by Zoë Lane
Like talking to Carter.
But I wasn’t going to suggest that, yet.
Rose nodded and glanced at my brother for a couple of seconds. His head hung low and he continued the silent treatment.
“I could see if perhaps I could use my firm’s resources to track her down. Find out where she might’ve gone. Would that help?”
“Hell, yeah,” I said, more excited than I’d been in...weeks. I hopped off the bed and sat on the edge, near where Rose was seated. “You think you could find her?”
Rose shrugged, her worried gaze back on my brother. “All we can do is try, right?”
I looked over my shoulder. Landyn glared at the two of us. “At least she’s trying to be a part of my recovery,” I said vehemently. “Don’t you want me to get better?”
“Do you want to get better?” he shot back. “Did your therapist really suggest that talking to your mother is the best way to go about that?”
I laughed ruefully. “As opposed to what? Going into clubs every other night, sleeping with random groupies and putting the reputation of your entire organization in jeopardy?”
“Lacey,” Rose admonished softly.
Landyn’s face hardened, his lips thinned. I could see the veins in his arms popping out as his hands gripped his hips.
He really did look like our father right this moment.
Yeah...maybe I could remember Carter hitting me. I definitely remembered that look. But I kept my mouth shut. If I said any of that to Landyn who knew what he’d do? And I needed his help. He had the money and a girlfriend with connections. “Sorry,” I muttered.
“I don’t remember you being this combative,” Landyn’s hard voice matched his granite-like jaw. Had his mouth even moved when he’d spoken just now?
He must be super-pissed. “I said I was sorry,” I tried again in a gentler tone. “I’ve been working on that with my therapist.”
“Good,” he said sharply. He grunted and sat down on the edge of the bed. “I could...I dunno. Hire a private investigator or something.”
I slid over to him and gripped his arm, resting my head on his shoulder. “Please,” I whispered. “I need this.”
“Well, I don’t.”
I looked up at him. “I know. You’ve always been strong. You were my protector—”
“Are,” he corrected me.
“Are,” I agreed. “Thank you.”
His arm went around me and he planted a heavy kiss on my head. “I just don’t want anything else bad to happen to you,” he said softly. His grip tightened, forcing me to wince at his strength. His voice cracked. “I...I want you well.”
“This is going to help,” I pressed. “This will make me whole.”
“We don’t need anyone else, do we?” he asked desperately. “It can be just us, right?”
I nodded, not willing to argue and risk losing his support, and the private investigator.
“We’ll find your mother and you can get the answers you need,” Rose said. “Then you can heal and choose not to have a relationship with her, if you don’t want.”
Landyn’s body stiffened slightly. He probably didn’t agree with what Rose had suggested, but he didn’t argue. I kissed Landyn’s cheek and disentangled myself. “I’m kinda tired. I’d like to take a nap.”
“What the hell do you do in here all day that makes you tired?”
I pouted. “Tons of talking, and I work out like two hours a day. Helps clear my head.”
Landyn shrugged and stood. “Okay. Well, don’t overdo it.”
“I’m not. I sleep a lot.”
“Yeah, not surprised.”
Rose stood, and I watched her follow my brother out the room after he planted another kiss on my forehead. I sighed in victory. Soon, I would be able to talk to my mother, and then I could get out of this prison.
Then I’d find my father and probably put a knife in his heart.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
CASPER
I waved my towel to get Sean’s attention. “Hey.” I nodded in the direction of one of the male physical therapists. I hadn’t noticed any of the other physical therapists before, now that I was looking for someone else to give me a massage. Siobhan had a way of holding my attention. “He was just working on you, right? How was he?”
Sean looked over his shoulder at the man dressed in white shorts and the organizational collared shirt. Sean shrugged. “I’d prefer a woman touching me, but I needed the extra pressure today.”
Yeah, I’d always felt weird about a guy touching me as well. Nico didn’t mind, and same with a few of the other guys on the team. “Your legs good? You weren’t at full sprint today.”
“Nah, I’m good. Want to save them for tomorrow. They’re matching me up against Colton, and I played against him in college more times than I wanted to. He can block. I gotta be at my best.”
Colton was a linebacker who had gotten drafted late in the third round. He’d done well at his college and was known for putting running backs and even a few tight ends in the hospital. He was solid. A beast. “Yeah, I know Colton’s good. And he’s hungry.”
“You next? Casper?”
The physical therapist motioned for me to come to the table. Sean put up a hand to stop me. “Hey, uh, you heard from Lacey? How’s she doing?”
“Landyn and Rose went to see her yesterday. Said she’s doing a lot better. Think they’re going to let her out before Halloween.”
Sean’s expression softened and he sighed. “Good.”
Sean picked up a dumbbell and began doing bicep curls. His determined expression hid any lingering emotion over Lacey. I waited until he was done with his set. “You know Landyn isn’t going to let it drop. Not where his sister’s concerned.”
Sean’s whole face scrunched up, and his voice dripped with frustration and anger. “I told him I didn’t do anything! If I hadn’t been there to watch her, who knows what could’ve happened to her! I wouldn’t want anything to...”
