on a weird acid trip or something. My head was messed-up, whatever the hell was going on. “Okay. I’m missing something, right?”

  Cassidy opened a door at the end of the hallway and tugged me inside. She turned on a dim lamp and pushed me in the direction of the bed. “Sit. Wait. I’ll be back.”

  “Yes, ma’am,” I murmured, taking a seat on the edge of the bed. Cassidy closed the door behind her again as she left, showing a pair of rainbow scrubs on the back of the door. I looked around the room and couldn’t stop the smile from pulling at the corner of my lips.

  Where the living area had been stark and barren of life and personality, Cassidy’s bedroom was bursting with it. The bed was covered in a bright-turquoise quilt topped with orange-cased pillows. I wanted to drop down face-first onto the mattress, knowing it would smell just like Cass.

  A desk tucked in the corner held a laptop with a flower sticker and stacks of multicolored Post-its. Above it were a few shelves crammed with books—medical and otherwise.

  I grinned. Cass liked sexy books. Maybe she could read me one.

  Pictures were everywhere. Framed on every surface, shoved into mirror edges, stuck to the wall. Above my head was a line of string from one end of the room to the other with photos pegged onto it. She had a full life, a happy life. It was clear the people she filled it with adored her. Friends kissed her cheek, what I assumed were her parents hugged her. Drunken nights out, graduation, old baby photos…it was like getting a sneak preview into the life of Cassidy.

  I didn’t want a sneak peek.

  I wanted inside it.

  The door opened and Cassidy reappeared, her arms full. She dumped the contents onto the bed and gave me a grin. Turning to the wardrobe, she flung open the doors and pointed to the crate at the bottom. “I don’t have as many as you, but the choice is yours.”

  I got up to see what she was pointing at. DVDs filled the crate and I bent to get a closer look. Snorting a laugh, I glanced at her over my shoulder. “You’re such a chick, you know that?”

  Cassidy crouched beside me. “Why? Because I like a little romance in my life?”

  “No…because…man, these are like the most clichéd chick movies I’ve ever seen.” Shaking my head, I looked back at the options. Jesus, it was like trying to decide between a kick in the nuts or a prostate exam.

  Reaching past me, Cassidy plucked one DVD out of the crate. “Have you even seen this?”

  “Uh, no.”

  “Then how do you know you’d hate it?”

  “Call it a feeling,” I drawled.

  She rolled her eyes and stood. “It’s got plenty of action and a really good storyline. The romance is almost secondary to it.”

  “I’m not getting a choice here, am I?” I asked, watching as she crossed the room to where a TV and DVD player rested on top of a bureau.

  “Nope,” she said without an ounce of remorse. When she’d set up the movie, Cassidy gestured to the bed. Which I assumed was there, buried below a mountain of junk food. “I figured you’d be hungry. And comfort food makes everything better.”

  “You had all this in your kitchen?” I asked, my eyebrows shooting up in disbelief as I scanned the booty.

  “Yes. And stop looking at me like I need to be in fat club. I live with two other girls. We’re all nurses. Sometimes you need a pick-me-up after a rough shift. And seriously, when we’re hormonal, it pays to have a stockpile of junk food.” Cassidy folded her arms beneath her breasts, pushing them up and making me forget whatever I’d been about to say. “You do like some of this stuff, right?”

  Snapping out of the hypnosis her tits put me in, I looked again at the food. “Hell yeah. I was just surprised, that’s all. For a second I was worried I’d gotten myself involved with a stoner.” It was then her earlier words sank in. I held up a hand, needing to clarify a point. “Wait a minute—fat club? Are you fucking serious?”

  Cassidy’s face took on a vulnerable quality that I hadn’t seen before. “You just looked shocked at all the food.”

  “Yeah, I was. But why in the hell would I look at you like you needed to join a fat club?”

  She shrugged and looked down. “An ex said it once. Guess it stuck.”

