Painted Memories

by Flowers, Loni

  Streetlights whipped by as I sat in the passenger’s seat. For a short time, I tried to figure out where Drew was taking me, but when he refused to say a word, I eventually gave up my interrogation. Not that it mattered. I was still high on Cloud Nine from everything that happened, especially the kiss we shared after dinner. For a kiss that was only supposed to piss off Tyler, it ended with Drew and I gasping and breathless, while more than one pair of eyes stared at us.

  Drew spoke first, asking if I thought the kiss did the trick. If he was referring to what I said before the kiss: Show me you really mean it. Then yes, definitely. In that moment, Tyler was long forgotten. Drew wove his fingers through my hair, cradling the back of my neck in his hand before kissing me, so passionately and intimately that every part of me felt on fire. It was incredible. My attention focused back on my surroundings when I heard the car door shut. Drew walked around the front of the car towards my side and opened my door, extending his hand to mine. I took it and slipped out of the seat, noticing he unbuttoned the top few buttons of his shirt, exposing some skin. I couldn’t resist, and ran the tips of my fingers over his collarbone. The streetlight behind me illuminated his face, and his eyes glowed like emeralds as they stared back at me. I felt giddy around him, exhilarated, and intoxicated by his presence. I wasn’t sure it was possible to ever have enough of him. Gazing into his eyes, I couldn’t help thinking how much of me had changed in only a couple of short months. I finally felt like life was looking up. Now I was able to have other things on my mind besides the constant reminder of the death I caused years ago. Was it acceptable? Could I be happy? In a way, I felt I didn’t have the right to be happy. Conditioned by my father, I suppose. And now that I thought about it, all of it could come crashing down, once Drew learned the truth. I had no idea what Drew would think about me after he found out.

  “Lilly? You okay?” Drew asked as he brushed his thumb over my cheek.

  “Of course.” I smiled. “You’ve given me a lot to think about today.”

  “Oh, no. I hope everything with my dad didn’t ruin anything.”

  “No. Definitely not. I really liked him.” He still looked unconvinced. “It’s been an amazing night. Probably the best night I’ve had in like… ever. Thank you.”

  “No thanks necessary, I’m the lucky one.”

  “So why are we standing outside your studio? Are you going to finally let me inside?”

  “Yes!” he said excitedly. “I can’t believe I’ve held out this long. I wanted you to be the first to see it when I finished, but Phillip stopped by unexpectedly the other day. Shall we go in?”

  “You don’t have to ask me twice,” I said over my shoulder as I slipped between him and the car.

  When he turned on the lights overhead, I was transported into a completely different building. Nothing looked the same. I immediately noticed what used to be a concrete floor was now hardwood. The light oak color opened up the room, making it appear twice its original size. The walls were repainted a greyish blue; and his paintings hung all over in different heights, drawing my eyes to wander over the wall’s surface. His work was displayed beautifully, and I was blown away at how fantastic it looked.

  “Wow, Drew. I can’t believe you did all of this so fast. It’s amazing. I absolutely love it.”

  “Thanks. Yeah, I can’t believe I was able to find the contractors to do all of it so soon either. I was fortunate everything worked out. I did save a little on the paint though. I was able to get more cans of the stuff the former tenant left here. It really worked, imbuing the room with a somber mood.”

  “Yes, it really does,” I agreed. I turned in a small circle until my eyes landed on the piano in the far corner by the window. My body gravitated towards it, as if on its own, and I looked at Drew in surprise. “You kept this? Why?”

  He followed behind me. “You can’t throw away a piano, you know. It’s too beautiful for that; plus, I knew you loved it. I can’t pass up the opportunity of having you play me another song on it someday.”

  Pulling out the new bench, I pushed the fall up and revealed the black and white keys. I played something of my own creation and was shocked to hear the crisp, clear notes in perfect pitch. “You had this tuned too?”

  “Come on, Lilly, you know me better than that.” he said, sitting down beside me with a sly grin on his face.

