After the Ashes

by Howe, Cheryl

  “Over here,” she yelled. Suddenly she wanted to be found. Wanted to have Christopher hold her so she could again pretend that everything was all right.

  They discovered her quickly, and walked directly to her.

  “Lori, are you all right?” Corey rushed forward. He stopped a foot or so from her. He couldn’t have seen her expression in the shadows, but she knew her anger was a weighty thing.

  Christopher had no such hesitation. He knelt beside her, touching her face. “Are you hurt?”

  She wanted to wrap her arms around him and bury her face in his neck, but now that he was so close, she was afraid—afraid of everything that had come between them and all that would. No matter how much she wanted to be free of Corey, he was still her brother. She doubted she would ever have the strength to turn completely away from him.

  She cupped the hand Christopher held against her face. “I want to go home.”

  “You can go home if you want. I’ll buy your ticket. But we have to clear your name first. You understand, don’t you, sweetheart?”

  A sob caught in her throat, stealing her breath. “I want to go home tomorrow. I can’t stand this place anymore.”

  He smoothed back her tangled hair. Never had he been so gentle, not even when they made love. “I’ll take you myself once the gold is returned. You might be arrested if I send you off alone.”

  “What about me, Lori?”

  The comfort that flooded her at Christopher’s touch was jerked away by the sound of her brother’s rude question. “What about you? You lied to me, Corey.”

  Corey stared into the shadowed recesses of the night. “You wouldn’t have understood.”

  She tried to stand, but Christopher held her down with a firm grip on her shoulder. “You need some food in you.”

  “I understand you put our lives at risk.” All her anger pounded into a single vein at her temple. Yelling at Corey seemed the only way to relieve the pressure.

  “You don’t know how it’s been for me. You always had it so easy. You were always everyone’s favorite.”

  She pushed Christopher’s restraining hand away. He supported her waist and elbow when she insisted on struggling to her feet. She took a step toward Corey, not sure if her shaking came from the long day’s ride or his audacity.

  “Ma and I did everything for you. Everything! I gave you all I had so you could come out here and make something of yourself.”

  Corey glared at her as if he were the one who had been wronged. “But whatever I did was never good enough.”

  She closed in on Corey, ready to pull him over her knee and give him the whipping he should have gotten fifteen years ago.

  Braddock slipped his arm fully around her waist, stopping her. “This isn’t doing either of you any good.”

  She jerked out of his grip. He could have held her if he’d wanted to. Instead he hovered nearby, as if he thought she might collapse at any minute. But suddenly she felt stronger than she ever had in her life.

  “How could you do this? How could you get yourself in so much trouble?”

  “I guess you wish it was me instead of Devine that was killed. Or even Donnan. Both you and Ma wished I wasn’t the brother that was spared.”

  Lorelei didn’t answer for a moment. The part of her that didn’t flinch at his accusation shamed her. Even in the darkness she could see how her hesitation hurt him. “You were just a child when they died. You didn’t understand.”

  “I understood well enough that I was too much trouble.”

  “If that were true, why did we hide you during the war, go without so you could have enough to eat?”

  “I tried, Lori. But I wasn’t as strong as Devine. I couldn’t even make you laugh like Donnan. Don’t think I don’t know that Ma used to say I was just like our pa.”

  Lorelei’s anger faded, leaving her with an unbearable throbbing behind her eyes. She massaged her forehead with the tips of her fingers. “He was a good man, Corey.”

  Corey’s bitter laugh sounded stuck in his throat. “That’s why he was the dirty joke of Louisville. That’s why he went to jail for cheating in a horse race. That’s why we lost our home, even our chance to hold our heads up.”

  “We held our heads up.”

