by Zoë Lane
“I...I’ve been with him for so long that...I...it would be like I’m failing at something. Again.”
I hopped onto the table beside her. “What did you fail at?”
“It’s stupid, but I made an error in judgment regarding going into a partnership with other physical therapists. Casper...I owe a lot of money to the IRS. A lot of money.”
My heart hitched seeing her downcast expression. I inched closer. “Is it going to break you?” I asked softly.
She sighed, her shoulders drooping. “I don’t think so, but...it’s all on me.”
“Siobhan! You can Monday-morning quarterback it all you want, but mistakes are how you grow. You have a job here, life isn’t over.”
“I know, but...I don’t know where things have gone wrong with Phillip and me. I guess I’m hoping they’ll just turn out better. We’ve been together so long. He even stayed with me after I lost his money.”
“He wins a point for that, but it’s not like...” The words got stuck in my throat.
“Not like I died, you mean?”
Yeah. Not like Em.
She rubbed my arm. “I can’t tell you how sorry I am.” Her voice cracked.
If she cried right now, I’d draw her back into my arms, and I needed to keep my distance. I wasn’t going to break up her relationship, no matter how tight my groin was going to get.
“I felt like a complete idiot when Landyn told me what happened. I can’t even imagine how to get past something like that.”
“You don’t,” I answered softly. A familiar chill swept through me, like the one I had felt when my dad told me Emily was dead. “You just...keep living, even when you don’t want to. You find something that makes you hold on. Something that you can’t lose.”
“Football.”
The word sounded like an anvil dropping. “Yeah.” Football. If I didn’t have it, I honestly didn’t think I’d be here. “I worked...so hard to get back into it. There was nothing I wasn’t going to do.”
“And I’m going to do everything I can to get out from under this debt.”
I kissed her on her forehead. “I have faith in you.”
“Thank you, Casper. You’re...you’ve been very sweet. Do you still want a massage?”
I chuckled. “You think putting your hands on me right now is a good idea?”
Her cheeks went as red as her hair. “Maybe not.”
“Well, then, sure.”
She looked at me like I was the idiot. I grinned and hopped off the table. “Maybe after the game.” I retrieved my shirt and put it over my head.
“Why do I like you?” she asked quietly.
“Because I’m irresistibly handsome?” I slowly crossed the room towards her.
Nothing. Not even the bat of an eye. Completely calm and controlled.
“Because I weight more than one twenty?”
Her eyes went to the ceiling.
I laughed.
She heaved a sigh, her worried expression killing my merriment.
“Casper...please reconsider. Have your shoulder looked at?”
My injury was going to stay be between us. “You’re just as stubborn as I am,” I responded as casually as my rising irritation would allow.
She frowned and turned away. “Have a good game.”
“Thanks.” I left the room feeling an uncomfortable twinge in my shoulder and a twist of guilt in my gut.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
CASPER
I couldn’t blame her for trying.
Again.
She took her job seriously. I respected that. A lot of people in the world didn’t care for what they did, and their efforts showed. No gratitude, no work ethic, poor performance.
And after our kiss...
I smiled and nearly skipped down the hall towards the doctor’s office.
She liked me.
There was no denying it after she had laid down so willingly on the massage table.
Me. Casper Taylor.
The guy she thought was corny and couldn’t stand. The guy who, if I hadn’t stopped, she’d be with right now. Landyn would shit his pants.
After checking in with the receptionist, I was shown into a small examination room. A couple of minutes later, Dr. Benzoli came into the room.
“A special appointment? Is it the shoulder?”
I cleared my throat, the speech I had worked on in the minutes I was alone suddenly forgotten. Instead, my perfectly logical and rational request came out half-desperate. “I took some pills Billy had. He said I could maybe get something a little stronger from you?”
Brilliant. Now I sounded like a junkie as well.
Dr. Benzoli eyed me from above his glasses, that same suspicious look he’d given me at my last appointment. I faced the scrutiny and continued. “The game is in a few hours. I’ll get it looked at afterwards. I just need something to dull the pain a bit and get me through.”
“You took Billy’s...”
“The EPO. Yeah. He said you were familiar with it.”
Dr. Benzoli sat in a chair near the examination bed. “I am. And how did you feel while on it?”
“Oh, great!” I said quickly. “Way better. Breathing, movement. It was all really, really good. Just doesn’t last long enough. Surprised it’s not banned.”
Dr. Benzoli stared at me for a long moment. I cracked a half-smile. I wasn’t sure what was happening. “Something wrong, Doc?”
“You’re here for something stronger, yes?”
I nodded. “If...possible. Billy said you’d be able to tell me what’s similar.”
The doctor pushed his spectacles up the bridge of his nose and looked down at the Ipad in his hands. “It’s possible,” he said simply.
“Okay...”
“But I’m not going to add it to your chart.”
“Huh?”
Dr. Benzoli stood and closed the door. My muscles tensed. My eyes darted around the room, looking for cameras and microphones. This was a test. It had to be. What else could be happening right now? “Doctor?”
Dr. Benzoli pinned me with a hard stare. “I’ll authorize it, but it won’t be on your chart. This will stay between us.”
