Outback Ghost

by Rachael Johns

  She headed into the house in the direction Heidi had run only moments before, trying to think more about the cottage than the man walking closely behind her. The hallway was sparsely decorated. The floorboards were dark and polished like the ones at the main homestead. There was an old-fashioned wooden side table with a mirror along one wall and a couple of old oil paintings of Aussie landscapes hanging opposite. The size of the house meant it only took her about two steps to get into the living room.

  She paused here and took a moment to look around. ‘Oh, it’s lovely.’

  Adam nodded and smiled as if pleased by her first impressions.

  She found herself drifting over to a piano that stood on one side of the room. It was open and she ran her fingers absentmindedly along the keys.

  ‘Do you play?’

  She spun on her heels at Adam’s question and shook her head, heat rushing to her cheeks yet again. ‘Not really. I dabbled as a child but could never be bothered with the practice. You?’

  ‘Same.’

  Neither of them said anything for a moment. She couldn’t quite put her finger on the awkwardness between them. She didn’t want to believe it was attraction but other explanations weren’t forthcoming.

  ‘So,’ he eventually said, ‘this is the living room. The TV is digital but our signal can be dodgy out here. However the DVD player is new and if you need to borrow any movies, I have a large selection at my place.’

  She smiled her thanks.

  ‘No kids’ ones unfortunately but I could ask around in town.’

  ‘Thanks, there’s no need. I brought a couple of Heidi’s faves but I’m hoping we’ll be spending most of our time outdoors while we’re here. Are there any parts of the farm that are off limits?’

  He rubbed one lip over the other as if in thought.

  ‘I grew up on a farm,’ she said, hoping to alleviate any worries he may have, ‘so I’ll be sensible.’

  ‘Really?’ The smile came back to his lips. ‘Whereabouts?’

  ‘Oh, down south,’ she said, not wanting to get into a conversation about her past.

  He nodded as if sensing her reticence. ‘Okay, well this room is pretty much self-explanatory. All windows can be opened to let in the afternoon breeze – and I suggest you do so to cool down the cottage before nightfall – and the screens are newly fitted.’

  ‘Did you only recently renovate?’ she asked. Although the house was clearly vintage, many of the fittings were new and there was a hint of fresh carpet smell still in the air.

  ‘Yep.’ He turned, talking as he headed out the room, down the hallway and into the kitchen-cum-dining room. ‘This was my uncle’s place until he died a few years ago. It sat empty for quite a while and every time I drove past, it made me sad. Cottages like this have so much character. They were built to be lived in and I couldn’t stand to let it grow more and more derelict to the point where I’d eventually have to bring a bulldozer in and cut our losses.’

  ‘That would be a tragedy,’ she agreed, her gaze landing on a vase of bright-coloured flowers on the kitchen table. Without thinking, she rushed forward and leaned over to breathe in the spring-fresh aromas. ‘These are beautiful.’

  ‘Not my doing, I’m afraid. Ruby’s good with little touches like that.’

  ‘Is Ruby your wife?’ Thankfully, her head was still bowed over the flowers so he couldn’t see the disappointment that had to be palpable on her face. Some things were impossible to conceal.

  ‘No.’ This one word was a little too effusive. ‘I’m not married. Ruby’s just a friend. She’s engaged to the local cop and cleans here for me between guests, but since you’re staying longer than most of our guests, I’d be happy to have her come in and tidy a few times while you’re here.’

  Stella squeezed her lips together, trying to tame the ridiculous joy that flooded through her at the news that Adam was not bespoused. That didn’t mean he didn’t have a girlfriend. And whether or not he did should be no concern of hers.

  ‘Thanks for the offer, but I’m sure I’ll have plenty of time to clean up after Heidi and me.’ Stella straightened and turned back to face him. ‘Is there anything else I should know?’

  It sounded like an obvious attempt to get rid of him – rude even to her ears – but she didn’t like the way he made her feel. Uncertain. Off balance.

