Holding Onto Hope

by L. Grubb

  “I wish I was joking around with you, man. Pike’s been with us for what? Has to be about six years now, right? He’s never shown any disloyalty. Yeah, he’s a little quiet but we both know he has skeletons in the closet.” Blowing out a breath of air, Ranger leans his head back against the top of the sofa, staring intently at the tiled ceiling. “He’s never given any clue that he was being shifty or shit either. I haven’t read the emails. They could be completely innocent but I doubt that.”

  “What’s the deal between him and the Devil Head’s?” I ask, biting my lip as I try to come up with any reason that Pike would need contact with them.

  “No clue, Prez. No fucking clue at all.” Rangers scratches at the scruff on his face before saying, “I have Rexx hacking into his emails, his background; everything he can find.”

  “But didn’t you do a background check when you found him all those years ago?” I raise an eyebrow at him in question. I’ve never had to question his abilities in securing us prospects before but this is unusual circumstances.

  “Of course I did, I always do. Nothing unusual showed up. His past was rather dull if I remember correctly, either that or it was wiped clean. All we really know about him is that he was a traveller who lived over at Dale Farm in Crays Hill, Essex. His infidelity to his wife got him shunned and kicked out of the camp and when I found him, he was in Central London; a drifter. No past jobs on record, no family on record. It’s like when I found him was when he started living his life… except for the Traveller camp.” Ranger groans and rubs a finger on each side of his head at the temple, like a growing headache was causing him irritation. I can relate. This bullshit is starting to give me a headache too. “What are you going to do, Prez?”

  Sighing, I run a hand through my hair while squeezing my eyes shut. This is a clusterfuck waiting to happen. We both know it which is why the room is so thick with silence. “Right now, we do nothing and let Rexx get the information from his tech shit. I don’t want to pull Pike in and risk anything just yet. If he’s ratting information to them about the Crusaders, then we’ll soon find out about it.”

  Ranger nods his head at my statement before rising from the sofa with a groan and rubs a hand down his jeans before heading towards the door. Before he opens the door to leave, I ask, “Does anyone else know about this?”

  “No. Only me, you and Rexx,” he replies. I can still see the anger swirling in the depths of his eyes.

  “Good. Let’s keep it that way.” I nod to him as I say, “Where’s Rexx now?”

  “That’s a stupid question, Prez. He’s where he always is.” With one last shake of his head, he leaves my office, shutting the door quietly behind him.

  Shit. That’s what this whole situation is; absolute shit. I trusted Pike, I trusted his loyalty, but it just shows that anyone that you can class a brother can be a rogue cunt. I’m desperate to know his motives, desperate to know what he’s been playing at, but I know we can’t just rush this just in case there is some logical explanation as to why he’s been conversing via email with our rivals.

  I can practically feel the steam coming from my ears and nose like a bull ready to charge, but I know that I have to keep my cool. No one else needs to know about this yet. The less people the better in my opinion. Ranger and I can always catch up the other high-ranking brothers in Church when we can confirm without a shadow of a doubt that we have a rat within our walls. Again.

  Taking a few deep lungfuls of air and blowing them out, trying to calm my frayed nerves, I lift myself out of my office chair and swiftly leave the room and locking my anger behind as well.

  Firstly, before I head over to Rexx’s tech chamber, I want, need, to check on Hope. With this shit with Pike, her safety is my number one priority. Walking back through the main room, I notice most of the men are wankered, completely off their tits and either singing loudly, dancing precariously with the club whores or fucking them unceremoniously over various pieces of furniture. I notice Pike seems to be in the minority, sitting alone by the stage with a bottle of bud in his right hand, watching a club whore rubbing herself against the pole. He doesn’t seem drunk, nor really that interested in the girl. I don’t let my eyes linger too long, I don’t want him, or others, to get suspicious.

  Crossing the room, I make my way down the two hallways to the library and creak open the door. Hope is curled up in the recliner, her eyes scanning the page she’s reading with interest and her tongue is slightly poked out in concentration. She looks fucking cute, adorable even, as she sits there lost in the words.

