The Tale of Genji: (Penguin Classics Deluxe Edition) (Junichiro Breakdown of Genji)

by Murasaki Shikibu

  “The misfortune that seems to cling to me has always discouraged me from seeking out your daughter's company too often or too long, but even so, it will be very lonely here once she is gone. I will be very happy for her, though, because I do not at all like seeing her obliged to live in a place like this. I hope I did not presume too much when I reminded her that it obviously means a great deal when a lord of such unrivaled stature wishes to seek her out as he is doing.”

  “What the future will bring one cannot tell, of course, but for the present I know that she owes his continuing interest entirely to your kind intervention. It was extremely good of His Highness's lady, too, to receive her so amiably, and I was very sorry indeed when that unfortunate incident reminded me how vulnerable she really is.”

  The nun smiled. “I gather His Highness's gallantry causes such trouble that nice young women prefer not to go into service there at all. He is a very fine gentleman in every other respect, but according to Taifu's daughter, things can become extremely difficult on that score because of the offense to Her Highness.”

  I can well imagine! the young woman reflected as she lay there. Then just think how I feel!

  “How very distressing! His lordship, now, enjoys the privilege of being married to His Majesty's daughter, but the two are not close, and I have taken the liberty of deciding that for better or worse there is little I can do about it. If she were to misbehave that way, though, I would want nothing more to do with her, however excruciatingly painful that might be.”

  For her daughter this was a devastating blow. I want to die! she thought. The awful secret will get out sooner or later!

  Outside, the river roared menacingly past. “Not all rivers sound like that. No wonder he has taken pity on her, when she has had to spend so long in a place so dismally wild!” her mother remarked with satisfaction.

  One of the women described how fast and frightening the river had always been. “The other day, you know, the ferryman's grandson missed his stroke on the oar and fell in. That river has taken so many people!” With that, everyone agreed.

  I see. If I disappeared they would all be very upset for a while, but if I live to be laughed at in the end, when something awful happens, this misery will go on forever. There was nothing to stop her, as far as she could see, and it would certainly put an end to her cares, but the thought was very sad nonetheless. Lying there in feigned sleep, listening to her mother talk, she sank deeper and deeper into despair.

  Her mother spoke to the nurse about how thin and ill her daughter seemed, and she instructed her on what prayers and purifications to have done.36 She went on anxiously, never knowing how much her daughter longed to be purified in a lustration stream,37 “She will need more women, I think. Find some reliable ones, properly brought up, and leave the new girls here. Her Highness, his lordship's wife, will probably take it all well, but there could be unpleasantness if anything were to come between them. Always remember to be discreet.” She left nothing to chance. “But I am worried about my other daughter, who is having such a difficult time at home,” she said at last, and prepared to set off. This daughter was very downcast indeed, though, because she believed that she would never see her mother again.

  “I feel so ill, and I am so unhappy away from you!” she pleaded. “Oh, please let me come with you and stay a little while!”

  “I wish I could, but everything there is in a complete uproar. The women are hopeless at doing the least thing on their own, you see, and the house is really so small. I would steal off to see you even if you moved all the way to Takefu,38 but, my poor dear, I am not nearly important enough to be able to do anything for you now!” She wept as she spoke.

  A letter came that day from his lordship: “How are you? I gather that you have not been well.” He went on, “I wish that I could come and find out in person, but for one reason and another that is impossible. It is so much harder lately to be patient!”39

  Meanwhile her failure to reply the day before had elicited this from His Highness, “Why do you waver? I worry so much about the way the wind is blowing!40 By now I can think of nothing but you.” His letter, all in this vein, was the longer by far.

  The two messengers who had met that rainy day at Uji both arrived there again today. One, a member of his lordship's escort, recognized the other as a man he often saw at the Chief Clerk's house. “What brings you here all the time?” he asked.

  “There just happens to be someone I am visiting.”

  “Someone you are visiting? Then what are you doing delivering these elaborate letters? It looks to me as though there is something going on. What are you hiding?”

  “Actually, the letter is my Governor's to one of the women here.”

  The way he contradicted himself made his lordship's man suspicious, but he could not very well pursue the matter on the spot, and each therefore went his way. His lordship's man was alert, though, and he said to the page with him, “Keep your eye on that man, but stay out of sight. See whether he goes into the house of Lord Tokikata, the Deputy Governor of Izumo.”

  “He went to His Highness's and delivered the letter to the Chief Clerk,” the page reported in due course. The dismal menial had never imagined that he might actually be followed, and besides, he knew very little about the real purpose of his errand. As a result he unfortunately betrayed the whole affair.

  The Commander's messenger delivered his letter just as his lordship was setting off in a dress cloak to Rokujō, where Her Majesty was at the time, so that he had no great retinue with him. “I have made a discovery,” the messenger told the woman who actually passed his lordship the letter. “It took me this long to make quite sure.”

  The Commander caught what he said and walked straight up to him. “What did you discover?” he asked. The messenger, who did not want anyone else to hear what he had to say, maintained an attitude of silent deference. The Commander understood and continued on his way.

