Outback Ghost

by Rachael Johns

  She needed to remember that whenever she started getting all hot under the collar.

  Taking a breath, she cleared her throat. ‘We should be going.’ Yes, she had a meal to cook. For her friend. ‘Thanks for looking after Heidi, Esther.’

  ‘You’re very welcome. And I’m so sorry she’s wet again. We were watering my plants and we got carried away but we’ve had such a lovely day.’

  ‘We decorated tree, Mummy,’ Heidi said, shaking off the towel. ‘For Christmas. Come see.’

  ‘I will, honey, but not today. We’re all wet and I want to go home and get us changed.’

  Stella waved goodbye to the others, then scooped Heidi up and hurried down the garden path, resisting the urge to turn and steal one last glance at Adam. Hopefully inviting him for dinner wasn’t the stupidest thing she’d ever done.

  Adam kicked his boots off on the porch, ordered Mutton to stay and behave and then followed his mum into the house, trying not to think about how see-through Stella’s T-shirt had become after the water fight.

  ‘I’ll just get changed,’ Esther called over her shoulder as she headed down the corridor towards the master bedroom. ‘I can’t wait to hear all about harvest.’

  He shook his head at the chirpiness in her voice and ripped off his shirt, which clung to his wet skin. He dumped his clothes in the laundry and then retrieved the spares he’d never bothered to remove from his old bedroom. On his way to the kitchen, he almost pulled a neck muscle as he doubled back to peer into the lounge room.

  ‘Holy shit.’ So his eyes hadn’t been deceiving him, he thought as he stepped into the room and stared at the Christmas tree. Haphazardly decorated to a height that Heidi could reach, he only just recognised it as the tree they’d had for goodness knows how long. Despite mourning his sister for twenty years, Christmas had continued like clockwork in this house – there’d always been a tree with presents (it’s amazing what you could get in a catalogue) beneath it for Lily-Blue just in case she came back in time to open them. But like the half-cocked celebration that had always ensued, the tree had been decorated in habit rather than love. There’d always been an even scattering of cutesy decorations, just the right amount of tinsel and a string of coloured fairy lights that his mum checked rigorously to ensure they all worked.

  It had always looked perfect – an ideal façade for the pain and heartache that came with yet another Christmas without his sister. But this tree was different.

  A lone tear escaped and trickled down his cheek. He swiped it back, swallowing a flood of emotion. Should he be freaked out or joyful about his mother’s seemingly quite normal behaviour? Lost in thought, he didn’t hear her enter the room until she spoke.

  ‘What can I get you to drink?’

  Frowning – refreshments the last thing on his mind, but seemingly always on hers – he turned around to look at her. ‘The tree looks good. Did you make the paper chain with Heidi?’ He didn’t mean it but his tone came out bitter. He couldn’t recall his mother bringing him into any of her Christmas preparations in the last twenty years.

  She nodded and then took a step towards him, squeezing her lips together as if she too were trying to contain certain emotions. ‘I’m so sorry, darling.’

  ‘What for?’

  ‘For never doing all these things with you.’ She gestured to the tree. He blinked, wondering if he’d voiced his thoughts aloud. ‘For not being a proper mum because I was so consumed with my own grief.’ She sniffed and her eyes glistened with unshed tears.

  Adam didn’t know what to say.

  ‘I want to try to get help again,’ she said eventually. ‘I want to stop being poison to me but also to you and your dad. I know I haven’t been fair, I know…’

  What she knew got lost in the whoosh as he rushed forward to wrap his arms around her. They clung tightly to each other, both of them losing the battle not to cry. Although Adam now towered over his mum, he felt like a little boy who’d finally got the response he’d been craving for years. All this time he’d been willing to do anything to help her but she’d never until today acknowledged that she needed it.

  After a long while, when their tears eased, Esther pulled back slightly. ‘I know I can’t make up for not being here for you all these years, but I do mean it about getting help. The doctor said there’s something called Skype therapy now where I can chat to a counsellor in Perth and I’m going to try it.’

  ‘I’m so glad to hear that, Mum. I just want you to be happy.’

