Nyssa (Goddess of War Series Book 1)

by Kate Keir

  “I have a letter for you from Odyn. Do you want it?” he asked me calmly.

  I almost screamed in frustration. “A letter? He sends you here, instead of coming himself, to deliver me a letter.” I took the letter he was holding out to me and read it.

  My Dearest Nyssa, I know you are planning to leave for home and I know why. I blame myself as much as you blame me. I loved him too, remember. He was my brother and my best friend. The world is a darker place without him, and it will be even darker when you are lost to me as well. I told you once that you were not my captive and I meant it. You are free to go home to your family, and I hope that you can heal with them. I hope that one day your life will go back to what it was before Ast and me. I love you, little goddess. I always will. My heart is yours, always, Odyn.

  I felt like I had been kicked in the stomach as I read it. To hear him write that he loved me and to hear him blame himself too was almost too much pain for me to bear. I didn’t want him to hate himself, not really. He had been through so much, and now he had lost the man who had been by his side for almost two decades. “It must be killing him,” I whispered.

  Bernhardt looked up at that but said nothing.

  “He’s told me I can go home, that he knows I am going to go. He doesn’t even try and persuade me to stay, Bernhardt. He hasn’t come to me and all I get after everything that has happened is a letter telling me to leave.”

  I was angry again and Bernhardt knew it. He stood up and walked toward me, but I backed away from him. “No, don’t stand there and try to make up for him. He should be the one standing where you are, Bernhardt. I hate him. He cares for no one but himself. He never really wanted me to stay. He wanted to wine and dine me and persuade me in to his bed. More fool me if I had let him, because he would have ditched me before the sheets were cold. He’s exactly what they say he is. He is Keshkana. He is touched by death and he won’t allow himself to be touched by life so I can’t help him. No one can.”

  I started frantically packing food then. I needed to get out of there and find a horse. I needed to get home to the people who loved me unconditionally. The two people who had been there for my whole life and never let me down. Even losing my thread that connected me to Astarin wasn’t enough to make me stay there, in a place I once thought I might be able to call home one day. He didn’t want me, and I was done with trying to be what he needed.

  Bernhardt spoke then and his words shocked me to my core. “Nyssa, when Odyn was in battle, he saw Faryn take Astarin down. He was trying to fight his way to him as it happened, but he was too late. When Faryn gained the upper hand, Odyn turned to go and help Astarin, but the boy he was fighting sliced him open, right across his back. It was a cowardly act but done by a frightened child, so understandable perhaps.”

  I reeled and sat heavily on the bed. “What are you saying, Bernhardt?”

  He spoke softly now and placed a gentle hand on my shoulder as he continued.

  “Nyssa, how he walked back from that battle and then managed to stay on his feet long enough to greet his loyal subjects and attend the funerals yesterday is a testament to the man Odyn is. He is gravely wounded, sweet child. He couldn’t come to you for fear you would see him at his weakest. He sends you away because he knows that he is likely not long for this world, Nyssa, and he refuses to cause you any more pain than you have already had to bear.”

  My feet barely touched the floor as I flew along the corridors, tracing the familiar route from my chamber to his. So many thoughts were going through my mind, but the single mantra I kept going back to over and over was. Please don’t die, please don’t die. I couldn’t lose him too. I realised it was all because I had been hurting. I still was. I was looking for someone to blame so I could keep my anger. My anger had been the thing that I had relied on for so long, to keep me going through the loss, and if I didn’t have it, then I would come undone. It was as though I could feel myself unravelling with every step.

  The sudden possibility of losing him was like a weight crushing my heart. I had thought that he was safe when I saw him walk back through those castle gates, and so it was okay to be angry at him. But now, I just needed to tell him I loved him and I wanted him. With a start, I realised that I had always wanted him. Thinking back to that first day, in the great hall. He had been so terrible but so beautiful, and I was afraid of him then. But, now instead of a Valhar, a King, or the Keshkana, I saw a man who was filled with only the best of intent, toward his people and toward me.

