Santa Baby: a Crescent Cove Romantic Comedy Collection

by Quinn, Taryn

  I turned off NPR because it was hard enough to hear Seth with the melee in the background. “I’m man enough to admit you’re the greater voice of experience in this realm.”

  “Because I’m familiar with unplanned pregnancy? That’s what the old Oliver would say.”

  “Yeah, well, the old Oliver was an asshole. No, because you know how to convince a woman you love her.”

  It became unnaturally quiet in Seth’s house for a moment. He must’ve stepped into another room and closed the door. Either that or he’d gagged both his children.

  “So, it’s true. You really do love her.”

  “Yes, it’s true. I told you before that I did.”

  “You’d also drank more in two hours than you had in your entire life up until that point, so excuse me for entertaining some doubt.”

  I flipped on my signal to make the turn to head to Seth’s. “I love her. I love the kid. I want to have a life with them. A family.” I gripped the wheel until my fingers tingled. “What you have, you lucky bastard.”

  “Good. I’m glad. Sage deserves that. What have you done so far?”

  “Given her origami.”

  “Hmm, unorthodox, I’ll give you that.”

  “Bought back her parents’ bed-and-breakfast so we can run it together.”

  “From small gesture to ginormous. Holy shit. Seriously?”

  “Yeah. Now I have to prove to her I love her.”

  “You don’t think that’ll do it?”

  Despite the fact he couldn’t see me, I waved it off before I turned on my wipers. Already the heavy wet flakes were coming down hard enough to cover my windshield. “That’s just money. I want to give her the romantic gesture to go with it. Something like you did for Ally.”

  “Fireworks are kinda outta season, brother.”

  “No kidding. But there is snow— Fuck yes, that’s it!” In my exuberance, I slammed on the brakes and nearly drove off the road. I corrected with a screech of tires and a string of curses that made Seth flip out in my ear.

  “What the hell are you doing?”

  “All good. I’m almost there. Where can we do a snow message to Sage that she can read without much trouble? The loft doesn’t have a backyard.”

  “Considering her building backs up to a lake, uh, no. Snow message like what? A proposal?”

  “No. Too soon.”

  “Too soon? She’s pregnant.”

  “Yeah, I know that. Still too soon. Work with me here.”

  “Trying to. Then what are you going to say in the snow? ‘Sorry, I’m Oliver, but I’m trying?’”

  “Thanks for the vote of confidence. I don’t recall giving you shit when you were fucked up over Ally. I recall going to her and fixing the entire situation for you.”

  “A bit of an overstatement, but you did help. Do you want me to write the snow message to Sage? Perhaps a sonnet that she’ll be certain never came from you?”

  “You’re a jackass. Next time I consider asking you for help, I’ll saw off my tongue first.” I was about to press the end button when Seth’s voice came through the line.

  “Wait.”

  I waited. A bit broodingly too.

  “I’m sorry.” He sighed. “I’m just enjoying this moment too much. The mighty Oliver, brought to his knees by love. Wait until you have a daughter, and then you’ll really know what it’s like to be a mess twenty-four-seven.”

  “Especially when she gets her first boyfriend in kindergarten.”

  Seth grunted and I laughed. “All right, you’re forgiven. We don’t have much time. I’m assuming the women folk won’t be out shopping all that long?”

  “Depends. Guessing you’ve never gone shopping with a woman with a newly paid-off charge card. When there’s two of them, multiply the hours by three.” He paused. “I have an idea where we can do it. Actually, it’s the only place we can do it because I’m not dragging my four-year-old and an infant out in a snowstorm even for the lovelorn.”

  An hour later, I was shoveling snow to make the letter L while the wind whipped even more of the white stuff into my eyes and against my already stinging cheeks. Beside me, my brother was working on the letter O while my niece danced around making snowballs. At the same time, we all kept an eye on Alexander, who was bundled up in his infant-sized snowsuit in his plastic swing-slash-carrier.

  Which was parked on the top of the picnic table, the only spot we could clear off enough to set him down.