  Her Majesty was indisposed, and all the Princes, her sons, therefore came to visit her. A great many senior nobles were there, too, so that there was constant coming and going, but she was not in fact seriously unwell. The Chief Clerk, an official of the Council of State, arrived late, and when he went to deliver his letter, His Highness was in the gentlewomen's sitting room; His Highness called him to the door to receive it from him. The Commander happened to glance that way just as he was leaving Her Majesty's presence and saw him take it. That letter certainly seems to mean a lot to him! he thought, and stopped, amused, to watch.

  His Highness opened the letter, visibly a long one on thin plum pink paper. Absorbed in his reading, he took some time to turn the Commander's way, and before he could do so, His Excellency of the Right swept through on his way out. The Commander, who was about to leave through the sliding panel, cleared his throat in warning, and His Highness put the letter away just as His Excellency looked in. His Highness readjusted the cords of his cloak.

  His Excellency knelt on one knee. “I shall excuse myself, Your Highness, if I may. It is quite frightening that Her Majesty's indisposition should persist in this manner. I shall send immediately for the Abbot of the Mountain.” He hurried off.

  The night wore on, and everyone withdrew. His Excellency and his sons, the senior nobles, and the others followed His Highness in a single party to His Excellency's residence.41 Then the Commander left. Strange! he thought—that man of his had seemed to have something to say. Once his retinue had gone to light the torches,42 he called the fellow to his side. “What was it you had to tell me?”

  “This morning, my lord, at Uji, I saw a man who serves Lord Tokikata, the Deputy Governor of Izumo, give a letter to a woman at the west double doors of the house there. It was on thin purple paper and tied to a cherry branch. When Iasked him about it, he contradicted himself in a way that suggested he was lying, and to find out why, I had my page follow him. He went to the residence of His Highness of the Bureau of War, where he passed the reply from Uji to Lord Michisada, the Chief
Clerk.”

  Delivering a letter

  “In what way did the man receive the letter in the first place?”

  “I did not see that, my lord. It happened on the other side of the house. According to my page, it was a beautiful letter on red paper.”

  All things considered, the truth was not in doubt. The man had done extremely well to find out that much, but now there were people nearby, and the Commander could not pursue the matter.

  On the way home he thought it over. Why, he reflected, it is absolutely terrifying, the way that Prince gets into everything! How can he possibly have come to learn of her existence? How did he manage to approach her? What an idiot I was to imagine that nothing like this could happen while she was in the country! He could at least carry on with someone who isn't mine, though! How can he do this to me, when he and I have always been so close, and after all the extraordinary help I gave him, taking him there in the first place and introducing him into the house! He was furious.

  Look how careful I have been, all these years I have spent desperately wanting his wife! And besides, that is no sudden, disgraceful flight of fancy—there is an old and excellent reason for it, and I restrained myself only because I knew how painful it would be to have so dark and guilty a cranny in my heart. I was a fool, though. And there he is, not feeling well lately, and yet right in the middle of that unusually large crowd of people he manages to send off a letter all the way to Uji. How does he do it? I suppose he must be visiting her there already. It certainly is a long way for love to take him! Yes, they say there have been days when he had people looking for him everywhere. That must be why he is not feeling himself—he is all in a dither about this! He thought back to the old days and remembered what a pitiful state His Highness had been in when he could not manage to get down to Uji, and he also began to understand why the young woman there now had been so dispirited last time. These were extremely painful conclusions. Ah, he thought, how difficult the heart can be! She seems so sweet and mild, but she obviously has a passionate side to her as well. She and her Prince make a perfect pair. He felt like withdrawing and allowing His Highness to have her; but no, that might have been all right if she had been someone he meant truly to honor,43 but he would just let her go on being whatever she was to him. I will only miss her if I break it off with her now, he said to himself. Such were his unbecomingly troubled reflections.

  He would certainly take her away somewhere if I decided I had had enough and abandoned her, but I cannot imagine him giving much thought to what might become of her later on. They say that he has already given two or three girls to his sister the First Princess after similar affairs. I would be very sorry if that were to happen to her.

  No, he still could not give her up. Instead he sent her a letter to see whether he could find out a little more. Summoning the man who had just served him so well, he called him in to talk to him personally when no one else happened to be about. “Is Lord Michisada still received at Nakanobu's house?”44 he asked.

  “Yes, my lord, he is.”

  “Perhaps he sends that fellow you met down to Uji quite often. The lady there lives very quietly—I suppose Michisada must be courting her.” He spoke with obvious distress. “Go down there, then, but keep out of sight. I do not want to look ridiculous.”

  The man respectfully assented. It occurred to him that the Chief Clerk was always informing himself about his lordship's affairs and that he had made inquiries about Uji as well, but he did not indulge in saying so. Meanwhile the Commander, who had no wish to betray the truth to an underling, refrained from questioning him further.