  I didn’t even slow my pace as I hurtled toward the huge gilt doors. His guards shifted as I approached and I snapped, “Open it,” as I continued toward them. They looked at each other as if unsure what to do. They clearly knew he was injured. Just as I thought they would stop me and send me away, one of them opened the door a crack, and as I slowed my pace enough to pass through the small gap he had left me, I whispered, “Thank you.” and entered the room.

  I saw him as soon as I walked in. He was lying in the great four-poster bed, propped up by many soft pillows in an attempt to cushion the wound on his back. He was only dressed from the waist down and his alabaster chest was covered in a glistening sheen of sweat. His wine-dark hair was damp, and his eyes were circled by darkness. As he saw me standing at the foot of the bed, his eyes widened, and he tried to speak. “No, you…home.” He hissed in a breath at the pain the speech had cost him and dropped his head back to the pillows.

  I went to him, and sat gently at the edge of the bed. I reached my hand out to stroke back his beautiful hair from his eyes. He flinched at first but then relaxed as I shushed and soothed him. Leaning down, I laid a gentle kiss on his forehead and whispered, “You can not leave me, Odyn. I love you and I need you.”

  His dark, familiar eyes found my face, and he studied me for a moment before he managed to speak. “I tried to save him.” His eyes shone with tears, and my heart felt as though it would break.

  “I know.” I kissed his forehead again as I breathed my reply to him. “I know, but the path was already written. As is yours, you are to be King now, and we need you to heal, my love.”

  He sighed deeply at that and relaxed enough to fall into a restless sleep.

  When I was certain I wouldn’t disturb him, I lifted my legs onto the bed and nestled in next to him, making sure not to jolt his damaged body. I hummed lullabies and told him over and again I loved him as he slept, and in between that I prayed to Shyara for his life.

  At some point during the day, I became aware of the door opening and saw Bernhardt looking in on us. What he saw made him give a satisfied nod and a smile before he respectfully closed the door and left us alone. I spent the next two days sleeping and waking next to him. I didn’t leave his side, even when the physicians came to change the dressing on his wound. The damage was catastrophic, a huge open gash that ran from his right shoulder, all the way down his back to his left hip. “He should be dead.” one doctor told me as he re-dressed the wound.

  I rose from the bed, and even though I hadn’t bathed or changed in two days and I knew I looked like hell, I snarled at him, like a lioness protecting her injured mate. “He is King Odyn of Ankh Shdaar. He is touched by death but she does not own him. That honour belongs to me, and he will not die. Never say that again where I can hear you.” The doctor looked shocked, and he quickly finished his work before bowing low, and leaving the room.

  I felt his hand wrap around mine then and weakly squeeze it. I jumped as I had thought he was asleep. I looked at his face and a small smile played around his lips.

  “My little goddess has gotten so fierce. Even Shyara bows to your will now it seems.” His speech was still laboured, but I knew that he was improving, and my heart soared to know it.

  “You have come back to me.” I sat back down next to him and brushed my lips against his.

  He sighed. “I never left you, little goddess, just as you never left me.”

  The days turned into weeks and before long, Odyn was able to stand and even walk.
His doctors were astounded by it, as was I. But his improvement was obvious and rapid now. I never left his room in all of that time. I had my clothing and belongings brought to me so I never had to leave him for longer than a trip to his bathing chamber.

  After six weeks, he was back to himself except for the pain the healing scar brought to him if he moved too quickly. It was a fine day and Odyn, Bernhardt and I were eating together on the balcony in the warm afternoon air.

  Bernhardt was talking about the rumours of Odyn’s death. They had been rife at the beginning, but they were fading now as more and more of the castle staff saw that he was alive and well, if not a little tender. “The coronation needs to be sooner rather than later, Odyn.” Bernhardt said. “Your people have waited long enough for their new monarch.” He looked at me as he said it, and his expression was odd. He was almost laughing.

  “I know. We will arrange it for a week from today, Bernhardt. I am strong enough for it now.” Odyn looked at me in exactly the same way as he replied to Bernhardt.

  Then the old man stood to leave, saying, “I will leave you two alone.”

