I knew this was over.
Chapter Ten
Brody
Alex didn’t sleep that night, and to be honest, I couldn’t really either. Up front in my truck’s seat, I lounged in silence with Alex tossing and turning on my pull out behind me. She did that all night, moving about at the rest stop I got us to about fifty miles outside of town. I considered driving all night, pushing through those last few hours into El Paso, but I got over myself and my pride. Knowing my limits, I took us here to get whatever sleep we could.
Turned out it wasn’t much.
I pushed an arm behind my head, adjusting, thinking, but most of all regretting. I just couldn’t get the images out of my head, her in the bar, her in the bar with that guy, and then her again, those other images not so bad. They were the ones of her in my arms, her lips bruised after I kissed her.
I thought I knew her or at least had a feeling about her. Honest to God, I didn’t think she was capable of stealing from me, but that desperation in her eyes I couldn’t forget. She had a hope behind them at what she found, and really, that should bother me more. It should but…
“She was calling someone ‘baby’ on the phone, Brody,” Chloe had said at the bar. “Said she came into some money for her and… well, whoever she was calling her bae.”
That hurt more. Not that Alex was stealing or could have possibly taken advantage of our situation together, but that I let feelings come into this and fooled myself into thinking the two of us had something going.
I can’t believe I kissed her.
Opening my eyes, I leaned my head back. All the hours I spent with Alex, all the minutes, replayed through my head and I couldn’t stop them. I couldn’t deny what I felt and still felt about her, but if what Chloe said was true…
A sniff caught in the air, somewhere behind the curtain within the confines of the back of my rig and I tilted my head with it, listening to the faint sound.
Swallowing, I turned away as the announcement of rain dotted my windshield. It picked up, got harder, but that didn’t matter. Alex was in the back crying, I could still hear her.
I guess I found something that hurt more than deceit.
Early morning saw me up with the day and not to my surprise, Alex rose as well, neither one of us choosing to catch up on that lost sleep. She came up front. Her glittery bag on her shoulder, she was dressed back in the clothes I met her in, her wig back on.
“Mornin,’” I said, surprising her, and I guess myself a little, too.
Holding her arms, her eyes found mine and her bright hair didn’t do much to hide the darkness under eyes. Passing me, she murmured, “Good morning,” her eyes to the floor before taking a seat up front. I had doughnuts stacked up there, fresh coffee from the stop as well, but she didn’t take either. She simply sat there. After strapping in, she moved her bag to her lap and stared out at the pattering rain that wouldn’t seem to let up.
Turning, I finished folding up my blankets from the cramped night. I shoved them into the cubbies in the back when my gaze caught my shirt. She had it folded up all nicely and placed squarely on my pull-out like she’d never worn it.
I put it away with the rest of my stuff.
The trip out of the truck stop reeked of the familiar; me in my seat, her curled up in hers with her arms folded over her bag. Driving, my hand on the wheel, I acted on something I decided during that restless night. I kept myself in check, my emotions and everything else, and just drove. I did so every hour and every mile that passed. I wasn’t cold to Alex. No, I’d never be that way, but I wasn’t entertaining certain thoughts or feelings that had been exchanged between us either. I made sure things stayed neutral between us, nothing but respectful. There was no more laughter, no jokes, and no more… just no more of what had been. I drove her and she sat beside me. I drove her and she let me, quiet as bird wings. I think, when I pinned it down, that sucked the most about this new approach. She wouldn’t share her voice with me anymore, but I guess I wasn’t trying to really talk much either.
We’d driven so long in silence I almost forget she was there, but then suddenly in my peripheral I’d catch sight of her. I couldn’t lose her, my awareness wouldn’t let things be another way. I dropped my last bit of cargo off in a neighboring town and then mine came quickly, and with it, a reminder of what was to come and what I had to make myself do.