  He shrugged one gorgeous, muscular shoulder. ‘Can’t think of anything.’ Then he gestured to a note on the fridge. ‘My number is there if you need anything. The water system and oven run on gas. There’s a bottle on the back veranda and you should have plenty but if you run out, let me know and I’ll come switch it over.’

  He paused and looked directly into her eyes. He had the most amazing eyes – a deep chocolate brown, with golden flecks that matched the sun-bleached tips of his hair.

  ‘If you need anything, just call.’ His voice was deep and sexily serious. He turned to go, but hesitated in the doorway of the kitchen. ‘I’ll be busy with harvest for the next few weeks but I’ve got to pop into town tomorrow and would be happy to give you a quick tour if you like? I could introduce you to a few people and show you the best spots on the beach.’

  Yes, her body cried. Take the gorgeous man up on his offer and give me a chance to be female again. To have fun, to flirt a little.

  As much as it pained her, she stamped on that voice like it was a cockroach trying to set up house in her pantry, then swallowed and pasted on what she hoped was an appreciative smile. ‘Thanks, but I wouldn’t want to waste your time. Heidi and I are used to working things out for ourselves.’

  As if saying her name had summoned her, Heidi zoomed into the kitchen, running so fast Stella had to catch her before she slammed into the bench.

  Adam laughed, which helped ease some of the guilt she felt for rejecting his attempts to be friendly. ‘I’ll leave you ladies to settle in. See you round.’

  Stella lifted a hand to wave goodbye, but didn’t see him out. He knew the way and she knew that if she spent one more second in his alluring presence, she’d find herself eating her independent words and begging Adam to take them under his wing.

  Luckily, she didn’t have long to contemplate that thought.

  Heidi tugged on her T-shirt. ‘Hungry, Mum. Look for cat. Feed it milk.’

  Stella laughed. ‘Let me get our things out of the car and unpack, then I promise we’ll do all those things and more.’

  She waited until she was certain Adam had driven off and then trekked out to the car to start bringing in their belongings. Heidi helped in her way, carrying her teddies and the lighter food bags. It was only when everything was piled inside the kitchen that Stella remembered Polar. Heidi hadn’t mentioned her for a couple of hours. Stella casually asked. ‘Did we leave Polar in the car?’

  Heidi adopted that look of concentration again and then eventually shook her head. ‘No. Polar gone. Polar scared of cats.’

  ‘I see.’ Stella wasn’t going to make a big deal of it but inside she couldn’t help but wonder. Generally Heidi had an overlap of imaginary friends – a new one came, hung about with the old for a day or two and then the old disappeared. Could this be the end of them? ‘I guess it’s just you and me then, sugar,’ she said, placing a kiss on top of Heidi’s head. ‘Now, what do you want for dinner?’

  While Heidi pondered this important decision, Stella took another moment to glance around, rubbing her hands up and down against her bare arms. Despite it still being hot outside, the cottage felt oddly cold and a little lonely now that Adam had left. She hoped that after a good night’s sleep such ridiculous feelings would disappear.

  For the last seven years it had been her and Heidi against the world. That was the way she liked it. And that was the way it would always be.

  Chapter Three

  Adam parked his ute in front of his parents’ place for the third time that day and let Mutton loose to go and annoy his mum’s dog, Goldie. Then he leaned back against the bonnet and sighed.

  It
seemed so long since he’d been there this morning for breakfast. To call today the day from hell would be a gross understatement and he had a killer headache to go with it. He should have learnt by now that anniversaries of his sister’s disappearance were never good but since the first few, this one took the cake. What he wanted right now was a long shower, a couple of Panadol and a good night’s sleep to clear his head, but he couldn’t attempt any of that until he’d checked in on his mum.

  He couldn’t believe his dad had been so quick to shoot through. Within an hour of announcing his decision, his bags were packed and he’d gone. Adam supposed there wasn’t any point lingering but he’d barely had time to get used to his own shock before having to worry about his mother’s. She’d been surprisingly stoic about her husband’s departure and had ushered Adam back out the door to work when he’d gone to check on her, but he hadn’t been able to stop worrying about what this would do to her. Today of all the days.

