Lara’s mouth fell open, caught off guard. “How did you know about that?”
“I didn’t. Just a guess. But thanks for confirming.”
***
THE first couple of days had gone so well. It was perfect, which was dangerous. Asha allowed some hope to creep in. Maybe this was a turning point. While Lara was at practice, Asha had gone off on her own to explore. And while she was out, she picked up a bouquet of flowers.
Lara returned home, exhausted and sore, and walked into the kitchen to find the table set for dinner. Asha sat at the table, her legs jiggling with nerves, as she fidgeted with an arrangement of flowers that were crammed in a vase in the middle of the table.
Asha looked up with a wide smile.
Lara panicked.
She spun around without a word and headed to the shower.
Asha’s face crumpled. She had gotten it so wrong this time. She picked up a glass and threw it angrily, shattering it against the wall. Fuck.
***
LARA ventured out to the kitchen forty-five minutes later, only to find the room empty. The flowers were stuffed in the trashcan, broken glass strewn on top.
Her heart throbbed with pain when she read the short note that was left on the table. -Dinner in the fridge. Went out for a walk-
Lara collapsed heavily in the chair, buried her head in her hands, and sobbed.
***
LARA sat in the dark on the couch clutching her phone. It was close to eleven, and still no sign of Asha. She wasn’t sure what to do. Go searching for her on her own? She was used to Asha storming off, but this felt different. Lara had called several times, letting it ring until it was sent to voicemail.
She tried again, her heart leaping when she answered. “Asha! Where have you been?”
“Walking around...just...out.”
Even in those few words, Lara picked up on the slur in her voice. She was trying to hide it, which always made it more obvious. “Have you been drink...never mind, when are you coming home?”
“I’ll be there soon. Like five minutes.”
“Ash, I’m so sorry.” Silence. Lara realized she had already hung up.
***
ASHA walked into the kitchen twenty minutes later to find Lara heating up dinner.
“Hey,” she said carefully. She figured Lara would be absolutely pissed – about the dinner stunt, her disappearing, plus coming home slightly drunk. She had prepared for the inevitable fight on her slow walk back.
Lara whirled around. “Oh my god. I was worried.” She ran over and gave her a hug, but pulled away quickly when she felt Asha tense. “Hungry? I’m heating up the mac and cheese you made. We can watch a movie and pig out.”
Asha forced a smile. So they were playing nice and ignoring what had happened. “You can pick the movie,” she offered.
They fell asleep tangled together on the couch.
Chapter 6
LARA woke with a start and peered up through the darkness at Asha.
“Shh, it’s ok. Go back to sleep. I’ll be right back.”
Lara watched her walk away before sleep overtook her again.
A muffled noise pulled her back to consciousness. She instinctively reached for Asha, but jolted up when she realized she was still on the couch alone. Lara wasn’t sure how much time had passed, how long Asha had been gone.
She made her way to the bedroom, expecting to find Asha sprawled out on the bed. The bed was empty. But the bathroom door was shut, the slit of light and the sound of soft crying beckoned.
Lara knocked softly. “Ash. You okay?”
Asha took a few seconds to answer. “I’m fine, I’ll be out in a minute.”
“You’re crying. I can hear you.”
“I’m not.”
“Yes, you are. Talk to me.”
The pause was longer. “Not now, Lar. Go back to bed.”
Lara sighed and pressed her cheek against the door. She figured that Asha knew she was still out there because the shower turned on a few moments later. Lara tested the door handle. Locked. She slid to the floor and tried to make herself comfortable, prepared to wait Asha out.
She almost immediately drifted off to sleep, and the next thing she knew, Asha was crouched in front of her stroking her hair.
“C’mon, silly.” Asha helped her to her feet and basically carried Lara over to the bed.
Lara cuddled into her, nuzzling into her neck. Asha’s hair was still damp, cool against her face. “I didn’t mean to make you cry.” Lara’s voice was barely a whisper.
