Gunnar

by Kimber White

  I crouched down so he couldn’t see me when he turned. He froze and I froze with him. He stared straight at me but through me, as his silver wolf eyes faded to red.

  Seventeen

  Gunnar

  You’re fooling yourself, Gunnar. You think you’re breaking away from me, but you’re only making it that much easier.

  “Oh, yeah?” I put my hands on my temples. “Then why aren’t you here right now, motherfucker? The more you tell me I’m losing, the more I know I’m not.”

  Laughter. His scraggly voice sent goosebumps down my back. I crouched low, scanning through the trees. Dammit, the Alpha did sound closer this time. It was an illusion though. It had to be. Why wouldn’t he just send the Pack to grab me?

  Gunnar, it’ll be quick. I promise. Don’t you know you were born for this? Why do you think it hurts so much when you fight?

  I was on my hands and knees, digging my fingers into the ground. He wanted me to shift. Oh, God. I could feel the command as if it were part of me. Like breathing. I reached out with my right hand. My vision wavered and my nails turned to claws. My heart beat like I hammer. This wasn’t me. I wasn’t controlling the shift.

  “No!” I shouted, rising. My voice echoed off the trees. “Can’t. Won’t. No!”

  I couldn’t see. I couldn’t breathe. I felt the Pack closing in. They were right beside me. We moved together. No. That couldn’t be it. I was safe. They didn’t know this place. I couldn’t let them see.

  No! This time, when I tried to form words, only my wolf’s growl came out. He was winning. I was losing. This wasn’t me. I stumbled to the ground. He couldn’t control me if I wasn’t conscious, could he? It was the only thing I could think of. While I still had control of my limbs, I launched myself at the nearest tree, head down.

  The world exploded in light and pain, then went mercifully dark.

  I floated through the stars, weightless. Something pulled at my middle. A drum beat inside my head. No. Not a drum. It was my heart. Her heart.

  “Gunnar!” Her voice opened me up, hitting me in the chest like a beam of light. Then, that beam turned solid. It became a tether. I felt my hands, my feet, my bones. When I moved, I willed it this time.

  “Gunnar,” she said again, softer. Hot rain fell on my cheek. I tried to open my eyes. It wasn’t rain at all.

  The scent of Jett’s hair filled my lungs. She smelled soft and clean from the lake. Agony enveloped me, but I managed to open my eyes. Bright sun. Soft tears. Jett’s brown eyes widening in shock. She was solid, warm, real.

  “Gunnar?” she said again. She put a hand to her lips and squeezed her eyes shut in relief. Another of her tears hit my forehead.

  “Baby,” I whispered, reaching for her. I’d never called her that before, but it felt right. She clasped my hand and held it against her breast. Desire flared through me, anchoring me to myself. A wall went up when she touched me. No. It was more like a shield. Far in the distance, I heard the Alpha’s voice, but this time I couldn’t make out any of the words. He couldn’t get through.

  “Jett?” I said. I was fully awake now. Pain slammed into me where I’d driven my skull into the oak tree. Maybe that hadn’t been the greatest idea I’d ever had.

  Jett smoothed the hair out of my eyes. She sat with my head cradled in her lap and her back braced against the tree. “Your eyes,” she said, sniffling. “Gunnar, your eyes.”

  I blinked. My vision blurred for a second, then came sharply into focus. My eyes seemed all right.

  “How long?” Jett asked. I struggled to get up. She kept a firm grasp on my hand, but shifted position until we sat facing each other.

  It was in me to lie to her or downplay what was really going on. Instinct told me if I didn’t come clean, I’d lose her forever. I also knew the truth might bring the same result.

  “The night before you busted me out of Camp Hell,” I said.

  “The Alpha,” she said quietly.

  “Yes,” I answered. “Valent. His name is Able Valent.”

  “He tried to turn you.” Jett sucked in a great breath of air as she braced herself for my answer. She’d trusted me enough to bring me here. I knew she had to be rethinking that now. Anyone would. I owed her honestly. Hell, I owed her my life such as it was.

  “Yep,” I said. “At least, that’s what he wants me to think. I can hear him in my head sometimes. But it’s like...he can’t close the deal. Or he doesn’t want to. He’s waiting for something.”

