The Pregnant Surgeon

by Jennifer Taylor

  ‘No, it’s fine. Don’t worry. To be honest, I don’t know why I’m bothering to go. Brian wants to know what went on at the conference, but there isn’t that much to tell him seeing as it was called off.’

  ‘I heard about that. Bad luck.’ Diane grinned. She was an attractive woman in her late thirties with short, red hair and an engaging smile. ‘The one time you manage to get a free trip to Paris and something like that has to happen!’

  ‘Typical, isn’t it?’ Joanna agreed lightly, not wanting to be drawn into a discussion about what had happened during that weekend. Her heart jolted when the memory of waking in Dylan’s arms on the Saturday morning flashed into her mind. She couldn’t remember ever having felt so cherished before. Oh, she’d had lovers in the past but none had made her feel so special. The thought brought a rush of tears to her eyes and she hurriedly blinked them away.

  ‘It is,’ Diane agreed. ‘Anyway, I won’t keep you, seeing as you were on your way out. I just thought I’d give you advance warning that I’m leaving.’

  ‘Really?’ Joanna looked at the other woman in surprise. ‘I didn’t know you were looking for another job, Diane.’

  ‘I’m not. The reason I’ve decided to leave is because I want to spend more time with Matthew.’ Diane grimaced. ‘I was so sure that I’d be able to combine being a mum with doing my job but it’s not as easy as I thought it would be. I miss being with him so much that it’s a real wrench having to leave him each morning so I’ve decided to hand in my notice.’

  ‘Are you sure you won’t regret it? You know that once you step off the professional ladder it’s going to be very difficult to get back on it again,’ Joanna warned.

  ‘I understand that but my priorities have changed since I had the baby. Matthew comes first now and Gerry and I both agree that it’s the right thing to do.’ Diane laughed. ‘I can tell you think I’m mad but I want to be a real mum to him far more than I ever wanted to be a top-notch surgeon, amazingly enough!’

  ‘Then all I can say is that I hope it works out for you, Diane. I appreciate you letting me know, although it’s not going to be easy to replace you.’

  ‘Oh, I don’t know about that. Dylan Archer is shaping up rather well from what I’ve seen. He’s due for a consultancy soon and I think he could step into my shoes with very little problem.’

  ‘We’ll see.’ Joanna summoned a smile as she opened her diary. Diane was right because Dylan would make an ideal replacement. In other circumstances she would have been relieved to know that she had someone so capable already on her team, but all she could think about was how difficult it was going to be, working with him on a long-term basis when the past two weeks had been such a strain.

  ‘So when were you thinking of handing in your notice?’ she asked, trying not to dwell on the problems she’d created for herself.

  ‘Today, actually. I was only waiting until I’d spoken to you before I set everything in motion,’ Diane admitted.

  ‘And today is—what? The twenty-third of April?’ Joanna flicked through the pages of the diary, frowning when she came to the one she wanted. She’d lost track of the time and hadn’t realised how fast the month was rushing past. She looked up when Diane explained that she was planning to leave at the end of May, after she had worked out her notice, but even though Joanna responded, she couldn’t shake off the feeling that there was something she’d overlooked.

  Fortunately, Diane didn’t prolong the meeting. She stood up and smiled at Joanna. ‘I hope you don’t think that I’m leaving you in the lurch, Joanna, but I feel as though I’m being torn in two at the moment. You’re really lucky because you’re so single-minded. Your work is everything to you, isn’t it?’

  ‘Yes,’ she agreed rather flatly, not sure she enjoyed having that pointed out to her. ‘Work has always come first with me.’

  She got up after Diane left and went into the tiny bathroom adjoining her office. It was too late to go for a walk now so she may as well get ready for the meeting. She washed her hands and tidied her hair, sighing as she studied her reflection. Diane was right because she’d always known what she had wanted out of life from the time she’d been a teenager, but had it been a mistake to set her sights on a career at the expense of a personal life? Her career might have given her a sense of self-worth which she’d been lacking while she’d been growing up, but it hadn’t eased the ache in her heart which had been with her constantly since she’d come back from Paris two weeks ago.

