by Lisa Kumar
Nara planted her hands on her hips. “Not by choice.”
At her bossy stance, a trickle of amusement warred with the need to scold her. “Yes, but the result is the same. She doesn’t know us.”
Her mouth set mulishly. “She will. She is already beginning to. Where is your hope? When we despaired, you were the one to comfort us.”
Lorh straightened his shoulders. She was right. That was his position, not hers. As the head of the family, he held everyone together, often overlooking his own needs and wants to do so. Now could be no different, and more than ever, he needed his wits about him.
He glanced up at her smirking face, knowing she had succeeded in what she’d set out to do—give him a dose of strength to buoy up his spirits. “The battle is far from over, but she is not going anywhere.”
Throwing herself into his arms, she hugged him. “I like how you think, brother.”
For a moment, peace welled up in his chest, and he closed his arms about her. “Then we are in accord, sister.”
Her laughter banished any tension left in the room, easing his heart and mind further. With a family like this, how could she not stay?
He pulled on her hair playfully. “Do you know who you remind me of when you get that pigheaded expression on your face?”
She giggled, knowing quite well to whom he referred. “Mother.”
Lorh let a smile of reminiscence drift over his face. “You could be her twin when you’re in a tizzy.”
Nara stared down her nose at him. “That, my good sir, is a compliment.”
He sobered. “I never said it was not. Tis a wonderful trait.” He paused. “When not directed at me.” Nara harrumphed, pouting, but didn’t reply. “Do you not have studies you are to be attending?”
At her flush, he put her away from him. “Go do them, and then visit Sirina.” She left with dragging feet, leaving him alone with his thoughts.
****
A few hours later, Lorh found Natalie huddled on her bed. When her wan features greeted his eyes, his hope that she had a peaceful nap was obliterated. The lids of her red-rimmed hazel eyes drooped, making her look like she could drift off into sleep.
“Natalie?” She ignored him, though her eyes widened. Shutting the door, he crossed over to her. The bed shifted under his weight, causing her to look at him. “Are you well?”
She shook her head, misery flitting across her face. “Something’s going on. I feel it here.” As tears welled up in her eyes, she touched her head. “New memories, new ideas, are inserting themselves in my mind. Tell me I’m not going mad.”
He gentled his voice. “You’re not going mad.”
“Are someone else’s memories overtaking my life?”
“I can’t answer that question, but know what you are experiencing happens for a reason.”
“A reason everybody knows but me.”
He couldn’t deny it. “It must seem that way.”
She swiped at the tears that streaked down her cheeks with the back of her hand. Reaching into the pocket of his breeches, he withdrew a handkerchief. His hand shook when he mopped up her tears. Natalie held still, not moving—indeed, hardly breathing. Then her hand came up and covered his. For a moment he thought she would try to snatch the bit of fabric, but she didn’t.
Instead, she stared, gazing straight into him. He shivered, the look searing him to his soul. Alarm and remembrance flared in her eyes as the veil that barred her past memories lifted an inch more. Her hand reached out to his cheek and left a trailing wake of sensation to his jawbone. A sigh shivered over his lips.
She breathed, “I know you.” Her eyes widened, her hand falling away from his face, and she lay unmoving.
His heart plummeted, and he bent over her. Please, let her have just fainted. He couldn’t stomach the thought of anything else. The soft puff of breath on his cheek assured him she breathed, as did the rise and fall of her chest. His quaking hands smoothed the hair back from her face. After he finished his inspection, he determined she’d merely fainted, her beleaguered mind flooded with images and sensations it couldn’t handle.
He swallowed thickly, his mouth and throat dry. For a while he stared down at her, as if afraid by taking his gaze off her, she would disappear. Finally moving, he covered her up with the counterpane and dragged a chair near the bed for a silent vigil.
Chapter Six
Natalie groaned, frowning, as she woke up with the mother of all headaches. Alcohol hadn’t been on the lunch menu. In fact, she couldn’t remember eating or drinking anything since lunch. The afternoon was a mysterious haze. Scrunching up her face, she tried to ignore the light streaming through her eyelids.
Starting at the morning, she ran the events of the day through her mind. The day stopped in the early afternoon, soon after Nara came to her room. She’d been combing the girl’s hair and then…nothing. Her eyebrows snapped together. Surely she hadn’t fallen asleep, but if not, where were her missing memories?
First, she should get up and ascertain what day it was, though she would hazard it was the following morning because of the bright light. Her eyelids snapped open and confirmed her assessment. Her gaze slid across the room, and abruptly stopped, only to return to the chair sitting beside her bed. To the fey male sitting in it, asleep.
Though confused as to why Lorh was at her bedside, she found the unguarded look on his face endearing. The tiny crinkles around his eyes had softened, making his face carefree of worries. She instinctively knew he was anything but this. So much of the time, his manner was cryptic, and teasing, yet restrained. Now he appeared as an open book, whose pages she could thumb through. What would such a story tell? When had her storyline merged with his?