  Yeah, right. I wasn’t buying it. Cassidy was way too fierce and strong-willed to let one douchebag tell her to lose weight. Someone had. The look on her face made that way too clear for it not to be true. But if I were to guess, I’d say it was someone closer to her, and they had for a while now.

  “I’m not an insecure girl,” Cassidy said when I didn’t answer right away. She straightened her spine as if she were gearing up for a fight. “I know I’m not the skinniest, but I like my body. And if anyone else has a problem with that—”

  “Has me to deal with,” I cut in. I took a few steps until I was right in front of her. Her breathing hitched as I placed my hands on her waist and slowly trailed them down. I squeezed her hips and moved around to get a handful of her ass that drove me crazy. Leaning an inch closer, I grazed the corner of her lips with my mouth. “I don’t give a fuck what you are. What society calls you. You’re Cass. And that’s perfect to me.”

  She let out a shaky breath. Cassidy clutched my biceps as though to keep herself upright. “There you go with words again.”

  “I’m being honest, remember?” I pressed a dry kiss to her full, pillowy lips. “Isn’t all that shit just about perception anyway?”

  Cassidy nodded.

  “My perception is that I can’t get enough of you. I want to map out your body with my tongue, from your forehead to your toes. I want to memorize how every inch of you feels. What will make you break out in goosebumps. Make you shiver. Make you moan. Make you rip out my hair and scream my name.” Cassidy sighed and I cradled her skull with one hand, tipping her head back and slipping my tongue inside her luscious mouth. I pulled back, kissing her briefly before mumbling against her lips, “This mouth… I want to feel this mouth everywhere on my body. I want those long legs wrapped around me, gripping me, pinning me down.”

  Her nails dug into my arm and I held her tighter. Cassidy made a noise low in her throat and I pressed my hips into hers, letting her feel I meant every fucking word I said. “Jesus Christ,” she whispered, her voice rough and gravelly. “This isn’t what I brought you in here for, but…Jesus Christ.”

  I smiled against her mouth and kissed her twice, slowly, intimately. Sliding a hand under her T-shirt, I stroked the flesh at the base of her back, a hair’s breadth from the top of her pants. “Most of all I want to feel every inch of you pressed up against every inch of me. Nothing between us but skin. I want to wake up with you naked in my arms. Legs tangled, hands reaching, mouths close. Everything you can think of and more, I want it with you, Cass.” More than anything, I wanted to ask if she did too. I craved the answer as if I needed it to breathe, but I didn’t want the answer if it wasn’t the one I hoped for.

  Cassidy laughed, soft and breathy. “How do you make sleep sound exciting?”

  I smiled a
nd kissed her again. “Because I think it could be exciting with you.”

  “I was going to ask if you wanted to stay anyway. But now I don’t trust myself to not ask you to forgo pajamas.” Cassidy slid her hands up my arms to link her fingers behind my neck. “I want to remember all the things you say to me. I’m really starting to look forward to your words.”

  “You don’t have to remember. I promise you I’ll say them often. You’ll get sick of hearing how gorgeous you are and shove something down my throat to shut me the hell up.”

  She giggled and pressed her lips to my mine. “God, I hope so.”

  Giving her ass a gentle slap, I kissed her one last time then forced myself to pull away. “Come on, let’s get this hell over with.”

  Cassidy didn’t move right away. There was a healthy flush to her cheeks that made me want to reclaim the space I’d just vacated and see if I could make the rosy tint travel to other areas of her body. She gave a slight shake of her head and crossed the room to the nightstand. She picked up a remote and hit play, the movie starting up a moment later. “For what it’s worth, I think you’re going to eat your words.”

  “Wanna bet?”

  “Sure. You—truthfully—admit that you liked it and…you have to take me on the most romantic date you conjure up. Just, not like that first disaster where you got it all wrong.” Cassidy gave me a grin. She was enjoying this way too much.

  “Thanks for that reminder,” I said, my voice dripping with sarcasm. “Fine. And if I really do hate it, then you have to take me on the least romantic date you can conjure up. Deal?”