  “You know, this idea sucks,” Seth shouted. “More snow keeps coming down. It’s filling up our letters as fast as we make them.”

  “So move it. Stop being so damn slow.”

  “Swear jar, Unca Ollie!” Laurie sang out cheerfully, punctuating her words with a snowball heaved right against my ass.

  “Do you take credit cards?”

  She laughed and answered me by flinging snow against my front. I was tempted to admonish her until it occurred to me maybe she could help. She was a girl. All girls loved romance. Even pint-sized ones.

  “Hey there, Laur-Monster, want to help us write a message to your aunt Sage?”

  I hadn’t meant to phrase the question exactly like that, but it was true enough. If Sage agreed to be in my life, she would become Laurie’s aunt officially, though she’d held the role for some time in an unofficial capacity.

  “Yes! Yay.” Laurie slapped her snowy mittens together and beamed, flashing her newly gap-toothed smile. “What is it s’posed to say?”

  “I love you, Sage.” Saying it aloud made my chest tighten, and not from the cold. “Can you help us keep the letters we’ve already made clean? The snow keeps falling and filling them up and we have to make it so Sage can read the message from the window.”

  “I can do it!” Laurie grabbed her tiny shovel and trotted over to the first word we had done, Sage’s name. Doing the curves on the S had presented a challenge, so we’d started with the hardest word first and were working backward.

  Laurie shoveled for a moment or two, carefully cleaning out the newly accumulated snow from the letter S. Then she stopped and tilted her head. “But it’s getting dark.”

  “I know. We have to work faster so—aw, fuck.” I jammed my shovel into the snow pack and threw up my hands. “I’ll put my American Express card in the swear jar, how’s that?”

  “She’s right. My four-year-old thought of something we didn’t.” Seth wiped a hand over his snowy face, transferring even more of the flakes in his disgust. “These words aren’t going to last until morning.”

  “No sh—sauce, Sherlock,” I corrected as Laurie eyed me closely. At this rate, she’d have her college tuition fully funded by the end of the night. “There’s only one solution,” I yelled as the wind gusted. “You have to call Ally and make her come home with Sage.”

  “Oh, I do?” he yelled back. “I have to solve this?”

  “Cabin,” I reminded him, and he threw over his shovel in disgust, then stomped inside to summon his wife.

  I grinned triumphantly. I wasn’t going to let him forget my role in getting Ally back until we were old and in rocking chairs at the senior living home. Probably still arguing over checkers.

  And I wondered why Sage and I were such a match? I’d been sparring with Seth since we were in diapers. Probably even before then, only we’d communicated with finger jabs in the womb.

  He returned a few minutes later and resumed shoveling his letter into shape without a word.

  I stared at him. “Well? What happened?”

  “They’re on their way home. Work faster.”

  Oh shit. Ask and ye shall receive.

  By the end of the day, I’d either be with Sage, or I’d be bitter and most likely in the hospital for hypothermia.

  Twenty-One

  “He said the baby was having violent diarrhea?”

  “No. He said he was having violent diarrhea.”

  “Eww. Ick. That’s kind of gross.”

  “You’re telling me. I already have two kids to clean
up after. If I have to clean up after my husband too, I give up.” Ally shuddered as we hurried across the parking lot to her SUV.

  “Oh no. It’s not, like, an actual mess, is it? I mean, he managed to get it where it was supposed to go?” Now I was shuddering too. I did not need to come over to the house and see Seth in a state I could never unsee.

  Once you were the poop king, there was no coming back from that.

  “I don’t know. I’m assuming so. But with the kids, and if he’s sick…ugh.”

  I tossed my shopping bags in back and rushed around to the front of the vehicle, bracing my hand on the side of the SUV so I didn’t slip. The wind was whipping around something fierce and the snow was piling up quick. “You know, maybe you should drop me off at home.” She slipped into the driver’s side as I did the same on the passenger’s side. “Not that I don’t want to help out if you need it, but you know, preggers.”