  “You okay in here?” My voice makes her jump though I barely talk above a whisper. This makes me chuckle as I enter the room fully, closing the door behind me.

  “Shit. You scared the fuck out of me.” Her hand is resting against her heart and I can just imagine how fast it’s beating, though a part of me wishes it was another activity that was making her pulse race. Shit. I need to rein it the fuck in before I scare the poor girl off.

  “I didn’t mean to.” I give the book a chin lift and ask, “What ya reading?”

  She looks down at the book like it’s the first time she’s realised she’s even holding one and then realises what I asked her and she shows me the cover. “Kathy Reichs’ new one. I love her books.”

  “So you love gore and shit, huh?” I chuckle as she smiles, a light blush creeping up her neck and coming to rest on her cheeks. “I love her books as well. Pretty gruesome but I’m a sucker for suspense. My favourite genre has to be psychological thrillers.”

  “Me too!” she squeals happily, her smile making her eyes twinkle. “I love Mark Edwards’ books. My God, every single one of his have blown me away.” Her eyes widen and her smile drops. “Sorry, I get excited when it comes to books.”

  “Don’t sweat it, babe. Books are a passion of mine too. If I’m not running this place, then I usually have my head stuck in a book.” I give her a wide smile, teeth showing and all. “Just wanted to check you were okay in here. Also, can you do me a favour when you’re in here alone?”

  “Sure…” She draws the word out a little bit, apprehension crossing her delicate features. Fuck me, this woman is beautiful.

  “Lock the door. You don’t have a property patch therefore the brother’s will think you’re free game, when I’m not around anyway, and I just want to make sure you’re completely safe. Especially after Smoke…” Guilt churns my guts and I have to take a deep breath through my nose to fight back the sudden nausea.

  “Mack? Are you okay?” I hear the squeak of the recliner and the ‘thump’ as the book hits the side table, making the lamp wobble slightly.

  “Huh? Yeah, I’m alright. Why?” I slip my metaphorical mask back into place, not wanting to show her that I’m really a weak man with a shit tonne of emotions. Hell, being in the army would do that to you. The Army breaks you down, killing you off bit by bit even if your body is still going through the motions.

  “You sure? You look pale as shit.” I laugh because she has the dirtiest mouth on her yet she looks so conservative that it’s laughable that such words fall from her pretty little mouth. She crinkles her brows and narrows her eyes. “What are you laughing at?”

  “You curse like a fucking sailor. It’s just surprising.” My mouth twitches as I hold back more laughter, especially when one of her eyebrows goes up and her hands land on her curved hips. I inwardly groan because standing like that, all feisty and shit, has my dick twitching in my boxers. I cough to clear my throat and look at something over her shoulder to distract myself from acting like a teenage virgin. “Anyway, lock the door, yeah?”

  “Please wouldn’t go amiss you know.” A smirk lifts the left side of her lips and I shake my head. This woman has only just got here and already she’s incorrigible.

  “Pretty please?” is my sarcastic reply.

  “Of course.” She smiles before practically shoving me to the door. “Now, let me get back to reading before my mind derails to somewhere I’d rather it didn’t g
o.” There’s a slight waver in her voice even as she holds her chin up high.

  “No problem.” Before I reach for the door, I turn and plant a kiss on her forehead. The smell of her shampoo drifts up my nose and I have to hold back a moan. Pulling away, I smile before leaving the library and the door slams behind me making me chuckle. Guess that took her by surprise.

  Next stop; Rexx.

  “Knock. Knock,” I say as I open the door, that’s slightly ajar, to the room that we all call the tech chamber. “Rexx?”

  “Yo, Prez. Was wondering when you would show up.” Rexx is the youngest brother in the chapter, and I’m pretty sure of the whole Crusaders around the world, at just nineteen, he’s been a patched in member for about a year. He’s absolutely genius at anything computer or internet and has been known to hack the FBI Database. He won’t be doing that again in a hurry; he accidentally left a little trail and agents soon came looking for him. The thought makes me chuckle. “Something amusing you, Prez?” He furrows his brows at me in confusion.