  She held out her hand for me to shake. “Deal.” Cassidy then climbed onto her bed and started arranging the mountain of food. Party-sized bags of chips, cookies, sodas, popcorn, candy… It looked like a pajama party on crack. She picked a few selections of each and tossed the rest on the floor, creating room for us to get into the bed.

  I headed around to the other side of the bed and was about to lie on top when I froze to the spot. Cassidy shoved down her yoga pants and kicked them off, standing in her loose T-shirt and a pair of pink lace panties.

  She threw back the quilt and gestured for me to get in. At my hesitation, Cassidy laughed. “You look terrified I’m going to steal your virtue.”

  “You terrify me in almost every way, Cass,” I said, watching her climb into bed. She propped up the pillows and leaned back, sitting cross-legged and pulling the quilt over her. It was a sight I’d never get sick of—and wanted to see often.

  I shed my T-shirt and jeans, enjoying how her eyes drifted over me as I did it. When I got in, Cassidy shuffled closer to me and rested her head on my shoulder. I lifted my arm and she slotted into the crook like a missing puzzle piece.

  We didn’t talk much through the movie. Loath as I was to admit it, I started to get into it. Around the halfway mark, Cassidy nudged me. “Is it working, then?”

  “Is what working?”

  She gestured around the bed and to the TV. “This. I’m trying to show you there are different ways to be comforted without needing sex to do it.”

  Oh. So that was her plan. The woman was a sneak. And a fucking good one at that. I hadn’t thought about Blake in a while and I didn’t feel as on edge. “Yeah, I’d say it’s working.”

  Cassidy smiled and kissed my chest. “Good.”

  She fell asleep before me. The movie hadn’t finished yet and I didn’t turn it off even when I knew she would be none the wiser. We had wriggled down the bed until we lay flat. Cassidy was now sprawled half across me, her breath tickling my chest and the scent of her shampoo reaching my nose.

  I wouldn’t have moved for anything.

  When the TV finally clicked off, I lay in the dark, using my other senses to imprint the night in my head. The sound of her soft breathing, the scent of her room and her body pressed against me.

  Lying there with Cassidy, I was content in a way I didn’t know existed outside of partying and girls. I’ve always enjoyed life, wanted to have fun and to make memories that would last for decades. I had, naïvely, thought that my old lifestyle was the way to do it. I was wrong. This was it—this moment with Cassidy, right now. Lying in her bed with her draped across my chest, holding on to me like she wanted me there as much as I wanted to be there.

  * * * *

  The first thing I was aware of was warm, plump flesh beneath my hand. I gave it a soft squeeze just to check—yep, I was groping Cassidy’s boob in my sleep again. Pushing up onto one elbow, I saw that our positions had been more or less reversed from how we had fallen asleep. Cassidy lay flat on her back and I was draped across most of her body, my leg between hers, pressing against the heat of her center and my hand was under her T-shirt, getting a nice good feel.

  She moved beneath me, arching into my touch. I dragged my thumb over her nipple, making it stiffen and pebble. A sleepy smile touched her lips. “You’re such a perv, even when you sleep.”

  “Around you, that definitely seems to be true,” I said, dipping to press a dry kiss to her lips. Gathering Cassidy in my arms, I rolled us to the side. She nuzzled my throat, her body warm and languid, still in the dregs of sleep. “What are your plans for today?”

  She groaned and nipped me with her teeth. “Work. I love my job but I’d happily stay like this all day long.”

  “It sounds like my slacker ways are rubbing off on you. How about I take you to breakfast instead?” I asked, pulling her closer.

  Cassidy huffed as though it was the last thing she wanted, but would humor me anyway. “Fine. Breakfast, then.”

  “Don’t sound too enthused,” I teased.

  She rolled into me, using her momentum to push me onto my back and straddle me. Cassidy kissed the scruff on my jaw. “Apparently I like having you in my bed too much. Sue me.”