  I was already using the pregnancy for an excuse for just about anything I didn’t want to do. By the time I actually gave birth, I’d probably be on self-imposed bedrest. I was just so freaking tired all the time. Plus, diarrhea was disgusting, and I already had morning sickness to contend with. If I had action downstairs too…

  No. Just no.

  “Yeah, that’s true. I hate to ask you to come over if he has something contagious, but he seemed sure it was self-contained and that you needed to be there.”

  “I needed to be there?” I snapped my seat belt into place as she backed out of the parking space. “Why would I need to be there if he has the runs?”

  “I’m guessing so you could watch the kids while we’re occupied? He mentioned possibly needing to go to the ER because he was losing his mind.”

  I crossed my arms. “Alison, are you telling a fib? Is this just some story he’s concocted to get some nookie while there’s an available babysitter?”

  “No. God, no. Hello, I just gave birth not that long ago. Trust me, that area has not been cleared for takeoff yet, no matter how much he’s cajoled me by saying he’ll be gentle.”

  I had to snort. “If he’s gentle like his brother, then yeah, you better give it six months or so.”

  She was quiet as she signaled out of the lot, and I figured it was because she was concentrating hard due to the snow.

  “Is he pressuring you into rough sex? I’ve heard rumblings he has…proclivities.”

  For a moment, I didn’t react. Then I started to laugh so hard that tears tracked down my cheeks. “First off, I haven’t been in his bed for weeks. Which I thought you’d gathered, considering my woe in that direction.”

  “Yeah, I know that, but what about before? Was he pushing you down a path you weren’t ready for?”

  “Considering the last time we slept together, I asked if I could tie him up next time, I’d say no.”

  She gasped. Legit gasped loud enough I could hear it over the steady thunk of the windshield wipers. “He tied you up?”

  “Yes. It was some kind of silky tie. No chains, I swear. Not that I’d be averse to those handcuffs he claims to own.” I wiped my tears away with my thumbs. “He did spank me though. Which I sort of loved.”

  “Oh my God.” She cast me a quick look before returning her focus to the road. “You liked it?”

  “No, loved it. Shocked me too. It’s too soon to say I’m kinky, but I’d say I’m at least kink-curious.”

  “Hmm. I wonder if—no.”

  “What?”

  “I wonder if I’d like that stuff. We’re going to rent that Fifty Shades movie. You know how Seth gets ideas when he watches too much TV.”

  That set me off laughing again. “Oliver doesn’t need to watch movies to get ideas. Though speaking of movies, have you ever gone on For Women By Women?”

  “No. What’s that?”

  “A porn site,” I said matter-of-factly. “Very educational.”

  “You? Watching porn?”

  “Something has to fill in when I’m not having sex. It’s like how I imagine a werewolf gets when he can’t find fresh meat. Once you’ve gotten the taste for it, you’re screwed.”

  Ally laughed. “Is that why you bought maternity lingerie today?”

  I chewed on my thumbnail. “Part of it. He asked me out a few weeks ago, as backassward as all of this is, and I haven’t answered yet.”

  “Still figuring out what you want?”

  “God, no. I want him. Us. The life we could have if he’s serious about wanting to make a go of this. But not marriage. Not right away. I don’t care how things look.”

  “Not marriage? Are you implying he proposed?” Ally sounded incredulous.

  “No. That’s the most ridiculous part.” Almost unconsciously, I reached for my bow necklace.

  The rose gold felt warm under my fingertips, as it so often did. Of course, my skin heated it, but I liked to pretend it was a small connection with Oliver.

  “He didn’t propose? I’m confused.”

  Purposely, I hadn’t told Ally what had happened, mainly because it was still so crazy even to me. I’d been vague about everything, letting her know that I’d told Oliver about the baby and he’d been supportive, but we were working things out. Kind of. In our own demented way.

  “You aren’t the only one. I came downstairs after the most amazing night and he was making breakfast for my parents, all domestic-like.”

  “And?”

  “And they all started talking about the wedding. Our wedding. He hadn’t even suggested we move in together or even formally date, though we agreed on exclusivity from the start. It was so weird.”