  “Just a memory, mate.” I clear my throat before I get down to business. “Ranger said you have shit for me?”

  Shaking his head, he turns back to his bank of monitors. “Yeah. Did he tell you about the emails from Pike to Devil Heads?”

  “Yeah, he mentioned them but not in detail. He told me to come see you to get the in-depth details and shit about them.” I take a seat to his right and cross my arms over my chest. The screen is black with green numbers running down them. Not knowing what the fuck it is, I ask, “What the fuck is all that?” I wave an arm at the monitor in question.

  “That’s code. You don’t need to worry about that. This monitor.” He points to a small one off to the side. “Will be the one you need to look at.”

  The screen comes to life and the windows screen appears. “I take it you saved the emails?”

  “Duh. It was hard enough finding these bad boys in the first place.” He gives me a sarcastic look before he clicks a few things with his mouse.

  The emails appear in fast succession. “Show me Granger’s ones first.” I sit back after he nods his head and I wait for him to do his thing.

  “Here.” He points at the screen, “This is the first one I could find from him to Lynx two years ago.”

  I read aloud the words on the screen, “‘Lynx, just a bit of intel on the Crusaders. Mack and Ranger are doing a run to Leicester this coming weekend. A shit tonne of coke will be on them, brother.’” I growl into the quiet room, loud enough over the buzzing of the machines that Rexx jumps a little, staring wide eyed at me. “That’s the weekend that they fucking shot at us, we lost three brothers and two prospects that night. Most of us came home with fucking injuries that could rival war veterans. It’s why Grizz has a fake eye. Motherfucker.”

  “That’s not all, Prez. He also gave intel on runs you did with security. And other drug runs along with weapon runs too.” He brushes a hand over his weary face before looking at me. “He also wrote an email about Hope.”

  “Show me that fucking email, Rexx,” I growl, my fists tighten on the wooden arm rests of the uncomfortable chair I’m sat in. I watch as that email disappears and a new one pops up. Again, I read aloud, “‘Lynx, I honestly don’t know what to do to pay back my debt. I’ve tried coming up with the cash but it’s impossible. Look, if it comes to it and the deadline passes, take Hope. She’ll work her arse off for you. That’s a promise.” I stop reading, rage flowing through my veins. Un-fucking-believable. I always had a level of respect for Granger, trusted his judgements. How fucking wrong was I. He’s nothing but a piece of dog shit on the bottom of my shoe.

  “Do you want to see the ones from Pike? They’re actually alarmingly similar to Granger’s but they’ve only started since you took Hope from under their noses.” He takes a sidelong glance at me, waiting for my reply and I have to take a few deep breaths before I can speak without aiming my rage and frustrations at Rexx.

  “Go for it. To be honest, nothing can fucking surprise me right now.” Blowing out a loaded breath, I run my hand through my hair in frustration while I wait for the screen to open the emails and I already have my suspicions as to what they’re going to contain.

  Rexx clicks once and it opens. “This is the one that got our hackles up. The other ones are pretty menial but this one definitely has a red flag attached to it.”

  “‘Dude, you’re probably sick of me emailing you now but I have info that I think you’ll find interesting. I know you put a message out about two girls, Hope and Lucy, right? Well, you’ll be happy to know that they’re here at the Crusaders MC clubhouse. I warn you, Mack seems to have taken Hope under his wing. Anything I can do to help, let me know, brother.’” Motherfuck… “What the fuck is he playing at? He’s been with us for six years and has been loyal to a fault. Why now?”

  “Wish I knew the answers, Prez, I really do. I’m still running a more deeper background check on Pike, or Deangelo Cruise, but it will take a little while.” He throws me an apologetic smile and clicks off the email and the screen turns black.

  “No problem. Good work, brother.” I pat him on the back as I stroll out of the cold room and back to the main room. Shit is about to go flying, I don’t like disloyalty and I won’t fucking allow it either. Tonight, though, nothing happens. I’ll sit on my fists, swallow my words and anger and let the party roll. Church will be called in the morning, high rankers only, this will be dealt with as a club.

