In This Moment
Page 6
The words came over her, filling her heart and soul. Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
A strange peace worked its way through her veins. This was it. The way out of the madness. Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again . . .
She wasn’t sure how long she stayed there, eyes closed, leaning against the counter. But gradually the Scripture and medication began to work. Another ten minutes and she could breathe normally. She moved to the sofa and for a long while she sat there not moving, exhausted.
Eventually, when the panic attack seemed far off, she stood and slowly made herself a cup of decaf coffee. She hadn’t eaten, so she reheated a plate of leftover chicken in the microwave. The meal was lukewarm when she sat down to eat. Just like her lonely life. If only Wendell’s Bible study program didn’t make her anxiety so bad. Wendell and she might’ve had a beautiful life together.
Instead everything was different now.
Alicia’s heartbeat felt more stable now. She finished her dinner and checked her messages. One from Jack Renton. “Hey, baby, I know it’s been a while, but I’m not going anywhere. I can tell you’re mad at me, but I’m here.” He paused. “Always.”
Alicia shuddered. Good thing she’d already taken the Xanax. Jack was always a trigger. She had blocked his number, but somehow his calls still went straight to voice mail. She would call her carrier and get that fixed. But for now . . . “Please, God,” she whispered. “Make him stop calling.”
No wonder she had an anxiety disorder.
She sat down in her living room again and kept the television off. She couldn’t imagine being fired. But if she sided with Wendell on the Bible program, that’s exactly what would happen.
And the anxiety would win. She might die in the process.
Her mind ran through the list of bills she paid every week. The mortgage on her two-bedroom condo, the utilities, her car payment. Two credit cards. Her debt wasn’t something she’d shared with Wendell. Another reason she was suffering from anxiety.
It had happened during the years she dated Jack. He had plenty of money, so he convinced her to live high. Don’t just drive a car; drive an Audi. Why rent when she could buy a condominium in a new development? New shoes and clothes for black-tie benefit dinners.
Alicia had willingly taken on the debt as part of her effort to impress Jack, to keep up with him. Now she had to work to keep him out of her life, and even harder to pay off her debt. All of which meant one thing.
She needed her paycheck. Every penny of it.
A familiar sting filled Alicia’s eyes as she looked around the quiet living room. Empty nights like this were about to be the norm. Already she missed Wendell with every anxious breath. She closed her eyes and pictured him. So good and true. Of course he had to do this for the students at Hamilton.
Who else would risk everything to help them?
But right now, Alicia only wished she had Wendell’s help. So she would know what to do about Jack’s incessant calls. Maybe it was time to call the police, file a restraining order against him. That’s what Wendell kept insisting.
For a moment, Alicia allowed herself to go back. Back to the beginning when she first realized the manipulative, controlling person Jack Renton really was.
She pictured him again. Blond and confident, intelligent and articulate. They’d met at a jewelry store of all places. Alicia was buying a battery for her watch and Jack was doing the same thing. She would never forget the way he looked at her that first day.
“Sorry if I’m staring.” His eyes had sparkled. “You look like an African angel.”
An African angel.
Something no one had ever called her. And like that she was hooked. From the beginning Jack made Alicia feel like a princess. He brought her a diamond bracelet on their third date. He left her notes on her windshield wishing her a happy Tuesday or telling her she was the most beautiful woman in the world.
Alicia didn’t realize what she’d gotten herself into until one morning as she headed out the door for Hamilton High and there, sitting on the curb next to her car, was Jack.
That was the moment the fear took root. When Jack turned around and looked at her, his eyes were dark and lifeless.
“You never came home last night,” he said. His words were laced with hatred. Then he stood and pressed in close to her. So close she could feel his breath hot against her face. “Where were you?” He narrowed his eyes. “Who were you with?”
Alicia felt like she’d fallen into some twisted nightmare. “With?” Her mouth went dry. “What . . . what are you talking about? I went to the mall after work.”
He gritted his teeth, like a poisonous rage was consuming him. “I checked your odometer, Alicia. Tell . . . me . . . the truth.”
Alicia had to unlock her car door and let Jack inside for a clearer look at her mileage before finally he sat back in her driver’s seat and exhaled. “Okay, fine. It’s possible.”
Jack stared up at her, where she was still standing on the curb, shivering. “Do me a favor, Alicia. Don’t go to the mall without telling me. Never again.”
He stood and shut the car door behind him, his eyes never leaving hers. Then he pulled her close and kissed her. Rougher than usual. “See you tonight, baby.”
Then he walked to his own car, climbed in and drove off. Alicia could still remember the adrenaline coursing through her body, the way she felt sick to her stomach. For several reasons, of course. But the one that stood out the most was this:
Jack was checking her mileage.
He’d known it before that morning. Otherwise he wouldn’t have been able to calculate how far she’d gone after work. A sickening chill ran down her arms, and all that day she had tried not to think about it.
After that things got worse, and finally one day Jack took Alicia’s cell phone and slashed her tires.
While she was at work.
It was Wendell who had rescued her that day and it was Wendell who had been rescuing her ever since, standing up for her, defending her. Leading her toward the light. But tomorrow when she told him her decision, Wendell would go his own way. She would leave him no choice. And she would be alone.