  Jett wiped the tears beneath her eyes and straightened her back. “Does he know where you are?”

  I shook my head. “No. At least, I don’t think so.”

  She sucked in her bottom lip and looked skyward. “You know if Vera finds out about this, she’s liable to kill you. She said something. She said maybe the reason the Pack hasn’t come yet is because they’re waiting for something. Do you think they’re waiting for you to turn?”

  “Maybe I should let her kill me.” My voice went hollow.

  “No!” Jett’s startled both of us with the ferocity with which she said the word.

  “It’s safe,” I said. “For now. He can’t get in. I keep fighting him off.”

  “You don’t think he’s holding back just to toy with you?”

  It was a good question. I couldn’t really come up with a way to explain it to her, except I knew it wasn’t true. “I think he’s been trying to turn me all along. I keep pushing back. Or at least...he realizes that if he does turn me, I won’t be much good to him.”

  “How can you be sure?”

  I reached for her, curving a hand around her jaw, I threaded my fingers through her hair. Jett was soft and strong all at once. “You don’t want to hear this.”

  “I think I have to hear it.”

  My heart thundered inside of me. I knew it bled through to hers. One heartbeat. One pulse. The truth had been staring the both of us in the face for days. Neither of us had dared to give voice to it. Now was the time.

  “You,” I said. “You’re the reason he can’t get in.”

  “Me?”

  I took her hand and placed it against my chest where she could feel my heartbeat the strongest. No, that wasn’t true. I knew there was another place she could feel it even more. I put my hand on her chest.

  Jett let out a hard breath. Her tears welled again. The truth was right there. I knew she could feel it just as much as I could. But, she was afraid. I wanted to tear apart every wolf who had made her believe the worst. The Pack wasn’t who we were. They did not live the way we were supposed to.

  This. This was real. True. Right.

  “Gunnar,” she said, breathless. “I’m scared.”

  “I know. I am too. But, I swear to you, I’ll never hurt you. I’ll never touch you without…”

  “I want you to touch me. That’s what scares me.”

  I lifted my hand from her and let her go. This had to be her choice. Though I was desperate for her to make it, I would never force it. I would die. I would even give in to the Alpha’s subjugation before I laid a finger on this woman she didn’t want. And yet, in her was my own salvation. I knew it. I breathed it. I’d told her the truth. My connection to Jett was real and strong. It was supposed to make me the Alpha I was born to be.

  Jett went up on her knees. We both seemed to hover in midair for one heartbeat, then another. Desire raced through me. She was so close. So sweet. Hunger gripped me, churning my insides. My vision flared bright as my inner wolf came to the surface. She saw it in my eyes, I knew. I could never hide it from her.

  “I want…” she said. Then, Jett’s own desire washed over her and she was beyond words. I held my hands to my sides, curling them into fists to keep from reaching for her. I wanted to so badly. I wanted to slide my hands around her waist and pull her to me. The slope of her hips, the curve of her round ass, those ample tits with perfect nipples. I wanted to own all of it and give her pleasure unlike anything she’d ever known. I’d make her body sing for me. Spread her open and ma
ke her beg for my touch.

  All the blood in my body surged straight to my cock. I was rock hard, bursting at the seams. And yet, I found the strength to stay still.

  Jett put a tentative hand on my chest. She traced the lines of my tattoo as if she was seeing it for the first time. I dug my fists into my thighs. I would not move. I would not take what she hadn’t yet offered. Slowly, I got up off my knees and stood before her. Jett rose with me.

  Her eyes flicked to mine. Her pupils widened and her lips parted. The faint, tiny hairs covering her body stood on end as she pulsed with desire. Her nipples peaked beneath her black tank top. It clung to her like a second skin and I could see the outline of her areolas through the fabric. I wanted to tear it from her, tease her with my tongue. My mouth watered as I envisioned it.

  She stepped back, her eyes raking over me. I knew what she saw. I stood with every muscle corded, my cock pulsing with need. I watched her with my wolf eyes and to her they would glint silver. She knew exactly what I was.

