He slurred every word and Brody wouldn’t relent. He gestured to the side, calmly, but I didn’t know how much of that was an act. I’d seen him obliterate a guy. He’d done so for me.
“Imma need you to take seat,” he said. “I won’t say it again.”
“And I will. After I get a dance with the lady.” He stared around him at me. “Hey, baby girl. You wanna dance—?”
Brody initiated the first shove, but he didn’t step back. Not this time. Moving me to the side, he looked to charge right into the guy on the crowded floor.
“Brody!”
And he stopped. Just like that. Turning, he glanced my way briefly before facing the guy again. His face red, Stetson hat snorted like a bull.
“Just fuckin’ let me dance with her,” he growled, his jaw clenched.
Brody shook his head. “She doesn’t want to dance with you.”
“But you haven’t even fuckin’ asked her! You speak for her or something?”
His hands shaking, Brody brought them together, cracking his knuckles, and I knew what would happen next. I’d seen him in action first hand. If I didn’t do something, he would and I had a feeling if it weren’t the right something, Stetson hat would instead. He was clearly drunk, a loose canon…
I put my hand on Brody’s arm, not wanting to take the risk. “I want to dance with him.”
Like before, he came to a full stop. He stared over his shoulder, his own face red now. He pushed a hand through his hair. “You, what?”
“She said,” came Stetson hat, pushing around Brody. Stetson put his hand out. “She wants to dance with me.”
The guy didn’t allow me to come the rest of the way. He simply grabbed my hand, yanking, and I faced Brody, my feet dragging underneath me.
“Just be cool,” I told him, going with the guy. It was my last ditch effort to talk him down. I wouldn’t risk him getting hurt over this guy. It wasn’t worth it. It was just a dance. “It’s not a big deal.”
Brody let me go, his fists releasing, and he disappeared within the crowd when I was pulled away. Whipped around, I was pressed against a chest I didn’t want to be anywhere near and forced to slow dance with someone I wanted nothing to do with. Grabbing my hips, Stetson forced me against him and I choked on the fumes from his breath.
“I told him you wanted to dance with me,” he grunted, sliding a hand on my ass. “Don’t you, sweetness?”
I fought the bile from raising, nodding. I had to let him think I wanted this. If I fought, it would be worse. This guy was all hands like most were who felt fit to touch me, only one guy hadn’t been in so long, only one, and I tried to find him during the dance. I needed to keep him in sight, not for protection, but to make sure he was okay. I couldn’t find him though, and the dance continued on without relenting. And the whole time a stiff erection pressed firmly against my stomach.
I wanted to vomit.
After it was finally over and the song changed, Stetson leaned down, brushing a kiss on my cheek. I cringed.
“Thanks for the dance, darlin’,” he said. He turned a word, so nice and special, into something horrible. He turned a moment into something horrible.
He looked to leave, but I grabbed his shoulders, forcing him to bend down to my level. He did so with nothing but a grin as I went to his ear.
“Don’t call me darlin’,” I whispered. Raising my leg, I kneed him in the balls.
He grabbed himself with a grunt, moving away, and I didn’t waste the opportunity. I left him on the dance floor and went to find the only person I wanted to be near.
The only person who could make how filthy I suddenly felt, go away.
I knew I didn’t deserve that from him, but I sought him out anyway. I didn’t find Brody in the pit, though, or even at our table. No, he was at the bar. He had another beer in his hands. The glass full, he didn’t chug it, just nursed it, and I settled in on the barstool beside him. He didn’t even move when I had, nor did he look my way.
My stomach sank. “Hey.”
He lifted and lowered his chin, so cold as he played with the perspiration on the side of his glass. I guess I deserved nothing less, for leaving, letting that guy dance with me, but I didn’t regret it. I couldn’t have Brody fighting again for me, that was something he shouldn’t have to do no matter how willing.
I felt the need to explain myself.