  And he didn’t even want to think about Christmas. It was always a solemn enough occasion as it was, but with only Mum and him, it would be hell. Maybe they could skip it this year. Just forget about the whole shebang. It wasn’t like he believed in Santa Claus anymore and he couldn’t give his mum what she really wanted, so any other present seemed like giving for the sake of giving.

  Yes, that was a good idea. Where most farmers in the district hoped like hell harvest would be over by December twenty-fourth, he’d be quite happy to spend the day on the header.

  After discarding his boots on the veranda, he pushed open the screen door, calling ‘Mum’ as he let himself in. He found her at the kitchen table drinking a cup of tea, poring over old albums, so cherished they were fraying at the edges.

  ‘How you doing?’ he asked as he sat beside her and glanced down at the photo of his sister on the tyre swing their father had built. She’d played on it so much more than he had and the way it still swung out the back on windy days often made him feel like she was still there with them. That and a zillion other little things.

  She looked across at him, closed the album and hugged it close against her chest. ‘Did the girls settle in okay?’

  ‘Yes. Fine.’ No thanks to him. He couldn’t believe he’d totally forgotten they had guests due to arrive. Seeing his mum happily offering them afternoon tea surprised him, but he’d been even more unprepared for the effect Stella Reynolds had on him. So far the only people who’d stayed at the cottage had been middle-­aged, usually couples looking for a break away from the big smoke. Most of them had left after a few days claiming to have recalled some urgent matter they needed to get home to or, if they were honest, admitting the place spooked them.

  Maybe Stella and her daughter would be the same. Maybe tomorrow morning he’d have a message on his mobile saying they’d already gone. That thought shouldn’t make him sad, he shouldn’t care – it wasn’t like they relied on the income from the cottage – but he did.

  ‘They’re lovely, aren’t they?’ Esther said. ‘Such a sweet little girl. Must be hard for Stella though, looking after a child like that on her own.’

  ‘Down Syndrome?’ Adam asked, wanting his mum to confirm his guess. Heidi had a sweet round face and masses of strawberry blonde hair like her mother, but the flat shape of her nose and upward slant of her almond-shaped eyes were typical of a child with Downs.

  Esther nodded. ‘I think so. I wonder if that’s why the father left. At least I assume she’s single. She didn’t mention a father or partner to you?’

  ‘No.’ There’d been no mention of a father but Stella’s aura of independence told him that’s because there wasn’t one. Whether that was because he’d died or left, Adam couldn’t tell and he wasn’t about to pry either. Still, the idea that someone could leave because their child wasn’t perfect repulsed him.

  ‘She’s a looker though, isn’t she?’

  Adam swallowed, unsure whether he could agree to this without giving away the fact Stella had affected him. He’d taken one look at her and almost forgotten why his mum had summoned him home. All he could think about was that the prettiest woman he’d ever laid eyes on was standing in the homestead kitchen. Muscles that had been lying dormant in his body for the longest time stood to attention and it had taken every effort to lift his eyes from her killer legs and make normal conversation.

  And then at the cottage he’d all but fallen over himself offering to show her around town – something he hadn’t offered to the few other guests who’d stayed.

  Blatantly changing the subject, he said, ‘Are you going to be okay here tonight? I’ve got a bit of a headache and I’m planning an early night, but if you want me to come stay, I’ll understand.’

  ‘Why wouldn’t I be?’ Esther’s brow furrowed as she looked at him like he was on drugs.

  Trying to quell the exasperation rising within him, Adam said, ‘Because Dad’s gone.’

  ‘You make it sound like he’s dead,’ she snapped. ‘He’s not dead. He’s left me. Good on him I say. I’m only surprised he hung out this long.’

  Adam opened his mouth but again found himself speechless.

  Esther’s expression softened and she reached out a hand to cover Adam’s. ‘I’m sorry. I can see this has been a shock to you, but you must see I’m not easy to live with.’

  His eyes widened. Of course he saw it, but he never thought she did.