  Jett grew bold. She came to me. I stayed still as a statue as she reached for the button on my jeans. With her eyes locked on mine, she worked the zipper and peeled away the tattered denim. My cock sprang free and Jett gasped at the size of it. Her lips trembled; her body glistened with a thin sheen of sweat.

  I moved only to step out of my jeans. Though I wanted to touch her, I didn’t. I let her take control. She put both hands flat against my chest and went up on her tiptoes. Tilting her head to one side, she offered me her mouth. I leaned into the kiss but kept my hands at my sides, though it killed me not to embrace her.

  Jett groaned as I darted my tongue inside her mouth. She was hot, inviting. I fantasized about how it would feel when she used that mouth on me.

  Jett pulled away, gasping, her cheeks flushed. She ran her hands down my biceps, over my hips, then stepped around me. She touched my shoulder, trailed her fingers across my back, cupped my ass, then worked her way back around until she faced me.

  “Are you mine?” she asked, cocking her head to the side. It wasn’t a tease. I knew she was trying to understand.

  “Yes,” I said, my voice ragged and raw. Desire clouded my vision, but not my judgment. The Alpha could get in my head. Being with Jett drove him away.

  “Fated mates,” she said.

  I clenched my jaw hard and nodded. “Yes.” God, I wanted her so badly. Had I kissed her again, pulled her to me, I knew she would have given in to it. I could feel her own lust making her knees weak.

  But this was more than just sex. I needed it like the air in my lungs, but I couldn’t undo it if we went any further.

  “You draw strength from it?” she asked.

  I moved. Jett’s lips parted and she drew in a breath. Hard as it was...hard as I was, I knew this wasn’t the right time. She wasn’t ready. I reached down and pulled up my jeans. They chafed as I zipped them around my erection.

  I went to her finally, circling my hands around her wrists. I kissed each palm. “Yes,” I said. “I draw strength from it. Being with my mate...with you...is part of my nature. Submitting to Able Valent isn’t.”

  “What happens if we...if you…”

  I finally did kiss her. Though both of our hearts and bodies clamored for more, this would have to be enough for now. At least until I knew I could keep her safe.

  “Jett!” Vera’s shout cut through the air. I smoothed Jett’s hair away from her face.

  “You should go,” I said. “I’m all right now.”

  Nodding, she stepped out of my arms, her breasts still heaving with the desire heating her blood.

  “Stay with me, Gunnar Cole,” she said.

  Smiling, I gave her a salute. “I’m not going anywhere.” I only hoped it was a promise I could keep.

  Eighteen

  Jett

  I came alive when I met Gunnar. Only, I hadn’t realized it at the time. Now, it was as if all the signs in my life finally pointed to one thing. If I had never survived Birch Haven, I wouldn’t have met Jade. I wouldn’t have made her the promise that led me to that prison camp where I found him. And now, I could feel the strength he drew from my presence. His pulse beat alongside my own. It wasn’t a trick. It wasn’t the Pack. It was me. Only now I had to figure out a way to make Vera and the others accept it. Baby steps.

  We settled into a routine over the next few weeks. Spring finally settled as April bled into May. I can’t say Vera liked Gunnar yet, but she accepted him for now. In the end, Caroline had tipped the scales in Gunnar’s favor. We couldn’t stay in the cave anymore. That was clear. It was time to take the tunnels northwest, toward the Illinois border. For some reason, the patrols were lighter there. Tennessee and Ohio were the most dangerous this time of year.

  Caroline’s leg had gotten worse. I knew she had an infection deep in the bone. For now, it hadn’t spread, but we all knew it was only a matter of time. Blessedly, that day wasn’t today, but Caroline could no longer bear any weight on her bad leg. When Melanie tried to make a stretcher out of dried vines and branches, Gunnar put a stop to it.

  “I’ll carry her,” he said, facing down Vera.

  We were all at the lake, filling what canteens we had. Even that drove Gunnar insane. With his wolf senses, he could scout clean water easily.

  “We have managed for years without you,” Vera said, bringing up the same argument she’d made for weeks. Now, even Melanie was tired of hearing about it. To his credit, Gunnar didn’t take the bait this time. Caroline did.