Minutes passed. She wasn’t sure if Asha had heard. Lara was almost asleep again when Asha whispered back, mostly to herself. “Yeah, well, that’s what we’re best at, I guess.”
Lara pretended to be asleep, pretended that she hadn’t heard. The single tear that trailed down her face gave it away though. Asha brushed it away softly with her thumb.
“See what I mean?”
“I’m sorry about before,” Lara whispered, a few more tears falling from her eyes.
“Me too.” Asha wiped away the tears and kissed her forehead. “Go to sleep. It’ll be better in the morning.”
***
LARA glared at the girl currently flirting with Asha at the bar. They had gone out with some of her teammates, and some tramp had gravitated instantly to the blonde. She seethed quietly.
Noeline looked at her with reproach. “You cannot be angry. They’re just talking. And you’re not together.”
“I’m not mad.” Lara took an angry swig of her beer. “Just, she doesn’t have to pull this shit right in front of me.”
“She’s not pulling anything. Calm down.”
Jealousy gnawed at her. Her eyes narrowed as Asha reached out and grabbed the girl’s arm, doubling over in laughter. Lara banged her glass down a little too hard, beer slopping over the top.
Noeline shot her a warning look. “Don’t do this.”
Lara stood and headed outside.
A few minutes later, she heard Asha behind her. “Cortez said you were out here. You okay?”
Lara whirled around. “Fine,” she bit out.
Asha took a step back, looking at her warily. “Doesn’t sound like it.”
“I’m tired, I’ll ask one of my teammates to take you home.”
Lara started to walk back inside. Asha grabbed her shoulder as she passed.
“Alexa.”
Lara shrugged her off, but stopped to listen.
“Let’s go. I’m tired too.”
***
“SO you wanna tell me what I did to piss you off?”
“I’m not pissed off.”
“Bullshit, Ash. You’re stomping around here, giving me the silent treatment. We dated long enough for me to learn the damn signs.”
“I’m not pissed off.”
Asha narrowed her eyes, frustrated. “Fine. Well, when you decide to talk to me like an adult, I’ll be out in the living room.”
She slammed the bedroom door behind her. Lara’s temper flared. She followed. “I couldn’t care less that you’re out here picking up girls, but at least be adult enough to be discrete.”
Asha reeled back as if she had been slapped. “Picking up...what the hell are you talking about?” She could sense something dangerous building.
“That girl you were basically fucking at the bar.”
Asha clenched a fist, trying to keep cool. “First of all, we were just talking. And second, it’s absolutely none of your business! You don’t have the right. You lost that when you dumped me.”
“What did you do the other night when you disappeared? I know you were drinking. Who’d you sleep with?”
“Are you fucking kidding me? No, you know what. We’re not doing this. Go the fuck to bed.”
Lara felt her entire body heat up in an instant. “Answer the question.”
“You really think I’m that type of person?”
“If the shoe fits,” Lara muttered.
Asha stepped close and snarled.
“Like you’re so innocent.”
Lara froze.
“Yeah, you didn’t think I would hear about that?”
And with that they leapt head first into the war zone.
***
“YOU say you love me so much. What, you waited five whole minutes before you slept with someone else?”
“That’s not fair! You told me...you said...”
“I just don’t see how you could do something like that.”
“You told me to move on! I tried. What the hell did you expect?”
“I don’t know. I guess a little more respect.”
“You did the same damn thing. At least I was honest about it.”
“I didn’t sleep with her!”
“Because they wouldn’t let your drunk ass leave with her. I mean, Jesus, Ash. Two days after I leave, you’re basically tearing a girl’s clothes off at a bar.”
“It wasn’t like that!”
“Really? Then tell me what it was like! And then I can tell you what it was like to hear about it from someone else. It fucking hurt. But I didn’t say anything, ‘cause I would’ve been a hypocrite.”