  Odyn nodded as Bernhardt left, and I sat with a confused look on my face. I narrowed my eyes and questioned the man I loved above all others.

  “What is going on with you two?” He smiled then and rose from his seat, taking my hand in his and pulling me up with him. “Nyssa, it is not just going to be my coronation. It will be yours too.”

  I started to protest, I wasn’t ready to hear this. I couldn’t be a queen. I was just me.

  He placed a gentle finger over my lips and continued. “They adore you. You have been Queen Nyssa for months in their eyes, little goddess.”

  “You are fierce, loyal, loving, and kind. Even if you are wild and argumentative at times.” He smiled as he said that. “You never left my side in all of this. I love you, little goddess, and I can never be whole again until you agree to become my wife and live out your life by my side.” He dropped to one knee then, and I knew that it hurt his scar to do it. “Nyssa Chyme, will you marry me?”

  With tears shining in my eyes, I dropped to my knees before him, our fingers entwined. I wanted nothing more than to say yes to this man. I wanted to wake up every day and know that I was his and he was mine.

  “I love you, Odyn. I think I always have, and I wish for nothing more than to marry you and be your Queen if you honestly believe that I can do it. But I have to tell you something first.” His face was inches from mine, and I looked into his eyes as I spoke. I couldn’t look away, not now. I had denied that part of my life for too long.

  “Astarin?” he asked me gently.

  “Yes,” I whispered. “I have to tell you everything first. You have to know the truth.”

  And so, we sat on the floor together, well into the night as I told him the story of Nyssa and General Astarin Roeseer. I missed no part of it, going right back to the very beginning when my father left Lyte harbour with him all those years ago and finishing with Bernhardt telling me that Odyn was wounded and would probably die. He sat and listened in silence and wiped my tears when I cried, and he cried along with me.

  When I was finished, I sat back on my heels, biting my lower lip and desperately hoping that he would still love me after all that I had told him. He was quiet for a moment after I stopped talking, and then he leaned toward me and whispered, “You have given me everything I could ever ask for and more, little goddess. We will never forget him, Nyssa. He will always be a part of our lives. And my love for you is as strong as it ever was before.” He kissed me then, a real kiss. Finding my tongue with his, he urged me to return it and I did. I felt my body and my heart respond to him, and I gave myself over completely to the kiss as I bound myself forevermore to Odyn Rygard.

  The day of the coronation dawned bright and beautiful. I was awake by first light and my chamber was already bustling with maids who were fussing over every little thing. My dress was an elegant affair, made up of thick folds of cream satins and silks, embellished in thousands of tiny diamonds, and it ran into a long train at the back. There was detailed gold stitching that edged the neckline and sleeves and traced through the material in swirls. I wore golden slippers to match. It was my coronation dress, but it was also my wedding dress. We would be married this morning, and then we would be crowned straight after and presented to the waiting crowd of people who had travelled from all over Ankh Shdaar to witness history being made.

  Gidren stepped back from me after making certain she was happy with the end result and squealed in delight. “Oh, Nyssa you make the most beautiful bride that I have ever seen. You are like a goddess.”

  I smiled and twirled indulgently for her as I replied, “I’m certain you made a more beautiful bride.” Gidren and Kip had married a week after he returned from the battle, and she was blissfully happy. I was sorry I had not been able to go to her wedding, but she knew my place had been with Odyn while he was hurt. She was to be my maid of honour today and that had made her so deliriously excited that I had almost stopped feeling guilty.

  When they were finished making me look like a queen, leaving my copper hair falling unbound in soft curls down my back at Gidren’s insistence, she clapped her hands and the other maids scurried away, leaving us alone. Gidren was now my chief maid and would attend me after I was crowned, and I thought that she suited her new role very well indeed. A knock at the door pulled me back from my daydream, and I called out, “Come.” And waited to see who would enter.

  Bernhardt stepped into the room but stopped at the threshold. “You are stunning, sweet child. You are every inch a queen.” I smiled affectionately at the old man and thanked him.