  Hope

  You know when you’re so lost in a dream that you don’t want to wake up? Yeah, that’s what I’m feeling. I had the weirdest dream ever; Mack and me… you get the picture. But I can see the trickle of light trying to seep through my eyelids and I know I can’t just lay here forever.

  Stretching my arms over my head, I yawn before my eyes finally peel open, letting the soft light of the lamp burn my retinas. I groan before shifting and sitting up. Rubbing my eyes, I listen for noise and find the air blissfully still and the room completely silent.

  I check my surroundings, remembering that I was reading a fucking cracker of a book. I must have dozed off as the night wore on. Time seemed to get the better of me and as I check my watch; I might just make it out in time for breakfast.

  I pick up the book off the floor and realise that I finished it before sleep took over and so I place it back on the shelf where I got it from, careful not to bend the cover.

  A knock on the door has me jumping out of my skin and I stumble over my own feet and crash to the floor. My wrist screams in pain and I bite my lip to stop from screaming. That’s how silent the library is; one simple knock and I’m on my arse.

  Stumbling to my feet, I rush to the door and unlock it before creaking it open a tiny bit and peering through the gap. Breathing a sigh of relief, a hand clutched against my beating heart, I open the door wide and let him in. “Mack, you scared the ever loving shit out of me. Do you not realise how quiet this room is when there’s no window?”

  His chuckle has my stomach fluttering and I smile as I walk back to the recliner to push the footrest back into place. “Sorry, babe. The door was locked, which I’m pleased about by the way, just wanted to make sure you were okay. You hadn’t come out all night. I mean my bed, the sheets were cold, so I got a little worried.” The look of vulnerability on his face has me melting a little on the inside.

  “I would have come to find you if I came out of here. After what happened with Smoke, I wouldn’t walk around without you knowing I was there.” I stroke a hand down his arm with a soft smile on my face. “Stop being such a worry-wart, Mack.”

  His nose crinkles and his lips twitch as he fights back laughter. “It’s my job to be a worry-wart. You’re in my care and shit has already happened when my back was turned. I don’t want to risk that again.” His expression goes stony, his face hard. “Look, we have a bit of security issue that we’re, hopefully, going to resolve in Church soon. Until then, can you please stay locked up in here? I’ll get one of the girls t
o bring you breakfast, coffee or whatever you need until I come to get you.”

  I raise a brow at him and chew my lip. What kind of security issue? Is it something to do with me? I know the rules of the club and know that he can’t tell me what’s going on but it doesn’t stop my mind whirling through images of things that make me cold to the bone. “Um.. okay?”

  His shoulders sag and his hardened features soften. “What do you want for breakfast?”

  “Full English would be frickin’ awesome right about now. A coffee, a bottle of water and a glass of orange juice if that’s okay. That should sort me for a while.” I suddenly realise how much I’ve just reeled off and I’m quick to apologise, “Shit. Sorry if that’s too much.”

  “Nothing is too much for you, Hope.” He winks at me, places a soft kiss to my forehead that makes butterflies swirl in my belly before turning and leaving the room.

  I relock the door as my mind focuses solely on the kiss he placed on my head and the way it made my body react. I’ve known the guy five minutes and already I’m swooning like a fourteen-year-old girl. He saved my life, that’s all there is to it.

  With a resounding nod to myself at explaining the odd feelings that are floating through my system, I go in search of another book.

  Mack

  The urge that took over me when I was so close to Hope had me almost lunging for her; to taste that delectable neck. I held myself back; just. But I couldn’t not leave without placing a kiss on her forehead. I only had so much self-control after all. I had to restrain myself, fists tightly clenched, as I left the room and left her behind.

  My mind is filled with dirty images, things I’d like to do to Hope and her pretty behind and kiss those soft, plump lips. But I can’t, not yet. She’s been through one hell of an ordeal and the timing isn’t right. Who the fuck am I kidding? She won’t want anything to do with me once this shit is dealt with; that’s a fact.