“Did you just call me a hypocrite?”
“Like you said. If the shoe fits.”
***
“HOW could I expect you to help me make decisions? We can’t have a serious conversation without you flipping out.”
“We can’t have a serious conversation because all you do is lecture me. Sorry I don’t want to hear you bitch about every fucking thing I’ve ever done wrong.”
“Then stop screwing up!”
“Stop treating me like a kid!”
“This is what I mean. You’re so immature. You need to grow up.”
“Oh, I’m so sorry I’m not perfect and mature like you, Miss I don’t do anything wrong, I’m so smart, so cultured, I learned German in five fucking minutes. Fucking get over yourself.”
***
“WHAT was so wrong with the WPS?”
“Nothing was wrong! I already explained all this.”
“Yeah, I know. You missed Germany. But you picked your fucking team over your girlfriend? That’s absolute shit.”
“We’re not arguing about this again.”
“You don’t get to decide that.”
“What the hell do you want me to say? Yes, I chose my team over you? It’s not that simple!”
“Fine, it’s complicated, whatever. What the fuck happened that made you change your mind so fast then?”
“Asha, I don’t...”
“I think you got scared ‘cause you choked in the World Cup.”
For a moment, Asha was positive that she was about to get punched in the face.
Lara’s eyes flashed red with rage. “We may have choked, but at least I played.”
Yeah, I deserved that.
***
“YOU knew what this was.”
“Fuck buddies, right. I remember. You honestly think that I’d be okay with that?”
“I thought you were. I thought that was your thing. No commitments, no strings.”
“That part of my life had nothing to do with us.”
“You’re right. There is no us.”
“And whose fault is that? How about you stop being such a fucking coward?” Asha’s words dripped with bitterness.
“I’m a coward because I did what? Realized this didn’t make sense?” Lara laughed harshly.
Asha took a breath. “You’re a coward because you ran. You gave up.”
“Look who’s talking! You run almost every time we fight! And then I’m stuck here waiting for you to come home, wondering if you will this time. Or you hang up and don’t talk to me for days. Guess I learned from the best.”
Asha ignored her. She had a point to make. “And you’re a coward because you couldn’t handle the consequences, so instead of admitting that, you jerked me around and lied to yourself to make it okay. Stop lying to yourself. Stop being an idiot. We love each other, we belong together. It’s that fucking simple.”
“I broke up with you because I didn’t want to be with you.”
“Bullshit, Lara. Look me in the eye and tell me that.”
Lara went in for the kill.
“I’m not in love with you. I haven’t been for a while.”
The instant the words left her lips, Lara regretted it. Oh, how she regretted it. Asha’s face immediately paled. This was probably the worst thing she could have ever said to her.
They stared at each other for a long moment. Lara needed to fix this, but her chest felt so tight and her throat clamped shut. She closed her eyes, and flinched when she heard the door slam.
***
LARA sat on the couch again, clutching her phone. Every time she thought her tears were done, another wave hit her. She lost complete track of time. All she knew was emptiness and regret.
The door creaked open hours later and Asha walked in quietly. Lara jumped up, but Asha just brushed past her to the bedroom. She walked in to find Asha throwing her clothes into her bags.
“What...what are you doing? It’s two in the morning! Stop!”
“...”
“Talk to me! Where are you going?” Lara shut the door and sat against it. She wasn’t going to let her leave like this.
Asha finished, and threw the duffel over her shoulder.
“My flight leaves tomorrow. Move.”
Lara was frozen in shock. She couldn’t believe she had changed her flight. They still had four more days together.
“I’m fucking serious. I’m done. Move,” Asha said in a cold tone she had never used towards her.
Lara slowly got up, her brain struggling to process. It didn’t seem real until she saw Asha get in the taxi without looking back.
