Painted Memories

by Flowers, Loni

  “No,” I said, looking from the waitress to Drew, “I’ve got this.”

  “Umm, no, I asked you to dinner, remember? I’ll take the bill.”

  The waitress took the bill out of her apron and slapped it down on the table between us. “How about when you two figure it out, you let someone else know. My shift is up.”

  With that, she walked away. Drew and I looked at each other, stunned a moment before we both burst out laughing.

  Tonight, we were having so much fun that I didn’t think anything could have made it a bad night.

  After a few rounds of going back and forth, and a little whining on my part, he finally agreed to let me pay, with the promise of allowing him to pay the next time, if there ever was a next time. We were, after all, celebrating his achievement for finally getting an art studio, not on an actual date. Despite letting the word slip earlier, it was not a date. Technically.

  His apartment was as I remembered it the first time I came. When I entered the living room, I roamed around and looked from painting to painting, trying to take in what I didn’t see the first time. With the instrumental music from Drew’s stereo playing in the background, I felt like I was on a grand tour at an art gallery, my complimentary alcoholic beverage in hand.

  Sitting on his couch, I drank my wine as if it were cherry-flavored Kool-Aid. I listened to Drew talk about several of his favorite paintings, and there was no doubt how passionate he was about his craft. I could tell by the way he went on and on about the colors, his thought processes when he decided to paint a particular scene, and how long it took him to finish a project. All of it, I’m sure, would have been much more interesting if I hadn’t already had two margaritas—or was it three? And if I wasn’t working on the second bottle of wine Drew opened. I tried to concentrate, but I couldn’t keep my eyes off his mouth. Every time he smiled, I smiled. When he laughed or said something funny, I laughed too. I felt carefree and giggly and I didn’t care if it was the alcohol making me feel this way; it felt good.

  Drew picked up a magazine from the coffee table and flipped through the pages until he found the one he wanted. When he scooted closer, his leg pressed against mine, and his cologne engulfed my senses. I couldn’t focus on a single word that rolled out of his mouth because of the thoughts that were forming in my head. I wanted to feel his lips again. To feel him press me into the couch with his body over mine. I should not have wanted it, but I did. Andrea did tell me to live a little and have fun. It couldn’t hurt to kiss him, could it?

  I pulled the magazine from his hands, closed it, and tossed it back on the coffee table. He gave me a look that suggested I was crazy, but he was curious.

  “What is it?” he asked.

  “You know, I usually find the details of your artwork fascinating, but right now, all I really want you to do is kiss me. Every time you’ve kissed me, you’ve held back.” He watched me, his eyes alternating from my eyes to my mouth. I licked my lips in anticipation. “Don’t hold back, Drew, kiss me.”

  “I’ve been trying to take things slowly. I remembered you agreed that we’d see where things might go, and I didn’t want to push you into anything.”

  I sighed; disappointed I wasn’t getting what I wanted. “I’m not asking for a commitment here, Drew. I want you to kiss me without thinking about what it might mean.” I could feel my body swaying slightly; my equilibrium was off and I looked away. “You know what? Forget I said anything.”

  I sat forward to stand up when his hand moved to my cheek. He turned my head to face him and studied me for a moment. I had no idea what he was thinking, or maybe he was debating; I wasn’t sure. I started to speak when his mouth covered mine, cutting off whatever I was going to say. It didn’t matter, I couldn’t remember anyway. I parted my lips, granting him instant access. My tongue slid against his as his hand glided down my neck. Long, elegant fingers curled around the back of it, pulling me deeper into his kiss. I felt dizzy, and I couldn’t tell if it was because I was intoxicated or getting drunk off his kiss. He tasted of wine, and longing, and hunger and passion… everything I wanted. Everything I needed.

