Outback Ghost

by Rachael Johns

  Feeding off her mum’s emotions, Heidi started to cry and Stella drew the little girl into her embrace again. They clung to each other for a few long moments. Adam knew how she must feel. Her heart would likely take a good hour to return to its normal pace and it would be a long while before she let Heidi out of her sight again even for a second. She’d re-live her guilt, finding every which way to blame herself for what could have happened. He understood every one of those feelings all too well but Heidi was fine and he hated to see them both so upset.

  ‘She’s okay, no harm done.’ He struggled to speak past the desire that had filled him so completely. One minute he’d wanted to lay into Stella about what had happened, the next he had to focus all his energies on fighting other more primal urges.

  ‘How can I ever thank you enough?’ Still clutching Heidi she turned to face him and heat rushed to his cheeks at the realisation she was oblivious to the towel mishap.

  It was almost impossible to lift his head so he wasn’t staring but somehow he managed. Speech wasn’t quite so easy.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ she said before he found the wherewithal to reply. ‘I swear, I thought she was safe watching TV. I’m so stupid not to have locked the doors but she’s never gone off like that before.’

  ‘You’re not stupid.’ He smiled down at Heidi so as not to have to look at her mother. ‘You won’t leave Mum without telling her again, will you?’

  Heidi shook her head seriously.

  ‘Good girl. I guess I’d better be getting back to work then.’

  Heidi, whose tears had subsided, wiped the back of her hand across her nose and said, ‘Ride the carvester?’

  ‘Oh, is that why you wandered off, honey?’ Stella stroked Heidi’s hair out of her eyes. ‘I told you Adam is working. He’s busy.’

  Her expression full of determination, Heidi looked at him and said ‘Please?’ The way she said that one word had a power over him he couldn’t explain. He felt as if it would be a cardinal sin to refuse her. ‘I don’t mind,’ he found himself saying. ‘How about you finish getting dressed and I’ll take her for a short ride?’

  Heidi clapped her hands excitedly.

  ‘That’s if you don’t mind,’ he added quickly. He thought Stella might like a few moments to collect her emotions but he guessed it was just as likely she wanted to keep Heidi close after the shock she’d just had.

  ‘Are you sure?’ Stella asked, scratching the side of her neck.

  Oh man. With that manoeuvre, her free breast bobbed a little higher and the muscles all over his body clenched. He couldn’t help thinking about reaching out and touching her. It had been a while since he’d been with a woman – one night stands no longer held the appeal they once had, they no longer satisfied him – but right now, all he could think about was how it would feel to break his drought with Stella.

  To stop himself doing something totally inappropriate, he dug his twitchy fingers into his pockets. Maybe he should tell her about the towel. Would it be more embarrassing if he said something or if she worked it out herself? Then again, if he could escape without making anything of it…

  ‘It’ll be fine,’ he nodded, swallowing to try to return the moisture to his mouth. He reached out his hand and Heidi rushed to take it. She smiled as if he’d just offered her the world on a silver platter. Starting to walk, and without looking back to Stella, he called over his shoulder. ‘Take your time. Come find us when you’re ready.’

  He helped Heidi into piggyback position and headed back to the paddock. Thinking about Stella’s nakedness distracted him from the fact he was alone with a child and had no clue how to act around her or what to say.

  Stella let out a long breath and placed her hand against her chest as she watched Adam carrying her daughter. Despite the way her libido took on a life of its own whenever he was around, she trusted him. She didn’t know why, she just did. Heidi adored him and so far he’d treated her with the utmost care and affection. In her opinion, offering to take Heidi for a ride when he was in the middle of one of the most important farming tasks of the year, showed what a great guy he was.

  But it would be wrong of her to abuse his generosity. She needed to get dressed and rescue him from Heidi as soon as possible. Turning, she headed back into the house and into her bedroom, stopping in front of the old wooden dresser where she kept her toner and moisturiser. One look in the mirror and the calm that had finally started to descend vanished in a spasm of total mortification.