  Jesus. And I liked hearing her say it too much. I grasped her hips, fully intending to lift her from me, not press her down harder on the agonizing erection she was giving me. “Cass, I need to get up or I really won’t let you go. Then you’ll end up getting fired, and you’ll hate me for turning you into a bum and swear never to see me again.”

  She laughed and sat up, tracing her fingers down my chest. “Can’t have that. But before I let you up, I’m dying to know—who won the bet?”

  As I looked into her gleeful face, knowing she was going to be proved right, it was the first bet I didn’t mind losing. I could have rolled my eyes. Let it play out longer. Tease until her until she snapped and wanted to hurt me. Instead I smiled and sat up, wrapping my arms around her middle. “You did. Did you ever doubt it?”

  Cassidy threw her head back and laughed. She looped her arms around my shoulders. “Not for a second. But it feels great to hear you say it.”

  “I live to please,” I said. “Now get your ass out of bed and let me take you to breakfast.”

  Half an hour later we were on our way to a diner down the street. Cassidy greeted the waitress when we stepped inside, and waved to the chef in the kitchen. She led me to a booth in the back and my ass had barely touched the vinyl when a waitress appeared and poured us two mugs of coffee.

  “Morning, Gale,” Cassidy said with a smile. “How’s it going today?”

  Gale smiled. “Good. Can’t complain. How about you?”

  She flashed me a grin. “Can’t complain.”

  “And who’s your friend?” Gale asked, turning to look at me.

  “This is Seth. He’s an asshole, but he’s not a prick. So there’s that, at least.”

  Gale laughed. “Amen, sister. Holler when you’re ready to order.”

  When she was gone, I poured sugar and cream into my coffee. “So. Do I need to ask if you come here often?”

  Cassidy shrugged and prepared her own drink. “It’s open twenty-four hours. They make amazing waffles. And I like the people.”

  “Me too. And if the waffles are that good, I’m hoping to come again.”

  “Play your cards right,” she said with a wink.

 
; Cassidy was right. The waffles were amazing. Afterward she drove me home and told me it was about damn time I found my own ride. She didn’t cut out the engine when she stopped in front of Blake’s house. She eyed the cookie-cutter mansion with quiet observation. I wondered if she wished she could see what was going on inside, somehow get a reading of the mood, like I was.

  She twisted in her seat to face me. “Are you going to be okay in there?”

  “Either that or you’ll come home from work to find me on your stoop with my worldly belongings packed into trash bags.” I smiled the smile I was used to wearing whenever I deflected how I felt.

  Needless to say, Cassidy saw right through it. She frowned and twisted her hands in her lap. “Will you text me at least? So I’m not worried all day about you?”

  I took one of her hands and laced it with mine. “There’s nothing to worry about, Cass. It’ll be fine. And I’ll text you all right, but you might want to keep it discreet in case a rude kind of mood strikes me.”

  Cassidy blew out a breath and rolled her eyes. “Why doesn’t that surprise me?”

  “I don’t know, but it shouldn’t.” I caught her chin and urged her closer. Fitting my mouth over hers, I gave her light, brief and dry kisses until she sighed and parted her lips. I slipped my tongue inside, moving my hand to cup her nape.

  She knotted her hands in my hair, pinning my face to hers as if she would refuse me if I tried to break free. I unbuckled my seatbelt and shifted so I could gather her more fully in my arms. I wanted to drag her into my lap and never get out of the car. Like, ever.

  Cassidy groaned and kissed me harder for all of three seconds. “Why do I have to go to work right now?”

  “Because the world is a cruel and fucked-up place,” I murmured. “I’m off on Monday night. Can I see you then?”

  “Yes,” she whispered. “That gives you four days to plan the most romantic date on the planet.”

  “No pressure, then.”

  “None,” Cassidy said with a grin.

  I kissed her once more then forced myself to pull away. “I’ll see you Monday.”