  “You did, Lorelei. ’Cause everyone liked you. They said, ‘That poor Lorelei, such a pretty thing, such a shame.’ Me, they said, ‘The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. Watch out for that little Sullivan boy.’ ”

  Lorelei gazed up at the sky, looking for an answer as to how things had gone so wrong. The first star of the night winked at her foolish request. “Does it matter now, Corey? All those people who used to look down on us, most of them lost everything in the war. They were begging and scratching for food just like us. But you had the chance to leave. Make a new home for us. What happened? Why didn’t you just stick to training horses?”

  “I wanted to. But I wanted things to be nicer for you.”

  She shook her head. “You have to take responsibility for your own actions.”

  “It’s the truth. I wanted to show you I was as good as Devine. I know you missed him the most. But I’m not as good as him.” Corey swallowed his shaky words and remained silent, his face averted.

  Lorelei stepped toward her brother and took him in her arms. He hugged her so fiercely in return she knew what he ranger had done to him.

  “I’m sorry, Lori,” he whispered, his voice husky with unshed tears.

  Lorelei rubbed his back. She stopped herself from saying it was all right, because it was far from all right. “You have to tell me everything, Corey. No more lies.”

  “Just don’t be mad at me anymore.”

  She pulled away from him and held him at arm’s length. His hair had gotten redder since he’d been out west, like Donnan’s. But he wasn’t Donnan or Devine. He was Corey. He was all she had. “I can’t stay mad at you, though I should.”

  “I didn’t mean to put you in danger. I should have known better. Braddock should have known better.” His jaw was set and his eyes glittered with anger instead of tears as he glanced over her shoulder.

  Lorelei took a deep breath, not willing to put herself between Christopher and her brother again. “You’re not going to blame what happened in Coyote Pass on him. You could have told us you knew those men. I haven’t forgotten you were involved in the robbery, if that’s what you’re thinking.”

  “I know. I’m just afraid he’s going to get us killed if he keeps on looking for Mulcahy.”

  “If he doesn’t find Mulcahy first, Mulcahy will hunt you down anyway. But you don’t have to trust him, Corey. Trust me. I want him to help us. We need him.”

  Corey folded his arms over his chest. “You need him.”

  “I need him,” she agreed, still unsure of what that meant. She just knew Christopher would do what he could to keep them all safe. Somehow she had known that from the beginning. Even when she had ventured to his hotel room, she had sensed he could be trusted with her body. It was her heart that concerned her.

  “What do you want me to do?”

  Her gaze darted in search of Christopher. Braddock now leaned against the juniper’s slick trunk, tucked in the shadows. The fact that he had moved away, given them some privacy, said he trusted her.

  She turned back to Corey. “Do you know where to find Mulcahy?”

  He let out his breath. “Yeah.”

  Lorelei paused to keep herself from shouting at him for withholding the information. “You have to tell Braddock. You have to tell him everything you know about Mulcahy and the robbery.”

  “You won’t like it.”

  “I already don’t like it. I don’t like any of this.”

  “I’m not going with him to Mulcahy’s hideout, and neither are you. You’d better make sure that’s clear before I talk.”

  “Fine,” she said, not sure she could talk Braddock put of anything once he made his mind up, but she knew she had no one else to turn to. “Let’s go talk to him togethe
r.”

  Corey put his hand on her shoulder to stop her. “What do you expect to get from him?”

  “Nothing,” she answered. In the same instant, her daydream from the adobe reared up to tell her she lied. A life as husband and wife didn’t seem possible for them, but the knowledge didn’t stop her from wanting it.

  “You aren’t really sweet on him, are you?”

  Lorelei felt herself blush. Denying it would be pointless.

  “I know you have needs.” Corey cleared his throat. “I mean, just because you scratched an itch doesn’t mean you have to be sweet on him.”

  Lorelei opened her mouth to tell him her relationship with Christopher was much more than an “itch,” but she stopped before she gave herself so pitifully away. “He’s been good to me, Corey.” She tugged on Corey’s arm. “Come on, I’m hungry”

  Christopher straightened from his relaxed position and stretched. “Think you two can stop fighting long enough to get some food in your bellies?”

  “Corey knows where you can find Mulcahy.”