“Uh...” I looked at him like I hadn’t heard him correctly. I’d thought I sounded like a druggie. Now this guy was sounding like a dealer.
“The reason is because team management is really strict about the types of prescriptions I authorize. It’s not like they don’t want to treat you—”
“I get it,” I interrupted. “They want to be really careful.”
“It’s bureaucratic red tape, that’s what it is. They know nothing about medicine, and they are incredibly paranoid.”
“It’s a new team, Dr. Benzoli. I would think they would probably be more careful than any other team to make sure they’re doing the right thing.”
Dr. Benzoli nodded and cracked a smile. “You’re right, you’re right. My wife...ex, claims that I take things too personally. Maybe I do. It’s just, after you’re in school for half your life to earn a specialized degree, you would think people would respect you more, or at least trust your judgment.”
There was nowhere to look. I stood with my hands clasped in front of me. If I just listened, he might hurry up and finish so I could get to the pre-game meeting.
Dr. Benzoli sighed and ripped his glasses off his face, stuffing them into the left breast pocket of his white lab coat. “Then you have bills to pay. Do you know how expensive medical school is? When you go to an Ivy League one? So you make a decision to leave private practice when you can’t buy out your partners, and you become a team doctor, hoping to make more money without being forced to sacrifice seeing your kids for hours while you’re at a hospital. Then your wife decides to leave you and take the kids anyway, and the alimony is more than your student loans because you’ve been married for nearly two decades...” His voice broke and he squeezed his eyes shut and pinched the bridge of his nose. When he opened his eyes again, the outer edges were red
.
“Dr. Benzoli...”
“I know your wife died and it’s not exactly the same thing, but...you understand loss.” His lips formed a lopsided smile that held only sadness.
I nodded. “Yes, sir, I do.”
He shrugged. “You’re looking at a guy who’s lost everything. The week I was offered this position, my wife decides she no longer wants to be married. Even if I wanted to try and work on my marriage, I need to work to pay for college tuition for the girls. Do you know I’m living in a studio apartment?” He smirked and laughed harshly. “Harvard-educated doctor, living like a broke college student. Not like Dr. Kavoska.”
No. Nothing like Dr. Kavoska’s castle.
“Man makes me envious. Should’ve chosen plastics.” He sighed, repositioned his glasses on his face and tapped his IPad. “I’m sorry to dump all this on you. It’s not professional.”
I cleared my throat and awkwardly patted his shoulder. “Naw, it’s...it’s okay. I...uh...you need time to grieve, and you haven’t had that.”
“Well, thanks for being a listening ear. Maybe I should schedule an appointment with a psychologist,” he chuckled. “So I can have someone to talk to, not because I’m crazy.”
“Ha!” I said and wiped a hand across the back of my sweaty neck. Not how I’d thought this appointment would go and something I didn’t need before the game.
What I did need...
“Just wait here, and I’ll bring the prescription to you.”
As soon as the door shut behind him, I let out a massive breath and collapsed against the examination table. If anyone needed to relax and maybe get a massage, it was Dr. Benzoli.
With prescription in hand and another warning not to advertise what I was taking, I hurried upstairs to the meeting room, with a quick pit stop at the locker room to store the pills.
I popped two pills and shut the locker door.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
SIOBHAN
“You staying for the game?” Veronica asked while chewing on her chicken sandwich.
“Mm-hmm,” I said while taking a bite of my own sandwich.
I loved the cafeteria food. I rarely went home for dinner because food here was free—and incredibly good.
Not because of Phillip.
The Richmond Rhinos had spared no expense when it came to the food.
“Me, too. Figured I take advantage of the seats, and I don’t have another shift at the hospital until tomorrow.”
“How’s that working out for you?”
Veronica wiped her upper lip with a napkin. “Really good,” she said after swallowing. Almost have all the money we need.”
“That’s great, Vero! I’m really proud of you.”
Vero held my gaze. “I’m really proud of you too, Siobhan. You’re doing the right thing.”
The right thing being breaking up with Phillip.
After our last argument over lunch, I had made an appointment with the therapist—alone. After a lot of discussion, she had agreed that ending the relationship was an appropriate option.
“Thanks,” I mumbled. “I just need some place to stay.”
Vero’s brows rose? “You do? Phillip didn’t kick you out, did he? That bastard!”
I laughed hard at that one. “No, no. It’s my lease. I need to downsize. It’s way too big and too expensive. I’m never going to get out of debt if I don’t make drastic changes.”
“Mmm. You need to marry someone rich. How about Casper?”
I rolled my eyes and threw a French fry at her. She laughed and caught the fry, dropping it into her mouth and giving me a victorious grin. “That is not an option. I don’t want to trap a man.”
Vero shrugged. “It’s not a trap if he wants it.” She leaned in and whispered, “And you told me how much he wanted it.” She winked.
I leaned in quickly. “Vero,” I whispered. “Shh!”
She leaned back and spoke at a normal level. “Your secret is safe with me.”
I sighed. I also told the therapist how attracted I was to Casper—not as an excuse to dump Phillip, but... I’d never felt like I was’nt good enough around Casper. His company was a relief, and I wanted more of that.