***
ASHA’S eyes burned from exhaustion. She shifted, trying to get comfortable in the stiff seat, and watched the sunrise. The earliest flight she could get was at noon, so she could’ve slept a bit. Asha forced herself to stay awake though, she wanted to be knocked out on the flight. Maybe then she wouldn’t feel the pain of the ever-increasing distance between her and Lara. Asha had an unsettling feeling that with every passing mile, another nail was hammered in the coffin.
They had never had a fight that bad, that vicious. They had both gone for low blows. Asha winced as she replayed their fight, the words they threw as weapons.
That last one though.
There were two options and Asha wasn’t sure which was worse. That loving her was so terrible, she would rather lie.
Or that it was true - that Lara had fallen out of love some time ago and this entire time Asha had been making a fool out of herself.
Chapter 7
THE first two days home were tortuous. Asha spent most of those two days in bed, in the dark. She knew it wouldn’t be a far stretch for her to fall into a black depression, to wallow in her misery, give up soccer and her friends. It scared her, how easy it could be.
Asha picked up the phone before she could second-guess herself. “Alexa? Would it be cool if I crashed on the couch for a bit? I’d help with rent.”
God bless her, Alexa didn’t question why or even hesitate to say ‘yes, of course, it’d be so much fun.’
Asha felt old. Old and washed up. She felt hollow, a gaping emptiness had settled deep in her chest. Everything ached; the emotional turmoil was seeping into her muscles and bones. Maybe this move would help her find herself again, find her way back to her normal self.
Maybe it would help keep her out of her head.
***
“ARE you sure you guys don’t mind? I feel bad about taking your room, Vi. I can sleep on the couch.”
Rhian laughed as Vianne and Alexa turned pink and stared at the floor. “Oh, she’s not using it. Consider it yours.”
Asha smirked at the two. “Really? You guys are like serious now? Sharing a room and everything.” She let out a low whistle.
“Well, it made sense. They were sneaking around to each other�
�s rooms anyways, and I was tired of being woken up when they were in Vi’s bed.”
Alexa smacked her.
“Alexa!”
“Rhian!”
“What? Your room is the furthest from everything. I love ya guys, but I don’t want to hear Vianne in the throes of passion. It’s gross.”
Asha laughed at the absolute mortification on both of their faces. “Wait a minute. You expect me to sleep in the same bed they had crazy sex in?”
“I changed the sheets and flipped the mattress,” Vianne mumbled through her embarrassment.
“And she’s not denying it!” Rhian pointed out. “Get it, Vi!”
“You flipped the mattress? What the hell did you guys do that you needed to do that?”
“Should I tell Annica she’s got competition? Since someone’s so good with her hands.”
Vianne turned a brilliant red, while Alexa just gaped at them. The two were on a roll, and the jokes kept getting raunchier. By dinnertime, Rhian and Asha only had to look at each other to break into raucous laughter.
“Fantastic. Why’d we get her a sidekick?” Alexa hissed.
“Which one would be Vianne?”
“What? Vianne! It doesn’t matter! They’re going to be impossible!”
They looked at the two now practicing cartwheels, Asha’s foot coming dangerously close to the TV.
“Rhian would be Vianne. Definitely.”
“They’re going to destroy the house.”
“Dude. Last week, you broke two lamps and a table playing soccer with Rhian.”
“Oh...oops. I guess you found out.”
“It was pretty obvious.”
“Should I mention the ceiling fan you broke?”
“That ball barely even tapped it. It was probably almost broken anyways.”
“The water balloon fight.”
“Lex, you participated. And it was Rhian’s fault we never made it outside.”
“Yeah, and I won.”
Vianne rolled her eyes. She had a feeling that the only reason Alexa brought that incident up was to gloat.
“You won because you cheated.”
“I didn’t cheat. Admit it, I beat you both.” Alexa flexed her arms. “Two on one, and I still won.” Her eyes lit up. “Rematch?”
“No.”
“Cool, I’ll pick up balloons next time I’m at the store.”
Game Up Page 4