  ‘Thank you, darling.’ She reached up and cupped his cheek in her palm. ‘It’s amazing you turned out so well. I’m so proud of you.’

  He swallowed. Emotion was one thing but he’d never been great at accepting compliments. ‘Whatever it takes, Mum,’ he said, deflecting her focus off him. ‘If you need help setting up the Skype or whatever, I’m here. And I’m proud of you for taking this step.’

  She beamed. ‘I think this calls for a celebratory dinner, don’t you? Why don’t you go home, have a shower, get changed and come back in a couple of hours. We’ll toast the end of harvest and my decision to stop being a fruit loop.’

  ‘You’re not a fruit loop, Mum.’

  ‘That’s nice of you to say. So, what do you say? Dinner?’

  Even if he didn’t have plans with Stella, the idea of dining on his mum’s celebratory cooking didn’t appeal, but he didn’t want to hurt her feelings. ‘I say that sounds good, but Stella already invited me over to celebrate the end of harvest so why—’

  ‘Oh. Did she?’ Esther interrupted, her smile betraying her excitement.

  ‘It’s not like that. We’re just friends. You should come along. Heidi will be there too, remember.’

  ‘I could babysit for you,’ she said, her tone hopeful.

  ‘No, Mum. It’s not like that.’ At least it shouldn’t be, which was why he needed Heidi as chaperone. ‘Seriously, you should come. I’m sure Stella would have asked you herself to say thanks for the babysitting if she hadn’t been distracted by the hose.’

  ‘Actually.’ She offered him a clearly fake yawn. ‘I’m very tired. I love looking after Heidi but it’s exhausting.’ To add to her theatrics, she flopped down onto the couch. ‘But you have a good night.’

  Stifling a smile and knowing there was no point arguing, Adam bent to kiss his mum on the cheek. ‘I will. And you get some rest, okay. We’ll chat tomorrow.’

  He turned and was almost out the house when she rushed to catch up. ‘Are you taking something with you tonight?’

  Leaning against the door jamb, he nodded. ‘I’ve got a couple of beers and a nice bottle of wine.’

  ‘No.’ She scowled. ‘You should pick some flowers from the garden and how about I make a chocolate pudding for you to take along. I haven’t made one for ages.’

  That’s because your chocolate puddings are shite, Adam thought, not voicing his thoughts for obvious reasons. ‘I thought you were tired,’ he said instead.

  ‘This won’t take long. Stop by on your way over to the cottage. You can collect the flowers then too.’

  What was the point in arguing? He decided no matter what he said, she’d see what she wanted to see, and the truth was he couldn’t be disappointed by her new attitude. Even if she did seek help, he knew the journey ahead would be long and tough. He wouldn’t let himself get too hopeful, but neither did he want to do anything to put a dampener on her newfound positivity.

  ‘Okay, I’ll see you in a couple of hours.’ Smiling, he pushed open the door and was immediately greeted by a hyperactive and wet Mutton. He screwed up his nose as he looked down on the woeful looking dog. ‘Have you been rolling in the wet dirt?’

  In response, Mutton raised a paw to Adam’s legs and wagged his tail vigorously. Adam chuckled. ‘Looks like we both need a good bath before tonight.’

  With one ear listening out for Heidi who was playing in the bath, Stella ran into her bedroom and threw open the wardrobe. Knowing they’d be staying for two months and not wanting t
hat living-out-of-a-suitcase feeling, she’d unpacked all their clothes on arrival but as she scanned through the hangers nothing jumped out at her. Dammit. Why hadn’t she packed something a little more special? Her holiday outfits consisted mostly of shorts, T-shirts and bathers – perfectly fine for days hanging out with Heidi but not what she wanted to wear to have dinner with a man.

  Her heart jolted at the thought, but she quickly reined it in. She might be having dinner with a man but it was not a date. It was simply two friends sharing a meal, celebrating the end of a job well done. And Heidi would be there. That pretty much ruled out any chances of hanky-panky and that was a good thing. Her silly hormones needed to take a chill pill. Even if she had the right clothes, matching underwear, all the things a woman needed to seduce a man, she wouldn’t know what the hell to do once she had him naked.

  Naked.