  “Vera, will you shut up? If Gunnar were going to call the Pack down on our heads, he’d have done it by now. If you don’t want him knowing about our next hideout, I get it. It’s valid. But you’ve got two choices, either leave me behind or let him carry me. I’ll understand either way.”

  Caroline didn’t usually talk like this. It alarmed me more than the swelling in her leg. Gunnar shot me a look. We hadn’t said it outright to each other, but if we didn’t find medical help for Caroline soon, that leg was eventually going to kill her.

  Melanie put a light hand on Vera’s back as she stooped to fill up the last of the canteens. When she straightened, she gave me a hard glance and jutted her chin at Gunnar. “So, now you’re all against me.”

  “No one’s against you,” I said. “For the love of God, Vera. Let’s just finish breaking down the camp and get moving. We’ve stayed here too long as it is.”

  “Whose fault is that?” Vera muttered as she grabbed the canteens and headed back toward the cave.

  “She’s trying,” Melanie said. Gunnar laughed. Caroline struggled to get to her feet. Agony had etched deep lines in her face. She’d aged years in the last few weeks.

  “Let me,” Gunnar said, hooking an arm under hers. He shot me a wink as Caroline’s shoulders fell with relief. The two of them followed Vera, leaving Melanie and me alone at the water’s edge.

  “Are you okay?” Melanie asked almost absently as she washed her hands in the water.

  “Am I what? Of course,” I said. “I mean, as okay as any of the rest of us. I’m just anxious to get out of here. Same as all of you.”

  “He hasn’t marked you,” Melanie said. It was a statement, not a question.

  I froze as I leaned over to lace up my boot. Melanie had been watching Gunnar and me. Maybe even more closely than Vera.

  “Mel,” I said. “He hasn’t so much as touched me without me instigating it.”

  “That’s good. Because...if you let him...it’s forever. You know that.”

  I know she came from a good place, but I couldn’t help that her words got my back up. She didn’t know what she was talking about. Gunnar wasn’t like the wolf who’d marked her. It wasn’t the same at all. Any hint of a comparison felt...blasphemous to me somehow. I held my breath for a beat as I let my misplaced anger fade.

  “I know,” I said. Melanie was the gentlest person I knew. Because of it, she was sometimes the most cutting. She didn’t like to confront people like Vera did. So, when she came at me, I kn
ew it was something she’d been holding on to for a very long time.

  “You don’t know, Jett. That’s what I’m trying to tell you. Vera hasn’t figured it out yet, but I have. Gunnar may not be Pack, but he’s not entirely free.”

  My spine stiffened. My need to protect Gunnar flared inside of me. For a moment, I wondered if this was what it was like when his wolf raged within him. It felt feral, dangerous, almost out of place. This was Melanie after all. I took a breath and sat down beside her.

  We looked out at the water together. A flock of wood ducks paddled across the surface, a female chased by three larger males. Her sharp quack and a flap of her wings sent them skittering in all directions.

  “He’s not Pack,” I said again. “And I know what I’m doing.”

  “Do you? I mean really?”

  “What happened to you is not remotely like what’s going on with Gunnar and me,” I said, keeping my tone measured.

  “I know that,” she said and it surprised me. After everything she’d suffered, that Melanie could look at another shifter and see something other than a monster amazed me. I wondered if she might just be the strongest of all of us.

  “He’s out there, my wolf,” she said. “He’s not dead. Vera likes to think so, and most of the time, I just let her. But, I know different. My mark still flares hot sometimes. I can feel him in my sleep. He even calls my name.”

  “You told me that before. But, Mel, it’s been years. If he was a danger to you or us, don’t you think he’d have shown up by now?”

  My pulse hammered inside of me. Melanie stared off into the distance. Her body swayed side to side, giving her a trancelike quality. She was reaching out to him. Horror filled my heart. Then, her eyes snapped open and she looked at me. Wherever she’d gone in those last few seconds, she was fully present now.

  “He doesn’t care about me anymore,” she said. “That’s the only reason he hasn’t come to drag me back. I don’t know why. My guess? He’s forced himself on another woman he likes better. And maybe the Alpha doesn’t think we pose any kind of threat. I suppose we don’t. Not really. But someday, he will figure it out. Because Gunner will tell him about us.”