She vacillated between letting him sleep and waking him up. But what could he tell her that she couldn’t reason out herself? His answers confounded more than helped, anyway.
Settling back into the pillows, she took in the view while she had the privilege of it. His eyelids fluttered every so often, making her think wakefulness descended upon him. But his eyes didn’t open. His chest rose and fell slowly, so he didn’t seem to be awaking.
“Little bird, you’re watching me so intently. Do you intend to take me home to your nest?”
She jumped. His lips barely moved, let alone the rest of his face and body. “You’re awake?”
His lips twitched. “Hmm, what do you think?”
“I would say yes.”
“Smart girl.”
“What are you doing here?”
“You had an unfortunate incident. You were not ready.”
She groaned. “Not ready for what?”
“If you were ready, you would already know.”
She glared at him. Not this again. Though she hadn’t been expecting answers, his unhelpful replies gave not one clue away.
A smile formed on his lips, making her wonder if he might be able to read minds or at least see with his eyes closed. She shuddered at those invasive possibilities, but would not discount any impossibility in this world.
He finally opened his eyes. “Well, since you are up, why don’t you ready yourself for the day? I have a little surprise arranged for you.” Standing up, he walked to the door. “Wear something in which you can ride comfortably.”
“Ride?” Her voice came out a squeak, but the door had already closed behind him.
****
Natalie quickly bathed in the adjoining bathroom, still marveling at the large sunken tub that filled with water after turning the taps. TirAnn had no electricity. She didn’t understand the plumbing or architecture needed to bring about such a luxury, but could appreciate it, nevertheless.
After drying off and covering up with the towel, she walked to the wardrobe that held her provided assortment of clothes. Natalie found a riding habit type of garment that should make riding easy, never mind that she didn’t know how to ride. But she would cross that horse when she came to it. While arranging her hair, her hands stilled. She hoped they were hors
es, and not dragons or some other outlandish creature that shouldn’t exist.
Natalie shrugged. She wouldn’t know until she went. Looking at her reflection in the looking glass once more, she gave herself a final pat and headed to the door.
She arrived at Lorh’s study in little time. He waited there, but so did the rest of his family, and they greeted her with a chorus of hellos. Everyone appeared dressed for the occasion, the girls similarly attired to her, while Aeron was dressed much the same as Lorh. Even Sirina, who was spinning around in circles, had on a miniature version of her older sisters’ clothing.
Natalie didn’t mind them being in on this secret outing. On more than one occasion, she’d found herself wishing that any future children she might have would resemble Lorh’s siblings in some way. But she never allowed herself to explore that thought too closely, as that led to daydreams of who their possible father might be. Her mind all too readily supplied Lorh in that leading role, though that wouldn’t be possible. She had to return home. He had his life here, and she had hers…back on Earth. The two should not meet.
Aiya came up to her, studying the floor. “We’re going on a picnic.” She glanced up, still not meeting Natalie’s eyes. “It shall be great fun.”
Natalie forced a smile to her lips. The little girl’s words sounded rehearsed, much like they did most of the time. Why was Aiya so uneasy around her? Sirina and Nara didn’t have the same problem. And Aeron’s behavior was explainable by his age and gender. She would expect nothing else from a teenage boy, fey or not.
Her heart sped up a bit. What did she know about fey teenagers to make such an assumption? But the thought had felt so natural, as if it had been there in the form of knowledge for years.
A tugging on her skirt drew her attention away. Sirina stood there, and as soon as she saw Natalie look at her, she held up her arms. “Up.”
Bending down, Natalie complied, while the toddler bounced in excitement. Little arms slid around her neck. The sensation should’ve felt new, but it didn’t. Even though it wasn’t possible, her mind supplied hundreds of such occurrences.
She faltered slightly under Sirina’s insubstantial weight, causing Lorh to come over to her side. He slipped an arm about her waist, supporting her with the side of his body. Her thoughts so preoccupied, she couldn’t even work up the energy to give him a thankful smile.
What was she remembering? Someone else’s memories? She froze. Those words replayed like a broken record, echoing in her mind. Warm and cold chills swept over her in quick succession, leaving her to tremble like a plastic sack caught up in a fierce wind.
Memory came roaring back. Of the incident in her chamber while combing Nara’s hair. Of Lorh later coming into her room. Of her recognizing him in a moment of complete clarity before she’d blacked out.
Natalie’s thoughts crumbled, and the room rushed at her. Only Lorh’s arms kept her upright. Sirina’s small hand rested against her cheek, warm and so real. “Mama.” Sirina patted her cheek.
Her mind splintered into a thousand pieces, but this time no blessed darkness swallowed her up. Past visions bombarded her, leaving her blind. The fragments of her memory had to be picked up, but for every fragile piece she gathered, two dropped. She gasped, drowning under the onslaught.