  “Yeah, but you could have easily gotten a couple thousand dollars for this instead of putting more money into it. You don’t even play the piano.”

  “I couldn’t get rid of it, knowing you love it, and seeing as it won’t fit through the door of your apartment, I decided to keep it here. Can’t I do something nice for you?” Drew pushed my curly hair behind my shoulder and lightly caressed my shoulder. “I know you haven’t been happy for a long time and I thought this could help with that. I love…” He paused a moment and pressed a key on the keyboard. “I just love to see you smile. Is that too much to ask?”

  “No, it’s not. Thank you. It really means a lot. And you’re right, I haven’t been happy for a while. I know I’m pretty good at pretending I have it all together, and that everything is great, but some days, it’s a real challenge. I think I’ve gotten better as the years went by, but it’s still there. And after the way my father’s been through it all, it’s hard to think about anything else. That is until I fell in the pond.”

  “Oh, I see. It took a near drowning to change your perspective? And here I thought this whole time, it was me who made the difference,” he joked.

  “Well, maybe a little. I have heard that painting can be very therapeutic.”

  He arched his brow. “Painting or dating a painter?”

  “Maybe both…. more so the dating than the painting though.” I smiled. Drew leaned in closer as he talked to me. I wanted him to kiss me, but I knew if he did, there’d be no more conversation. Not with the looks he’d been giving me all night. I wanted to keep the conversation going before getting caught up in the moment… for now. So I looked toward the far wall at his paintings. “So, which one of these are you offering at the charity event? It must be a hard decision, they’re all great.”

  “I’ve been working on a few things, but I’m not sure. I told Phillip to come over sometime this coming week to pick out something. I have a lot in the back that I haven’t hung up yet. Either way, he’s got an eye for that sort of thing, so I’m sure he’ll find something appropriate.”

  “I think anyone would be thrilled to own any of these. Really, Drew, you need to give yourself more credit.”

  “Yeah, well, I don’t brag much when it comes to my art. And I can pick apart any one of them and say it needs more of this or more of that. Phillip thinks I’m a bit anal about it actually. It used to drive him nuts in class.”

  “I would have never figured you were a perfectionist. You seem so carefree about most everything. Is Phillip pulling his hair out to pull this event together?”

  “Nah, not with this project. He has me helping him invite the right people, the ones who give the big donations, and making sure we get items that generate the big bucks. You know: signed baseballs, basketballs, autographed pictures, exclusive dinner dates. That sort of thing.”

  “Oh wow, how many famous people do you know?”

  Drew shook his head with a laugh. “I know people who know people. Perks of the job, I suppose.”

  “That is so cool. Hmm… How many famous people will I get to meet at the charity event? I’m even more excited now,” I teased. “When is it? You still haven’t told me.”

  “Oh yeah, about that.” He looked down and lightly brushed his fingers over the ivory keys, light enough as to not make a sound. “It’s next Friday.”

  “Friday! Drew why would you—”

  “I know, I know. I didn’t even think about it until the actual date hit me. I’m sorry. I understand if you don’t want to go.”

  I pulled the fall back over the keyboard and looked at him like he was crazy. “What? Why wouldn’t I wa
nt to go? I would have appreciated you letting me know sooner, but I still want to come. Do you know how long it takes a woman to pick out a dress?”

  “Oh, well I thought with the anniversary of your brother’s death being that day, and the ritual you were telling me about, you might not want to go.”

  I gasped. I nearly forgot. How was that even possible?

  It wasn’t.

  Dad never failed to remind me, which made it impossible to forget. I felt my eyes getting watery, knowing I had almost forgotten Jesse like that. Rather than mourning his death, I always tried to stay positive and do something to honor him. Through the first year after he died, I spent alot of time with the therapist. It was her idea to honor him instead of mourning. It was a way to get me out of the deep depression I had fallen into. From that year on, I did what she suggested on every anniversary of his death. I cooked chocolate cupcakes, his favorite, and watched his favorite movie, Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. It was silly and not much, but it was my own little way and it made me feel like he was right there with me.