  “Hmm, yeah, but this is Oliver we’re talking about. He likes shortcuts and expeditious routes. He probably figured it was a foregone conclusion you’d marry him.”

  “So true. He does think he’s God’s gift. And yet if he’d only asked me, I would’ve said yes, although it’s freaking crazy.”

  “Because of the baby?”

  “No. Because he makes me feel so…” I shivered, and not entirely because I should have worn a warmer jacket.

  I clutched my purse tighter on my lap as Ally had to swerve to avoid a stalled car with its hazards on. The wheels of the SUV spun before gripping the icy road and I had to bite hard on my lip to keep from screeching. “God, every little thing freaks me out now.”

  “Because you have precious cargo on board.”

  “Yeah.” I lightened up my hold on my purse and refastened my ponytail. “My parents might not go right back on the road. They want to stick around in case I need help with my pregnancy.”

  “Not putting a lot of stock in Oliver, are they?”

  “Well, they witnessed our blowout.”

  “Ouch.”

  “Yeah. In retrospect, I should’ve waited, but in the moment and with hormones and new baby revelations, I was a hot mess. I’ve had time to consider a lot of things in the couple of weeks since.” Carefully, I pried the origami dragon out of my purse that contained Oliver’s question about dating. “He makes me these.”

  Ally glanced at the dragon and waited until the stoplight to take it. “Oliver did this. Really?”

  “Yes. I have a bunch of them now. I think he did it on a lark once and then when he realized I love them, now he sends me notes on them.”

  Ally frowned and returned the dragon. I was still holding it in my lap, touching the wings as if it were a priceless artifact, when she finally spoke again. “He obviously cares a lot about you.”

  “Yes,” I whispered. “I actually think he does.”

  “And what about you? You care about him too? Beyond the baby.”

  “Yeah. So much. It’s just so frigging scary. I’m afraid to want it this much, you know?”

  “Sister, do I ever.” Ally clutched the wheel in her mittened hands and nodded. She didn’t look away from the road, a sure sign the conditions were worsening. The windshield wipers thunked steadily, moving as fast as they could to try to keep up with the relentless onslaught of snow. And it was getting dark, w
hich never helped with visibility on snowy nights.

  “I’ve been putting off taking the next step because he’s almost been courting me, in this odd old-fashioned way. He even sent me flowers yesterday. Tulips.” I sighed dreamily, picturing their rainbow blooms. “In the dead of winter.”

  Ally sighed too. “So sweet. Seth sent me daisies in the hospital and when we brought Alex home and then, of course, there was this.” She tugged off her mitten and the pink heart diamond ring on her pinky winked in the last rays of remaining light. “Can’t wait until I’m not so swollen and can wear it on the finger it was intended for.”

  “One hell of a push present. Those Hamilton men do know what they’re about when it comes to fancy romantic gestures. Even Oliver is getting there.” Again, I touched my bow necklace. My other hand was still on the dragon. And inside me was our child, just waiting until tomorrow morning to cause me to get sick again.

  Oliver was everywhere with me, even when he wasn’t.

  “I’m going to go out with him and then we’ll just see—”

  It was the last thing I managed to say before the SUV skidded sideways and Ally’s scream filled my head.

  Twenty-Two

  “Why are they taking so long? I thought you told them to hurry up.” I finished my letter E and went on to the U.

  Yes, just U. I was reverting to text speak for my romantic message. But the snow was not cooperating. If anything, it was coming down even harder and the remaining daylight could be measured in minutes.

  Still no Ally and Sage.

  I didn’t want to be that guy who just worried for no reason. It was shitty weather out, and yes, I’d lost traction on the road a couple of hours ago and it had grown much worse since then. Even so, Ally had a big, safe SUV and she was an extremely careful driver.

  Then I glanced toward Seth and realized he wasn’t where he’d been standing a minute ago. I turned around, reorienting myself in the nearly horizontal slashing snowflakes, and swiped a hand over my face. Seth was already on the way back to the house, the bright blue of Alexander’s carrier flashing in the twilight. Laurie was on his other side, stomping through the snowdrifts.