  ‘Oh fuck!’ Her hand snapped to her mouth as she looked at her reflection. It wasn’t her puffy eyes or blotchy cheeks that made her want the floor to open up and swallow her. It was her breast. Considering she’d breastfed Heidi for almost two years, she thought she had a pretty good set but that didn’t mean she felt comfortable showing them off to men she barely knew. Despite the fact it was way too late for her to save her modesty, she yanked the towel up to cover herself and groaned.

  It was too much to hope he hadn’t noticed. Was he a gentleman for not mentioning it or had he got some kind of sick kick out of perving on her in front of her daughter? Even as she thought of this possibility, she ruled it out. The poor guy was probably more embarrassed by her little show than she was. How could she ever go out there and face him knowing what he’d just seen?

  Chapter Six

  Stella lay in bed, frozen at the sound of knocking coming from the kitchen.

  ‘Please stop,’ she prayed, certain it was a possum or a mouse or something but at the same time reasoning it was a mighty loud for such a small creature. Thinking of Heidi asleep in the room next door, she fought the urge to bury her head under her pillow and instead turned on her bedside lamp and looked around for something she could use as a weapon if the need arose. Bingo. Her eyes landed on a glass vase on the dresser. It had been the one in the kitchen with the flowers the day she’d arrived, but she’d moved it in here out of Heidi’s way. She thanked the Lord she wasn’t good at looking after such things and thus the water had dried up along with the flowers. Emptying the sorry-looking bouquet onto the dresser, she picked up the vase and grabbed her mobile as well.

  The noise stopped the moment she set foot into the hall. She didn’t know whether to go straight into the kitchen or check on Heidi. If she checked on Heidi first and there was someone there, she might alert them to her, so she took a deep breath and charged through the open kitchen door. She slammed her hand against the wall switch and within seconds light flooded the tiny room. Holding the vase ready to strike, she scanned the surfaces and under the table and then flung open the pantry door. Only when she’d checked each and every cupboard and completed a tour of the cottage, which included gazing down at a peacefully sleeping Heidi, did she begin to relax. The doors were both still locked and there wasn’t a sign that anything in the cottage had been disturbed.

  ‘I’m going insane,’ she said to herself and then laughed a little. She blamed that crazy Frankie for putting ideas into her head. Ever since they’d had that bizarre conversation in the cafe, she’d been over-reacting about things that usually wouldn’t bother her at all. A door would slam in the wind and she’d almost leap out of her skin. Yesterday she’d been playing tea parties in the living room with Heidi when she swore she heard footsteps in the hallway. She’d gone out to investigate and found Whiskers had pushed the screen door open and was now lounging under the side table.

  During the day it was easy to write off these little incidents or strange smells or the lights flickering, but when things like this happened at three o’clock in the morning, Stella found it hard to get back to sleep. Knowing this, she decided to make a cup of coffee and start work on the edits she’d just received from her publisher. Although her editor told her there was no rush, she’d been excited to get started and had planned to spend her nights working on them so not to take time away from Heidi during the day. Problem was, by the time she got Heidi into bed at night, Stella was usually exhausted.

  Maybe this was the key – get up wit
h the ghosts and work in the night.

  *

  ‘Please Mummy, can we go see Adam today?’ Heidi was sitting on the love seat, swinging her legs back and forth while Stella hung their towels over the veranda railing to air in the mid-morning sun.

  She clenched her jaw and tried not to get angry, but Heidi’s relentless pestering to go see the farmer grated on her nerves. And today, when she’d been awake half the night, her patience wasn’t at its best.

  ‘I was thinking we’d go into town and get a milkshake,’ she said, hoping to distract her. ‘Wouldn’t you like to see that nice Frankie lady again and have a play at the park or we could go to the beach or go shopping?’ Hell, she’d agree to practically anything bar stalking Adam, whom she’d skillfully managed to avoid running into since that awful breast incident two days ago.

  She still shuddered every time she thought about it. If Heidi didn’t love the farm so much she might have up and left.

  ‘No, Mummy,’ Heidi whined and shook her head. ‘Stay here with Lily-Blue.’

  ‘Well, then, we can make some playdough or do some colouring.’