  Drew stood up and repositioned himself with his back against the keyboard. He pulled my hand into his lap, forcing me to abandon my thoughts. His fingers skimmed over my arm and he squinted slightly, making wrinkles appear across his forehead. It was a look I’d come to recognize on him whenever we spoke about Jesse or my dad. He was worried, and I didn’t want to bring him down too, especially after the positive night we were having.

  “It’s okay,” he soothed. “I completely understand. I’m sure there will be other charity events. Phillip seems to love doing this one, so I know it won’t be the last.”

  I shook my head. “No. I want to go. This is important to you and I want to be there.”

  “Lilly, it’s not going to hurt my feeling if you don’t go. Really, I understand. You spend that day like you always do. It’s completely understandable.”

  “No, you know what? I’ve done the same thing for years. What will happen if I stop this little tradition I’ve started? Nothing. Eating cupcakes and watching a movie doesn’t keep his memory alive. I do that on my own every day whenever I think about him. And you know what else?” I said with confidence, as if I had to prove it to him, rather than myself. “I can eat cupcakes and watch his movie anytime I want. It’s my tradition and I can change the rules if I want to.”

  Drew grinned, as if proud of the revelation I managed to figure out on my own. “Rules are made to be broken, especially when they’re your rules.” His smile faded to a somber expression. “I know I keep saying this, but only if you’re sure. I don’t want you to feel like you have to accompany me.”

  He was so humble and caring, I wondered sometimes what planet I had to thank for sending me such a great guy. I scooted towards him and intertwined my fingers with his. “You know, since Jesse died, I’ve never wanted to do anything else on that day. The first year or two, I devoted the whole day to shutting myself up and thinking about the accident and the short time we had together. As time went on, I eased out of it, but still stuck to my routine. I still thought about all the things we would never see each other do. I still think about them today, sometimes because I want to, but most times it’s because my dad refuses to let me forget. So I need this. I need to do something besides the usual. But more than anything else, I’d rather be with you. Is that okay?”

  Drew released one of my hands and pressed it to the side of my cheek. “Of course. I enjoy spending my time with you.”

  I wasn’t sure if he understood what I was trying to say. Or if he even understood how much I cared for him. I wasn’t looking for any “I love you” and I wasn’t about to tell him and make him feel pressured to say it back; but at the same time I wanted to know how he felt about me. I leaned into the soft warmth of his hand and smiled a little. “I know you do and it’s pretty obvious that we have a great time together. Or you’re really good at faking it,” I laughed.

  “I can assure you I’m not faking it.”

  “I know. I guess what I’m trying to say here is that this relationship we have going on… it’s way more than I ever expected. I’ve never let anyone in like this before. You make me want to tell you things that I’ve never shared with anyone. When I’m not with you, I’m thinking about you, and anticipating when I’ll see you again. I love the way you run your hand through my hair and the way you caress my skin with a simple touch, sometimes without even knowing it. Everything you do makes me want more and I’ve never felt anything like this.” Drew stared back at me, frozen with shock at my words. “I’m not saying any of this for you to agree with me, but I want you to know that I’m serious about our relationship.”

  I didn’t know if he was more surprised by my sudden admission or if he didn’t feel the same and had no words to say. His hand slid over my cheek and down my neck before he traced his fingers across my collarbone. My heart rate instantly sped up.

  “Lilly, you are—”

  “Don’t. Don’t say it. Because if you say what I want to hear, then I’m only going to second guess what you said later, and wonder if it was just to spare my feelings.”

  “But I really want—”

  I stopped his words when I pressed my finger to his lips. “Please don’t,” I said softly. I leaned in further, my voice almost a whisper when I spoke. “If you’d still like to kiss me, I’d like you to do that now, because I don’t think I can resist much longer.”

  Chapter 18

  Without any hesitation, he curled his hand around the back of my neck as his mouth came down on mine. His tongue slipped between my lips, gently exploring while pushing deeper and deeper. A heat ignited throughout me, sending a wave of butterflies fluttering from the pit of my stomach. He pulled me closer as he leaned against the piano, but I eased back slightly, tugging on his bottom lip with my teeth. His free hand gripped my waist and I couldn’t help smiling when I saw his reaction.