  Joanna’s breath caught when the significance of those words struck her. It was two weeks since she’d come home and in that time she’d not had her normal monthly period! That was what had been bothering her while she’d been talking to Diane—being reminded about the date had set the alarm bells ringing.

  She ran back into office and flicked back through the pages of her diary, feeling her heart sink when she saw that her period was three days overdue. Her menstrual cycle had always been extremely regular and she had never been even a day late before.

  She sank down onto a chair as her legs suddenly gave way. She and Dylan hadn’t used any kind of protection when they’d made love—they hadn’t even thought about it. They had been so carried away by their feelings that they had given no thought to the consequences of what they’d been doing. Of course, it could be that the emotional turmoil she’d suffered recently had affected her cycle, but there was a very strong chance that she was pregnant. She had no idea what she was going to do if it turned out to be true but she would worry about that after she’d found out for certain.

  Joanna left her office and hurried to the lift. There was a chemist’s shop not far from the hospital so she went there and bought three different pregnancy testing kits. She went straight into the bathroom when she got back to her office and read the instructions on the packages, thinking how ironic it was that she, a doctor, should find herself in this predicament. She still had no idea what she was going to do if she was pregnant, but one thing was certain. She wasn’t going to tell Dylan. She didn’t want him thinking that he had to stand by her for the sake of the child!

  ‘It’s a pity the conference had to be cut short. I’m sure Joanna would agree that we learned a great deal even in the short time we were there.’

  Dylan tried to sound positive but he could tell that Brian Maxwell was becoming increasingly impatient. He checked his watch when Brian excused himself to take a phone call, wondering where Joanna had got to. The meeting had been scheduled for two o’clock and it was half past the hour now yet there was still no sign of her. Surely she hadn’t decided not to attend because she’d wanted to avoid him?

  The thought was too painful to contemplate so he focused instead on giving Brian a full report on what had gone on during the weekend. He’d stayed on in Paris until the Monday morning, spending the rest of his time there helping out at Sancerre Hospital. He had considered flying home on the Sunday morning, but the thought of sitting in his flat, going over and over what had happened, had been more than he could bear. He’d decided it would be better to keep busy and worry about changing Joanna’s mind at a later date.

  He sighed because that seemed like wishful thinking now. Joanna had said barely a word to him in the past two weeks so the likelihood of him being able to convince her that she’d been wrong to cut him out of her life seemed very remote. Still, faint heart never won fair lady, according to the old adage, so he wasn’t going to give up just yet.

  The meeting finally came to an end and Dylan left the director’s office. He would have liked to have checked on Joanna and find out what had happened to her, but he had a ward round to do first. He went straight to the surgical ward and gathered up the rest of the crew who were waiting for him. They had a couple of students with them that week, plus a brand new houseman, so there was quite a crowd when they set off.

  Thankfully, there were no real problems, although Sarah Rothwell seemed extremely anxious about a patient they would be operating on the following day. Dylan borrowed the wa
rd sister’s office while he talked Sarah through the procedure until he was sure that she was happy about what she would have to do. She tended to worry far too much about making a mistake and he made a note to speak to Joanna about her. It could turn out that Sarah wasn’t suited for surgery and it would be better if she accepted that rather than spend her life in a state of perpetual anxiety. You had to want to do this job more than anything else in the world if you hoped to survive the pressures that came with it.

  That thought, naturally, reminded him about Joanna’s dedication. Dylan frowned as he left the ward. Was he being selfish to expect her to take risks with the career she had worked so hard for? He knew how difficult it was for a woman to succeed in surgery because he’d witnessed at first hand the chauvinistic attitude of many of his fellow surgeons. That Joanna had reached such a high level was a wonderful achievement. Maybe he should reassure her that he understood how important her job was to her and make sure she knew that he would never expect her to give it up? There must be a way to make their relationship work.

