Asha kissed her hard, interrupting the rest of her sentence. "Yeah. I told you before, I'm cool."
They fell asleep on the couch, curled close to keep from falling off.
***
The next morning, Rhian quietly untangled herself and headed to the kitchen for coffee.
Alexa and Vianne were sitting at the table glaring at her.
“What?” Rhian protested weakly. Yikes, it’s like I’m in high school again.
“You know what, Rhian. She just got out of a serious relationship! She’s fragile.”
“It’s not like that! She made the first move! And we don’t even like each other like that.”
“So, something did happen!” crowed Alexa. She turned to Vianne. “Pay up.”
Vianne grumbled and threw twenty dollars on the table. “I had faith in you, Rhian.”
Rhian glared. “Nothing happened. We just kissed.”
“Good enough for me to win the bet!”
Vianne sighed. “Look what you did. She’s going to be rubbing it in all day.”
“That’s what she said.”
“That...doesn’t even make sense, dork.”
“Just be careful, Rhi. Don’t hurt her,” Alexa interrupted.
“Seriously, guys? You’re talking really loud, it’s early.” They turned to see Asha glowering, arms crossed. “I’m not fragile, I’m not going to shatter, I have no feelings for Rhian other than friendship.”
Rhian nodded smugly.
“Secondly, I can’t believe you two bet that we would hook up!”
Alexa scoffed. “What about the bet you have that Vianne is gay?”
“What...you have what??” Vianne’s jaw dropped as she whipped her head to face Asha.
Asha waved her hand dismissively. “That’s different.”
“Or should I say bets.”
By now, Rhian was turning red trying to stifle her laughter.
Vianne kept stuttering, turning to Alexa and then Asha. “Bets...what? Like plural...you bet...”
“Calm down dude, you have a lot of people fooled. I don’t see how, but whatever. And I already promised I won’t collect until you two are ready to be out. Plus, you can’t get mad. I let you guys sleep in the same bed that entire camp.”
Rhian immediately stopped laughing. “Wait, when did this happen?”
“September, I think.”
Rhian gasped, clearly wounded. “You’ve known since September? You told her before me? I found out the day we moved in together! And only after I caught them having sex! Which, by the way, guys. You couldn’t even last a day, pathetic.”
“That’s kinda like how I found out. Except it was after they had sex.”
Vianne had her head buried in her arms, beyond mortified.
Asha took pity, and managed to corral Rhian enough so they could all eat breakfast in peace.
***
“YOU’RE like a lesbian magnet,” Vianne muttered.
They had moved to the living room to watch SportsCenter over coffee.
Rhian smiled proudly. “I really am.”
“I don’t get it, how do you pull all these girls.”
“Who wouldn’t want to kiss me? I’m awesome.” Rhian winked and blew Vianne a kiss.
“Me.”
“Whatever. You don’t count."
Asha thought it would be awkward being around Rhian after last night, but she was pleasantly surprised that it all seemed...normal. She still wasn’t completely sold on their “arrangement.” She definitely wasn’t used to being friends with her hookups, let alone hooking up with her friends.
She had an odd feeling though that only Rhian could get away with something like this, only she could make this potential disaster work out just fine.
Chapter 9
THERE was a brutal practice that morning, and afterwards, Lara went for a run - a run that became a long sprint that tore her lungs apart and set fire to her muscles. By the end, she was drenched, even though it was freezing out.
But Lara’s goal had been accomplished. The pain in her heart had been replaced by an exhausted emptiness. She had wrung all of her emotions out. The need to hear Asha’s voice, to feel her hands and lips, was replaced by the need for oxygen. Oxygen and sleep. Complete and utter exhaustion - the best cure for heartache. Sure, it was only a brief respite, but she would take it.
Lara lay on the floor, too tired to make it to the couch, and listened to her heart slow, eventually drifting off to a dreamless sleep.
***
“HAS she answered any of your calls?”
“No. I don’t even think she’s listening to my voicemails.” Lara paused. “Solomon, I ruined everything. She hates me.”
“She doesn’t hate you. And she probably just needs some more time. From what you told me, you both said some pretty ugly things. And you need to stop beating yourself up about it.”
“I was just trying to do the right thing. How did this get so messed up? I’m such an idiot.” Her voice cracked, she took a deep breath and tried to compose herself. “I told her I wasn’t in love with her. Just to hurt her. Just to win a fight. Who does that?”
“Are you?”
“What?”
“Are you in love with her?”
“Of course,” Lara said in a small voice. “I’ll always love her.”
“Have you told her that?”
“How can I? She won’t answer the phone to give me that chance. And besides, what’s the point? She’s done with me.”
“That’s ridiculous. Figure out a way to make her listen to you. Find a way to tell her.”
Lara didn’t respond.
“Do you want me to talk to her?”
“No! Just...don’t.”
“She won’t talk to you, you won’t say what she needs to hear, and no one else can talk to her either. This isn’t going to get better unless one of those things change.”
“Maybe I don’t deserve for things to get better.”
“I don’t think you really believe that. If you did, you wouldn’t be calling her every day.”
“So I’ll stop calling her.”