I believed he wouldn’t have harmed Lacey. There was something in the way he said her name that anyone hearing it would know he cared about her. Even though Landyn and Sean were now teammates, they were from rival schools with a long history of hatred, and now Sean had shown interest in Lacey.
And Lacey in him.
“Are you coming?” the therapist called.
“Yeah! Give me a sec, okay?” I responded. I took a seat on the bench next to Sean and leaned in close. “How did you even know she was there that night?”
“Nico. We stopped in to say high to a friend of his who was there. He’d gone to get drinks and I was waiting in the VIP section when she came in.” Sean looked me straight in the eyes before lifting the weight again. “I gotta do the other side.” He began his reps.
I slowly stood, processing what was left unsaid. If Sean hadn’t called Landyn, Lacey might’ve gotten lost in the crowd, passed out, and not have gotten to the hospital as soon as she did.
“You’ll tell him again for me? That I wouldn’t want any harm to come to her?”
This time I sighed, but in resignation. “Sean—”
“He’ll believe it if you say it. You know he hates me.”
“I know he does, but I don’t think anything I’d say will help. His sister...Lacey’s never done anything like this before. It really scared Landyn. A lot. When she’s out, he’s gonna get her round-the-clock bodyguards, I swear. She’ll live with him. He’ll probably be monitoring her phone.”
Sean groaned.
“If you were thinking—and you better not be—but if you were, there’s no way, man. No way.”
Sean rubbed the dark stubble on his chin, his equally black eyes revealing nothing. But he had to have a plan. Lacey—when she wasn’t drunk—was a beautiful girl. I could see the attraction, but if I wanted to live, I’d find anyone else to distract me.
I slapped Sean on the shoulder and headed over to the table and to a slightly annoyed-looking therapist. Was he going anywhere? It was still the m
iddle of the day. “Sorry,” I mumbled.
“What are we working on today?”
“Shoulder.”
“Problems rotating it? Soreness? What?”
“Both.”
“Been taking some hard hits. Any medications?”
“Uh...yeah, but it’s more like an anti-inflammatory.”
“Okay, well, let’s take a look.”
I sat on the table and allowed the therapist to run me through some exercises I remembered from my physical therapy sessions after the accident. None of them were difficult, but the stiffness was getting worse.
“Any pain?”
“Only a little.” Another lie. The pain had steadily worsened over the last week. I had been combating it with my second prescription for anti-inflammatories and this other EPO that I questioned if it was doing any good. Felt great taking it; my body felt supercharged, like I’d just been in a pure oxygen chamber or something. But the pain was beyond annoying, and the stiffness was starting to worry me.
I hated meds.
They did things to people, and you couldn’t tell if your body was getting better or worse with the constant numbness. In college, I’d had a choice: play, or get a degree and work. In the NFL, it was play or cut. Yeah, I could fall back on my business degree, but what business? All I had ever wanted to be was an NFL player. I needed to be an NFL player.
Besides, Landyn needed a TE he could trust—at least in his first year.
A knock at the door drew my gaze. I hadn’t closed it, which was stupid, because Siobhan stood there. She looked amazing in the same outfit she normally wore: dark capri workout pants, tennis shoes, and the organization’s shirt, which fitted snugly right across the center of her breasts. I kept my eyes on my less-than-attractive therapist.
“Can I come in?” Siobhan asked.
“Only if the player wants you here.”
He was on my side. Thank you...I didn’t know this guy’s name.
“Casper?”
Her voice was laced with something sweet that made me want to say yes and to shove this no-name therapist away from me and have her hands on my skin. Instead, I obeyed the therapist’s instructions and said nothing. Standing strong.
“Please, Casper, I...I didn’t know.”
No, she hadn’t known why the accident had happened...or about Emily. She’d just figured I was like...Landyn. Stupid jock who spent all his time partying, probably too close to being over the legal limit that night.
But that wasn’t me, and I had been completely sober. Em had said something so funny it had me laughing. Then I had to counter it with my own joke. I’d stared at her too long. Missed the stop sign. Stupid Mack truck. Poor car design.
Felt my arm nearly get torn off reaching for Emily to shield her.
No. It was just me. I owned all the blame.
“Let me apologize, please. I know I’ve been doing it a lot lately.”
The male therapist raised his brow at me. Great. Now he was curious. Probably would ask somebody else about it later, and then it’d be all over headquarters that Siobhan and I were having issues. Like we were together or something—except we weren’t.
“You mind if we end this early?”
The male therapist shook his head. “Just leave everything, I’ll clean up when you’re done.”
“Thanks, man.”
“Do the exercises, though. Gotta loosen up that muscle.”
I really wish he hadn’t said that. I wouldn’t hear the end of it from Siobhan.
When he left the room, Siobhan stepped in and closed the door. The quiet sound of the click echoed in the room, and with it, the blood in my ears. We always seemed to be alone.
I waited for the dozen questions about my shoulder to come.
Like she was a ninja or something, she walked softly across the room and stopped when she reached the edge of the table. I hadn’t moved a muscle. Not even to put on my shirt.
“Will you look at me?”
All day.
I met her gaze.
“I’m sorry, Casper.”
What? No questions?