Just her and the ever-haunting presence of Jack Renton.
5
One Year Later
Every fall on the first Saturday in October, the Baxters and their kids met at Hanson’s pumpkin patch. The big day seemed to come earlier this year. But Luke Baxter didn’t mind. He could hardly wait. His family looked forward to this almost as much as they looked forward to Christmas.
Luke drove their black SUV into the parking lot, and his wife, Reagan, pointed to a van in the row of cars closest to the cornfield. “Ashley and Landon are here.”
“Good.” He sighed. “I really need this.” Luke had been so busy at the office, so caught up in a number of high-profile cases, that he hadn’t been back to Bloomington since the Fourth of July.
“Makes me think of last time we were here.” Luke reached for Reagan’s hand as he looked for a parking spot. In the back seat the kids were laughing and talking about seeing their cousins. So for now in the front seat he and Reagan had this moment to themselves. He smiled at her. “Remember the Fourth of July?”
“Mmmm. One of the best moments this year. Or maybe ever.” Reagan turned to him. “You know what I thought that day?”
“What?” The lot was crowded, but right now Luke didn’t care. He loved this time, talking with Reagan.
“I sat there beside you on that bench at the park, my head on your shoulder while those fireworks lit up the sky, and I couldn’t get past it.”
“That was a beautiful night.” Luke glanced at her. “But not as beautiful as you.”
“Thanks.” She smiled. “But that wasn’t what I was thinking.” She leaned closer and kissed his cheek. “I was thinking the Fourth of July is a celebration of freedom. And there I was sitting beside one of the most well-known freedom fighters of our time. Centuries after we won our independence, my husband was working to keep this country free. Like the celebration was as much for you as it was for our nation’s birthday.” She paused. “I’m so proud of you, Luke.”
He felt her words to the center of his heart. He saw a car pull out ahead of them, so he stopped and faced Reagan. “You thought that.”
“I did.” She smiled. “I still think it. But that night, that moment. The fireworks, you beside me. That park bench.” Her eyes held his. “I’ll remember it forever.”
“I’m glad you told me.” Luke had never loved Reagan more. “What did I do to deserve you?”
“Well.” She sat back in her seat. “You’re taking us to the corn maze, for one thing.” Her laughter was soft. Just for him. “I do love a good corn maze. As you know.”
Luke laughed. “That’s all it took, huh?”
“A corn maze and you, Luke.” She gave his hand a quick squeeze as he pulled into the space and killed the engine. “God has given me all I could ever want or need.”
Their eyes held for a moment as Tommy popped his head up between them. “So we are doing the corn maze today, Dad?” At fourteen, Tommy was nearly six inches taller than he’d been last year. And his voice was deeper. He sat between his sister, Malin, who was nine, and brother, Johnny, who was already five.
Luke smiled at the kids. “Are you kidding? I wouldn’t miss it.”
“Just don’t get lost like last year.” Reagan grinned at him and then at the kids. “Remember? We had to make a search party to find your father?”
“Yeah, Dad.” Tommy laughed. “For someone so smart, you might want to use a compass app.”
“Very funny.” Luke chuckled as he climbed out of the SUV and grabbed the picnic basket from the back of the car. He shaded his eyes and scanned the nearby field. Twenty yards away he spotted Ashley and Landon and their four kids, along with Brooke and Peter and Kari and Ryan and their families. Their father and Elaine were also among the group.
Dayne and Katy would join them a little later. They were flying in today from Los Angeles.
Luke felt the joy of this together time all the way to the center of his soul. After weeks of courtroom battles and fighting for the chance to even mention God’s name in public, today would be a very great respite.
“I love our family.” Luke put his arm around Reagan’s shoulders. “I need time like this. Especially when life gets crazy.”
Reagan looked at him, a bit of concern in her eyes. “You’ve been doing it again.”
He didn’t have to ask what she meant. “I’ll cut back. I’m sorry.”
“Some cases need more time at the office.” She kissed his cheek. “I know that. But just . . . be careful, Luke. Please.” She looked at the kids and back to him. “This matters.”
“Absolutely, it does.” He held her close. She was right. He was staying late at the office a couple days a week. It was important work, but if he wasn’t careful things would get as unbalanced as they’d been a year ago.
It was Ashley who spotted Luke first. She left the group and hurried to meet him. In a blur of motion, she threw her arms around his neck and then did the same to Reagan. “It’s been way too long.” She grinned at them both. “This day is going to be perfect! I love fall!”
The group snagged four picnic tables and set their things out.
“Dad says we’re doing the corn maze first!” Tommy put his fist in the air. “This year the boy cousins are going to get through it first.”
Luke laughed. “Yeah, we better do the corn maze first. While I still have energy to get through the thing.”
Cole hopped up onto one of the picnic tables and grinned. “Didn’t you get lost last year, Uncle Luke?”
“Yes . . .” Luke laughed. He crossed his arms and nodded. “Yes, I believe I did.”
Everyone was gathered close now. Landon sat on the picnic table across from Luke. “I remember thinking I should call in one of our fire crews to find you.”