The rain had stopped and Alex’s eyes found their way ahead to the first signs of city. Through the drive, her gaze had drifted off during the many miles, but not to sleep, no. She wouldn’t do that. She didn’t let herself again. Turning, her brown eyes found all movement, every building and landscape until we traveled out of it and on toward the outskirts where I lived.
Home.
Like I’d told Alex, my family and I didn’t live directly in the city, but a small town just outside. Either way, I wouldn’t be taking Alex there. Doing that wouldn’t make sense.
Her hair swayed over her cheek when I turned the wheel. I took that right to make a single stop before our last. She blinked, clear wonder behind her eyes but not enough to voice it.
“Got a stop to make,” I told her, knowing she wouldn’t ask me. I didn’t want her thinking anything was up. I tipped my chin toward my company building we were coming up on, and as I parked the rig along the others, I supposed my purpose here became obvious. I glanced her way anyway. “I gotta switch out the rig for my truck. We’ll be on our way after that.”
I didn’t say to where because I didn’t know. Technically, we had come to the end of the line. I got her to where I told her I would and had no other obligations really, but just because there weren’t any didn’t mean things had to be that way. I turned off the engine and she followed me as I stood. Gathering her bag, the look on her face told me everything I needed to know. I hadn’t known Alex long, but one thing I wouldn’t forget was the way I found her. How the fear looked on her face and how the worry drained it and made me want to reach out and do anything to fix it. She had that now, that fear of the unknown.
Opening the door, she left with it and I let her. I gathered a few things before I headed to do the same, my laundry and a small bag of trash. I never left my gun in the truck, so I took that, too, tucking it in my waistband. By the time I got out, I noticed Alex had started walking, but I caught up quickly, flanking her until I was alongside her. We kept silent, my bags on my back and hers over her own. I made steps toward my pickup, anxious with every step I redirected that way. I didn’t know if she’d follow me and take that last bit of help. I wanted her to. Even with all that had happened, I did. Taking a chance, I went that way, and was grateful to hear rocks crushing just behind me under her feet. Maybe she followed because she didn’t know what else to do. Maybe she followed because she felt she had no other options. Either way, she chose to stay with me just a little bit longer.
She couldn’t hide from me so well here. My truck was spacious but nothing like the rig. She had to stay close. I had so much to say to her, but then, really not so much. I just wanted to know one thing: Had it all been fake? Had it all meant nothing at all to her? Did she go around doing this all the time, traveling with a guy and embedding herself so deep or did she just choose me for some reason?
Maybe I did have a lot to say after all.
The train station came into sight and the moment for questions passed. Parked in the lot, I didn’t even realize I intended on coming here. It had been instinctual for some reason. I sat there, arms on the wheel with the engine still running. I had so much bottled up, so much I wanted to get out. Bumping my fist on the wheel, I decided to man up and let it all out. I needed answers from her and the quiet just wasn’t good enough for me anymore.
The dinging of the door ajar raised my head, but the sight of her little body leaving my truck tore me up, tore me up something terrible. She got out and slammed my door, but didn’t leave. She just stood there almost like she was in limbo.
I rolled down the window and I caught sight of her when s
he turned, that gorgeous face staring back at me as she pulled her hair away. Those nut-brown eyes still had stars in them, sparkle despite how sad.
I knew I didn’t have long, so I swallowed, trying to make every word count.
“Just can you…” I paused, my mouth nothing but dry. I went on despite it. “Take care of yourself, all right? Don’t trust anybody that shouldn’t be trusted. Can you do that for me? That’s all I ask.”
She stared at me, her lips closed so tight. And then those eyes had shimmering in them again, glassy. She moved a hand over her face, blinking it away, and when she nodded, that bright hair slid over her cheek.
I wanted so much to touch it, but she stepped back, pushing her bag up her arm.
“Thank you,” she said, nodding once again. “Thank you so much for everything.”
She continued to nod even while she said it, the words thick and hard to make out. Adjusting the strap on her bag, she turned around, and then walked away.
