Chasing Delia

by Aubrey Cara

  Now as she looked in the mirror, she saw the reflection of her mother and was filled with regret. She was just a trailer-trick that had spread her legs in high school so that she could keep her boyfriend. And she had kept him just long enough to discover she never really had him. She didn’t deserve Jake and she was sure in that moment that she wasn’t anything special. Jake was special and she was foolish for even thinking she could have a normal, loving relationship.

  A few pretty words, a few feel good moments, and here she was jumping into bed with the man. She, who had made it through eleven years of marriage with a husband who had never loved her. How soon would Jake tire of her and push her aside like Connar? He had been an idiot and he didn’t even want her. How quickly would Jake come to realize she was a worthless dimwit?

  She was finally putting herself back together after discovering Connar's true colors, and she didn’t want to be around to discover Jake's. She didn’t think she could survive having him for weeks, months, or even years, only to have him cast her aside. He said he and Steven thought she was special, but she knew she had nothing to offer either of them, especially Steven.

  No motherly advice or guiding hand would be forthcoming from little lost Delia, who had never been loved. The Lord didn’t even think she would make a good mother. She was pathetic. She had just let Jake do whatever he wanted to her and she wanted him to do that, and more. They were practically strangers yet she was building things up in her mind that weren’t there, were probably never going to be there.

  With a heavy heart she eased down the stairs, making sure the coast was clear. In the back of her mind she acknowledged she was acting out of fear and weakness. That did not stop her silent retreat down the stairs, giving a sigh of relief and disappointment when neither Jake nor Steven were in sight. She pushed away the disappointment.

  Quietly as she could manage, she went out the front door, quickly closing it behind her. She raced down the front steps, tears starting to slowly trail down her cheeks. She fled down the sidewalk and across the street, racing the five blocks to her lonely studio apartment. Swiping away the tears that blurred her vision, she didn’t notice the car that slowed down to a crawl on the road beside her.

  “Del!” She looked over to see Kat's concerned face looking out the open passenger window of her sister's Toyota. “Oh Del, what the hell happened?” Reaching over she pushed open the passenger side door, motioning for Delia to get in. She hopped in trying to look casual as she broke apart inside. Feeling Kat’s questioning stare she said, “I can’t talk about it right now Kat. Please just take me home.”

  “Just answer me one thing. Did he hurt you, Del?”

  Delia shook her head giving a sniffle as she choked back tears. She didn’t know why she was crying. She barely knew Jake Forrester. She couldn’t cry over giving up something she never had.

  Kat looked like she was going to argue but just nodded her head and drove them to the back entrance of her apartment and the bakery. Kat had barely parked before Delia scrambled out of the car flying up the stairs to her door.

  With shaking hands she unlocked her door kicking it closed behind her only to fall back against it. She slid to the ground as she angrily scrubbed the foolish tears off her face with her arm. She let her head pound back on the door a few times, hoping it would knock in some sense.

  She had done it again. Confused by her feelings she had bolted, and now Jake would probably hate her. She had always been careful not to do anything rash. Growing up in a small town she found out quickly everyone knew too much about everyone else’s business. Being the daughter of a drunken tramp, she had always had something to prove.

  She always knew exactly what she was doing, acutely aware that she wanted everyone to take notice that she was nothing like her mother. Then she was a wife and focused on keeping a nice clean home, volunteering at the church she never felt she belonged to. She babysat for her and Connar's 'friends' that had never become more than acquaintances to her.

  She frowned, realizing she had never become remotely close to any of the wives of Connar's friends. Sure, she was always invited to social events and gladly watched their children. She was happy for the practice and usually lonely with Connar gone so much. But in truth, she had become closer to Kat in the two weeks she had known her than she had to any of those women she had known for most of her life.

  Now she was trying desperately to be a completely different person and she felt so lost. The existence she had before coming to Hope Springs was a life she could never go back to. The girl she had been was now unacceptable to her. She was supposed to be strong and brave, allowing herself to experience life like she had never before. Not running from it when she got scared or nervous.