  My hands moved up his chest and I could feel the firmness beneath his shirt. Drew kept his own workout routine and I could only imagine how incredibly toned his body was. His free arm moved around my back as he shifted forward, leaning me back into the couch. Sliding his leg between mine, my skirt rode up my thighs before he partially pressed his body against mine. I pulled my lips from his to catch my breath and moved my hands down his sides until I found the hem of his shirt. His fingers tangled in my tousled curls as he placed small, delicate kisses across my jaw, slowly moving down my neck. My fingers found his warm flesh and I skimmed his stomach with the palm of my hand. He groaned against my neck as his tongue flicked over my skin. The sensation was incredible and I arched my neck back, allowing him greater access. I shifted my leg up and wrapped it over his as I slipped the tips of my fingers beneath the waistband of his pants and pulled him fully against me. His weight pressed down on me as his hand moved to my bare thigh and slowly slipped up the back of it, right before he froze.

  Sighing heavily, Drew removed his hand and pushed himself up. “I’m sorry, as much as I want to keep going, I think we’ve both had a lot to drink and shouldn’t do something we might regret later.”

  “Regret!” I half yelled as I bolted to an upright position. My head started to spin and when I looked at Drew, it looked as if he’d grown two heads. I ignored the feeling and squeezed my eyes shut for a moment. “So one minute you want to be with me, and the next, you think you might regret it?” A wave of nausea rushed over me as I felt my mouth watering. I held my hand up, stopping whatever words were about to emerge from his mouth. “Help me to the bathroom; I think I’m going to be sick.”

  Shutting the door in his face, I made it to the white porcelain sink, spewing blood red liquid inside of it. After cleaning up, I splashed cool water on my face and rinsed my mouth out before opening the bathroom door. Balancing in the archway, I had to use both arms to keep myself from swaying.

  Drew leaned against the wall with his arms folded across his chest. “Are you okay?”

  “I should go home,” I told him, taking a step forward. Instead, I walked in a diagonal direction and nearly fell over before he grabbed me around the waist.

  “Come on, you need to lie down for a few minutes. You shouldn’t be left alone like this.”

  Drew took me to his room and I instantly fell onto his bed and snuggled into a pillow. I felt him slipping off my shoes, my rejection falling on deaf ears. He told me to get some rest and he’d take me home shortly. “I’m sorry I ruined your celebration,” I mumbled. “Thank you for letting me be with you tonight.”

  He smiled and tucked the comforter around me before leaning down and kissing me on the cheek. “I wouldn’t have wanted to celebrate with anyone else,” he whispered.

  I smiled at his words, but before I could respond, I sunk into the darkness, my heavy eyes closing on their own as I drifted off to sleep.

  Chapter 11

  I woke with a start and sat up straight in the bed. The stabbing pain in my head rattled my skull and I immediately lay back on the pillow. The white walls and bedding blinded me with the sun’s reflection. Two large paintings hung on the wall towards the foot of the bed, but I couldn’t open my eyes up enough to make out any specific details.

  What time was it anyway? And how long had I been sleeping in Drew’s bed? I snuggled down under the comforter and thought about last night and the fun I had… we had. Oh no, how much fun did we have? After taking me to his bed, my memory was kind of sketchy. I peeked under the covers to see the extent of my fun and found immediate relief. Thank God I still had my clothes on! The pillow was soft, caressing my splitting headache as I nestled down in the sheets. I savored the memory of what transpired between us last night. Then there was the dream I had… Drew coming into the room, completely innocent and with no ulterior motives, kissing me with his ar
ms wrapped around me. It was such a sweet dream; I didn’t want it to end.

  The whole night was incredible. The only thing that would have made it better would have been less alcohol. I could only imagine how much more intense our little make-out session would have been. I wanted more: more kissing and more of him. It could have been the alcohol that heightened my senses and made it more passionate than it really was, but I preferred not to believe that. I sighed and sat up. Pulling my legs over the side of the bed, I wasn’t sure what I would do. How was I supposed to act around him now, I wondered, after last night? I wasn’t even sure if he remembered any of it himself. One thing I did know for sure, I didn’t want things to change. I liked the place we were in. We got along great together and he liked making me laugh. We were both interested in the arts and always had a lot of fun together. I didn’t want what happened last night to change any of that. I’d just have to deal with it when I faced him, if I could ever drag myself out of this bed.