Alexa
I walked for what seemed like miles, my boots cutting into the soles of my feet. I didn’t feel I had much choice but to just walk and move on. I entertained the idea of getting a train ticket to get me as close to California as I could before the ticket lady reaffirmed what little I did have for a one-way trip down the line. Chloe left me with pretty much nothing at the bar. I had enough for a couple meals and not much more than that. I either had to hitchhike to Cali or walk. Walk…
Really, the walking was helping me to get it together, helping me to settle the guilt with my strides and remove those final images of Brody’s face from my head. Those ones of sympathy, remorse, that turned his mouth down and sent a hot strike through my chest. But then, I felt bad for that, for trying to remove his image from my head. I didn’t want to forget him and his kindness. My heart burned just thinking about that possibility, so I walked, removing him to no avail. This was both a relief and agonizing defeat in my head.
That first night, I managed to find a shelter on the far side of town. They had warm food, water, and I filled up not knowing where my next meal would come from. Despite being grateful for the food, my saving grace came in the form of a phone. They had one for residents to use, so as soon as my watch beeped I shut it down quickly and called Aiden. I sat there on a chair by the phone, listening to him with a warm heart. He had school today, loving his fourth grade year. I listened for any indication, any tell of fear or anxiety, but he never had that talking to me. I made him better. He made me better.
Baby, I’m almost home.
I talked to him as if nothing about my situation changed. I was still coming for him come hell or high water and being stranded wouldn’t hold me back. I’d figure out how to get to him. I didn’t live in NYC so long without being resourceful. There might be some things I’d have to sacrifice. There might be some things I’d have to do, but I’d do them. I needed to get to him. I couldn’t fail him.
I held my bag to my chest moments later, lying under the covers of a blanket that kept warm so many before me. The soft snores of others in bunks around me became something of a lullaby and I closed my eyes. My hand found its way inside my bag as I rubbed on it with the pads of my fingers, a nervous habit I guess after Chloe. My hand caught on something and I pulled it out.
Pushing the blankets off my lap, I sat up and leaned forward into the soft light of room. In my hand was some money, two twenty dollar bills and a note paper clipped to it.
For food and anything else. Take care of yourself.
He didn’t even sign it. He didn’t have to.
Chapter Eleven
Brody
I pulled up along a long stretch of road Friday night, nothing but gravel crunching under my tires. A few cars were already in the driveway, my brother Hayden and his wife Karen, and of course, my Aunt Robin’s SUV and my gram’s truck. I had to smirk at it. The little lady had the biggest ride of all of us. Even bigger than pop’s, his last in the line. Gram did say he’d be here, didn’t she?
Parking, I brought up the rear, sitting for a second. Pop had a decal on the truck bed, that matched the ones on the sides. Business owners usually had those.
Reaching over, I punched my glove compartment open. The thing always needed a little jimmying. Out popped various papers, receipts, and an orange bottle. I had several there, but just one that needed to be taken in the evening. I had the others this morning. Cracking open the prescription, I dry swallowed two of the tiny pills inside. I’d need a refill soon and was grateful I hadn’t run out while on the road and traveling with Alex.
I closed my eyes with the swallow, trying to think only positively. Nothing stressful. Just positive. She was a strong girl. She’d be all right.
She had to be all right.
Not allowing myself to think any other way, I made my way to Gram’s house from the side. She wanted me here. She wanted me present so I’d be here. The side of my Gram’s ranch home had fine wooden panels that never ended. I’d never get over what my grandpop put into this place before he died. It was the only standing home I had ever known since Pop raised my brothers and me in a trailer park. That had been all right for us though. That had been all right.
The very man who’d brought me up surprised me when I went to open the side door of the ranch house. Stepping away from the door, I caught my pop’s burly frame. He was flipping some meats with a spatula over a large grill, thick smoke rising up above his dark Stetson hat.