“About that guy,” I said. I wanted to tell him I knew he wouldn’t stop. I wanted to tell him I knew exactly the type of guy that was, and the only way to keep him away was to give him what he wanted. Guys didn’t stop unless you did, the bad ones anyway.
I couldn’t risk Brody getting hurt once again for me and I had to explain that to him, but the look those blue eyes gave me at only my three words kept me from continuing.
Brody raised his hand from the bar, his lips so tight. “Not a big deal, right?”
My own words felt like a slap and shook me down to my core. His gaze left before I could even give an attempt at explaining myself, and by then, I no longer saw the point. I just sat there with him in silence, a silence I think we were both far too used to. It reminded me of those early miles together, two strangers tossed into a pairing of the unknown. And we were strangers. We were.
And then my watch beeped.
It sounded at me with a fury and Brody turned, staring at it while I kept my eyes on him.
I pressed a button and the noise stopped, but even still, my watch remained present between us. Brody stared at it as if it still rang and I watched him, my gut twisting with every passing moment. It twisted because as we sat there, the two of us with so many unspoken words between us, the reason why my watch went off waited for me. The beep represented the sound of priorities and stood for all I lived and breathed for.
That little boy who expected my call.
It pained me to ask what I had to next, but I dampened my mouth, making myself speak anyway.
“Do you think…” I asked Brody, pausing. This was so hard to do, ask him for a favor now. I pushed through. “Can I borrow your phone? Make a call?”
His gaze found to me, but only remained for a few seconds before facing the sticky bar. He didn’t move and my heart did a full rotation in my chest. Not because he didn’t let me use his phone, but because I was no longer present to him—clearly.
His big body lifted when he let out a breath and raising his hip, he pulled out a familiar black phone, setting it on the bar.
Slowly, I reached for it. “Thank you. I’ll be right back. It’s quieter over…”
A raise of his fingers from the bar told me he didn’t need or want to hear it. I walked away before I made the situation even worse. I found a quiet place to talk by the bathrooms, and dialing the phone, I pressed my hand to my mouth. My throat had closed up. My eyes burned…
“Hello?”
But that voice made some of it go away. I smiled through cloudy eyes. “Hey, baby. It’s me.”
Silence settled for only a moment. “Aunt Alex? Aunt Alex, is that you?”
The tears clouded more. I nodded. “Uh huh. It’s me. I’m sorry I didn’t call yesterday. I had a hard time getting to a phone. I got a text out to you, though. Did you get it?”
“Mmhmm, but…” his watery voice whimpered through the phone, clenching my heart. “But I was so scared when you didn’t call. You always call, Aunt Alex. You always call.”
And I did no matter what. I always did. I called the same time every night. I wiped under my eyes. “Everything’s fine,” I said, sniffing back my tears. “I’m good. Everything’s good.”
“You promise?”
I gave a light laugh. “I promise.”
He sniffed into the phone this time. “When are you coming home? You’re still coming, right?”
“I am, baby. I’ve been traveling for a few days now ever since I got your call.”
I dropped everything that day, what little I’d built, and in doing so, that told me how selfish I had been. After all these years,
I had nothing to show for the time away from home, and staring around a rundown apartment in Brooklyn told me that. That apartment had been the product of my dream in the form of a tower of bills and no work. Those bills sat next to my dance shoes, and those shoes sat next to the ones that actually paid the bills.
I breathed into the phone, trying to forget.
“I’ll be there in the next few days,” I told my nephew now. “Three tops.” I still had the money situation. I hitchhiked to get this far, some traveling situations worse than others, but that was something he didn’t need to know. I didn’t tell him a lot of things for good reason. He still had hope in this world, his own pipe dreams. The ones I’d lost long ago.
“And then you’ll take me away?” he asked, showing me that hope in his small voice. “Me and mommy? You’ll take us away from him? If you talk to her, she won’t stay with him. She left last time. We moved.”
I knew exactly the him he referred to. It was the one that made me leave New York immediately and come for my nephew and my sister. She had a habit of blurring the lines between love and pain and my nephew was right, I was the only reason she left last time, but the real reason, he had no idea why. The real reason he wouldn’t be able to handle at his young age and I hoped he never found out, for his sake.