  She shrugged. ‘I am how I am and I wish I could be different but I can’t. Doesn’t mean I want to stop my loved ones living the best life they can. I’ve been dragging your father down for too long. He’s a good man and he deserves more than I can give him. You do too, sweetheart. Don’t let me stop you finding love and happiness.’

  His mother’s words threatened to split his heart in two. She talked like she was a lost cause when he didn’t want to believe that was the case. Everything he’d done for as long as he could remember – renovating the cottage, staying on the farm when his mates had been overseas travelling, building a house close by – were all because he wanted to help her get better. To help the fun mum he had vague childhood recollections of return.

  But once again, words failed him. If he told her he wanted the same for her, for her to move on and live again, she’d only get angry like she had on so many occasions before. He felt unbelievably helpless. Defeated.

  ‘You should offer to show that lovely Stella and her daughter around town, take them on a picnic to the beach or something,’ she continued, once again steering the conversation away from his dad.

  Although Esther was a broken woman in many ways, she was still as stubborn as they came and if she didn’t want to talk about the demise of her thirty-odd year relationship, there wasn’t much point pressing the issue. He didn’t have the mental energy anyway, but neither did he want to talk about Stella or the fact he had invited her to spend time with him and she’d shut him down.

  ‘Mum, I’ve got harvest to focus on.’ He poured himself a glass of water from the jug on the table and took a sip. Then, ‘I get the impression Stella and Heidi are pretty happy to explore on their own, but you could always offer.’

  Esther, whom he guessed had some form of grief-induced agoraphobia, went quiet for a moment and Adam almost apologised for the ridiculous suggestion. She’d pretty much stayed within a couple of hundred metres of the homestead for as long as he could remember. She’d spent short stints at the cottage in the few months she’d been helping him and Ruby decorate but the night he’d managed to get her there for the completion celebrations had been a shambles. The stress of having to socialise with so many people had been too much and she’d barely stayed long enough to eat her barbecued steak.

  People, or rather extended family, occasionally visited her and that was the extent of her social life

  ‘You know, maybe I will,’ she said eventually.

  He almost choked on his second gulp of water. It had been his hope when transforming the cottage into farmstay accommodation that Mum would interact with the guests, but he�
�d all but given up that dream.

  She smiled smugly at him and he felt the pain in his head intensify.

  ‘Well,’ she said, pushing back her chair, laying the album back on the table and standing. ‘Can I get you some supper before you head home?’

  Like hell, Adam thought. She seemed more together than him after the events of the day and no way he wanted to suffer through another one of his mother’s meals if he didn’t absolutely have to. He could still taste the bacon she’d annihilated that morning. ‘No, thanks.’

  ‘You look exhausted. Don’t tell me you’re heading back out to the paddocks tonight?’

  ‘Nah.’ He shook his head, downed the rest of the water and then stood. He should be getting back to it – many farmers worked all night long this time of year – but he couldn’t summon the mental or physical energy necessary. Not tonight. ‘If you’re sure you’re going to be all right, I’ll give food a miss. But you know, if you change your mind, if you don’t want to be alone tonight, you only have to call me.’

  However much she irritated and frustrated him, she was still his mother and he was all she had. He could never give up on her.

  ‘I know.’ Esther’s eyes misted over and she surprised Adam by reaching out and drawing him against her. The last time she’d really hugged him, he had fitted into her arms, now it was the other way around. It felt weird, but also good. ‘Thank you, you’re a good boy.’

  Her surprising and unusual show of emotion had his tear ducts twitching. Thankfully, she retreated and he managed to pull himself together. ‘Right, I’ll see you tomorrow, Mum. I’ve got to head into town to get a couple of parts, so let me know if you need anything.’

  ‘Will do. Goodnight.’

  With a deep breath, Adam turned and headed down the hallway. Mutton, bored with Goldie’s lack of enthusiasm for play, was upon him the moment he stepped outside.

  ‘Easy fella,’ he said, ruffling the pup’s ears as he tried to wrangle his feet into his boots without being knocked over. If only life was as simple as it was for his dog. He worked and played hard, ate and slept and didn’t have a care in the world. Whereas tonight, Adam felt like the weight of the world was pushing down on his shoulders.