“I’m sorry I snapped at you like that. I’d blame it on my argument with Philip right before I ran into you and Landyn, but that’s no excuse for not being professional. And I’m sorry about the accident. I had no idea what you’d lost. What you’ve had to live without.”
Damn, my eyes were burning. If I blinked, then she’d think I was crying. I willed the moisture to the back of my still-stinging eyes.
For a month I couldn’t get out of bed—literally, but not because I wasn’t physically able to. When I had woken up in the hospital days after the accident, Em had already been in the ground. Her parents had buried her so fast... Mom had told me they didn’t want to wait for me. Like they blamed me for her death.
Which they should have. I’d killed her.
I couldn’t see her. Touch her. Talk to her. No goodbye.
My chest had been caved in, and I’d had to be put on a respirator. My father had coached me to breathe, but it had felt like my soul was leaving my body, deflating it with its absence. Why would I need to breathe if I was going to be with Em?
Her parents had never spoken to me again.
“I loved her.”
“Of course you did.”
Her hand touched mine, and I thought it would burn my arm right off. “It was my fault.”
“No—”
“It was.” I nodded. “I was careless. I killed her.”
She closed her eyes for a few seconds. When she opened them, tears fell down her freckled cheeks. “It was an accident. You shouldn’t blame yourself. Do you think she’d want you to?”
No. That was an easy question to answer. After she’d been gone, I had asked myself a thousand questions I thought she’d ask me if she could. Most of them had left me speechless. I couldn’t agree to move on. Have kids with someone else. Of course I’d miss her. I didn’t want to live without her. No, we hadn’t been too young to marry; I had convinced her we were ready.
If I hadn’t, we wouldn’t have been out on the road that night. She’d still be alive.
My chest hurt. I sniffed. My eyes were too full of tears.
Emily.
Em.
Siobhan’s fingers entwined with mine. Her other hand was on my cheek, getting wet by my tears. I reached down and wrapped an arm around her waist, lifting her up and into my lips.
“Casper!”
Our lips connected again. This time, I indulged. I was hungrier than I’d thought. Her mouth feasted right back, her small moans tempting my tongue, and I fell.
Our tongues danced. Her hands held fast at my neck. My arm slid beneath her ass, effortlessly lifting her to straddle me. She gasped at our contact, melting into my arms and kissing me with more fervor.
It was me she was kissing. Not Phillip. Right?
I didn’t know.
She didn’t seem happy with him, and I had been miserable alone. More than I had realized. But maybe she was desperate for him. I put a hand behind her head to keep her in the kiss as my tongue dominated her mouth. She was going to forget Phillip, at least while I was kissing her.
And I would forget Emily. At least for a moment. Then Siobhan and I would go back to our normal routine of me attempting to flirt with and her deflecting because of her jerk fiancé. Nothing could come of us being together, not when a piece of my heart was still holding on to Emily; still grieving.
Dammit, I didn’t know.
I flipped her onto her back on the massage table, positioning myself over her. Her swollen mouth open, her eyes wide but not with fear. Legs hanging limp on either side of the table.
I hadn’t done this since Em. Did I even remember?
“We can’t...we can’t do this here,” she breathed.
“Where?” I asked, figuring the option wasn’t off the table.
“No! I mean...”
Her eyes told me two things: she didn’t want to do this, and she didn’t want it
to stop. If she relied on me to make the choice, then she had bet on the wrong guy, because I didn’t know either. I swallowed the lump in my throat and the words that would separate us, even if they were the right ones.
I pressed my lips firmly against her mouth. She opened it for my tongue again, holding my face between her hands. When I came up for air, she splayed her hands on my chest, giving me resistance.
She didn’t move beneath me, which had me both grateful and annoyed. The tightness in my groin hadn’t let up either. Neither had my desire for her. But the air between us cooled, and with it came the inevitable.
“You don’t know...I want to wrap my legs around you,” she whispered.
That didn’t help the situation below my belt...if she wanted this to stop.
“But, Casper...”
“I know,” I said with resignation as I labored to move off the table while hiding my erection. “Phillip...”
“It’s not him,” she quickly contradicted me.
“Not your fiancé?” I turned my back on her and walked to the opposite side of the room where the linen cabinet stood.
“Yes, he’s...well, he’s...I don’t know anymore. But you have every right to think I’m a hypocrite for pushing you to do the right thing when every day it seems like I’m making the wrong decision.”
Contrition and desperation weighed in her voice. I glanced over my shoulder. She still sat on the table, her shoulders slumped, her face in one hand. “It’s my fault,” I said, coming back to her side. “I...seduced you.”
She snorted. Dropping her hand, I saw red eyes and wet cheeks. “I’ll let you have that one, since I was very willing.” She gave me a conciliatory smile.
I grinned back. “I’m sorry,” I whispered. “I put you in an impossible situation.”
She shook her head. “I don’t blame you.”
“Why won’t you leave him if you’re so unhappy?”
Her back straightened slightly. “Who said I’m unhappy?”
“Every time I’m in your room, the two of you look like you’re in the middle of a fight or, I dunno, the time you ran out so fast and literally ran into me.”