I forced a smile into the phone, hoping I could make it reflect in my voice. “Of course. I got a little money saved and picked up some along the way. It will help us.”
I lifted my head and tattoo sleeves met my eyes. About ten feet away, the Hispanic girl with purple hair eyed me in the hall, the one I’d seen earlier with Brody. She chatted with two friends, a silver piercing in her nose.
She wasn’t being shy about watching me on my call.
Turning, I bowed my head and snuck into the bathroom for more privacy. I leaned on the sink. “We’ll head out on the road for a while. It will be fun. A vacation.”
“Really!” he asked, excited.
I smiled. “Really, and after that, we’ll figure everything else out. Now, go to bed and don’t worry about me.” He wouldn’t now that I called. He just had to hear my voice. It kept the nightmares away. Always.
A few more words and my nephew was finally at ease. I sang to him in those last few moments, a lullaby I made up with his name, Aiden. Once he let me go, I hung up the phone, sliding it into my pocket.
I finally let the cries leave my throat after that, the frustrations at being so far away, the feeling of helplessness and anxiety of not knowing how to correct that. Because after I got back on the road with Brody and arrived in El Paso, I would be stranded. I would have no means to get to Aiden, and nothing to offer when I finally arrived. What’s worse was the unease I felt at being stranded combatted that of the sinking feeling I got thinking about traveling without Brody. I’d have to let go of him eventually. I couldn’t hold onto him forever.
I splashed water on my face, trying not to dry heave at the unknown. I was dabbing my face with a paper towel when someone else came into the bathroom. She went to the sink, leaning back against it, and her breasts bulged over her top once again when she took a deep breath.
“Hey,” the girl said, eyeing me behind her violet locks. The silver piercing in her nose glistened under the bathroom lighting and she didn’t leave me alone after I tilted my head, acknowledging her. She continued to leer at me, though, stare, and not knowing what was up, I decided to avoid the situation completely. I went to leave, but she grabbed my arm, pulling me back. I wiggled out of her hold.
She simply smirked, finding that amusing. “You sure are a pretty little thing,” she said, reaching to finger a strand of my hair.
Turning away, I sneered. “Sorry. I don’t swing that way.”
A shrug of her shoulders and she crossed her tatted arms over her chest. “You wish, sweetheart.”
I had no reason for this foolishness, so I stepped away, but stopped when she called out to me.
“You fucking with Brody?”
I spun on my heel, eyeing her. “What?”
Using the sink as leverage, she pushed off, approaching me. “You heard me. Are you fucking with Brody? I heard you on your little call and it sounds like you’re fucking with him. Then there’s you dancing with other guys and shit like he ain’t even there, so if you’re fucking with him, you better step off. He’s good people, Brody Chandler, and he don’t need whores like you messing with him.”
She didn’t need to tell me that. I knew I wasn’t good enough for him just as I knew he was too good for me, but I didn’t have to take this from her.
Whipping around, I maybe took one step before she cut me off and got up in my face again. Her hands shot out, hitting my chest and I swiveled down, grabbing the black handle out of my boot.
A shine of silver hit the air and I raised the knife, something I’d acquired from one of the many truck stops Brody stopped us at. After that john in the bathroom…
I wouldn’t let myself go unprotected again.
The girl stepped back, but instead of looking scared she only shook her head. “Pretty little thing’s got some claws.”
Extending the blade, I tried not to shake. I’d never stabbed someone before and a wavering of the knife showed that.
The girl noticed. Her hand came out of nowhere, slapping the handle from my palm. It hit the floor and her chest hit me, backing me up into the sink. She tipped her chin, grinning at me.
I tried not to cringe as she touched my cheek, her finger flicking my hair.
“What you got on you?” she asked, appraising me. “I’ll tell you what? You give me everything you have and I’ll consider forgiving you for the knife thing.”