  She had gotten on a bus with a suitcase and a prayer. She had felt like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz, her life spinning out of control before landing her in a whole new world. Just like Dorothy, she wanted to skip down her yellow brick road and discover all the new things in her strange new surroundings. She did not however want to click her red heels and head home. As far as she was concerned, home was right here.

  She knew getting on that bus was the best decision she ever made. She loved that this town was big enough she didn’t know everyone, but small enough she saw familiar faces wherever she went. The closest grocery store was open twenty-four hours. Her previous grocery store had only been open until nine pm. Even though she didn’t think she’d ever need anything she couldn’t live without at three am, she liked having that option.

  She also had Sally and Macy, who had quickly become family. She might still hold herself back from them, but they had accepted her wholeheartedly, not holding back one bit. They spoke freely about their lives and experiences.

  They had gone to concerts and protests. Macy had visited all sorts of places including France and Germany and could speak German fluently. Sally had worked just about every job known to man and had lived in South America while in the Peace Corps. Delia knew if she asked either of these women anything, they would answer without hesitation.

  Yep, she thought, I have everything here, even had the beginnings of a budding romance with the most gorgeous man on Earth, and now that's ruined. She put her head on her knees wondering why after over three months of being courageous Dorothy, she had to turn into the Cowardly Lion.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  Jake and Steven were in the kitchen, heads bent over a takeout menu, trying to decide whether to go to Gonzo’s for pizza or have it delivered, when they heard the stomping of someone on the front steps.

  “What was that?” Steven asked.

  They walked into the living room and peeked out the front window in time to see a fleeing Delia sprint across the road and down the block. A Toyota pulled over and let her in. It looked like Kat was the driver.

  Dammit, Jake thought, he let his guard down for one minute and the blasted woman had bolted.

  “Isn’t that Del, Dad?”

  “Yep.”

  “What's she doing? Where's she going? She looks like she’s crying. Why's she crying Dad?”

  Ignoring all of his son’s questions, he gave the sofa a good swift hard kick before remembering he wasn’t wearing shoes. Swearing, he hopped around holding his injured foot before plopping down hard on the couch he had just injured himself on.

  “Why are you upset?” Steven asked. “What’s going on?”

  Jake laid his head against the back of the couch, letting out a long sigh. “Son, you know how you gotta be careful around the cattle at the ranch, 'cause if one of the steers gets spooked it’ll bolt, might even start a stampede?”

  “Yeah.”

  “That’s what happened with Del, she got spooked and she bolted.”

  “Oh, why'd she get spooked? What happened?”

  He thought carefully of what to say. He didn’t think, Well I guess when a woman makes it to almost thirty before having good sex and a spanking, she kinda freaks out after the initial shock wears off, would be the appro
priate explanation.

  “Dad?”

  “Umm, well...” He scratched his head, searching for the right words. “Who’s to say? Some women, they have baggage.” Crap, he inwardly cringed, that was not what he meant to say. He rubbed his eye with the heel of his hand, a headache coming on.

  “Like my mom?” Steven asked.

  Jake's head snapped up at that. “What!? No!”

  “Me’ maw always said my mom had a lot of baggage, that’s why she split.”

  Jake thought that was probably the nicest most tactful thing his mother could come up with and only did for Steven's benefit. “Steven, your mom had a different kind of baggage.” Like no conscience and a heavy dose of narcissism, plus a pitchfork that had to get heavy, he added to himself. “Trust me, Delia is nothing like your mother.”

  “Well then, we should go after her.”

  “Steven I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”

  “Of course it is Dad.” Steven opened the door and said, “When a steer bolts you gotta ride out and round it up, right?”

  With a grunt of resignation he stood up and grabbed his keys and wallet out of the bowl on the side table before stepping into his shoes by the door.

  Steven gave a, “Yeehaw!” that caused Jake to groan and roll his eyes, but he was smiling.