  The thought of Adam naked made her woozy. She took three steps backwards and crashed down onto the bed before her knees gave way beneath her. She lay there for who knows how long, staring at the ceiling, wondering if she was treading dangerous water hanging out with Adam but mostly trying to get the image of him naked out of her head. Problem was she’d already seen him dripping wet and shirtless and had a pretty good inkling that anything more would seriously jeopardise her ability to get a good night’s sleep ever again.

  ‘Mum.’ At Heidi’s call from the bathroom, Stella took another deep breath and forced herself off the bed.

  ‘There in a minute,’ she called. Then, before she could start overthinking everything again, she strode back to the wardrobe and all but wrenched a summer maxi dress from the railing. It was pale lemon and made of a soft T-shirty material. She’d ordered it online and hadn’t yet found an occasion to wear it, but it might just be perfect for this evening. Not too dressy but a little more special than T-shirt and shorts. ‘And there you go overthinking it again,’ she said to herself.

  With a shake of her head, she laid the dress on the bed and headed into the bathroom to rescue Heidi.

  ‘Adam coming tonight,’ Heidi said as Stella entered the bathroom.

  ‘I know.’ Stella grabbed a big fluffy towel from the rack and gestured for Heidi to pull the plug.

  ‘I’m talking to Lily-Blue,’ Heidi said rather indignantly as she looked past her mum towards the toilet.

  A chill ran down Stella’s spine. All the warmth that had built up inside her while thinking about Adam vanished. Did Heidi know Adam had once had a sister with the name Lily-Blue? She swallowed, the hands holding the towel shaking slightly. Should she use this opportunity to ask Heidi more about her new friend? To find out if this was really just some crazy coincidence or…

  She dismissed the thought, worried that whatever Heidi said might hinder her ability to act normal around Adam this evening. If only the imaginary friend would take a hike.

  ‘Come on, time to get out,’ she said a little tersely. ‘You’re already turning into a prune.’

  Heidi looked down at her wrinkly fingers and giggled. Her smile lit her face as she obeyed her mother by pulling the plug out and standing carefully. Stella helped her out as the water gurgled down the plughole. She rubbed the little girl dry, hoping Heidi would refrain from mentioning her ‘imaginary friend’ over dinner. ‘Let’s go get you into your pjs.’

  Heidi shook her head. ‘Want to wear dress.’

  Stella raised an eyebrow. ‘You hate dresses.’

  But Heidi was hearing none of it. She was excited about having company for dinner and wanted to look good for Adam. Stella couldn’t blame her. She dug through her daughter’s clothes and found a pretty pink broderie anglaise dress she’d bought in the hope Heidi might one day grow out of her shorts and T-shirt obsession. They dressed together and then Heidi sat on the end of the bed scrutinising Stella as she applied more make-up than she’d usually wear for dinner with a friend.

  ‘What’s that red stuff?’ Heidi asked, her chubby little finger pointing accusingly at the lipstick in Stella’s hand. ‘Why you putting it on mouth?’

  Stella shrugged. The truth was she wanted to look her best when Adam arrived but she didn’t want to admit this to Heidi any more than she wanted to admit it to herself. ‘My lips are a little sore, this softens them.’

  ‘What’s that black stuff?’ Heidi’s questions were a testament to how often Stella made the effort to spruce up.

  Finally, Stella decided she was ready (hopefully not too over-the-top), so she and Heidi moved onto the next task. For Stella that involved a lot of banging and clanging in the kitchen, glancing at the clock every five seconds and sipping white wine to try to calm her ridiculous nerves. For Heidi it meant watching Giggle and Hoot on ABC Kids, chattering away as she did so. Whiskers lounged luxuriously on the couch beside her and Stella chose to believe her daughter’s words were for the cat and not for something she didn’t know how to explain.

  ‘Hello? Can I come in?’

  At the sound of Adam’s voice wafting through the open front door, Stella almost burnt her hand on the tray of pumpkin as she checked it in the oven. Cursing under her breath, she dumped said tray on a wooden chopping board, wiped her hands against her apron, ripped it off, shoved it in a drawer and then smiled as she called, ‘Sure, I’m in the kitchen.’ Smiling while she spoke was a trick she’d learnt years ago to make herself sound happy and carefree. Because she was. Totally. She straightened, ran her hands through her hair and then leaned back against the bench.