  More messengers were arriving at Uji than ever, and the young woman there had many cares. The Commander had written just this:

  “That these days great waves wash across the Sue pines I would not have guessed,

  who only trusted faithfully that you pined alone for me.45

  Please do not make me any more ridiculous than I am already.”

  The shock of this strange note made her heart pound. She could not possibly bring herself to show by her answer that she knew what he meant, and besides, it would look very odd if by any chance there had been a mistake. Instead she folded the letter back up again and added before returning it, “I believe that this letter may have been intended for someone else. Unfortunately, I am not feeling well enough to write more.”

  Well, he thought with a smile when he read it, she got out of that very nicely after all! I had no idea she had it in her! He seems to have been unable in the end to hold it against her.

  The broad hint he had given her, though certainly not yet explicit, made her feel a great deal worse, and she was just reflecting in despair that she was destined for some ignominious end when Ukon came in. “Why are you returning his lordship's letter?” she asked. “You must not do such a thing; it invites misfortune.”

  “It seemed to be a mistake. I thought it must have been for someone else.”

  The puzzled Ukon opened it on the way out. Wicked Ukon! “Dear me!” she said to her mistress, without telling her that she had read it. “This promises to be very difficult for you both! His lordship seems to have caught wind of what is going on.”

  Her mistress flushed scarlet and fell silent. Not suspecting Ukon of having read the letter, she assumed instead that she had heard this from someone who had actually seen his lordship. She could not even ask who it was, and she was desperately ashamed to imagine what these women might think of her now. It is too hard! she lamented to herself, lying sunk in gloom. I never asked for this to happen!

  Ukon began talking to her, with Jijū beside her. “In Hitachi my sister had two lovers—this can happen to little people, too, you know. Both were equally keen on her, and she could not decide between them, but she favored the more recent one just a little. That made the first one jealous, and in the end he killed the other! The man never visited my sister again either. The upshot was that the provincial government lost a fine warrior and that the murderer himself was expelled from the province, even though he was a fine warrior, too—the government could hardly go on employing him. As for my sister, she was told to get out of the residence on the grounds that it was all her fault, so she had to stay on in the East. Nanny still cries for her, which I am afraid will not do her any good for the life to come. I know that this is no time to be telling such a terrible story, but no one, high or low, should ever allow herself to remain entangled in this sort of predicament. Perhaps no one's life is at stake in this case, but there are other risks, too, in keeping with these great lords' rank. For people like them, you know, shame can sometimes actually be worse than death. You must decide on one or the other. If His Highness is the more eager of the two and sounds more sincere, why, then, my lady, choose him and stop making yourself so miserable! There is simply no point in your wasting away like this. It really is too bad, when your mother cares so much about you and Nanny is putting herself out in all sorts of ways to prepare for his lordship coming to fetch you, that His Highness is telling you he means to do so first!”

  “Goodness, don't frighten her like that!” Jijū protested. “What matters is your own destiny, my lady, whatever it may be. Understand in your heart that the one to choose is the one you yourself slightly prefer. No, considering how ardent His Highness is, and what honor that does you, I am not impressed by all these plans his lordship is making. Take the one who wants you more, if you ask me, even if that means going into hiding for a time.” To Jijū, who was so taken with His Highness, there could be no possible doubt.

  “Never mind. Either way, I just pray to Hatsuse and Ishiyama that you will be happy. The men of his lordship the Commander's estates are a fine lot of ruffians, and this village is full of their confederates. In fact, I hear all the men on his estates in Yamashiro and Yamato are connected with that Constable46—the one who gets his son-in-law, the Right Guards Commissioner,47 to do everything his lordship wants done here. One great lord is unlikely to order any harsh action against anothe
r, but those who actually take guard duty are unthinking country people whose only care is to make sure that nothing goes wrong on their watch. I was terrified to see His Highness arrive as he did the other night. He is so anxious not to be seen that he did not even bring an escort. If he ever came to a guard's attention, disguised like that, the result could be disaster.”

  Their mistress gathered with shame from all this that they both assumed she preferred His Highness, when she herself was not aware of leaning either way; she simply felt lost in a nightmare. Why, why is His Highness so desperate for me? she wondered, knowing full well at the same time that it was precisely her reluctance to leave the Commander, to whom she had long owed everything, that was making things so horribly difficult for her. What if something unfortunate did happen? She could not leave off being anxious.

  “I wish I were dead!” she said, still lying facedown. “Look what an awful fate is mine! Surely even menials seldom suffer misfortune like this!”

  “No, no, you must not be so upset! I keep telling you there is no need! Before, things that might well have troubled you seemed never to bother you at all, but now, ever since this started with His Highness, you are in such a state that I have never seen anything like it!” The women who knew what was going on were beside themselves with worry.

  Meanwhile the nurse was working away to her heart's content at dyeing. She called over a pretty page girl who had just come into the household. “Now,” she said to her mistress, “I want you two to amuse yourselves together. The way you keep lying about for some reason, there must be some spirit trying to spoil everything!” She sighed.