  “This doesn’t mean anything. I’ll give you a ride over there, but it's obvious Del doesn’t want to see me right now. Be prepared just in case she wants to be left alone. Besides she isn’t half as easy to reason with as a steer.” He paused having second thoughts about that last statement. “If you ever tell her I said that I’ll make sure you don’t make it to manhood, understood?”

  “What ever you say, old man.”

  Jake was pretty sure he felt a gray hair pop out at that same moment.

  *** ***

  Steven jumped out of the truck, quickly racing up the stairs to Delia’s apartment with the exuberance of an eleven-year-old. Jake hung back, slowly getting out of the truck and closing the door to lean up against it. Sending the kid in first seemed like a tactically sound approach.

  Sally, Macy, and Kat filed out of the back of the bakery looking like a posse come to round him up for a lynching. Kat led the pack flanked by the two ladies. They were all wearing executioner scowls, eyes cut straight at him. He eased away from the truck smiling. Going up to talk to a crying Del might be a good idea after all.

  “Ladies,” he said, tipping an imaginary hat to the women, but they were having none of it.

  “Wipe that grin off your face, Tex. What the hell did you do to Del?” This came from Sally but all the women stood in front of him with arms crossed over their chests, feet planted hip width.

  Again the first explanation that popped into his head did not seem like the appropriate response. “You can all calm down. I told her she was special to me, and I didn’t want to mess things up. Why she ran is something you’ll have to ask her.” Just for fun he added, “So Kat, Caleb get you home all right last night?” A devilish smile of satisfaction spread across his face when she flushed all the way up to her hairline, confirming what he thought.

  Macy squealed, “Who’s Caleb?”

  Sally muttered, “Caleb’s the reason for her guilty expression this morning when she crept in with the sun.” Sally and Macy now stood with their arms crossed, staring down a mutinous tight-lipped, Kat. He almost felt sorry for her. Almost, he thought easing away while the women were distracted.

  “Don’t think I don’t see you leaving, ya schmuck! You suck!” Kat called out.

  He didn’t even pause, just called out, “I’m just going to go check on Del.” He looked back over his shoulder in time to see Kat flip him the bird. He shrugged. He probably deserved that.

  *** ***

  The pounding on the door broke through Delia’s self loathing as she slowly pulled away from the wall and groaned into a standing position. She had been thinking it was Kat, or maybe Sally, so was thrown off when Steven peeked in. Spotting her just to the right, he walked in, swinging the door shut behind him.

  Striding into the room he asked, “Hey Del, can I come in?”

  “Um, sure Steven.”

  She wondered what Steven was doing at her apartment as he turned in a circle, openly taking in her little studio. The apartment wasn’t much to take in, being slightly bigger than Steven's own room. A tiny TV with a rotary dial sat on top of the dresser, and a little kitchenette was against the left wall with a two-burner stove top. There was no oven, and the mini fridge only fit drinks and leftovers. A twin sized iron daybed also served as her couch, and only seating.

  “Steven sweetie, what are you doing here?”

  Still distracted, Steven didn’t pay attention to her question. “This place isn’t much, huh?”

  She shrugged. “I’ve had worse.” In fact she had when she wasn’t much younger than Steven. It wasn’t until she was twelve that her mama bought a trailer. That had been a step up in her world. Where her mama had gotten the money was anyone’s guess, not that it cost much. The thing was rusted and leaked in four different places when it rained, but it had been much better than some of the places they had stayed. All the foster homes she had lived in between the durations of living with her mom were always scary and new, but exciting because she knew she would get to sleep in a bed. She had always been a sucker for a nice bed.

  Steven’s head whipped around his eyes big in his head, “Really?!”

  She nodded feeling a little more depressed. She wondered what he was doing here. “Steven, is everything okay?”

  “That’s what I was wondering, Del. You took off and you were crying. Dad and I saw you out the window.”