  Christopher looked bored rather than surprised by the revelation. “Is he going to tell me?”

  “Only if you swear not to put my sister in danger again.” Corey shrugged off Lorelei’s grip and stepped closer to Braddock.

  Lorelei tried to drag him back.

  Christopher stuck out his right hand to Corey. “You have my word.”

  Corey seemed as surprised as Lorelei by the gesture. He hesitated, then gave Braddock his hand.

  Christopher yanked him forward. “But don’t lie to me, kid. I can’t protect your sister when I don’t know what you have up your sleeve.”

  Corey tried to pull his hand away. Lorelei touched Christopher’s shoulder in a gentle suggestion. “He’s going to tell you everything he knows. Right, Corey?”

  “Yes.”

  Christopher released Corey. “Good. See to the horses. We’ll talk after we eat.”

  When she nodded that it was all right to leave them alone, Corey followed Christopher’s less than subtle request.

  They watched Corey disappear. Christopher squeezed her shoulder with his free hand. “You gonna make it?”

  She shrugged. “I don’t have a choice. Though I don’t think I can take many more afternoons like that.”

  Christopher dropped his hand from her shoulder and moved away, instead of pulling her into his arms as she would have liked. “You won’t have to. I never should have taken you to Coyote Pass.”

  “Corey should have told you the truth,” she blurted.

  She could see Christopher mentally closing himself off. “I knew better,” was all he said, and she feared he meant so much more than their excursion to Coyote Pass.

  She didn’t want him to dismiss all that they had shared as a mistake. “I never should have said I’d slit your throat. I was angry and hurt, but you were right.”

  He kept his hands by his sides, his body stiff. He left no opening for her to push into. “No matter what you said, I shouldn’t have handcuffed you. But I guess we both learned what kind of man I am.”

  “No.” She tried to embrace him. “I don’t believe that’s who you are.”

  He caught her arms and gently lowered them to her sides. “Don’t. It’s better this way.”

  “Not for me.” She hated the pleading tone in her voice. To keep from touching him again, she folded her arms in front of her and squeezed. “I’m sorry I pointed the rifle at you. I never would have hit you.”

  He actually smiled at that. “I’m not so sure.”

  She returned his smile, but it was a weak effort. She wasn’t so sure, either. “I wouldn’t have killed you. I can’t change the fact Corey is my brother.”

  “I don’t want you to.”

  “I don’t know what you overheard, but I wasn’t going to trick you. Corey doesn’t know anything about what happened between Berkley and I. Berkley—”

  “I don’t want to know.”

  “Won’t you let me explain?”

  “There’s nothing to explain.”

  Lorelei wished she could just keep her mouth shut, but Christopher Braddock meant too much to her to let her pride stand in her way. “What about us? Don’t you feel anything for me at all?”

  His jaw clenched, his expression pained. “There isn’t any ‘us’. Staying with me will only get you killed.”

  She clutched his sleeve. “I’m willing to take that risk.”

  He jerked out of her reach. “Goddammit, Lorelei. Don’t do this to me. I’ve seen too many people die. I don’t want to care about anyone. I don’t want to care about you.”

  The emotion in his voice forced her a step back. “It doesn’t have to be that way.”

  He laughed, a dry, hysterical snort. “Were you at Coyote Pass? Do you realize what could have happened to you? What would have happened if a drunk hadn’t gotten off a lucky shot? It wouldn’t have been pleasant. You would have begged to die long before you did.”

  Her throat went dry. She refused to think about that. It hadn’t happened, and she had plenty else to worry about. “But you saved me.”

  “No. I dragged you there. I don’t save people.”

  She needed to say something to erase the look of misery from his tight features. “You bought the supplies. You kept me from getting arrested. How can you say you didn’t save me?”

  When he finally faced her, she could tell by the harsh line of his jaw that her words had succeeded only in triggering his anger. “This is the way it’s going to be. I’ve got my own ass to save, thanks to you and your brother. And that’s what I’m going to do. All he has to do is tell me where I can find Mulcahy, and I’ll act like neither one of you ever existed.”