“Right.” Luke laughed harder. “Thankfully I had my cell phone. Tommy talked me through it.”
Tommy took a bow for the rest of the group. “I told him to use his compass app. Same thing he should do this year.” He grinned at Luke. “Like you always say, Dad. Boy Scouts will come in handy at some point.”
Reagan slipped her hand into Luke’s and smiled at him. “We just didn’t know it would be for getting through a corn maze at Hanson’s.”
“Okay, okay.” Luke waved them off. “I get it. I’m directionally challenged.”
His dad and Elaine had gone back to the car to get their picnic basket. When they returned, his dad looked at Luke. “You giving the corn maze another try this year, Son?”
Luke shook his head. “I’ll never live it down.”
A few minutes later the group set their sights on the entrance. Dayne and Katy and their kids arrived in time to join in, and after a few minutes of excited conversation everyone was ready to begin. Luke’s dad and Elaine were the only ones to sit it out.
And like that the day was just as Luke hoped it would be. A reunion of all the adult Baxter kids and their families. Even getting lost amid the corn couldn’t ruin a day like this.
Reagan linked arms with him as they entered the maze. “How about I stay with you? Just in case.” She grinned at him. “You know us girls. At least we ask for directions.”
“True.” Luke leaned in and kissed her. “Let’s win this thing!”
An hour later they were all gathered again at the picnic tables. The boy cousins were back first, just like Tommy and Cole had promised from the beginning. Next were the girl cousins. Amy giggled and said, “All we had to do was follow the boys. They were the loudest group in there!”
And last came the Baxter siblings and their spouses. “We were chatting,” Luke announced as the group arrived at the table area last. “Not lost. Not this year.”
Ashley took pictures of the different teams and texted the photos to everyone in the family. Then they settled in for a picnic lunch. Like they’d done the last several years, everyone brought a dish to share. Luke and Reagan’s chicken salad and fresh-made salsa, Elaine’s homemade bread and pumpkin pies, Ashley’s cold butternut squash soup, and half a dozen other dishes.
Only a few clouds dotted the Bloomington sky overhead, and the breeze was mild. The crowd at Hanson’s was light that day. The afternoon couldn’t have been more perfect. Before they ate, they formed a circle and held hands, the way the Baxter family always did when they came together. Their dad led the prayer.
“Lord, You are good. Thank You for fall, for the season of harvest. Thank You for bearing Your fruits and vegetables for Your people and for providing in so many other ways.” Luke’s dad paused as a gentle breeze drifted over the group. “We are grateful for Your love and mercy and for our redemption in Jesus Christ. And we are thankful for each other on this beautiful autumn day. In Jesus’ name, amen.”
Moments like this, Luke wondered how heaven could be better. And today, as they began to eat, he wondered something else. Whether anyone other than him understood how privileged they were to hold hands and pray in Jesus’ name here in public.
Later, after the meal was finished and the entire group had taken a hayride to the back part of the farm to pick out pumpkins, the kids took another run through the corn maze. The adults were gathered around a few of the picnic tables when Luke’s dad brought up the subject.
“You’ve been busy, Son. Religious freedom cases are popping up all over the place.”
“They are.” Luke’s heart sank a little. He, better than any of them, knew the rate at which religious liberties were vanishing across the country. “It isn’t just the lawsuits, it’s the way people are thinking.”
Frustration stirred in Luke’s gut. “Not true. Absolutely not.” He kept his tone in check. His passion for the subject knew no bounds. “Those kids have the right to freedom of speech. Freedom of religion. No one can make a law that prohibits their exercise of faith or their right to assemble.”
“That’s what I told them.” Ryan shrugged. “I think it’s a matter of perception. Today, most people think it’s illegal to talk about God in public.”
Ryan was right. Luke used to handle the isolated cases, where a group of football players were sued for praying before a game or an office worker was fired for keeping her Bible on her desk. Now these things were commonplace. So much so that lawyers like Luke couldn’t keep up.
In addition to the lawsuits, people didn’t need to be forced into silence. They were silencing themselves out of fear and a lack of knowledge of their rights.
“Sometimes I think it’s going to take a big case”—Luke leaned forward and rested his forearms on his knees—“something that really captures the heart of the nation. I’m afraid only then will people grasp the freedoms they’re so quick to let die.”
Ashley talked about being at the coffee shop in downtown Bloomington with a friend last week. “She was telling me about her family, and the message at church on Sunday.”
“Wait till you hear this.” Landon linked hands with Ashley and waited for her to finish.
“I know. I couldn’t believe it.” Ashley was clearly troubled by the situation. “So there we were in the coffee shop, sipping our lattes, and my friend is telling me about the sermon.”
“Just a normal conversation,” Landon added.
Ashley nodded. “So all the sudden my friend looks over one shoulder and then the other. Like someone might be listening. Seriously. Then she leans real close and whispers God’s name. ‘God is really speaking to me,’ she tells me.” Ashley shook her head. “I asked her why she was whispering and she told me. Because she was worried about saying God’s name. Like it would be against the law to say the name God in a coffee shop.”