“You’re just going to give up?”
“Maybe I should.”
“Do you want my opinion?”
“Probably not.”
“You owe yourself and you owe her some closure. That means you have to talk.”
“I’m trying to talk to her!”
“Try harder.”
“You don’t get it.”
“I get that you’re both hurting because both of you are stubborn as hell. It doesn’t have to be like this.”
“But it is. And there’s nothing I can do.”
“Lara, c’mon. We’re just going in circles here.”
“I got to head to practice. I’ll call you later.”
***
LARA sat at a table, swirling her straw in the cup of water, listening to the dull roar of the bar crowd around her. She looked up quickly when she felt someone standing there.
“Can I buy you a drink?”
“No, thank you. Sorry.” She looked down, trying to hide her rising blush as she felt the girl eye her.
“Maybe just one?”
She glanced up and saw one of her teammates winking and motioning for her to go for it. She was hit with a flash of anger. A realization that she was absolutely pissed at Asha. For ignoring her calls, for not letting her fix this. For not being there, buying her a drink.
Hours and many drinks later, Lara lay pressed into the girl’s tangled sheets.
“Where are you?” the girl questioned softly as she dropped kisses down her chest.
The question startled Lara. “I’m here.” Lara dragged her fingers up the girl’s ribs, digging in a bit when teeth scraped her skin.
“Hmm, not really. You’re thinking.” The girl rose up with a scrutinizing eye. “There’s someone else?”
It was more of a statement then a question. Lara flinched, but tried to hide it with a noncommitt
al shrug. She leaned up for a kiss, hoping it would end the conversation.
The girl nodded knowingly. “I get it, someone else but not really.” She continued her journey down Lara’s body. “I’ll try to make you forget her tonight.”
Lara felt dumb when she said thanks, but she was. So grateful that someone understood. Even if that someone was a stranger, name long forgotten.
Lara tried to forget but she couldn’t help but compare every movement, every kiss, every flick of the tongue to Asha.
Her hair was too dark, her shoulders too narrow, she kept reaching to trace muscles that weren’t there.
How could she think it’d be possible to ever move on?
***
“I slept with someone.”
“Oh. Whoa.”
“Yeah.” Lara burst into tears.
“Oh Alexa, don’t cry. It’s okay. You didn’t do anything wrong, it’s okay.” Solomon knew his words wouldn’t be much help though.
“The entire time I kept thinking about her. And I just wanted to have one night, you know? One night where I didn’t feel like a horrible person. And I can’t do it. I mean, the entire freakin’ time, Solomon. She was...”
“Oh god, please, no details. You’re still my little sister.”
“Right, sorry, no details.” Lara giggled a little through her tears. “So any words of wisdom?”
“You love her, that may never go away. Or maybe you’ll eventually get over her, I don’t know. No one knows that for sure. Maybe you just need more time, or maybe you need to fight for her.”
“That’s...what am I supposed to do with that?”
Solomon laughed. “Love, relationships, that shit's confusing. That’s the best I got. Personally, I’d rather you fight, you know that. But you need to make that decision for yourself.”
***
THEY walked lazily down the beach, squirming a little when the cold water lapped over their feet. Asha finally found the courage to broach an issue she had been struggling with.
“Rhian, you won’t tell anyone about this right?”
Rhian gave her a strange look. “Of course not. But what you really mean is that you don’t want Larry to find out about it?”
Asha fixed her eyes on the sand and protested weakly.
“Asha. You don’t have to lie. Do you feel guilty?”
Asha gave a small nod.
“We can stop this,” Rhian said gently. “I like what we have, but I like having you as a friend way more. If you’re having doubts, it’d be better to stop. My feelings won’t be hurt. Trust me. And like I said before, I never really expected this to happen.”
“It’s not that.”
“Are you sure? The last thing I want is to make things complicated for you. I’m here for you though, whatever you need.” Rhian paused. “But again, not for sex. You got to get that from someone else.”
Asha smiled weakly for just a second. “It’s, fuck, I don’t know. Just...the last time I saw her, it was bad, Rhi. Really bad. The worst fight we’ve ever had, the worst I’ve had in my life. We said awful things. I was a fucking bitch to her. I said...” Asha couldn’t continue, just thinking about it made her stomach turn.
Rhian was silent, waiting for a cue.
“I never apologized.”
“Maybe that should be your next step. Apologize.”
“I’m scared,” Asha admitted.
Rhian nodded. They continued their walk in silence.
“I like hanging out with you. Even when we’re not...you know,” Asha finally said.
“Like I said. The ball is completely in your court. I’m fine with whatever. And I think you need to suck it up and apologize. Camp will be hell if you don’t.”
She knew Rhian was right. She did feel guilty about what she was doing with Rhian. But only because of Lara. And that made her frustrated. Frustrated and angry with herself because she still worried about what Lara thought of her, what Lara might say if she found out.
She needed to move on, but the guilt weighed her down so much that she could barely trudge forward.
She had to apologize.
***
“WHAT are you going to do about camp?”