I swallowed the thick, heated ball in my throat. “And if I don’t.”
She tugged a strand of my hair a little too hard. It seared, jolting through my entire head. Her curly lashes flickered up. “You end up on the floor and poor anyway.”
Breathing, I tried not to look threatened by that. The girl had maybe twenty pounds on me, thick in the places where she’d need it. Despite that, I thought I could hold my own.
But at what cost? My thoughts flashed to Aiden.
Looking away, I reached into my bra, finding my twenties.
“Pull the cup down,” she said, and I faced her. She lifted her shoulders. “Wouldn’t want you hiding nothing.”
I’d been humiliated and violated, and what started out as such a special night left me nothing more than disgusted with myself. The girl left after she got her money, made me show that she got all the money she could possibly get from me, but before I could go back out, I found a toilet. Gripping the bowl, I lurched yeasty beer until there was nothing left but bile. I wiped my mouth, cleaned myself up, and managed not to get anything on Brody’s shirt.
I found him at the bar moments later, and he had a visitor with him that had just taken everything I had to get me on the road with my family.
Tattooed girl sat on the barstool next to him, talking to him, and something told me it was nothing good. Her eyes lifted to me, a grin on her face when she did. Sliding off the bar stool, she squeezed Brody’s shoulder before walking my way. She passed me, winking, and I turned my head in the other direction.
I joined Brody at the bar, setting down his phone. He reached for it and I couldn’t keep my mouth shut.
“Who’s your friend?” I asked him like I had a right.
He pocketed the phone, glancing back to where the girl left. “Chloe. She’s a local girl. I roll through town a lot.”
Meaning, he saw her a lot and something told me if I wasn’t here that’s exactly what he’d be doing tonight. I looked away and when I felt eyes on me, I raised my hand, covering my face. Funny how before I wanted nothing but for him to look at me, but now, I couldn’t bare it.
He rested an arm on the bar, leaning in. “Alex? You all right?”
I closed my eyes. “I think we should get on the road.” It was time to end the ruse, him and me. Chloe had been right about something. Brody
Chandler was too good for me.
I left the barstool, telling him I’d be out at the truck. He asked me to wait, that he needed to pay his tab, but I wasn’t hearing him out. I wasn’t hearing anything. I was in my head, scared, ashamed… and heartbroken, even though I had no right to be. I set myself up with Brody. I put myself in a place, in a mindset, where I could see myself in his, and now, I was paying the price with reality.
I walked out into the chilled air and nearly passed his truck, thinking I would be better off by myself from here. But in the end, I couldn’t do it. I headed in the direction of the rig, but a flash of brown leather met my eyes. I bent down, and picked it up. Cracking the wallet open, I found credit cards. I found money. How easy it would be to take whosever wallet this was. I desperately needed the money. Aiden and me needed the money, but my conscience wouldn’t allow me. Aiden would never want me to do that—steal. That’s something I hadn’t had to do yet and I decided I wanted to keep that part of my soul.
I went to close it when I heard my name, then saw blue eyes.
Brody’s.
His gaze was on the wallet, the one in my hands, and mine caught a name, a face I hadn’t noticed before on the trucker license inside.
I closed it, going to him. “I was just checking whose this was,” I explained, not knowing what else to do. I knew exactly how this looked. I held that wallet for a long minute before I ultimately decided to turn it in and I didn’t know how long he’d been standing there watching me.
The look on his face, I couldn’t explain exactly, but it wasn’t the same one he came in with. It wasn’t the one that lined his face when he danced with me, kissed me. He pushed a hand in his pocket. “I didn’t ask, Alex.”
“I know but…” I didn’t know what else to say. I had considered taking it even though I didn’t know it was his and I couldn’t lie even to myself about that.
He let out a breath, raising his hand. “I gotta pay my tab. I know the owner. He trusts me to come back.”
The way he emphasized that word, trust, made me want to vomit again.
I handed him back the wallet, let him go, and once he left, I knew this was done.
Brody Page 7