“I’m not supposed to be with anyone for a year and a half.”
“Huh?” Vero’s head snapped back.
“Something the therapist said about how long my relationship with Phillip lasted, that I would probably need a ton of time to heal.”
“You know what you need to heal?” Vero asked with a wicked grin.
“Please don’t say ‘cock.’”
“Casper’s cock,” she whispered and then giggled.
I shook my head. “I’m never telling you anything ever again.”
We chuckled and my face grew painfully warm. Vero’s idea was a really good one.
And Casper seemed to be the romantic, attentive type.
Damn, I do need—
“Look at your face!” Vero said with a laugh. “You’re definitely thinking about it. Nothing wrong with that. You haven’t been with Phillip in a while. Revenge sex is so good. I had with Diego, and now we’re together. I think he’s going to propose on the cruise.”
I gasped. “Vero! That’s exciting.” A look of worry crossed her features. “What’s wrong?”
“I didn’t think I should mention it.”
“Why? Oh, Vero, don’t worry about me. I’m fine, really. Relieved. Totally happy for you and Diego.”
“Well, it hasn’t happened yet. Just keep an eye on my Instagram.”
I laughed. “Okay.”
“Hey, Veronica. You staying for the game?” Billy stood next to our table, tray in hand with food piled high. His wet hair fell haphazardly across his pale forehead; that with his baggy clothes gave him a shaggy appearance.
“Uh, yeah,” she answered, avoiding his gaze.
“Stick around afterwards. There’s going to be a party later on—probably at one of our places. You can come to, Siobhan.”
I nodded and said nothing until he left.
“Ugh, that guy creeps me out.”
“He was at that doctor’s party, remember? I rarely see him. Thank goodness he doesn’t book me for massages.”
“He’s always trying to find an excuse to visit me.”
“Really?”
“He comes to see the doctor all the time. I keep telling him I have a boyfriend, but he doesn’t let up.”
“Reminds me of Casper,” I said dryly, yet secretly hoping to see him again.
“No, it is not like Casper. Your man is corny-sweet. Billy is just... I dunno, girl, there’s something wrong with him.”
“First of all, Casper isn’t my man.”
Vero grinned. “Yet.”
I ignored that. “Maybe that’s why he’s in the doctor’s office. Because something’s wrong. He did look a little pale.”
She shook her head. “If you asked me, I’d say he has a bad habit.”
“You’re going to have to elaborate.”
Vero leaned forward and beckoned me closer with her finger. I leaned in.
“I think he’s on drugs.”
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
CASPER
“Casper!”
Hearing my name, I turned, altering my course to the locker room to suit up. Siobhan stood against the opposite wall of the hallway, shifting her weight from one foot to the other. I maneuvered away from the crowd of guys that spilled out of the meeting room.
“Hey, Siobhan.”
“Hey,” she said quietly, her lips spazzing into a slight smile she probably fought herself to give. Hours ago I had kissed that mouth. I still wanted to.
“I saw you go into the doctor’s earlier. I wanted to tell you that I’ve actually been doing some research on post-surgery treatment for rotator cuff injuries, and I know you’re about to play, but if you have a minute after the game or...”
I grinned. “Now you’re going above and beyond.”
“I don’t want to see you lo
se...another dream.”
I stared into her large, round green eyes. She licked her lips. Her brows rose. I placed a hand on the wall behind her, angling close. “You don’t know how not to keep your nose out of other people’s business,” I said with a chuckle.
Her shoulders sagged. “I mean it, Casper—”
“Cas. My friends call me Cas.”
Her lips curved into a smile. “Cas...I like that.”
“Keep saying it.”
“I mean it...Cas. I’d like to help, if you’d let me. If you say no, I promise not to interfere again. I’ll keep my mouth shut during your massage appointments.”
“You would?” I asked doubtfully.
“Of course I would. You have my word.”
“Okay, fine. I’ll see you after the game. The doc...”
The words were tumbling out of my mouth. I was happy we were finally...on the same page, I guess. Working together and not fighting.
Em and I had never fought. We were two young kids trapped in the puppy-love stage. Always agreeing with each other, never having a different opinion from one another, and constantly looking to please the other. It was the best feeling, but admittedly something that I considered wouldn’t have survived for much longer; especially not beyond college, when we had to be out in the world with our careers. Seeing my parents argue, each standing firm in their convictions and positions, at times made me fearful of our first fight.
Only it had never come. And I was grateful for that. I’d always have that fairy-tale memory of our love—happily ever after, until death had parted us.
Siobhan was her own woman. One not afraid to give her opinion, even if it wouldn’t be popular. We would absolutely argue, and I guessed often.
But it would be fun making up on a massage table.
“The doctor...what?” she asked.
I groaned, my decision causing heartburn. “You’re on my side, right?” I asked, looking straight into her eyes.
She nodded. “Of course I am. Why wouldn’t I be?”
“I mean...” I inched closer, my voice low. “The doctor’s given me some medicine that’s been helping, but leadership probably wouldn’t like it. It’s legal and everything, but...just keep it to yourself.”