  Hearing that made her feel even worse, if that was possible. “I’m sorry Steven. You didn’t deserve to see that. I don’t know what I was thinking. I’m sure your dad doesn’t want to ever talk to me again.”

  “Dad says you spook easy like cattle, and he doesn’t think you will want to see him.”

  “Really?”

  “Really,” Jake said from the doorway.

  She hadn’t even heard him come up. Now he stood outlined by the door, and her insides were doing a slow melt at the sight of him. The man made a t-shirt and jeans look sinfully good. The stubble on his chin made her think of him earlier, when he ran his scruff all over her body, chafing her in delicious ways. She could feel her cheeks flaming pink just thinking about it. She also noticed he was taking her in from head to toe. He sent her a smile when he got to her eyes that made her think he knew exactly where her mind was. Dratted man.

  “Steven why don’t you go down to the bakery and save Kat,” Jake said.

  “Save Kat from what exactly?” she asked.

  “An interrogation,” Jake said.

  “What are you going to do?” Steven asked.

  “I’m going to talk to Del.”

  “Can we get pizza after? I’m starving.”

  “Yes.”

  “Sweet! Del you’re coming with, right?”

  “Steven!”

  “What? I was just asking.” Jake watched until Steven sulked out the door before turning to her.

  She felt inexplicably stupid for running now that both the guys had come after her. He was just standing there staring. Obviously he wasn't happy with her. She sat down hard on the side of her bed with a loud sigh.

  “I’m sorry,” she said without looking up.

  Jake sighed and took a seat next to her, taking her hand. Just the contact of his hand, so much larger than her own and slightly callused, made her want to rub up against him like a cat. She could tell he was mulling over what to say because he was rubbing the back of his neck, lips pursed. She thought he looked even more beautiful up close and hated herself for noticing.

  “Is there something specific about me that compels you to flee my presence?” He was staring right at her but she was desperately looking everywhere but at him. She just couldn’t concentrate when she looked at him. He threw her off kilter a
nd made her want to tear off his clothes. That wasn’t a feeling she was used to, or comfortable with, at all.

  He gave her hand a squeeze. “Del, look at me.”

  She turned her head in his direction but kept her eyes locked shut. She thought it would be easier if she didn’t have to see his expression when she blurted out everything she needed to say. “I can’t trust myself when I’m with you, Jake. I get irrational around you. You make me feel too much, and I don’t even know you. More importantly you don’t know me. You and I will get to know each other, and you’ll discover I’m nothing special. I’m not smart, I didn’t go to college, I never had loving parents, and my husband left me because his girlfriend had his baby. I’m almost thirty, and I’m just now learning how to make friends. Friends that are ten times more fascinating and educated than I will ever be. I don’t want to get crushed again, and Jake, you have the power to crush me. I keep figuring the best thing to do is avoid you. It worked for three months.”

  Done having her say, she peeked one tear-blurred eye open and looked into his compassionate gaze. She groaned. “You’re not supposed to give me caring puppy dog eyes, you ass. Say something arrogant and stupid so that I can get over you.”

  “Mmm, you haven’t been under me enough by half.”

  “Jake! I’m serious.”

  “Me too.”

  She smacked his arm and he chuckled.

  Then looking down at her, his gaze became sober. “Del, I can’t promise forever right now 'cause you’re right, we don’t know each other that well. I do know that even after I know all there is to know, I will still think you’re someone special. I don’t care that you didn’t go to college. Technically I didn’t either. And despite not having the best people raising you, you’ve turned out this incredibly loving, sweet woman. I already think you’re pretty amazing. You talk yourself down again when you're around me, I'm going to give you a spanking you're not going to like. Hell, I should paint your bottom scarlet just for running scared. Again.”

  His tone was sternly authoritative and her belly did a little flip at his words. He paused to give her a significant look, and her face flamed. She looked down, embarrassed and surprised by how appealing that sounded. She should not be looking forward to getting spanked like an errant child. That was not how she wanted him to think of her.