Now or never was my thought as I redirected, heading that way to say “hi” to him. I hadn’t seen my pop as often as I should. Lately, it had just seemed easier that way. He, like most, had assumed I didn’t want to be a part of his new business, the one he started alongside my brother Griffin. A loan from my pro-athlete brother created a means for my pop to leave his previous job in construction and start his own just last year, a small crafting business. Right in the heart of the city, Chandler & Sons Furniture Co. would soon take a small piece of the business pie. They’d open this fall, but they would be minus one son in tow.
Bracing myself for battle, I approached the man behind the business, knowing good and well we’d have words here. We had in the past over my decision.
He turned slightly, a phone in his hand, and my pace slowed. He was on a call, his voice low into the phone, and I decided to delay the inevitable for just a bit longer.
“Uncle Brody!”
Closing the side door, I grabbed my niece Sarah off the floor before she could crash into me. She had a habit of running. Spinning her upside down, I smashed a kiss on her face. That elicited a giggle and when I pulled away, I noticed the half eaten cookie in her hand, as well as a ring of smeared chocolate around her mouth.
“Didn’t know you were growing out a goatee, kid,” I said, pointing at that chocolate ‘stache. I leaned in. “You sneak that or somethin’?”
She knew good and well she couldn’t have cookies before dinner. And though, I could smell the warm chili moving through the air, my gram had a strict “no eating until everyone is here” policy.
Sarah lifted her little finger, giving the shh sound and I could only laugh at her. I brought her on my hip; the girl getting way too big too fast. It seemed to be just yesterday she was in diapers.
“Where’s Grammy and your mama?” I asked her.
“Kitchen,” she said, nibbling on her cookie. “They’re makin’ pecan pie.”
Damn, was it good to be home. Sarah pointed the way, her cookie gone before we could even hit the kitchen. The room was a heaven of warm smells and hard working women, the back bone of my family. To my surprise, my cousin Marlene was in town from college, cooking away beside her own mama, my Aunt Robin.
I set Sarah down, letting her lead the rest of the way. She tackled Karen’s leg, slamming her face into her thigh and begging if she could finally have a cookie. She was an ornery little thing. Karen said no and Sarah left the room pouting. The exit sent the entire kitchen looking my way as Sarah had to pass me to get out. And so, the tsunami of hu
gs and kisses began. I got told everything from I was looking too thin to asking where my laundry was so they could do it. Always trying to take care of somebody, these women.
I gathered my aunt under my arm as she’d been the one who asked about my laundry. I lowered, kissing her cheek. “I can handle it.” They didn’t raise me to be independent for nothing.
She patted my chest and I made way for Gram. She got to me and I squeezed her with both arms, having to squat just to do it.
“I swear, Brody. You’re gonna break this old woman,” she said, laughing as she warmed my back with her hands.
She was wrong about that; me breaking her. This woman could never be broken. That wouldn’t be possible.
I went to pull away from the hug, but she didn’t let me at first, holding on for what seemed like just a moment longer. I let her, not minding, but it did worry me a little. My gram… nothing really could get past her, and that… yeah that did have me worrying. She let me go eventually, looking none the wiser, and I thought maybe the extra long hug had been in my head. By the time the hugs wrapped up and initial hellos passed, Sarah had made her way back into the kitchen. I gathered her up and took her out, knowing the women were working in there. We got into the living room and I set her down, letting her run away and another member of my kin appeared in the next room; Sarah doing a good job of announcing my arrival. My older brother Hayden sat on the couch by himself, turning his head.
I pulled off my ball cap, tossing it on a table behind the sofa, and slapped his hand. I had to do so kind of quiet as he had a sleeping baby in his hands. Crissy was only a few months old now, Karen giving birth to her over the summer.
He fist bumped me after. “So you do exist.”
I’d call him a fucker if he didn’t hold an infant. I let that one slide and crossed in front of the couch to sit beside him.
“Just lay off with that, Hay,” I said, settling in. I knew my job kept me away for weeks at a time. Gram reminded me of that every time I talked to her. I moved my hand behind the couch. “You ain’t ever handling Griff like this.” He was younger than us, a couple years behind me.
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