  Standing up, I checked my bearings. I didn’t want to feel wobbly like last night. My head pounded on the walls of my skull and I wasn’t prepared to handle it. I wanted to go back to sleep and deal with it later. Maybe if I was extra lucky, Drew got drunk enough that he didn’t remember what happened last night, and I could pretend nothing happened. Then there wouldn’t be any expectations before going forward. We could continue with our fleeting kisses and sideways glances until something more transpired between us in its own natural way. And without the effects of alcohol and reckless behavior.

  I stumbled into the living room, with my brain feeling like a floating brick was banging back and forth inside my skull. I hadn’t felt as bad as this since my early college days, when drinking was as regular as changing your underwear. It quickly reminded me that the consequences outweighed all the fun from the night before.

  Drew sat on the couch, flipping through a magazine when I walked into the room. I sat at the far end of it. He smiled when he saw me, and of course, looked hangover free.

  “Good morning, how do you feel?” he asked, putting down the magazine.

  “Like crap. What time is it?” I asked as I rubbed my temples with my fingers.

  “Ten-thirty.”

  “Oh God, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to stay so long. You should have woken me up.”

  “Don’t be. I didn’t mind. You hungry?”

  “No, I don’t think I could stomach any food right now. Did we have a good time last night?” I was fishing, trying to see how much he would admit without me acknowledging anything happened. “How much did I drink?”

  “You had several drinks at the restaurant and we were working on our second bottle of wine here. I had a pretty good night. How about you?”

  The look in his eyes and the sweet smile on his lips told me he had more than a good time last night. But I wanted to hear him allude to how much more it was than that. “Yeah, I had a good time too, but I should not have consumed so much alcohol.” How did I end up in your bed anyway? I really hope I didn’t make an ass out of myself?

  Drew sighed and stood up. He walked into the kitchen, filled a glass of water from the tap and grabbed a small, white bottle from the counter top before walking back over to me. “Here, take two of these and you should eat something.” Sitting beside me, he handed me the glass. “And don’t call yourself an ass… you’re far from it.” He pushed my hair back behind my shoulder and exhaled heavily. “As far as the bed goes, you got sick and I made you lie down for a bit. I did go back to check on you later, but you were sleeping so soundly, I didn’t have the heart to wake you up. Plus, my couch is pretty decent to sleep on.”

  I took a sip and swallowed the Tylenol. That’s it? Why couldn’t he say what happened? I’m pretty confident he wasn’t as drunk as I was, considering he had enough sense to help me into bed and tuck me in. He even checked on me in the middle of the night to make sure—. Wait! He came back and checked on me? I vaguely remembered getting sick, but not the—.

  “I’ll be right back, I need to use the bathroom,” I said as I jumped up. Gritting my teeth, I was trying to ignore the sharp pains in my head as I hurried to the bathroom. I could feel him watching me as I walked away, but I had to leave the room. Once inside the bathroom, I sat down on the side of the tub and put my head between my hands to stop the spinning. I thought I dreamt it, but I didn’t. I thought back for a minute and replayed the events of last night. Throwing up, falling into his bed, dozing off to sleep… the light touch as something slid across my forehead and down my cheek. Oh God! I stirred awake and opened my eyes to see Drew was sitting next to me on the bed. I could hardly hold my eyes open, but I grabbed his arm when he stood up to leave and mumbled, “Don’t go.”

  Drew pressed his finger to my lips. “You should sleep,” he said before leaning over and lightly grazing his warm lips over mine. When he pulled away, I grabbed a handful of his shirt and pulled him back down over me to kiss him again. He complied with my demand, kissing me softly at first, then harder, and nibbling my bottom lip while licking it with the tip of his tongue. Melting into the mattress, my hands loosened their grip, and a moment later, he pulled away. I kept my eyes closed, believing if I kept them like that, he’d come back for more. When nothing happened, I opened my eyes to see him stepping away. “Won’t you stay?” I pleaded.

  “Not this time. I’m afraid you won’t remember any of this tomorrow. But when you wake up, if you still want me like you did tonight, I’ll gladly kiss you again.”