  Heidi actually rolled her eyes – it was the first time Stella had seen her do such a thing. ‘Lily-Blue wants see Adam,’ she said.

  Of course she does, thought Stella. Having an imaginary friend was like having someone to go into bat for you whenever you weren’t getting your own way.

  ‘I said no, Heidi,’ Stella snapped, immediately feeling remorse. Heidi’s nature was happy and sociable, and it wasn’t her fault Adam made her mother’s nerve-endings quiver. She stopped what she was doing and knelt down next to her daughter. Lily-Blue was apparently sitting next to Heidi in the love seat and she knew better than to try to sit there. Taking her daughter’s hand, she spoke softly. ‘I know you had a great time with Adam in the harvester but I told you he’s busy.’

  ‘But I like him.’ Heidi’s lower lip shook.

  Stella’s heart hurt at her daughter’s disappointment. ‘I know you do, honey, I do too.’ More than she wanted to admit.

  ‘See Esther?’ Heidi asked, her eyes wide with hope.

  Stella sighed. After what Adam had said about his parents’ marriage break-up, she hadn’t wanted to bother Esther any more than she’d wanted to bother him, but they’d been here a week now and visiting his mum was the lesser of two evils. ‘Okay. She might not be there, but we can take a walk over to the big house and see.’

  ‘Yay.’ Heidi threw her little arms around Stella and almost knocked her off balance. Stella laughed and the tension that had been inside her since she’d been woken by that knocking in the night started to ease when Heidi added, ‘Love you’.

  Esther was home and to Stella’s dismay she didn’t seem any happier than she had the week before.

  ‘I’m sorry to land on you like this,’ Stella apologised as the other woman opened the front screen door, ‘but Heidi’s been desperate to visit.’

  Esther glanced down at Heidi, summoned a smile and then offered out her hand. ‘I’m so glad, come on in. I’ve been thinking about you both a lot,’ she continued as she led them down the hallway into a dreary lounge room.

  Stella wondered why the curtains were still drawn and why, if Esther had been thinking about them, she hadn’t come round to say hello herself. ‘We’ve been keeping busy,’ she said, trying to make conversation.

  ‘Take a seat.’ Esther gestured to two black leather couches. ‘Can I get you something to eat or drink?’

  ‘No, it’s fine, we just had morning tea.’ Stella settled onto one couch and gestured for Heidi to join her. Instead, Heidi sat as close as humanely possible to Esther on the other couch. She was about to apologise again, but Esther didn’t seem to mind and so Stella bit her tongue.

  ‘Tell me what you’ve been up to?’ Esther took hold of Heidi’s small hand and patted it.

  Heidi started chattering about their trips to the beach, the shells they’d found, the movie they’d seen in Geraldton and then finally she spoke about her ride in the ‘carvester’ as she’d coined it.

  ‘You’ve seen Adam then?’ Esther looked to Stella, seemingly pleased by this notion.

  ‘Not that much,’ Stella said, thinking about just how much of her Adam had seen. She couldn’t fight the heat that rushed into her cheeks at this recollection.

  Esther nodded. ‘He’s busy with harvest at the moment. Shocking time of the year. Tell you what, why don’t you two come round for lunch tomorrow?’ She glanced down at Heidi. ‘I can cook a mean sausage. Do you like sausages?’

  ‘Yep.’

  ‘It’s practically her staple diet,’ Stella added, relaxing a little into the couch.

  ‘It’s settled then. We’ll eat about midday but come round whenever you’re ready.’

  ‘Great, thanks. Is there anything I can bring?’ Stella asked.

  Esther’s brow creased as she thought a moment. ‘I have plenty of meat and sausages in the freezer, but I’m a little short on vegetables and I don’t want to pester Adam to go into town for me when he’s so busy. Maybe you could bring a green salad?’

  ‘I’d be delighted too. Don’t you drive?’

  Esther shook her head. ‘Not anymore.’

  ‘In that case I’d be happy to pick anything up for you if you need it,’ Stella offered. ‘Or better still, I’m happy to drive you while Adam’s too busy to. I’m going into town this afternoon if you’d like an outing.’