  I was glad he was there as I was hoping to ask Bernhardt to give me away at the wedding. I had heard nothing from my family since I wrote to them, and I had no idea who else to ask in place of Haydyn. I was so worried about my mother and brother that Odyn had sent riders to Lyte Harbour to find out if they were safe, but we had heard nothing as yet. Just as I began to speak to Bernhardt, a whirlwind dashed into the room and threw itself at me. Haydyn wrapped his arms around me and squeezed me so hard, I couldn’t breathe. The shock knocked me speechless, and then my eyes filled with tears as my mother walked in to my chamber.

  Bernhardt gestured to Gidren, and they quietly departed together, leaving me alone with my family.

  “Nyssa, my beautiful, brave and stupid girl. Gods I have missed you so.” My mother was crying as she wrapped her arms around me.

  “Mother I am so sorry. I did it to protect you both. I didn’t want to leave you, but I couldn’t come back yet because so much has happened here and I needed to stay.”

  Haydyn was staring around my chamber in awe “This place is amazing. Only you could run away to war and end up living like this, Nys.”

  I rolled my eyes and smiled as my mother frowned at him.

  “I’m not angry at you, my sweet girl, I am relieved that you are safe, and I am so happy that you are to be married to the man that you love.” She gave that look that only mothers can give. The one that asked, ‘You are happy, right?’

  I beamed at her. “I love him, with every part of me. He completes me, Mama.”

  Her eyes softened as I used my childhood name for her, and she smiled back at me. “Good, that is all that matters. Now, Haydyn, we must head down to the chapel ready to attend your sister’s wedding.”

  My tears came back as I looked at them both. I couldn’t believe they were truly there and they would see me marry Odyn. My day was almost complete. “Haydyn?” He looked back at me as I said his name. “Will you give me away?”

  His face broke out in to a huge grin. “Of course I will, Nys. I love you.”

  I smiled at them both. “I love you, too.”

  And then they were gone and it was time for me to go to him.

  Haydyn met me at the doorway to the chapel and took my arm gently. “I won’t let you down, Nys. You are beautiful by the way,” he whispered to me.

  Smi
ling at him I started to walk along the wide aisle which stretched out between hundreds of waiting guests, and it occurred to me that the path I was walking was the one that had been written for me. It was truly a perfect path.

  I saw him then, and he turned to watch me as I walked toward him. My breath caught in my throat. He was outfitted to match the colours of my own dress. He wasn’t wearing armour, but a light cream, tunic, coupled with trousers made of fabric, not steel. He was telling the world that his days of fighting were over now. That all that came next would be love and laughter, and my heart leapt at the sight of him.

  Haydyn stepped respectfully back as he placed my hand in Odyn’s, and then I stood before him, once more looking into those dark, expressive eyes.

  “You are beautiful, little goddess,” he murmured to me. “I love you.”

  I smiled. “I love you, too, and I will love you for eternity.”

  He squeezed my hand and we turned to the Priest, letting him know that we were both ready to be united together, forever.

  Minutes after the wedding, we were whisked to the Great Hall at the castle, and the solemn service to crown King Odyn and Queen Nyssa began. We sat next to each other on the raised dais, both on huge gilt chairs that were upholstered in the red and black colours of Odyn Rygard. Keeping his eyes focussed on the crowd, Odyn whispered to me, “It will not always be this way, Nyssa. We will have time for each other very soon.”

  I felt a delicious shiver at that. We had not given ourselves to each other yet, even after our promise to marry. He had told me that he wanted to wait until we were wed, and although we had both found it a struggle while sleeping in the same bed every night, we had managed to keep to our pledge.

  We both stood then as the priest asked us in turn to vow to protect and serve our people. To love them and each other until the end of our days. He promised that Ankh Shdaar was united in its loyalty to King Odyn and Queen Nyssa and that our people would rally to our call should we ever need them. Then, stepping forward, he placed a golden crown which was set with rubies and onyxes upon Odyn’s head. Turning next to me, he lifted a slender circlet of gold that was set with the same colour stones and placed it onto my head. Lifting his voice to the crowd, he said, “Long live the king and queen. King Odyn and Queen Nyssa.”