Lorh’s voice barely registered as he called for Aeron. “Take Sirina and your sisters out of the room.”
“But what of—”
Lorh cut his son off, for she now knew that was who he was to Lorh. To her. “I will come for you all, but I need to be alone with your mother for a while.”
Sirina’s weight was lifted from her and Lorh’s arms. Lorh guided her over to a sofa. The door closed behind the siblings with a hushed finality. Her gaze settled on the male who used to be her husband. Who might still be her husband. Natalie didn’t know how such things worked. How was she even back? It should’ve been impossible. But the hardest fact to grasp was she had children. She was twenty-seven, and her youngest was older than her.
He stood a few feet away from the sofa. “You have remembered?”
“They’re m…my children and yours. How?” The sketchy memory of her previous life refused to fill in all the blanks.
A slight smile relieved the solemnity of his face for a few seconds. “In the normal manner.”
This broke through her haze temporarily, making her blink in wonder. “You’re unbelievable. I wasn’t talking about that, about procreation.” She shook her head in dismay. “How did a human end up with a fey lord?”
“We fell in love.” A frown formed on his brow. “Surely you have some memory of that?”
Opening her mouth to speak, she paused, considering his words. Remembering that flash of perfect clarity, though short it had been, she found she did have recollection of their love. But it wasn’t so much a memory than a sensation of love and security that had swept over her. On every basic level, she’d recognized him fully.
Her words came haltingly. “I have a sense, an impression, if you will, of the love and affection we felt. The day-to-day rituals and activities from our previous life together are largely not there.” She put her head in her hands, frustration building up. At him, at her, at the situation. At life. “A lot is not there.”
The cushion dipped when Lorh sat down by her, but he made no move to touch her. “That is to be expected.”
Peering up through the cover of her hair, her eyes narrowed, and she sent him a sidelong glance. That was all he was going to add? His calmness baffled yet irritated her. Some part of her mind told her it was merely the nature of fey to be so, but the other part of her wanted to see his fine restraint ground to dust under her heel. Her supposed life course was careening out of her hands. And all he could tell her was that it was expected.
Platitudes couldn’t placate her now, only the releasing of some well-placed spite could. She tried to stop her downward spiral to that admittedly immature level, but her control slipped with every breath. “I don’t want to know what’s expected. I want to know what’s happened in the past and what’s happening now. Not only what my life had been like, but what I’ve missed in the intervening years. How my previous life ties into the present. Good heavens, I have children!” Even though she endeavored to keep her voice strong, by the end of her little rant, her voice held a beseeching note that only spurred on her anger.
“I don’t feel we should push your mind any further than we already have.”
Lurching up, she crossed her arms over her chest. “How do you know that my mind isn’t ready?”
His mouth tightened, but his voice remained level. “If it was, you would have your full memory.”
“That’s nonsense, and you know it. You just want to hold all the power, all the knowledge, so you can lord it over me.”
Now she’d touched a nerve. His jaw firmed, and his tone took on a harsher tone. “When have I ever done that? Think back. Did you receive that kind of negativity from the sensations you felt? While it is undoubtedly like my people—and, yes, even yours—to act in such a way, it has never been our way. You know this, but are scared and angry. Once you regain your memories, you’ll see this. But for right now, you’re looking to vent your ire somewhere, anywhere.”
“Eww.” Her fists clenched. Natalie so wanted to punch him. What did it matter if he was partially right? He was too controlled, too unflappable. To smash that veneer to smithereens would make her feel better. She was sure of it. “Easy for an ancient fey to give his wise little speech to an ignorant human when he holds all the cards.”
He stayed seated and regained any equilibrium he’d lost. “If you would but calm down, I believe your memories would come back more quickly and give you the information you seek.”
That was it. Stomping to the door, she whirled around to glare at him. “I may have loved you, but I find I don’t like you much right now.”
“You are not too likable yourself at the moment. But the past will return, and you will remember our love for what it was.�
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Her hand stilled on the knob. “You make it sound like our love was perfect.”
He let out an amused sound. “It wasn’t perfect, far from it.”
She closed her mouth with a snap. “Nice to know where I rank, after all.” Twisting the doorknob as tears burned in her eyes, she fumbled with the heavy door.
Once the door slammed shut, his voice floated to her. “But it was as close to perfection as any couple could get. It was there, and it was ours.”
****
Natalie kicked at whatever stray stone crossed her path in one of the courtyards she’d found. Taking in a deep breath, she let the scents of various flowers wash over and calm her. The exotic scenery no longer disturbed her as it once had, though ambivalence still filled her when faced with some of the residents housed in the gardens.
Returning to her chamber wasn’t an option. She needed motion. And space. Most of all space. Unfortunately, there wasn’t enough of that precious commodity in the world for her and her problems.