  Dylan’s heart lifted with a sudden resurgence of optimism. He went straight to Joanna’s office, not wanting to waste another minute. Lisa was at her desk and she shook her head when he opened the door. ‘If you’re looking for Ms Archer, she’s not here, I’m afraid.’

  ‘Oh. Right. D’you know where she’s gone?’ Dylan asked, trying not to feel deflated by the setback.

  ‘I’ve no idea but the phone’s been ringing non-stop all afternoon with people wanting to speak to her.’ Lisa sighed. ‘She disappeared as soon as I got back from lunch and I’ve not heard a word from her since.’

  ‘And she didn’t say where she was going?’ Dylan confirmed, because it was so unlike Joanna to go missing.

  ‘No. I asked her where she’d be if anyone wanted her but I don’t think she heard me. She seemed to be acting rather…well, oddly.’

  ‘What do you mean? Was she ill?’ he demanded in concern.

  ‘No-o…not ill exactly. Distracted is the best way to describe her mood. It was as though she was in a bit of daze.’ Lisa shrugged. ‘She probably has a lot on her mind, I imagine.’

  ‘I expect so. Thanks, Lisa.’

  Dylan summoned a smile but he couldn’t deny that he was worried. He left the office and decided to check if Joanna was in Theatre. Maybe an emergency had cropped up which would explain why she had failed to turn up for the meeting. However, the theatre staff hadn’t seen her since that morning. He checked the wards next in case she had gone to visit a patient but once again drew a blank. He finally phoned the switchboard and asked them to page her, but it appeared her pager was switched off.

  Dylan thanked the operator and hung up. Something must have happened because it was unheard of for Joanna to turn off her pager. Although he suspected that she wouldn’t welcome his interference, he wouldn’t rest until he made sure she was all right. He had her address from when he’d taken her home after the Royal College of Surgeons dinner so he would go round to her flat.

  Determination lit his eyes as he hurried upstairs for his coat. Of course, Joanna might refuse to see him but he didn’t intend to take no for an answer. He was going to get to the bottom of what was going on.

  Joanna paced the sitting-room floor, wondering what to do. The pregnancy tests had all proved positive so there was no doubt now that she was having Dylan’s baby. She couldn’t believe how stupid she’d been to get herself in this situation but there was no point dwelling on that now. She had two choices—she could have the baby or she could have a termination.

  The doorbell suddenly chimed and she swung round, wondering who could be visiting her at that time of the day. She went to the entry phone and pressed the button to speak to the caller. ‘Yes?’

  ‘It’s me, Joanna. Will you let me in, please?’

  Joanna’s heart leapt into her throat when she recognised Dylan’s voice. He was the last person she wanted to see at the present moment. ‘I’m sorry but it isn’t convenient right now.’

  ‘Then I’ll just have to wait here until it is convenient.’

  The line went dead and she slowly replaced the receiver, wondering what he’d meant by that. Surely he didn’t intend to wait outside until she decided to let him in?

  She ran to the window and gasped when she saw Dylan sitting down on a bench opposite the entrance to the apartment block. It was pouring with rain but he seemed oblivious to the weather as he settled himself on the bench as though he was prepared to stay there all night if need be. Joanna’s mouth pursed. If he was foolish enough to sit there getting soaked that was his decision, but she refused to give in to emotional blackmail!

  She managed to hold out for almost an hour until the sound of the rain drumming against the window panes finally made her cave in. She pressed the button to unlock the main doors then waited for him to come upstairs. He was soaking wet when she let him into the flat and she glared at him as he dripped water all over her floor.

  ‘You must be mad to sit outside in all that rain!’

  ‘Probably. Still, it worked, didn’t it?’ He grinned as he eased himself out of his sodden overcoat. ‘I knew you wouldn’t leave me there to catch my death.’

  Joanna didn’t say anything as she took the coat off him and carried it into the bathroom so it could drip into the bath. Dylan followed her so she tossed him a towel off the rail. ‘Here.’

  ‘Thanks.’ He quickly towelled his hair then finger-combed it into place and smiled at her. Joanna felt her heart squeeze out an extra couple of beats when she saw the warmth in his eyes. ‘I feel almost human again. There’s nothing better than coming inside out of the elements.’