  Esther shifted in her seat and glanced down at her hands, not looking at Stella as she spoke. ‘Thank you but I’ve got plenty to do here.’

  It was an innocuous reply but Stella got the feeling there was more to it than Esther let on. She was an odd woman. Even when she smiled, a certain sadness hovered around her. Stella told herself not to be so harsh on the woman; her husband had just left her, for heaven’s sake. Maybe she simply didn’t want to be the centre of gossip in the small town. If she were in the same position, she’d probably want to lie low for a while too. Not that she ever would be.

  Stella had come close to marrying once – her parents and Samuel’s had been the traditional type, believing a pregnancy and a wedding ring should go hand in hand – but she’d had her three-month ultrasound a week before she was supposed to walk down the aisle and that was the end of that. Sometimes she wondered what her life would be like now if the radiographer hadn’t landed such a scary blow for a couple of nineteen year olds. Would they have managed to make marriage work for their child?

  Stella realised she’d drifted off into her own little world. Luckily Heidi had filled any awkward silences with more of her happy chatter and neither she nor Esther seemed to have missed her conversation.

  ‘Do you like Lego?’ Esther asked Heidi.

  The little girl nodded.

  Smiling, Esther stood. ‘You wait right there and I’ll go get Adam’s old box of the stuff.’

  When she returned, to Stella’s amusement, the older woman got down on the floor with Heidi and started to build a city of little block towers. She was patient and helped Heidi, who didn’t have the greatest fine motor skills, press the tiny blocks together. Heidi lured Stella onto the floor to join in the fun. She was so used to entertaining Heidi by herself that it was nice to have the pressure off her for a bit. The hours passed quickly but when Stella heard Heidi’s stomach rumbling, she decided it was time to try to drag her away.

  She pushed back onto her knees and arched her back, which was stiff and a little sore after such a long time sitting on the carpet. ‘I think it’s time for us to go now, Heidi. Thanks so much for letting us visit,’ she said to Esther. ‘I’m really looking forward to tomorrow.’

  ‘Me too,’ Esther said, grabbing onto the coffee table as she pulled herself up.

  As Stella walked back to the cottage hand-in-hand with Heidi, she looked back on the last few hours, feeling good when she realised that some of the sadness around Esther’s eyes had shifted while she’d been playing with Heidi. Once again, she felt immensely proud of
her very special daughter.

  Over the next few days Adam thought about little else but Stella’s breast. Long hours in the paddocks gave him plenty of moments to re-live the episode on the cottage’s veranda and he found the more he tried to push the image from his mind, the more it pestered to be remembered. Even at night, exhausted from the long, gruelling days, his dreams were filled with Stella and how it would have felt to ignore propriety that day, to have stepped forward and filled his hand with her breast.

  Although he’d finished harvesting in the paddock closest to the cottage, he found himself on high alert, constantly on the look out for a glimpse of his guests. When he’d taken Heidi for a ride, she’d told him lots about what she and Stella had been up to. Apparently they’d been walking the farm looking for bunyips. He smiled as he remembered the excitement in her voice when she’d told him. He’d had to swallow a strange desire to offer to go with them some time. For one, he didn’t have time right now for anything but the task at hand. For two, he’d never had a desire to spend time with a child before.

  Still, despite this knowledge, as he ploughed up and down the paddocks, his eyes were peeled wide in case today was another bunyip hunting day. Pathetic as it was, he’d driven by the cottage in the ute early yesterday morning and today in the hope of getting a glimpse of Stella breakfasting on the veranda. Either he was too early or too late but he hadn’t seen her since that first morning when she’d waved at him. The urge to see her was so overwhelming that he found himself sitting in the harvester conjuring up excuses for a visit.

  He’d been so deranged as to think about creeping over there at night and puncturing one of her tyres so she might have to call on him for help. But aside from it being plain creepy, there were two other possible problems with this idea. One, Stella seemed a capable, independent woman and it was highly likely she could change a tyre without his help. And two, what if she heard him and started freaking about noises in the night like all the other guests had? He might turn into a fumbling teenage boy whenever he got near her, but that didn’t mean he wanted her to leave.