  ‘Hey.’ Adam appeared in the doorway juggling a bottle of wine, a plate covered in al-foil and flowers.

  Oh. Flowers. Her stomach flipped, shooting tingles right down to her toes. She couldn’t recall the last time someone had brought her flowers. Had anyone ever brought her flowers?

  ‘Geez, let me take some of that,’ she said, rushing forward to help him unload.

  ‘Thanks,’ he laughed. ‘This is from me.’ He indicated the wine as he dumped it on the kitchen table. ‘And this is from Mum.’ He put the container next to the wine. ‘If we know what’s good for us, we’ll chuck it in the bin and lie when she asks us how it was.’

  Stella laughed, but she really wanted to ask who the flowers were from.

  As if reading her mind, he glanced down at the bunch of bright flowers, wrapped simply at the stems with a plain white ribbon, and offered them to her. ‘And these are from both of us.’

  ‘Oh?’ She took them and bent her head to inhale the gorgeous summer aroma.

  He nodded. ‘To be honest, I think Mum has some grand ideas about you and me getting together.’

  ‘Hah.’ She threw back her head and giggled as if this was the funniest notion she’d ever heard. Adam obviously thought so, and she guessed it wasn’t just the fact he lived in Bunyip Bay and she in Perth that had him wanting to keep his distance.

  ‘She suggested the flowers and I thought why the hell not? Just because this is simply a celebratory dinner between two friends, doesn’t mean you don’t deserve a bit of colour. I hope you like them.’

  ‘I love them.’

  He grinned. ‘You look gorgeous, Stella. I love that dress.’ And although he offered an appreciative sweep of his gaze down her body, she knew he didn’t have any expectation.

  ‘Thank you,’ she replied, fighting the urge to brush off his lovely compliment. He looked gorgeous too – his hair still damp from a shower, his strong muscular body beautifully encased in dark jeans and a white cotton shirt. If she were an artist, she’d want to paint him. Heck, she could barely draw stick figures for Heidi and she wanted to paint him.

  She held up the flowers to distract herself. ‘I’ll pop these in a vase and then start dishing up. Hope you don’t mind but Heidi is used to eating early.’

  ‘Not at all. I’ll go say hi to her now.’ Adam turned to go and Stella was grateful for the moment to stare at the beautiful flowers and let her imagination run away. No harm in dreaming, right?

  She retrieved the vase from her bedroom, filled it with water and arran
ged the flowers in the middle of the table. They did give the place a brighter feel and, looking at them, she couldn’t help but grin. The timer for her pasta pinged and she stopped gazing at the flowers to throw the chicken, pumpkin, pasta and other ingredients together. When it was ready to serve, she went in search of Heidi and Adam. She heard their voices coming from the bathroom.

  ‘I think the decorations you made are awesome,’ she heard Adam say as she came to a stop in the doorway.

  ‘Thanks,’ came Heidi’s reply.

  Stella’s heart squeezed tightly at the sight before her. Adam and Heidi standing alongside each other at the basin, scrubbing their hands in readiness for dinner. She had to swallow the ball of emotion that formed in her throat. They looked so normal. Heidi got along with almost everyone but she’d never had a close relationship with a man and for the first time Stella wondered if that meant she was missing out on something.

  ‘Have you washed your hands, Stella?’ Adam’s eyes sparkled as he looked into the mirror at her reflection. Their eyes met and she hoped he couldn’t read minds.

  ‘Of course,’ she scoffed. ‘Would I make dinner with dirty hands?’

  Heidi laughed, dried her hands on the towel and grabbed hold of Adam. ‘Come on, eat time.’

  Stella dished up their dinner, Adam cracked open the wine and poured some juice for Heidi and they sat down to eat. Heidi barely gave them a chance to talk – too busy relaying a detail by detail account of her day with Esther – but that was okay. Nothing made Stella happier than seeing Heidi in her element. Some people found her larger-than-life personality hard to handle but, like his mother, Adam embraced it.