  ‘Don’t get too comfortable,’ she warned, knowing it would be a mistake to weaken. If Dylan found out about the baby he would do his utmost to make her keep it. She had to base her decision on common sense, not emotion, and do what was right for everyone.

  It was a sobering thought and she couldn’t deny how nervous she felt as she led the way into the sitting room. ‘You have five minutes to tell me what you want and then I expect you to leave.’

  ‘Now, now, Joanna, that isn’t very hospitable. Especially not when I’ve come here to see if you’re all right.’

  ‘I’m fine. Why shouldn’t I be?’ she snapped, her heart lurching in alarm. Surely Dylan didn’t suspect what was wrong with her?

  ‘Because first of all you missed the meeting with Brian Maxwell and then you went home without telling anyone.’ He sat down and studied her quietly. ‘You also switched off your pager and it’s just not like you, Joanna. Something has happened and I want to know what’s wrong.’

  ‘There’s nothing wrong! I just decided to go home early for once.’

  ‘I see. So you don’t feel ill?’

  ‘No, I’m fine.’ She stood up and looked pointedly at the door but Dylan ignored her. Short of physically ejecting him, she couldn’t think how to make him leave so she sat down again.

  ‘Now we’ve established that you’re feeling OK maybe we could sort out a few other issues?’ His voice had deepened and she wrapped her arms around herself to ward off the shivers that were suddenly racing through her. He’d used that same tone in Paris and it was hard not to think about those wonderful hours they’d spent making love.

  ‘We said all that needed to be said a couple of weeks ago,’ she replied brusquely, struggling to rid herself of the memories.

  ‘No, we didn’t,’ he corrected gently. ‘You told me how you felt, Joanna, but you didn’t give me a chance to explain how I feel.’ He held up his hand when she went to speak. ‘No, please, hear me out. You told me that you didn’t want me to fall in love with you but I’m afraid it’s too late. I fell in love with you almost as soon as we met and there’s not much I can do about it, I’m afraid.’

  His smile was so full of tenderness that her eyes prickled with tears. ‘Please don’t,’ she implored, standing up. ‘I don’t want to hear this, Dylan.’

  ‘I’m sure you don�
��t, but I want to tell you.’ He stood up as well, putting out a restraining hand when she tried to move away. ‘I love you, Joanna, and I think that we could have something really special if you would give us a chance. I know you’re worried about the effect it could have on your career if we had a relationship, but I really and truly believe that we could make it work.’

  He cupped her face between his hands and his eyes were as dark as the ocean on a stormy night when he looked at her. ‘I know how important your work is to you and I promise that I shall always respect that. You were right when you said that I’ve always wanted a family, but I can live without having children if it isn’t what you want. I need you, Joanna, and I’m sure that if you’ll only find the courage to look into your heart you’ll see that you need me, too.’

  ‘No, you’re wrong.’ Joanna could feel tears welling in her eyes but she couldn’t allow herself to cry. Dylan’s words had touched her deeply but she had to think with her head, not her heart. Maybe he truly believed that he could forgo having a family for the sake of her career, but she wasn’t convinced. If he found out that she was pregnant would he support her if she decided not to have the baby? And if she did have it how could she be sure that Dylan wasn’t staying with her for the child’s sake?

  She mustn’t forget that she was older than him and the age gap could cause problems in the future. Although he might love her now, there was no guarantee that his feelings would last. Her parents had never really wanted her so she had grown up feeling like an encumbrance; she had got in the way and they had resented that. She couldn’t bear to think that she might find herself in the same position again, couldn’t cope with the thought that at some point Dylan might wish that he had never met her.

  It would break her heart, she realised with a sudden flash of insight, and that was why she had to put a stop to this now. She would risk breaking Dylan’s heart and her own if she let it continue.

  ‘I don’t need you, Dylan. I’m sorry but there’s no other way to say this. I don’t love you and I can’t imagine that I ever will.’