  Drew opened his eyes to look at me. They were dark and haunting. Desire lingered in the air as we sat in the dimly lit corner of the room. “You do know what that does to me, don’t you?” he asked.

  “Why do you think I do it all the time?” I teased.

  “To drive me crazy?”

  I leaned against him, letting my hands slide up his chest. “Does it bother you?” I whispered.

  His hands closed around my waist as he pulled me to him. “Never. But I’m not sure how much more I can take.”

  With his hands holding me and my body pressed against his, I was perfectly willing to let him take whatever he wanted. Being with him felt so right in so many ways, and I was tired of the stop-start love play we’d been practicing for weeks now. I rose up and straddled his lap, placing my knees beside each of his legs. My dress hiked up slightly, revealing more skin.

  His eyes widened in surprise when I leaned over him and propped my hands on the piano, caging his body between my arms. My hair draped around my face like a curtain and Drew pushed it away, cupping my cheek with his hand. I breathed in the few inches of air that separated us before meeting his lips with a small, innocent kiss. It was too soft for his appetite, and when he kissed me back, he teased me the way I did to him earlier by pulling my bottom lip into his mouth. The sensation sent a thrill down my spine and I melted against his chest, inviting his tongue to play with mine.

  Drew’s hands slid over my hips, then further down to the hem of my dress. His fingers touched my bare legs and lingered there as we kissed. The rhythmic dance our lips played made it impossible to keep my hands still as I reached for him, supporting his neck while my fingers pulled at the short strands of his hair. When I removed my lips from his, replacing them along his jaw and down his neck, he groaned and slid his hands up the front of my thighs. His cologne intoxicated my senses and my fingers fumbled for the buttons of his shirt. With every button I opened, I placed a kiss on his freshly exposed skin.

  His hands moved up further and under my dress. I felt a low growl vibrating in his chest when his fingers moved to
cup my bottom. I pulled back, his heavy breathing matched my own and I could feel my body rising and falling with every breath we shared. I was burning up inside and the more he touched me, and kissed me, the more I had to have.

  As if reading my mind, Drew sat forward and lifted me up. I straightened my legs out and sat directly in his lap, facing him. His hands slid up my back to the base of my neck. Suddenly, cool air hit my skin as he pulled my zipper down and kissed my mouth hard. I unbuttoned a few more buttons and slipped my hands inside his shirt. When his lips moved from my mouth down the side of my neck, I arched my head back, encouraging him to go further. Drew’s lips continued over my shoulder and slowly, he eased the sleeve of my dress down my arm, kissing every inch of exposed skin on the way.

  I wanted to help speed things up and throw my dress to the ground, but grew still when I heard knocking. Drew continued kissing my shoulder and I didn’t realize I was nearly frozen in place while listening for it again.

  “Hello? Drew? Are you in here?” I heard a woman’s voice calling from the front door.

  I pushed Drew away from me with the palms of my hands. “Drew! Someone’s here. Stop and zip me back up.” He looked at me, surprised, and then at the door. We were more or less hidden in the back corner, and unless she walked right in here, she’d never see us.

  I knew she came in when I heard the clicking of her heels on the hardwood floor as she continued calling his name. I looked up and quietly questioned him. “Who is that? And why is she here so late?”

  He pulled the zipper up on the back of my dress while I quickly tried to rebutton his shirt. “Shit, it’s Victoria. What the hell is she doing here so late?”

  So late? What did that mean? Had she been here before?

  I moved off Drew, adjusted my dress, and pressed my hair down with my hands. I could only imagine how wild it looked from having Drew’s hands in it. Sitting on the edge of the piano bench, I watched Victoria as she walked around in a small circle, her eyes gazing at the walls. She had a look of satisfaction rather than amazement, like I had when I first saw the room. Staring at the wall to the right, she started to turn in my direction, but stopped and walked towards the far wall.