  She clutched the threadbare muslin that covered her knotted stomach. “What do you mean?”

  “I mean I won’t turn Corey in. That’s what you want, isn’t it?”

  “But what about.…” She stopped. It was obvious his plans included no future for them. No contact. “What about...”she started again, but could only stare at him, disbelieving.

  “I’m going to take you and Corey to a friend’s place. He’ll protect you both while I find Mulcahy. He can use the help on his farm. I expect your brother to work off the favor. Can you see to that?”

  She nodded, unable to speak.

  “You’ll be fine. Better than fine. Lots of single men have settled in the area, because the land’s cheap. They need wives—”

  She was grateful when he stopped. Even in the darkness he must be able to read the horror on her face.

  “Corey will have to change his name. You too, I guess, unless you marry.” He had the good grace to hesitate on the last word. He looked away for a moment. “Don’t worry about Langston. I’ll handle him. It’s the best thing. Corey will like it.”

  She joined her hands in front or her. An unnatural calm, like the eye of a hurricane, settled over her. “Yes, he will.”

  “It’s what you wanted from the start, isn’t it? For me to let Corey go,” he said again, as if testing the words out. Making sure they still sounded good. He gave her a wan smile, so she guessed he thought so.

  He remained silent, staring at her. She supposed he actually expected her to respond.

  “Yes, that’s exactly what I wanted. How can I ever thank you?” Her voice sounded as hollow as her heart.

  “It’s for the best.”

  Why did those words always follow a painful experience, an unbearable loss? What utter nonsense.

  “Corey will be pleased,” was all she could think to say.

  His features sagged with his shoulders. At least he’d stopped acting as if this were pleasant, that their parting was for the best.

  With a nod of his head, he gestured toward the glow of a small fire burning in the distance. “We should go back.”

  She gazed at the flickering blaze longer than necessary. Corey surprised her. It wasn’t like him to take the initiative in anything, much less go to the trouble to start a
campfire.

  Christopher waited for her to move toward the camp. She did, but made certain not even the breeze of her movement brushed him. She would survive this. Her heart still beat. Her limbs still moved on command. Losing Christopher really wasn’t that bad in comparison to the other things that had been snatched from her. She had never had any real hope with him anyway, and she had gained Corey’s freedom.

  Still, this fresh blow seemed especially cruel. Maybe she thought Christopher was some prize for her endurance. But there was no prize, only more to endure.

  She lifted her skirt and increased her pace. A rock dug through the thin soles of her worn shoes, toppling her fragile balance. Her breath whistled through her teeth at the sharp jolt of pain.

  Christopher was instantly at her side to steady her. “Are you all right?”

  His touch hurt more than the rock. Not because his concern wasn’t real, but because it was. He did care for her. Unfortunately, he decided how it would be between them, and her opinion didn’t even count. He did what he thought was best. Men always did, and look how terribly things turned out.

  She shook off his grip. “I’m fine, thank you,” she said, and strode toward the camp ahead of him, alone.

  ***

  Braddock couldn’t stop gazing at Lorelei across the campfire, watching her blink back her tears before they could spill onto her cheeks. If it weren’t for Archie and his antics, keeping semi-composed would have been that much harder for her. The tension hanging over the campfire still had the potential to ignite at any moment.

  He swirled the coffee in his mug. Maybe he should have taken a shot of Archie’s whiskey after all. The liquor seemed to work well for everyone else. He couldn’t believe he was actually grateful for Archie’s company, but the unbearable silence that surely would have surrounded them had the man not been present might have broken him. He still didn’t know if he could walk away from Lorelei forever.

  All he had do to was summon back the vision of Lorelei being dragged to her feet by the outlaw, and Braddock knew he could do whatever it took to keep her safe. The safest place for anyone he cared about remained as far away from him as possible. Time had proven that again and again.