“I don’t know. I don’t know how to act. I don’t think she’s told any of our team, otherwise I would’ve gotten a call from someone by now. Do I give her space? Ignore her? Corner her? But what would I even say?” Lara sighed heavily.
“I think you need to suck it up and tell her everything you’ve been telling me. It’s going to be awkward, and it might not fix things, but at least you tried.”
***
LARA’S heart lurched as she gazed at the three missed calls and voicemails from Asha.
Dammit. Of course, she had to call during a game.
Lara stretched and iced and showered as fast as she possibly could without arousing suspicion. She raced home - she didn’t dare listen to the voicemails in public. She sat down and stared at the phone. Her hands trembled. She was nervous. Nervous to hear her voice, nervous to hear what she would have to say.
The first two were nothing but silence. Lara deleted both. The third started the same. Her heart twisted and clenched with disappointment. Her finger was hovering to delete it when she heard a slight cough. She quickly brought the phone back to her ear.
“Ummm, hey Lara. Good luck in your game, well when you get this, it’ll be over but I’m watching the stream and it looks like you’re playing good. So. I just wanted to apologize for what I said that night. I didn’t mean any of it, I hope you know that. That’s all. And sorry for avoiding your calls. It’s selfish, but I don’t...I can’t hear your voice right now. Ummm. I’ll see you at camp, I guess. Bye.”
A small twinge of hope by the apology, crushed by the tone of Asha’s voice.
Like she had given up. Like she was talking to a stranger, rushing to get an obligation over with.
Lara blinked back the tears, put down the phone deliberately, and left for the gym.
***
ASHA saw on Twitter that Lara’s game was going to be live streamed. She steeled herself and watched the first half.
After the second half started, Asha grabbed her phone and dialed with shaking fingers. Her throat went dry and she started to panic the instant that Lara’s voice came through the speaker.
Beep. Her mind went completely blank, her planned speech instantly erased.
She hung up.
Dialed again. Beep.
C’mon, Ash. Just talk.
Hung up again.
Third time. She opened her mouth and nothing came out.
Dammit.
Her eyes landed on the computer screen, the sight of Lara jolting her out of her frozen state.
Asha cleared her throat and spoke quickly.
After it was over, the release of tension and nerves made Asha collapse in bed, her heart still racing. She felt slightly giddy, like she had accomplished something huge. She turned off her phone just in case Lara tried to call.
She wanted to hold onto this new lightness for as long as possible.
Chapter 10
“SO you guys are getting serious, yeah?”
Vianne leaned over the table, judging her next shot. “I guess.”
“When are you planning on telling everybody?”
“I dunno. We still have to tell our families. I’m not ready yet.” Vianne sighed and reached for the chalk.
Asha looked at her sharply. The crack in her voice told her that this was something big, but it wasn’t a conversation for a bar.
“The team will be cool with it, Vi. They’ll probably guess or make their own assumptions anyways. Like how there’s four of us living in a three bed. That you two are sharing a room. And you’re pretty obvious sometimes with the ogling.”
Vianne laughed. “I can’t help it, dude. She’s so pretty.”
***
LATER that night, they sat on the beach, nursing beers.
“I’m sorry about the bet. It started off
between me and Payne, way before I knew about you and Alexa, and then it kind of snowballed.”
Vianne waved her off. “It’s cool, no worries. They gotta find out eventually.” Her hands shook, betraying her nerves.
“No, it wasn’t cool. Stuff like that isn’t cool. I’m really sorry. But listen, Vianne. They won’t care, I promise you.”
Vianne nodded weakly.
“Plus, I’m gonna be getting paid when you decide to come out, and I promised Alexa I’d split it with you guys.”
Vianne finally grinned. “Yeah. Yeah, okay that’s pretty sweet.”
They were reminiscing about UNC when Vianne asked suddenly, “What if they hate me?” Her voice was small and shaky. Asha didn’t have to ask who ‘they’ were.
“Then that’s their problem. Not yours. Anyways, I don’t think they will. They might need some time to adjust, but they’ll come around.”
Asha looked over to see Vianne silently crying. Her heart dropped; she rarely saw Vianne sad, much less in tears.
Asha reached over and took her hand. “Lara was terrified to tell her family. And the team. I wasn’t very understanding. It came pretty easy for me, I was lucky.”
Vianne wiped her face on her sleeve. “I love her, dude. But I’m scared at the same time, you know? It took me a long time to come to terms with being gay. I didn’t fully accept it until I met Lex. What if it takes just as long for my parents? What if...”
“Then you have us until that happens. I know it’s not the same, and it’s not good enough, but we’ll always be here.”
“What if Alexa gets tired of waiting for me?”
“I see how she looks at you. She adores you. Head over heels. Have you told her all this?”
“She said she’s cool no matter what.”
“Well?”
“What if Kryssa and Riley hate me?” Vianne continued almost frantically, another rare display. “What if...”
“Stop. Vianne, sweetie, you’re spiraling. That’s ridiculous, they won’t hate you.”
“How can you be so sure?”
“Hey, where’s your faith? Besides, I have it on good authority they already know.”
Vianne choked on the beer she had just sipped.
Game Up Page 6