  “Until the morning then,” I muttered before he shut the door.

  I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes, but I squeezed them shut to keep them from falling. It was such a sweet, yet passionate moment, and I was ready to walk back out there, face Drew and not even acknowledge it happened… unless he brought it up. I wasn’t about to mention it if he didn’t think it was a big deal. I squared my shoulders and walked out into the hall. I needed to leave. I couldn’t stay here one more minute or I would cave-in and tell him that I remembered it all and loved every second of it. That I wanted it to happen, wanted him to want to kiss me… as much as I didn’t want it to happen while we were drunk, I wanted it just the same. I grabbed my purse from the kitchen table and walked towards the door.

  Drew must have suspected my need to escape because he cut me off, blocking my path to the door. “Hey, where are you going? What’s the matter?” He caressed my cheek with worry on his face.

  I turned my head away from his hand, “I’m fine. I got sick again. I need to go home, sleep this off in my own bed, take a hot shower, and try to eat something. I’ll be fine. I just want to feel normal again.”

  “Would you like me to keep you company? Or fix you something to eat? I don’t mind.”

  No! Tell me you loved kissing me and you want to do it again. Say something… anything to let me know I’m not the only one who feels like this, that you want more of what happened last night. Not just making out, but all of it. The talking, the laughing, and getting to know one another. I stared at him for a moment, giving him a chance to magically read my mind and know what the hell I wanted him to say… to do.

  He didn’t say a word.

  “No. I mean, thank you, but no, I’ll be asleep most the day anyway, especially with the headache I’ve got.” I didn’t want to give him any other opportunities to take care of me. “Thank you for a fun night. I really had a good time and I needed that.” I wrapped my arms around his neck for a hug and whispered in his ear. “Congratulations, I’m really proud of you.” I kissed him on the cheek and pulled away.

  I needed to get behind closed doors. I was on the verge of crying or throwing up… or both. Stepping around him, I turned for the door and walked out without a glance back. I said last night I wanted Drew to kiss me without it meaning anything, but the truth was… it meant everything.

  Chapter 12

  I felt sluggish, probably from spending so much time in the shower. I didn’t even bother washing my body, not giving a crap what I
looked like. I needed to feel the hot water on my skin and it was the perfect place to throw up and bawl my eyes out, all at the same time. I threw up so many times, I had nothing left in me. I was thankful no one was around to witness any of it. Something light, like crackers, or maybe some broth from some good ol’ Campbell’s chicken noodle soup would probably do the trick. Being sick and miserable, drained of all my energy was worse than being run over by a Mack truck. Disappointment weighed on my mind as I questioned my memory, trying to replay the events of last night. Was every word spoken, every gesture, touch, and kiss a figment of my imagination? Back and forth I went, trying to figure out if I was kidding myself and falling into sweet illusions. I was excited and adventurous with Drew last night, but couldn’t help wondering if it was all a big disappointment to him now. What I thought he wanted, he obviously didn’t want to remember. Maybe he finally realized he was wasting his time after all and would never let it happen again. Whatever was going on, I allowed myself the luxury to pout like a two-year-old who didn’t get her way.

  After coming to my senses, I threw on my pajamas and made my way to the kitchen to heat up a can of Campbell’s soup. The hot pink Post-It note caught my eye when I opened the fridge and I paused to read it. Oh shit! I ripped the note off. I completely forgot about my date with Tyler tonight and I still had to swing by the dry cleaners to pick up my dress. From the way I was feeling, there was no way I felt up for it. I dug through my purse and hunted for Tyler’s number on the card he gave me when I first asked him out, since my phone was still lying at the bottom of the pond.

  I sat on the couch with my blanket snugly wrapped around me and slowly sipped the broth while I stared at the cordless phone beside me. I dreaded calling Tyler. Realizing now that I wanted Drew more than I let myself believe, I didn’t want to waste his time. I didn’t want to let him down either, especially if he went to the trouble of making reservations and getting all dressed up to take me out. But there was no way I was going out tonight. I picked up the phone and dialed his number.